The Promise
by ZairaAlbereo
Summary: Eight years ago Sirius Black made a promise. Now he is in Azkaban, trying to hold on to the remains of his sanity. But then something happens to Harry and Sirius wakes up. Two scarred souls - or three? What does it take for them to heal?
1. In The Darkness

**A/N:** You know it. They are not mine. Harry isn't. Unfortunately neither is Sirius. All the characters and the world of Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. However, the plot... all mine!

**Now being beta read by the wonderful ambush99! **This story is completed, but was not beta read at the time it was published. We are now catching up on it and hopefully it will improve the enjoyment of the story! I am also rewriting parts of it. I won't change the plot but sometimes fill out a scene with more details, since I was in kind of a rush when I wrote the first chapters. I am also changing the quotation marks. When they are upside down, that is because my German computer does them that way. So don't get confused when they change in the middle of the story. We are up to chapter 5 right now. x Zaira

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**The Promise**

by Zaira Albereo

**Chapter 1 - In The Darkness**

It was a normal afternoon, as afternoons in number four, Privet Drive come. A small, skinny boy in overly large and worn clothes, who looked like six although he actually was eight, crouched in front of a big, over-weight man, who looked rather a little bit like a pig. Like a very big pig. And a very angry one, as it was. The boy's glasses were held together by sellotape and hung on his nose rather lopsidedly, obscuring his large, green and fearful eyes.

The boy's name was Harry Potter, and the large man was his uncle. Harry had lived with his Uncle Vernon, his Aunt Petunia and their son Dudley for as long as he could remember. And for as long as he could remember things had been like this.

''I'm sorry,'' the little boy whispered. ''Please! I fell... I didn't do it on purpose!''

''He fell! Do you hear that Petunia? He fell!'' the boy's uncle roared, although the only one in sight was an equally over-weight boy of probably the same age, who looked rather pleased. The man grabbed the little boy by his collar, almost ripping the too large shirt from him as he dragged him to his feet.

''How many times do I have to tell you to watch where you're going, boy?'' he bellowed. ''But you are useless!''

*_**smack***_

The little boy's head flew to the side as his uncle slapped him in the face.

''Too stupid to keep on your own two feet!''

_***smack***_

''You think you can stroll around like your good-for-nothing father, do you?''

_***smack***_

''You think you can disrespect me in my own house, you ungrateful brat!''

_***smack***_

With each slap in his face Uncle Vernon made a step closer to Harry, and Harry was stumbling backwards blindly, trying to get away from his uncle. The man's face slowly reached the colour of a deep purple and Harry knew this to be a very bad sign. The shade of his uncle's face when in fury was directly connected to the extent of pain he, Harry, would later be in. Unfortunately he didn't have a lot of room to retreat because he was fast approaching the first floor landing. Slightly panicking, he made a mistake.

''It wasn't like that. Dudley -'' Mistake number 52: 'Never bring up Dudley when at the receiving end of a scolding.'

Uncle Vernon exploded. His right arm shot out. Then it connected with Harry's face, backhanding him with such force that he fell backwards and down the stairs. He crashed and tumbled down the staircase until he came to a rest at the far end, lying still.

Stirred up by the loud noise Petunia came running out of the kitchen. ''What have you done now, you horrible boy?'' she shrieked, even before she saw him lying on the floor. It was obvious that,whatever had happened, it would be Harry's fault. It always was.

When Petunia reached the stairs and Harry's crumbled form, she kicked at him. ''Get up! Don't lie there as if you're hurting! What have you done?''

But Harry was not moving. Vernon came down the stairs and gave the boy another kick, but it only resulted in pushing Harry onto his back, his head lolling sideways. There was some blood on his temple and it had smeared the floorboards.

''What's wrong with him?'' Petunia hissed, and Vernon shrugged his massive shoulders, not looking too concerned about the motionless body of his nephew.

''He fell down the stairs, the stupid git, maybe he's unconscious.''

Petunia looked down at Harry, biting her lip. He was breathing, if quite shallowly, but he could probably have a concussion.

Vernon crouched down next to Harry, slapping his face. ''Wake up! Wake up, boy!'' he growled. But there was no reaction.

Petunia hesitated. ''Maybe... maybe we should call an ambulance?'' she said.

Vernon huffed. ''And what would we say to them? Don't want them snooping around here, coming up with some wild theories about how it is OUR fault when the stupid freak can't keep his legs under himself.''

''Well, we tell them the truth. That he fell. But we can't really let him lie here like that,'' Petunia argued.

''Yeah.'' Dudley waddled up at the top of the stairs. ''How would we get up and down the stairs, with him in the way?'' he said.

~*H*~

In a prison cell out on a lone and stormy rock in the North Sea, another form was lying motionless on the floor. This one was bigger, even if it was just as skinny. His long black hair was tangled and filthy, and his eyes seemed to have crawled back into their sockets.

The man was a wizard by the name of Sirius Black, although he hadn't heard his name spoken for nearly seven years. There were times he wasn't even sure if this really was his name. And he did not really know that it had been seven years. Time became kind of unimportant in a place like this, where the only space of time that mattered was eternity.

What made him believe it was approaching seven years, were the six small stars scratched into the far wall of his cell. Each one put there on Christmas Eve, which was the only night in the year that the Dementors that guarded the prison would retreat beyond its walls – a small mercy for the lost souls that occupied it.

The other three-hundred-and-sixty-four nights the Dementors would glide through the corridors, freezing the place to the point where you felt a thin coat of ice spreading over your skin and your hair became stiff and crackled from the frost. The cold seemed to spread with every rattling breath the foul creatures were drawing, and everything warm and happy you had ever felt was sucked out of you until the mere concept of it was something you knew existed but couldn't really grasp.

The wizard who had once been Sirius Black wondered if it actually was Christmas already, because he could feel the cold slightly diminish. He mulled over the notion of Christmas for a moment, trying to remember what it was actually about, but it didn't really come to him.

That's when he heard footsteps approaching his cell and his head came up slowly, startled. Dementors had no feet that he knew of, they didn't make any sound other than their rattling breaths. This might be a new arrival, but it was so long ago that something like that had happened, that the memory had dissolved somewhere in the foggy margin of his mind.

He slowly sat up, peering through the bars. A man was coming up the corridor. He was wearing a cloak and a bowler hat and the wizard thought that he looked somewhat familiar, but he couldn't place him.

The man stopped in front of his cell and looked down at him with disgust. ''Ah yes, Mr. Sirius Black, I believe,'' he said.

Something about hearing his name spoken out loud after such a long time stirred his numb conscience. He looked up at the man with his dead eyes. You would have had to look really closely to see just the tiniest spark of life in their recess.

''Who are you?'' the prisoner asked, his voice thin and rough from lack of use.

The man with the bowler hat raised an eyebrow. He had not expected a response. Most of the prisoners he had seen so far were almost catatonic. ''I'm Cornelius Fudge, the new Minister of Magic,'' he said, his voice brimming with self-importance. ''I'm inspecting the facilities. See if everything is well in order and as it should be.''

The wizard inside the cell didn't know if it was the unusual event of being spoken to or the fact that the Dementors seemed far more distant than they normally were, but he felt his thoughts clear by the second. ''Is that so?'' he heard himself rasp. ''Well, I hope you find our home satisfactory.''

Cornelius Fudge looked at him strangely. This was most unusual behaviour for a prisoner in this facility. He cleared his throat, slightly nervous. ''Ah, yes... yes, indeed, most satisfactory... ehm... is there anything I can do for you?'' he asked more out of nervousness than out of concern.

The prisoner looked at him as if he was mad. Then he chuckled, which came out kind of rumbling as if his chest was in fact a hollow place. ''If you could lend me your newspaper, sir,'' he said with a sarcastic sneer. ''I miss doing the crossword.''

Cornelius Fudge was too confused to object and with a stunned expression handed the prisoner the newspaper.

After the Minister had gone, the wizard leaned against the wall, his bony knees bent, staring at the newspaper and all its moving pictures and flashing headlines. It had been a while since he had seen anything like this. The biggest headline was about the Quidditch World-Cup, and he felt a fading echo of something he enjoyed once wafting through him.

Then his gaze fell to a second, smaller headline over a blurry picture. It seemed to have been taken from afar, and showed a small, dark haired boy being led out of a pair of Muggle sliding doors by an extremely portly man and a thin, horse-faced woman. Both were looking stern and exasperated.**'Boy-Who-Lived out of hospital after home accident' **the headline read. It was followed by a short article about the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, being released from a Muggle hospital after what presumably had been an accident that occurred in the house of his guardians, his Muggle aunt and uncle.

When he looked at the picture, there was a sudden pain in the wizard's chest which was different from all the pain he had experienced in the last years reliving all the worst moments of his life. Oh and weren't there a lot of them... But this was different, this pain was fresh, as if all of a sudden blood was pumping again through his cold and shrivelled heart.

''Harry!'' he croaked, stroking the small head in the picture with a bony finger. There was a flash in his head that lasted no longer than a second, a flash of himself in a brightly lit room, throwing a little dark haired baby boy up in the air and catching him, hugging him close while the boy shrieked and giggled in joyful laughter. ''Harry...'' he whispered.

When night fell over the lonely rock and the starving prisoner, and the freezing cold had once again crept into his filthy cell, the wizard fell into an uneasy sleep. His nightmares were so recurring, they were almost like old acquaintances. Unloved acquaintances, but acquaintances none the less.

_There was the cold face of his mother, her piercing eyes full of disgust, as she looked down at him as if he was something utterly despicable_ _before she simply turned her back at him, leaving him behind, alone in a crowd of people that towered over him. He saw her vanishing, while she held on to the hand of a smaller boy with black hair who walked beside her, chatting_ _in an animated_ _way._

_There was the equally towering form of his father above him, while he was lying on the floor. His face was a mask of cold fury as he ripped out his wand, pointing it at his son and bellowing 'Crucio!'. Searing hot pain shot through every nerve he possessed, almost blinding him. And the cold eyes of his father, that looked at his screaming son without a flicker of remorse or pity._

_And then there were the broken and burned ruins of a house and the dead eyes of his best friend - his brother really, in every way that counted - staring_ _at him, shock and fear carved in his usually boyish features. He broke down next to the still body with the overwhelming_ _feelings_ _of loss and guilt and horror, as_ _only one thought remained in his struggling brain. James was dead and it was his fault._

_But then something changed. Something that had never happened before. James'_ _head turned towards him and his eyes looked at him, as if he was actually seeing him._

_''Where is Harry, Sirius?" James asked, his tone somewhat accusatory._

_''I... I don't know," the wizard mumbled, tears running down his face. ''I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry!"_

_''You promised me, Sirius. You promised!"_

_''I know. It's my fault. It's all my fault! I'm so sorry James!"_

_''You promised you_ _would take care of him! Why haven't you taken care of him, Sirius?"_

_And then all he saw was the crumbled_ _form of a small boy with black hair and a lightning-bolt scar as he lay motionless on the floor, blood dripping from his temple._

The wizard woke up with a sharp intake of breath, the last image lingering in his mind as clearly as if it was in front of him.

''Harry!" he whispered. ''What have I done?''

TBC

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A/N: This is my first Harry Potter story ever. I simply love Sirius and his relationship with Harry. This AU has some classic elements, but hopefully you'll find that it has a new and original take on it.

**Reviews are very much appreciated! Thank you!**


	2. Holding On By A Thread

**A/N:** First, let me thank all of you who left a review! I'm still quite new to posting (even if not writing) any stories and it totally amazes and delights me to hear that someone actually liked what I've written. This one is a little shorter, but I felt it was better to make a cut at this point. Don't worry I'm already working at the next one and it should be up soon!

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**Chapter 2 - Holding On By A Thread**

When Sirius woke from his dream he was frantic. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he was sure, absolutely sure, that something was wrong with Harry. He could not say how he knew or why he knew, but he knew. His gaze fell back to the newspaper that lay discarded on the floor. Something was wrong with those Muggles Harry lived with... They were not treating him right... They had done something to him... There was something about the picture that made his insides squirm. He didn't like the look on the man's face. And he didn't like the way they were holding Harry, almost like a prisoner.

He only had met Lily's sister once, and she wasn't anything like the joyful redhead who had turned James' head around. Lily had seldom talked about her sister, giving the impression that their relationship wasn't the best. He had never pried. He knew about family and the desire to ignore everything about them. But she once had told him that her sister detested magic and the 'freaks' - obviously her sister's words – that were able to do it. And now little Harry was living with her? How could people like her and that brutish looking pig be the right ones to raise a child like Harry?

What did the paper say? 'Home accident'! Sirius insides churned. Ha! As if he hadn't heard that one before. As if he hadn't told his teachers for years that he had fallen, run into a door or got into a fight with another boy, because he was too afraid and ashamed to admit what his father did to him. How he got the bruises. Although many things his father did wouldn't even leave any. Was that what was happening to Harry now? Before his inner eye he saw the small slumped form from his dream. He would never forgive himself, and neither would James and Lily, if he let Harry endure the things he had endured as a boy.

It didn't really strike Sirius how much more coherent his thoughts were becoming. He was still shaking from the cold, while he sat with his knees as closely drawn to his chest as possible, slightly rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself.

He was desperate. He needed to help Harry and he didn't know how. His heart was aching when he thought of the little boy in the clutches of his vile relatives, so small and so helpless... None of those were happy thoughts and therefore they remained with him. They gave him a desperation he had never felt before. He didn't belong here... He had not committed the crimes for which he was imprisoned, even if James and Lily's deaths were ultimately his fault. And he had made a promise. A promise he wasn't keeping by sitting in Azkaban.

To desperation came determination. James and Lily had died because of him and he could never erase that guilt. But he would not be the reason Harry suffered as well. And if he had to do what nobody had done before, he would. He would break out of this place and he would find Harry. Or he would die trying. Not because he didn't deserve to be here. But because he was needed somewhere else. Because Harry needed him.

~*H*~

Harry had been out of the hospital for three days now, and things had only got worse. Uncle Vernon had been in a rather foul mood. Having to answer the questions of the doctors about how Harry had obtained his injuries had not sat well with him. He had been outraged at any implication that they might be his fault to even the slightest degree. How could he be blamed for the boy's clumsiness? So the embarrassment of being the target of such an inquisition had only stirred his anger at Harry.

When they got home from the hospital Harry had been punished for that, as well as for being a nuisance and for causing expenses and curious looks and inquiries from the neighbours who had seen the ambulance.

It had not been pretty.

Harry had gone straight to his cupboard with a kick in the back from Uncle Vernon and had not been allowed to come out until this evening. He hadn't got any food or water in that time either. The Dursleys had obviously just wanted to forget Harry existed at all.

After over a day had passed without a word or any sign, Harry had become really afraid. It had been the longest he had been shut in since he could remember. Besides the hunger and thirst that were gnawing at his insides, there was the fear that they would really just forget about him this time and he would starve and die in the cupboard. Still, Harry was too afraid to make a sound. He knew how much his uncle hated it when he made a sound while he pretended Harry didn't exist.

But it became more and more difficult to not at least beg for some water. Harry was horribly thirsty and exhausted. He only really dared to cry at night when he was sure that they were sleeping and couldn't hear him. During the day he pressed the towel that substituted as his pillow against his face to stifle any sobs he couldn't suppress.

He was near to fainting when his aunt finally opened the door on the third day, and actually welcomed the slaps she gave him. She dragged him in the kitchen and slammed a glass of water in front of him, next to a plate with some dry toast and a banana. Harry downed the glass and gorged on the food and almost cried with joy and relief when his aunt filled up the glass a second time.

Then his uncle entered the kitchen and Harry stopped any movement, pausing in mid-chew, stilling like a dear caught in the head-light. But Uncle Vernon only glared at him.

"Tomorrow you will make up for your misbehaviour!" he declared. "There will be a lot of work waiting for you and you better not dawdle if you know what's good for you."

Harry nodded, his eyes wide as saucers, not daring to say a word. He felt too weak and too afraid to even think about arguing. He seldom did. It never ended well. He had no idea if he would get through tomorrow. There was no end in sight to his ordeal and he was so tired... but what else could he do than try?

~*H*~

In all the agony of darkness, cold and nightmares, Sirius Black had learned one thing. Dementors fed on the human mind, human emotions, all the happy memories you were trying so hard to preserve. But they were only interested in humans. And that might just be one of the reasons that he still hadn't gone completely insane after seven years in hell. Because there was one thing that was different about Sirius. One thing that set him apart from all the other prisoners. One thing nobody else knew. Sirius was an animagus. He could turn, at will, into a big black dog. It was the only magic he could actually perform without a wand. Sirius had never contemplated if this was saving him. Most of the time he wasn't in the state of mind to contemplate anything more than that it was all his fault. So maybe it was only a strange instinct, but when he turned into the dog he felt just a little better, a little safer. He still suffered from the cold, but the misery was less overwhelming. He seemed to hold less appeal to the Dementors and they weren't lingering as much. It was slightly more bearable. But it also was tearing at his strength. Being in animal form was magic after all and it needed a certain degree of concentration and energy. He couldn't keep it up for too long nowadays.

But Sirius knew if there was a way, this was it. He didn't stop to calculate the chances. It was all or nothing, and he had nothing left to lose anymore. If he failed in this, he knew the rest of his mind and soul would not be able to hold on any longer. He knew the chances were slim, he knew it was crazy, but maybe the Dementors couldn't really sense him when he turned into his animal form. He had to try. Determination was filling him up, burning, not like warmth, not even like fire, more like acid.

He closed his eyes and concentrated. Concentrated on this consuming feeling and willed himself to change. It was slower than usual, and when he finally completed his transformation he was panting heavily and shaking like a leaf. But when the door to his prison cell opened the next time, and the meal of a stale piece of bread and a cup of water was delivered, instead of staring numbly in the other direction he gathered all his strength an sidled through the small gap, and the Dementor didn't notice.

He crept down dark and filthy corridors. There were other cells and other prisoners. There were shrieks and crying, but mostly there were just low mumbles and moaning, filling the place around him, surrounding and drowning him in hopelessness and despair. He did not really know where he was going apart, from forwards. Everything looked the same. Sometimes there were stairs and he would descend. Often there were dark, hooded figures gliding along and spreading a thin coat of ice around them. The trembling dog would press against the wall then, trying to stop his panting and keeping as still as possible.

He had no idea how long it had been. It could have been a day, a week or just a few hours when he finally reached a barred, rusty gate. It was closed and it was locked, but the bars were not very tight, and Sirius, the dog, was very, very thin. He didn't even feel the rusty poles scraping his skin, he just pressed forwards, wriggling, and then he was through.

There was nothing else, no more guards, no more spells. No one ever made it this far, in fact, no one ever made it out of their cell or could even get up the willpower to try. No, all that stretched between him and freedom now was the icy depths and swirling waters of the North Sea.

The skinny, shaggy dog hobbled out over the cliffs and was met with a cold and biting gust of wind. The waves that crashed against the rocks were high and the spray had him drenched within a minute. It was freezing, but to the dog it felt almost good. It was not the numbing, dreary coldness that surrounded the Dementors but rather like a chill that shook you up to the very mark of your bones, and he felt more awake than he had in a long time.

The coast of the mainland seemed to be nothing more than a faint line on the horizon. Maybe it was nothing more than an illusion, a fantasy of his broken mind. But the dog didn't hesitate. He jumped into the swirling waters and he swam. He swam with the same determination that had brought him this far. He was drowning in the waves and he struggled and he fought. He swallowed large gulps of water and the salt was burning his eyes and nose. The coldness of the sea became numbing now, but he didn't give up. He wouldn't. He needed to get to that coast if it was the last thing he ever did. He had a promise to keep. He had to make it.

Sirius didn't know when the struggle became too tiring. When his limbs became too heavy. He wouldn't give up... he could see it... he was almost there. The cold waves washed over his head and he fought. He fought for breath but couldn't really feel his lungs...

Finally it was too much and his last thought was that he had failed.

Then all there was, was blackness.

TBC

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A/N: Make the author happy and leave a review?


	3. I Will Come For You

**A/N:** Thanks again for reviewing, especially DXRULES103, AllMightyPen, Iccle Amy and jesusfreak100percent, who have reviewed again. It really makes my day, thank you!

I'm not sure, if I will be able to keep updating so frequently, I'm neglecting all my other duties right now *ducks*... But as long as my imagination is running, what can I do? I simply have to write it down. *grins, and runs off*

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**Chapter 3 - I Will Come For You**

When Sirius woke, he lay between the other flotsam the flood had washed ashore. He was lying on his back, in human form once more, soaked to the bone and freezing. He blinked, his eyes still burning from the salt, the skin on his cheeks and lips dry and taught. The sky above him was a dark and dull grey and spoke of rain, the air full of the smell of seaweed and the cries of gulls. His body too tired to move anyway, Sirius let his head drop back against the wet sand for a moment, savouring his surroundings. The beach stretched to both sides and was deserted. Apparently it wasn't the day for a nice, lazy stroll along the shore and Sirius was glad. Not only because being seen might cause trouble, but because he wasn't sure he could cope with the normality of other people's lives. It was all so surreal.

Finally, when the cold crept even more into his body, he slowly came up on all fours. His hands felt raw against the ground. Everything about him felt so raw. Behind him the beach stretched for a few yards and then turned into a slope cropped with bushes. He clenched his teeth and transformed once more, knowing there was no way he wouldn't attract immediate attention in his human form. There was another feeling, one he didn't want to investigate too closely, but it too was relieved when hands turned into paws again. It felt safer.

The skinny black dog trudged up the shore and vanished in the bushes.

~*H*~

Like Harry had expected, the next day had not gone well. When his aunt had shaken him awake at seven in the morning there had been a long list of chores waiting, ranging from stuff like cleaning the windows to weeding to tidying Dudley's room. Even with the amount of windows and flower beds, and all the smaller tasks as well, Harry had known it would be this last one that would do him in. He had worked all day without a break, fighting down the dizziness that would sometimes take hold of him.

Then he had started on Dudley's room. Or he had tried. It was rather difficult to clean a room when the occupant kept screaming at you to not touch anything, threatening dire consequences, mostly involving him, Harry, at the receiving end of Dudley's fists. He had already been kicked and pushed a few times for daring to pick up a toy or some dirty clothes from the floor.

When the sun began to sink lower and the light became that of early evening, Harry started to panic. He knew if he hadn't finished his chores when his uncle came home from work he would be in a world of trouble. And his uncle had to be due any minute now. He shivered at the thought of what he might do, and only hoped it would involve beating him rather than shutting him in the cupboard again, this time maybe for all eternity.

With a hesitant glance at Dudley, who seemed preoccupied with his play station at the moment, Harry picked up some more of the dirty clothes. That's when he heard his uncle's car pulling into the drive.

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He was doomed.

~*H*~

The days that followed were not pleasant for the little boy and neither were they for the haggard wizard.

Harry had received the anticipated beating for not accomplishing a few simple chores and had been locked in the cupboard without dinner. He was too exhausted to even weep and too anxious to fall asleep. He knew there would be more work for him tomorrow, and he tried, he really did, but still... time was always working against him and he was just always so tired. His arms hurt from all the cleaning and scrubbing and carrying and his stomach hurt from the lack of food. Harry lay awake for a long time, frenzied with worries and paralyzed with fear and a feeling of such utter helplessness that it threatened to suffocate him.

Pressing his eyes closed, he tried to bring up his favourite fantasy. The beginning was always the same. It began with the arrival of a long lost relative of his. An uncle, who had been out of the country for a long time. He had been shipwrecked and lost on an island, he had been in an accident and only recently regained his memory, whatever it was, he had come back and only now found out about Harry. He had come to take him away, so that he could live with him in his castle with his beautiful wife, and maybe a little son who would be Harry's baby brother, and he would have a bedroom with a real bed and pancakes for breakfast. And they would like him and maybe they would even hug him, like he had seen some parents do when they picked up their children after school. The circumstances why this uncle or another distant relative only now came forward were always different, but the ending was the same every time. Harry was leaving the cupboard and the Dursleys and became part of a real family. But of course, even while dreaming, Harry knew that this would never happen. There was no relative, and even if there were, he would never want Harry, and he certainly wouldn't love him.

~*H*~

Sirius had staggered inland, trying to find shelter to take a little rest and then maybe something to eat. He slept in a stable for a few hours, but as far as food went he finally had to settle for some half rotten leftovers gathered from some Muggle rubbish bins. He ate them in his dog form, because he couldn't bear the stuff touching his human taste buds. It was just too unsavoury, even after the stale food in Azkaban.

With every mile he put between himself and the wizard prison that had been his home for the last years, with every minute he was out of the reach of the horrible guards of that place, he noticed more and more how little of anything real he had perceived in there. Not the taste of the food. Not the scratching of the thin and rough prison robes. Not even the physical pain of the cuts on the soles of his bare feet or the rumbling hunger in his stomach. It had all been drowned in the endless waves of misery and grief. It had all been frozen in the icy cold that had filled his every hour in that dark and lonesome hellhole.

But now it was all slowly coming back. Now his feet hurt from the cuts and blisters, another reason to remain in dog form for as long as he could summon the energy. Now his stomach felt like a hard ball that was clawing at his insides, trying to climb up his throat in search of something to eat. What remained with him were the exhaustion as well as the cold. He still felt so horribly cold that he constantly was shivering. He couldn't seem to shake it, although the sun was shining, and from what he could gather it must be late August. He still felt cold, as if the rays of the sun couldn't reach his skin.

Sirius travelled as the shaggy black dog for as long as he could keep up his Animagus form. His magical abilities still felt weak. Everything about him felt weak, but that did not keep him from pushing himself always a little more than his body and mind was willing to give. If the shaking got so bad that he couldn't go on, he found some barn or some thicket where he could rest for a few hours. It had been hard to get his bearings at first, but then it was pretty obvious that as long as he went south he couldn't do much wrong.

~*H*~

Two days later a little mercy finally found its way to both the boy and the escaped wizard.

Sirius came across a freight yard and a train, just about to leave, that – as far as he could gather from an argument between the conductor and another Muggle – was heading to London and would indeed stop in Little Whinging. And Harry was informed that, while the Dursleys would take a trip to the zoo the next day to celebrate the last weekend before the start of school, Harry would be staying with their neighbour, Mrs Figg, so that he wouldn't burn the house down in their absence.

~*H*~

Sirius had at first thought he must have accidentally drunk Felix Felize but, never one to question an opportunity, he had stiffly climbed into one of the wagons when no one was looking. He had lain in the juddering wagon all through the night, drifting in and out of sleep as he contemplated for the first time just what exactly he would do if he found Harry. If his suspicions were true and his aunt and uncle were mistreating him, there was no power on earth that would stop him from pounding them so deeply into the ground that they would be better off digging a little further and starting to live in Australia. But... what about Harry? Sirius was a convict on the run for getting his parents killed – among other things. Most likely, Harry would hate him if he knew who he was. Quite probably he would be afraid of him and what he might do to him. Not that he blamed him... after all the whole tragedy was his fault.

He tossed and turned, lost in his worries, and when the train finally came to a shrieking halt again, the grey light of dawn filtered through the crack of the door. Sirius stumbled to his feet, groaning from the stiff feeling in his bones and once more freezing. Rubbing his arms against the cold that seemed to linger wherever he went, he peered out of the door. There was no one in sight and, when his gaze fell on a small sign with peeling black letters that read 'Little Whinging – loading platform', he sighed in relief. Now all he had to do was find Harry and then... he had no buggering clue what then, but Sirius was willing to take it one step at a time.

~*H*~

Harry wasn't miserable. For the little boy that was quite an occasion. He would maybe even go as far as to say that he was happy, but he wasn't entirely sure if he knew enough about how that felt. But still, this was the best feeling he ever had. The best things in his life were days at Mrs Figg's. It wasn't that Mrs Figg was such a wonderful person. She was rather strange and smelled of mothballs, and her whole house smelled of cats, which wasn't a surprise since at least eight of them lived there as far as Harry could tell.

Harry loved days at Mrs Figg's mainly because it meant he was not with the Dursleys. Hours and hours without his uncle yelling at him, without his aunt glaring at him and without Dudley doing anything in his power to get him into trouble and at the receiving end of a beating. Mrs Figg on the other hand would mainly talk to him about her cats and someone named Gilderoy Lockhart, who seemed to be something like a travel writer and whom Mrs Figg obviously worshipped and adored. Harry had never heard of him before, but then the Dursleys didn't have many books. Maybe even the best about the days at Mrs Figg's though, was that she didn't mind when he went out on his own, roaming. It was the only actual free time he ever had.

Since it was cloudy, but at least not raining, Harry slipped out of the house after tea. He had even got biscuits! They were a little hard, but still better than anything the Dursleys gave him. He strolled down the street in the direction of a little park at the other end of the estate, which had a small playground. Probably because of the rather dull weather there weren't many people in the streets and the playground was deserted, with the exception of a young woman and a small boy of maybe four, sitting on a bench and feeding the birds.

Harry went to the swing set on the other side of the ground and sat down on one of the swings, watching his dangling feet. But every once in a while he would cast a shy and longing look at the pair of mother and son. The woman had her arm around the little boy's shoulders, cuddling him close and talking to him with a smile on her face. Harry watched them out of the corner of his eye and wondered if his mother had ever looked at him like that when she was still alive.

~*H*~

Sirius had been strolling as a dog through Little Whinging for the better part of a day now. He didn't know the address of Harry's relatives, and was slowly losing all hope that he would have any success in locating Harry. He had come to a little park and lay down in some shrubs near a playground, pondering on his options.

That's when he saw him. There was no doubt in Sirius that this was Harry. He looked like a miniature Prongs. The same unruly black hair, the same round face, the same features if maybe still a little softer, blurrier and less pronounced. He was sitting alone on the swing, shuffling his feet in the sand, apparently lost in his thoughts.

Something hot and heavy tugged in his chest and Sirius felt himself transform. He had to see Harry with his human eyes.

Crouching in the bushes Sirius stared at the little boy on the swing. It had been seven years since he had last seen him. It was a memory he had only recently regained and it was still kind of blurry.

_He had arrived at James and Lily's just before_ _Harry's_ _bedtime story and like always the little boy was still not drowsy at all, but babbling away in his own tongue. The moment he had seen Sirius he had begun to struggle in his mother's_ _arms, squealing and reaching his little, chubby arms towards his godfather."Pa! Pa! Pa pa pa!"Harry had shrieked, and Sirius had frozen in his tracks. His gaze flickered nervously to James, who was frowning at him._

_Lily's face showed surprise as well, but there was a hint of a smile playing on her lips. She came towards him and handed him the giggling baby boy. Still stunned, Sirius held his godson in his arms, holding him up so that their faces were on the same level. Harry laughed and brought his little hands to_ _Sirius' face. "Pa-ft!" he said and giggled."Uf! Uf uf!"_

_Lily giggled too. "He means Padfoot!" she laughed, shaking her head. James came up to them too now, putting his arms around his wife from behind._

_"Maybe he likes you better as a dog, mate," he said, grinning at his best friend._

_"You looked the same when he called you 'Da' for the first time," Lily whispered, snuggling against James, and they both smiled at their dumbstruck friend as he looked at their little boy with a goofy grin plastered on his face._

_The rest of the memory of that evening was lost in swirling_ _fog. All he remembered were his friends laughing and Harry giggling and the indescribable feeling of being at home._

Sirius shook himself out of his thoughts. That evening seven years ago had been the last time he had been happy. The times were dark and the dangers grave, but he was with the only family he had ever known. All had been right. For the last time. When he went out the door that night, laughing, he had not known that it would be the last time. He had not known that he would never see them again...

TBC

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**A/N: Wanna make my day too? Leaving a review sure will do it! :)**


	4. Don't Be Afraid

**Chapter 4 - Don't Be Afraid**

''Harry!''

Harry was too lost in his thoughts, so he did not hear the voice when it called him the first time.

''Hey, you freak! Are you deaf?''

Harry's head shot up in alarm. He knew that voice and it didn't bode well for him. Four boys were standing right there in front of the swing set, three of them forming a half circle around the biggest one, who was the one who had spoken.

Harry's stomach clenched. This was Marcus Miller, Dudley's best mate from school, and the crowd they ran with. And every single one of them hated Harry as much as Dudley did. They had made his life a living hell from the first day he had set foot into the school. He'd been so hopeful back then to finally meet some other kids that might like him and could become his friends. But the first day had not even been over before it had become evident that this was not going to happen. Those that Dudley could not convince of the fact that Harry was a freak by telling gruesome stories, he simply bullied until they didn't dare to even smile in Harry's direction.

Harry jumped up from the swing, and looked around frantically. But the woman with her little son had vanished. The playground was deserted. Harry swallowed. Maybe Marcus would be satisfied with taunting him a little? Maybe he didn't have the time to beat him up today...

''So, they didn't take you on the family outing, hn?'' Marcus drawled. ''Well, I guess you have to be _family_ to qualify. Would not want to take just any shit-head, only because somebody lost him on _my_ doorstep either!''

''Yeah, Potter,'' the boy next to him sneered. ''Seems like everybody just does his damnedest to get rid of you!''

''Or maybe your mother was just as stupid as you!'' Marcus said in mock thoughtfulness. ''And simply forgot to pick you up again. Not like she would miss you, eh? Probably felt quite relieved she didn't have to see your ugly mug anymore.''

''Aw, poor Potty. Are you starting to cry?''

In all fairness to Harry, he wasn't. He was not someone to cry on impulse. He never burst into tears. He had learned the hard way, that crying in front of people only made everything worse. It meant that you were weak. It meant that you were ungrateful. It meant that you would be slapped a few times more for good measure. Harry only ever cried when no one saw. When no one heard. So no, Harry wasn't crying. After all he was much too scared to cry.

~*H*~

Sirius was still contemplating how he should go about making contact with Harry, when he saw the boys approach. He tensed. He didn't like the look of them. Frowning, he watched as they were talking to Harry. They were too far away for him to understand what was said, but he could see by the way Harry held himself, that he was afraid.

Damn! What should he do? He couldn't go over there like this. Everything about him screamed 'Convict!' and 'Look out, criminal on the run!'... At that moment he saw a ray of light glittering on something like a blade in the hand of the biggest boy, who was stepping closer to Harry.

Without thinking he transformed.

~*H*~

Marcus held the jackknife close to Harry's face. He had only recently got it, and loved to play around with it. He liked the way it lay in his hand. And he loved little Harry Potter's frozen face.

He laughed. ''It's _really_ sharp, you know?'' he said innocently. ''I could skin you alive with that one.'' He retracted the blade and then, stepping closer to Harry, let it spring open once more in front of the smaller boy's face. Harry flinched and Marcus laughed.

And then, suddenly, everything became a blur.

Harry jumped backwards in alarm. There was a deep, murderous growl and then something big and black crashed into Marcus, throwing him sidelong to the ground. The other boys stood stunned, staring at what looked like a huge black, furry ball rolling around on the ground on top of their friend. The thing was growling menacingly and Marcus was screaming and flailing his legs, trying to push whatever it was away from him.

It had felt like forever, although it probably had only been seconds, when there was suddenly a yelp followed by an even deeper growl, and then there was blood. Blood on Marcus' hands and some on his face and clothes. The black beast retreated from the boy and his friends, who had run over to him, and put itself between them and Harry.

The boys dragged their friend to his feet and turned towards what had attacked him. Clinging frightenedly against each other, they stared at the beast, eyes wide open in fear, as it snarled, showing a set of long sharp teeth. It was the biggest and roughest looking dog either one of them had ever seen. The yellow eyes of the beast were glowing. Where had it come from? It looked like the answer was 'straight from hell'.

The boys didn't hesitate any longer - they spun around and ran as fast as they could, out of the playground, out of the park and possibly even out of Little Whinging.

Harry stared at the giant dog in front of him, not daring to do so much as breath too loudly. It looked filthy and wild, and he remembered Uncle Vernon once saying all wild dogs needed to be put down, because they had diseases. The dog turned around then and seemed to be looking at him. It was strange, Harry felt almost as if it was scrutinizing him. After a few moments, it shuddered suddenly and swayed a little. It gave the most pitiful whine, which sounded odd coming from such a vicious looking dog, and then turned back around to slowly crawl into the shrubbery to the right of the playground.

That's when Harry saw the trail of something red and wet it was leaving behind. For a moment Harry stood frozen in the middle of the playground. He still wasn't entirely sure what had happened. It all had gone so fast and he had been so scared, first of Marcus and then of the giant dog. But the the dog hadn't jumped him when he could have. If he didn't know any better, he'd almost think it had tried to protect him. Which of course was a stupid thing to think – why should the dog do that? It did not know him, had never seen him before. Dogs would only protect the person they belonged to, didn't they? The person they loved – like Lassie!

Harry looked at the ground and bit his lip when he saw the red spots in the sand. The dog was hurt. Maybe it had not exactly wanted to protect him, but it had spared him a trashing from Marcus and his friends nevertheless. If the dog had not shown up, this blood might have been Harry's. Taking a deep breath and gathering his courage, Harry carefully started to follow the bloody tracks into the undergrowth.

He didn't have to walk very far. Beyond the playground, between some trees, was a small shack where the keeper of the park stored all his equipment. The trail led straight towards the shack and around it. Harry slowly crept up to it and peeked around the corner of the small building.

The black dog had crawled under an old oak tree behind the shack, crouching there and panting heavily.

And then Harry saw something that made him gasp in fear and surprise. Right there in front of Harry's eyes the dog turned into a man. Harry blinked. Had he seen what he had just seen? First there was a dog, and only a dog. And now there was a man in its place. No dog in sight...

The man collapsed and rolled on his back. He looked very odd and a little frightening. In fact, he looked like one of those homeless people uncle Vernon always said were all lazy bastards. His strange clothes were threadbare and filthy and full of holes. He had no shoes and he was very, very thin.

Harry was scared. But just when he was trying to make his trembling legs turn and run, something stopped him. The ragged clothes the man was wearing were stained with red. Just like the dog, the man was bleeding. Harry hesitated. And then, very tentatively, Harry crept towards the stranger. When the man still didn't move, Harry shuffled over to him. On the man's left shoulder was a bloody gash, slowly seeping thick red fluid. But Harry's gaze was drawn to the man's face. His long black hair was tangled into a mess and hung over his features. But Harry could still see how pale and almost grey his skin was. His eyes, now closed, sat deep in their sockets, and his chin and cheeks were overgrown with a thick, wild beard. The man looked so haggard and worn, that Harry felt immediately sorry for him. And now he was badly hurt too.

Studying the man, while biting down on his lip, Harry made a decision. With a last look at the stranger Harry turned around and ran.

TBC

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A/N: Again, another slightly shorter one. I try to cut the chapters like I feel is right for the story. I could make longer chapters, I guess, but then it probably would only take longer to update. My guess would be, you'd rather have a fast update ;-)

And then of course I'm a meany and had to let you hanging from a cliff... No, please, don't beat me. It wasn't my fault. Dudley... - Ah, no, you see... I'm really much too much into this story. *shakes her head and walks off*

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing... and please keep it up! :)**


	5. You Can Trust Me

**A/N: **Thanks for all your lovely reviews. They are the chocolate for my breakfast, the coffee in my insomniac nights and the ink to my quill... ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 5 – You Can Trust Me**

When Harry reached Mrs Figg's house he was totally winded. He had run the whole way from the park as if he was chased by Dudley and his cronies. Leaning against the gate to the backyard, Harry tried to catch his breath. When he sidled into the house through the back door a moment later he was relieved to be greeted by Mrs Figg's snores. She seemed to have fallen asleep on the couch again after her teatime sherry.

Stealthily Harry crept past her and went upstairs into the bathroom. Looking through her medicine cupboard, he frowned at all the strange bottles and cans with weird looking names. But he finally found what he was looking for. Bandages and something that looked like iodine. Although he had just turned eight, Harry knew much more about first aid than you would have thought looking at him. Since he received cuts and bruises on a regular basis, but had nobody who would actually take care of them, Harry had become quite good at fending for himself. So he pushed as many bandages and stuff as he could find down the front of his overly large shirt and tip-toed back down, careful not to wake Mrs Figg.

On his way back out he saw the plate with the biscuits on the kitchen counter and, fighting his guilty conscience, Harry took them and crammed as many of them into the pockets of his trousers as he could fit in.

All the baggage in his clothes was hindering and slowing him down a little when Harry made his way back to the park. And while Harry tried to make it back as fast as he could, dozens of thoughts were running through his head. Who was the strange man and what had he been doing in the park? Was he real? Strange things seemed to happen more often around Harry than he was comfortable with, but then again he might just have imagined the whole thing. Or maybe he hadn't, but the man might not even be there anymore when he came back. The last thought made Harry surprisingly sad. He didn't even know who the man was. He could be dangerous. But then maybe he wasn't and maybe, just maybe, he would want to be his friend. Maybe the man was jinxed and had to be a dog half of the time. That couldn't be easy. He might need a friend...

When Harry arrived back behind the shack and the man was still lying there as he had left him, he was glad. Then he became worried. The man hadn't moved at all. He couldn't be dead, could he? Harry slowly walked towards him and kneeled down at his side. The man didn't so much as twitch. Hesitantly Harry reached out and carefully laid a hand on his chest.

With a shuddering gasp the man drew a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking directly at Harry. Startled, Harry quickly drew back his hand and stumbled backwards, landing on his bottom. He looked at the man uncertainly and a little spooked. Pale blue eyes stared back at him with a haunted and almost wild expression.

Harry tried to scramble further back, but a raspy voice stopped him.

''No! Don't be afraid... I ... I won't hurt you. I promise!''

Harry stilled, but kept watching the strange man suspiciously, as he pulled himself a little more upright with some difficulty so he could lean against the trunk of the oak.

''I would never hurt you Harry,'' the man said, looking at Harry insistently.

Harry, though obviously still scared, seemed to contemplate that. ''You hurt Marcus,'' he said finally, sounding a little unsure.

''I was afraid he would hurt _you_.''

''He probably would have... but he didn't.'' Harry paused. ''He hurt you instead,'' he said with a shy gesture at the blood on the man's shoulder.

The man pulled his shirt away from the wound and grimaced. ''Yeah... got me good, the little fu-... fellow.'

''Does it hurt?'' Harry asked.

The man nodded, watching him steadily and with interest, taking deep and shuddering breaths. He just sat there as he seemed to wait for Harry to make his next move.

-x-

Sirius sat with his back against the tree, trying to not let his agitation show. Or the rather excruciating pain he was in for that matter. Right there, in the grass in front of him, not six feet away, sat his godson, carefully scrutinizing him. He obviously wasn't sure yet if he could believe in Sirius' honourable intentions. And he was a long way from trusting him, although something gave Sirius the impression that he wanted to, for whatever reason.

''I brought bandages,'' Harry finally said, after they had been silently watching each other for some time. He seemed to have come to the conclusion that Sirius at least held no immediate threat. ''I brought biscuits, too.''

He got up on his knees and pulled out some slightly crumbled chocolate chip cookies. He placed them on the grass at Sirius' feet like a timid offering, and sat back on his haunches.

Sirius tried to smile at him although, judging by the look on Harry's face, he might still need to practise that a little. After seven years in Azkaban it seemed his facial muscles couldn't quite remember how to do it. So he nodded at him instead and said, still with some croak, "Thanks."

-x-

When the man didn't reach for the food, Harry again felt unsure. Maybe he didn't like biscuits. Maybe he should have brought something else. But he had not dared to go through Mrs Figg's cabinets, and he had tried to get back as fast as he could.

''Maybe better patch me up first.''

The rough voice of the man brought Harry back out of his musing. It always made him jump a little, it was so gruff. Hastily Harry pulled out the bandages from under his shirt. With a bunch of compresses, bandages and gauze in his arms he stood in front of the strange man, unsure if it would be safe to approach any further.

The man, seemingly oblivious to his predicament, had started to lift up his shirt. It seemed to cause him a lot of pain, but in the end revealed the pale skin of his gaunt chest and stomach, and the seeping red gash along his left shoulder. With a trembling sigh and his eyes closed he fell back against the trunk.

-x-

With great difficulty Sirius had managed to pull off his shirt so that he could get a first good look at his injury. The cut was not too deep but quite long, running from the pit of his arm up to his collarbone. The bone had obviously stopped the blade, which was just his luck, because otherwise the knife would have probably cut into his neck.

He leaned back against the trunk, closing his eyes for a moment against the pain that was stabbing in his shoulder. When he opened his eyes again he saw Harry still standing two yards away, looking at him nervously.

''You afraid of me?'' Sirius asked.

Harry shook his head. But it was obvious that the boy was indeed scared of him. And who could blame him? Sirius hadn't had any opportunity to look in a mirror for a long while, nor did he feel especially inclined to do so, but he could guess that he didn't look all that trustworthy.

He didn't know how to reassure the boy and didn't want to push him, fearing intimidating him further, so he just watched him silently and hoped that Harry would overcome his fear in his own time. Hopefully before he bled to death. Sirius felt horribly inept in the way he was handling the situation, but it had been a while since he had been in personal contact with anyone, never mind having a conversation.

Harry made a step forward and then another one, directing his look to Sirius shoulder rather than his face. Slowly he came closer, stopping every so often, all the time ready to bolt if Sirius suddenly should turn out to be a threat after all. He reminded Sirius of a shy little fawn, and of course that's exactly what he was. A little Prongs, Sirius thought fondly.

When Harry came to a stop beside him and kneeled down with his baggage, Sirius tried to be as calm and motionless as he could.

''I-I have t-to clean th-the wound,'' Harry whispered and Sirius suddenly understood how afraid he really was. It saddened him a little, but it also made him admire his godson's courage, willing to help a stranger in the face of that fear.

With trembling hands Harry pulled out a little brown bottle, and put some of the red fluid on a cotton patch while Sirius watched him curiously. This had to be Muggle medicine, Sirius had never seen something like it before. When Harry tentatively reached out and started to swab at the cut, Sirius gasped from the sting.

''I-I'm sorry!'' Harry stammered, pulling his hand back as if he'd been burned. ''Sorry. Sorry. I-I'm not good at th-this.''

''No,'' Sirius coughed, catching hold of Harry's arm.

Harry froze, looking up at Sirius, his eyes wide open in fear.

Sirius swallowed.

''You're doing fine,'' he mumbled, loosening his grip on Harry. ''I was just startled.''

-x-

Harry stared at the man like a dear caught in the headlight. Fear ripped through him, and for a moment he saw his uncle in front of him, staring down at him, his face a mask of purple rage. He flinched, turning his head away and pressing his eyes closed, his body anticipating the blow.

But it didn't come. Instead the man released his arm. Slowly, Harry turned his head back and opened his eyes. Pale blue eyes looked at him from a gaunt and dirty face. They were haunted, but they held a spark that mesmerized him and they were... _pleading._

He was not sure what it was, but _something_ deep inside him told him, that he could trust this stranger. _Something _deep inside him drew him to these eyes and whispered...

_...this I promise._

Still staring at the stranger, Harry took a deep, slightly shuddering breath, and started to tend to the wound again.

-x-

''Thank you,'' Sirius gasped and tried another smile, that actually turned out a little better then the first one.

Now that his wound was bandaged and he was getting his breath back, Sirius leaned forward, reaching for the biscuits. He took one and bit into it, then took another, holding it out to Harry.

Harry timidly took it and sat down a little closer to Sirius than before with his legs crossed. He was studying the grass in front of him with great interest, but every so often cast a shy glance at Sirius. Biting his lip, he seemed to ponder about something.

''What is it?'' Sirius finally asked when it became clear that Harry wasn't going to speak up. ''What do you want to know?''

-x-

Harry was not sure if he could ask what was bothering him. What if he had imagined it? What if the man thought he was a stupid freak like his aunt and uncle? Or what if it was a secret and he was angry that he had seen?

''Just ask. If I can, I will answer,'' the man said.

''You were a dog,'' Harry burst out all of a sudden. ''And then you turned into a man. How did you do that?''

-x-

Sirius looked at his godson, surprised. So Harry had seen him transform, had he? Did he know about the world into which he was born? Did he know who he was? That he was a wizard? Sirius wasn't so sure...

''Do you believe in magic?'' he asked.

TBC

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**A/N: **So. Harry and Sirius have finally met. I hope I haven't confused you with the changing perspective. I really wanted to get into the head of both of them there since for me this is a key scene in showing their inner turmoil and struggles.

Oh, and about Harry's medical aid? I know, that is probably not the best way to attend to a knife wound, but let's bear in mind, that Harry's eight, that he doesn't have anything else and he couldn't possibly start sewing Sirius up. Sirius will just have to bite his teeth and walk a way with a manly scar ;-)


	6. Because I've Always Known You

A/N: I know it's a short one, but the cutting fairy came along, what can I say? I'm spoiling you anyway... ;-)

**Chapter 6 – Because I've Always Known You**

_''You were a dog. And then you turned into a man. How did you do that?"_

_''Do you believe in magic?"_

~*H*~

''Magic?" Harry asked, his eyes becoming round. ''You can do magic? Like David Copperfield?"

Sirius frowned. He didn't remember ever meeting someone by that name, but of course he didn't know every wizard in the country, and then he had been away for seven years.

''So...," Sirius began a little tentatively, ''you _have_ met other wizards before?"

Harry frowned. ''Wizards? I don't know..."

''This Copperfield bloke."

''Oh! No, I just saw him on TV once," Harry said, shaking his head.

Sirius had the feeling he was loosing his footing in this conversation. Better start again at the beginning. ''Well, I can change into a dog because I'm a wizard – just like you are."

If possible Harry's eyes became even rounder. ''Me?" he asked surprised. ''No. I'm not a wizard, I'm just a boy."

Sirius chuckled. Harry certainly was anything but 'just a boy'. He was James and Lily's son after all. He smiled at his godson, actually producing something worthy to be called a smile rather than a grimace this time. Harry rewarded him by giving an uncertain little smile in return.

''Have you never done anything weird, that you couldn't really explain?" Sirius finally asked amused.

-x-

Harry hesitated. He _had _done a lot of weird stuff, or rather he didn't, weird stuff just kept happening around him and to him without him having any clue why. But nobody ever believed him. Everybody thought it was his fault. Did this strange man think it was his fault too? Did he think he was a freak as well?

''Well?" Sirius asked. ''Have you?"

Harry ducked his head and mumbled, ''My hair grew back."

Sirius looked at him puzzled. ''Your hair? Why did you do that?"

Harry ducked his head even deeper. ''I don't know that I did it, or how, but... my aunt... she cut it, really short... it looked like I was bald, and then the next morning... it had grown back. She was really angry."

Sirius chuckled again, and Harry looked up at him surprised. He had expected to see disgust in the man's face, or anger, but his eyes sparkled with something like _mirth._ Could that be?

''So... do you think I'm a freak now?" Harry asked anxiously and the amusement on Sirius face faded.

-x-

''What! No! Of course not. You're not a freak! Things like that are perfectly normal," Sirius said, shocked that the little boy would think so.

''But nobody else does those things! And I don't really _do_ them, they just keep happening, and I don't know why!

Harry's voice had almost reached a cry at the end, and it told Sirius something about the degree of confusion the boy must be experiencing. Nobody had ever explained to him what he was. And that made Sirius angry. Really angry. Letting his godson live in all that confusion and uncertainty, thinking something was wrong with him, when he was a perfectly normal wizard boy! Why had nobody ever explained!

''Harry," Sirius said and Harry raised his head, even more bewildered that he knew his name. The first time Sirius had used his given name, it had obviously slipped in all the excitement.

''You know my name."

''Yes. And I will explain. Just... listen to me first, okay?"

Harry nodded.

Sirius felt rather nervous now himself. He just hoped he wouldn't scare and confuse Harry so much that he'd run. How could he explain to the boy what he was, what could he say who he – Sirius – was without... without loosing him.

''You see Harry...," he started, ''those things, those weird things, they happen because you are a wizard and you can do magic. But because you are still so young, you can't control it yet. And when you are especially stressed or afraid it just happens..." He looked at his godson, with a tentative smile. Harry was hanging on every word he said, his eyes wide open. ''It's nothing bad, nothing you do wrong, you see... you can't help it. You'll learn how to control it later." He coughed. He couldn't remember the last time he had talked so much.

''So... I did all that stuff?" Harry asked astonished.

''Yes. Involuntarily."

''Because I'm a wizard."

''Yes."

''Are you sure?"

''Yes."

Harry frowned. „How did you know?"

''Know what?"

''That I was doing weird stuff. And you knew my name, too! How?"

Sirius squirmed a little, unsure how to approach this topic. ''I knew you would be a wizard, because your parents were wizards too," he finally said.

It was as if a light had been ignited in Harry's eyes, they were suddenly shining so brightly. ''You... you knew my parents?" he whispered.

Sirius blinked back tears. Strange. He hadn't cried in years. So he tried to smile instead and said, ''Yes, Harry. I knew your parents. They were my best friends."

-x-

Harry was totally mesmerized. This man had known his parents! Had been friends with them. He would be able to tell him about them, all those questions, he had so many questions... How had they looked like? And how had they been? Where had they lived? And... had they loved him?

That's when he noticed, that the light had changed while he'd been sitting there with the strange man, and a chill had crept into the park. The sun had already sunken behind the trees and Harry suddenly remembered, that the Dursley's would have gotten home for the eight- o'clock-movie, because Dudley would never miss it. Oh god. They probably had shown up at Mrs Figg, and he hadn't been there! Dread, as thick as bile, began to fill him and he had to swallow.

He wanted to ask the man all those questions and a lot more. About his parents, and about the man himself who had been their friend, about the fact, that he was a _wizard_ – he still couldn't quite believe _that. _It was so much to take in... But it was starting to get dark and he had to get home, he would already be in trouble as it was... though maybe he just could stay a while longer, as he would be punished anyway?

He looked up at the man – wizard, he corrected himself – and was startled by the strange tenderness in his eyes.

''I guess you have to get home, don't you? It's already getting dark."

Harry sighed. ''But I want to know more," he said.

The wizard smiled. He was really getting better at it, Harry thought.

''And I will tell you more," he said said. ''Tomorrow. Come back here tomorrow, okay? I'll be there. Now, run!"

Harry stood up and turned to go. Then he stopped and came back towards the man. He stopped next to him, almost the same height as the sitting wizard, unsure what to do. He had wanted to do something to say goodbye to his new friend, at least he hoped he was that... but now he didn't know how. He didn't really know how these things worked.

-x-

Sirius looked at his small godson silently, and when Harry didn't move, he reached up with his uninjured arm, and gently ran his hand over Harry's unruly hair. Harry looked at him with eyes full of jumbled emotion. There was bewilderment and awe and longing... Sirius heart clenched as a sudden swell of... love... for this boy rushed through him. Maybe it wasn't dead and shrivelled after all. He had the urge to pull the boy towards him in a bone-crushing hug, but he was afraid to go too far. He might scare him.

Harry's next words were spoken so quietly, Sirius did almost miss them. „I don't know your name," he whispered.

He smiled. „Sirius. My name is Sirius."

TBC

**A/N:** Thank God Sirius finally told Harry his name. I was really getting tired of writing 'the man', but he wouldn't budge before. He is really stubborn, mind.

**I started another fic** – yeah I'm just bubbling all over, I'm a real little fountain, I am. Anyway if you like my writing, check it out. It's called **'Finding Felicity'** and tells about Sirius time at Hogwarts – Marauder's area! James is in the fic and Lily and Remus will be, as is an OC. It will get a little dark eventually, so be warned. I don't know why I can't cut Sirius some slack... I do love him, believe me I do!


	7. And Nothing Will Harm You

**A/N: **Thanks for all your lovely reviews so far, they make me smile and type faster!

I might not be able to update just as frequently the next weeks, actually have to work a little ;-). But don' worry updates will come regularly on both of my stories. To make it up to you... here is a long one.

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**Chapter 7 - And Nothing Will Harm You**

For a moment Sirius sat frozen, staring after his godson, who had just vanished around the dar side of the shack. He had told Harry his name, without even thinking about it. Had he just blown it? Had someone told Harry the name of the man, that was responsible for his parents death? But the boy had not shown any reaction that indicated, that he had recognized it. And Lily's sister had obviously not been very forthcoming about other things. Maybe he was still safe...

Sirius knew, that at some point he would probably have to tell Harry. But he had no clue how he should go about it. It seemed that Harry was starting to trust him. He couldn't risk loosing that. It was too precious. And Sirius knew, whatever bond was forming between them, it was still so frail that every jolt could break it. Finding out that the death of his parents was Sirius fault would surely destroy any chance to get to know his godson again. And Godric, did he long to... Harry was all that he had left. All that was left from Prongs and Lily. And he was such a sweet boy. So innocent. So brave.

But Sirius had also seen Harry flinch when he had grabbed his arm. And Sirius had done the same thing too often to not realize what it was about. Harry had thought he would hit him. Hot bristling rage coursed through Sirius body at the very though of anybody hurting his precious godson. Because, if Harry had thought that Sirius would hit him, he had been hit before. Sirius just didn't know, by whom. He had seen Harry's reaction to the boys in the playground earlier today. It was obvious, that they had a history, and probably one that involved violence. Sirius really wished he'd bitten that big bloke now.

And then there was the boy's aunt and uncle. Sirius couldn't put his finger on it, but the dream he had had in Azkaban kept coming back to him. He had been so sure that Harry was in danger that he had done what no wizard had done before him. And now... he just had a bad feeling. Sirius had seen Harry's face when the boy noticed it had gotten late. Had seen that flicker of fear. Of course every eight year old boy would probably be in trouble when he got home later then his curfew, but no child should never have to fear the ones that were there to take care of him. Somehow Sirius doubted, Lily's sister and her husband were very caring people.

~*H*~

Harry had run home as fast as he could. He knew he had reason to be worried. Just thinking how angry his uncle would be that he had wandered off, that he had not been there when he was supposed to be, filled him with icy fear. That was one of the most important rules for living with the Dursley's. _Be there when you're supposed to, disappear when you are not._ And he had broken that rule tonight severely. Uncle Vernon would not take that well. There would be hell to pay.

Still, Harry couldn't help but feel a little bit glad. Yes, there probably would be a punishment waiting for him at home, but he could take that, and it would be worth it. Because he had a new friend. _Sirius_. A friend who had known his parents! And he had said that Harry wasn't a freak, that he, Sirius, could do magic and that was what Harry was doing. He couldn't wait for tomorrow. Luckily, he was supposed to mow the grass at Mrs Figgs tomorrow, which was the Durley's way to pay her for babysitting him. If he hurried, he could slip away afterwards, before his aunt picked him up again, and meet Sirius at the park. And then the wizard would tell him about his parents.

When Harry slipped into the kitchen through the back door, he tried hard not to let the happiness show. But when his eyes fell on his uncle's face, who just then appeared in the kitchen door, that task became suddenly very easy. His uncle was at boiling point, and Harry knew that just the sight of him would suffice to add the little fire needed to make the man explode.

But to Harry's surprise his uncle didn't start yelling the moment he laid eyes on him. In fact he watched him silently for a few moments in which Harry didn't dare to move.

''So," Uncle Vernon finally said. His voice a quiet, dangerous hiss. ''His Lordship has decided to grace us with his presence after all, eh?"

Harry stood frozen, not daring to answer, move or even blink. This behaviour was new, but whatever it was about, Harry was sure he wouldn't like the end of it.

''Won't you answer me, boy?" Uncle Vernon made a step forward, further into the kitchen, but didn't take his eyes of Harry.

Harry swallowed. Was he supposed to say something? Was that what his uncle wanted? ''I-I'm sorry," he whispered almost inaudibly.

''What was that?" Uncle Vernon came another step closer. ''You can't even stand up and answer a simple question, can you, you little retard?"

Harry tried to stand up straighter and still remain in a submissive position, which made him fidget slightly.

''Where have you been?" His uncle asked, something in his voice rising.

''I-I..."

''Shut up!" Vernon Dursley roared. Then he added in the lower hiss again. ''I don't want to hear your stupid lies and excuses. You ran off like the no-fucking-good you are, and now you will take the punishment you deserve! Won't you?''

''Y-Yes,'' Harry breathed.

''Take off your shirt and turn around."

-x-

The next day Sirius waited. And waited. And waited. He didn't dare to move away from the oak tree. He had slept inside the little shack after picking the lock Muggle style. His fingers might be a little rusty, but he still had the hang of it.

Now he was lying under the oak as the shaggy black dog, watching out for Harry to come around the corner of the shack. But the boy didn't show up. When the sun was sinking towards the horizon, and it was already late afternoon, Sirius started to get restless. He was hungry as well, but he was too afraid that Harry would show up right that moment he left in search for some food. So he laid his head on his front paws and waited.

When the sun had finally vanished behind the tree tops, and dusk settled over the now more and more quiet park, Sirius admitted to himself that Harry wouldn't come. Maybe he had misinterpreted his reaction yesterday. Maybe he hadn't started to trust him, maybe he had been glad to get away from the filthy and dangerous looking man that Sirius knew he was displaying. But Harry had turned back to say goodbye, and he had not flinched when he had touched him then. Surely he wouldn't have done that, if he was still afraid of Sirius?

But maybe something had happened after that. Maybe when he had told him his name it hadn't registered. Maybe it had later, when he was back home. Maybe Harry knew now who he was, and therefore had stayed away? Or could something have happened to him? That was the worst thought of all. Better a Harry angry or afraid of him, than in any kind of trouble. Maybe his aunt and uncle wouldn't let him come because he had been late yesterday evening. But they wouldn't hurt him because of that, would they? Was he overreacting? Still, he wished he had asked Harry for his address.

When it was dark, Sirius went in search for food, hoping he hadn't blown his chances with his godson so that he would never see him again.

He had resumed his wandering through Little Whigning the next day, hoping to catch a whiff of Harry, but without any success. When he returned to the shack in the park and saw Harry sitting under the oak, jumping up with a smile as soon as he saw him approach, Sirius hobbled towards him as fast as his injury would allow, wagging his tail.

''Sirius!" Harry called happily, and Sirius transformed into the ragged wizard he was.

''Harry," he said, sinking to his knees in front of the boy, bringing them on eye-level. Harry really was a little short for a boy his age. ''I've been worried when you didn't show up yesterday."

Harry looked at him guiltily. ''I'm sorry," he said softly. ''I wanted to come. Really! But my aunt and uncle wouldn't allow."

''Were they angry, that you came home a little late that evening?" Sirius asked, feeling guilty himself.

Harry looked down at his shoes, saying nothing. Sirius heart ached and he swallowed.

''I'm sorry Harry, I should have paid more attention to the hour."

''No, it's alright, I wanted to stay." He looked up at Sirius. ''I can't stay long today, but I brought you some food. I nicked it from Mrs Figg's, but she won't mind."

Sirius frowned. Figg? That couldn't be Arabella Figg, Dumbledore's old friend, could it? It would be just like the old man to put some witch or wizard near Harry to have an eye on him. If it was indeed Arabella Figg, he would have to be more careful what he said. He didn't want Harry to accidentially give something away.

''Harry..." Sirius started hesitantly. ''You haven't told anyone about me, have you?"

Harry shook his head and Sirius sighed in relief.

''Good. Don't tell anybody about me and our meetings, ok? It's our secret."

Harry smiled a little and ducked his head. ''I don't think anybody would believe me that I met a man that can turn into a dog," he said sheepishly.

Sirius chuckled and ruffled Harry's hair. Harry smiled at him, as if he just gave him a box full of candy.

''I have to go back soon, but..." Harry looked a little uncertain. ''M-Maybe you could tell me something about my parents...?"

Sirius sat down against the trunk of the oak and indicated to Harry to sit down next to him. When he did, Sirius asked ''What do you know about them?"

''Only that they died in a car crash. And my uncle always says they were freaks and my dad was an unemployed good for nothing."

Sirius was stunned still for a moment. ''What!" He couldn't believe his ears. This brash wanker of a Muggle _dared _to... Merlin, if he would ever meet that bastard, he would throttle him to death!

Sirius swallowed, trying to reign in his temper. He directed his eyes at Harry, looking at him seriously. ''That is not true, Harry. What your uncle has told you... it is a lie. All of it."

Harry looked at Sirius with his eyes so wide and hopeful, that Sirius once more felt this strange and long forgotten, warm feeling surge through him.

''Harry," he said more quietly, ''your parents weren't freaks. Like I said, they were wizards. And they didn't die in a car crash. They... were very good and brave people."

Sirius hesitated. Harry was still a child. Should he really tell him the horrific story of his parents death and his own survival? On the other hand, he deserved to know who his parents had been, and what they had died for. And James and Lily... He swallowed. They deserved to be remembered by their only son. Maybe...

''The times back then were very dark, Harry. Bad wizards tried to gain power over all of us. And their leader, the worst of them all... Voldemort... He went after your parents and he killed them."

Harry looked at him horror struck and absent-mindedly touched his scar. Sirius saw it and smiled at him sadly. He hesitated to tell him where that scar had really come from. It was so much to take in. Did Harry really need to know, that Voldemort had tried to kill him, too? Sirius decided to keep that piece of information to himself for now. There was something else, something much more important he had to tell him.

When Sirius smiled at Harry, it was the first real smile to grace his features, since he'd been send to Azkaban.

''Your parents loved you so very much Harry. I still remember the day you were born. We all were at the hospital and James, your father, he wouldn't let go of you for a minute. I had to pry you from his hands to get a chance to hold you. You'd think he wouldn't trust you with your own godfather!"

Harry looked at him. ''Godfather?" he breathed.

Sirius nodded. ''Yes, Harry. Your parents made me your godfather."

He saw Harry's eyes brimming with tears, before the boy quickly bowed his head, probably to hide them. Sirius didn't want to embarrass him. Let the boy make his steps in his own time, Padfoot.

They sat together in silence for a while, side by side, leaning against the trunk. Suddenly Sirius felt a light touch at his right arm, and when he glanced down, he saw Harry leaning slightly towards him. Slowly, so he wouldn't scare him, Sirius rose his arm and laid it around Harry's shoulder. The small boy stiffened a little, but Sirius was glad when he didn't move away.

''Had you known them for a long time?" Harry asked after a while.

''Since I was eleven years old. We went to school together. Your Dad and I, we were roommates even, and best friends from the first week on."

„And my Mom?"

Sirius gave a small chuckle. ''She didn't like us all that much at first. Lily was a nice girl, and your Dad and I, we were... a little wild. Brats really. But she came around when we were older. They married a year after we graduated."

''What did they look like?"

Sirius sighed a little. He wished he had at least a photograph to show Harry. He didn't know what had happened to all his stuff, or whether his flat in London even still existed. And even if it did, it would be much too dangerous to set a foot in that place. They were surely looking for him by now. There was nothing he could do but...

''You look a lot like your Dad actually. When I saw you at the playground, I knew immediately who you were, you looked so much like him. It's only..."

Harry looked at him with his bright green eyes. Lily's eyes. ''You have your mothers eyes," Sirius said softly. ''She was beautiful. Flaming red hair and those green eyes. No wonder James was crazy about her."

And then, suddenly, overwhelmingly, Harry pressed his face into him, clutching his robes. Sirius had to swallow against the lump in his throat, but he put his arms around Harry, pulling him closer against him. But in that moment Harry stiffened, and there was a sound like a suppressed moan.

Sirius let go of Harry immediately, and the boy moved back from him, looking guilty and scared.

''H-Harry? Are you alright?"

Harry only turned his head away from him and didn't answer. What in Merlin's name was happening?

''Harry, what is it? Are you hurt?" Sirius asked more urgently now, his voice concerned. Why did the boy react like this all of a sudden? Sirius reached out and laid a hand on Harry's back. The boy flinched like he'd been burned. Sirius heart sank into his stomach.

''Harry?"

''It's nothing..." A mumble. No eye contact.

''It's not nothing," Sirius said a little more forcefully than he had intended, but he was scared. Something was very wrong. He reached for the hem of Harry's large t-shirt and tried to lift it up.

''NO!" Harry turned away and scrambled to his feet. „I-I have to go. I'm late. I will be in t-trouble," he stuttered. Then he turned around and ran.

''Harry!" Sirius yelled, but Harry didn't stop. Sirius pushed himself up to a standing position, cursing his body for not working the way he wanted it to. He transformed and trotted after Harry as fast as he could. The boy was nowhere in sight, but Padfoot could still trace his scent. With his nose on the ground he followed.

The track led him up to a little house with neatly cut hedges and immaculately trimmed grass in the front yard. Still trailing the scent, he sidled round the house to the backyard, and approached the door to what had to be the kitchen. The light was dim, and all he could see was the back of an enormous man. But then he heard it.

''You think you can just come and go whenever you like, you little shit? Haven't learned your lesson have you? What have you been up to, you stupid freak? Probably banging around with some other criminal freaks... but not while you are under my roof, boy. I will teach you to show me some respect!"

And then Sirius saw the man rise his arm and strike, and he saw Harry flying halfway through the kitchen, crashing into the counter. There was no rational thought left in Sirius brain, only outrage and seething fury.

-x-

Uncle Vernon grabbed Harry by his hair pulling him back up on his feet, when there was suddenly a loud bang and the back-door flew open, crashing against the wall. He wiped around. In the doorway stood the most dangerous looking man he had ever seen. He had a tangled mass of hair reaching past his shoulder, a wild beard and dirty ragged clothes, but what made Vernon Dursley's breath catch in his throat and his heart stop just for a moment, were the man's furiously blazing eyes. They were the eyes of a murderer, a mad man.

„LET THE BOY GO! RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT!"

TBC

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Please feed the Muse! Leave a review!


	8. I Will Fight All Your Monsters

**A/N:** Hi. Sorry for the delay. Writing this chapter was difficult for me in a lot of ways, but here it is. It's a little short, but there was no way around it, since it's a break in the story and had to end with it. Here it is...

Warning:Someone will get hurt in this chapter. If you are a huge fan of the Dursleys, don't read any further!

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**Chapter 8 - I Will Fight All Your Monsters  
**

„_LET THE BOY GO! RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT!_

Harry felt the strangest mixture of dread and relief, when he heard Sirius voice. His first thought was, that he was safe, that Sirius wouldn't let his uncle hurt him any further. The second one had him back in panic. There was nothing Sirius could do. No one could do anything against Uncle Vernon. He was too strong. Too big. He had the power to squash you with his hands. He wanted to yell at Sirius to get out, to run... He didn't want Uncle Vernon to hurt him. Not Sirius. Not his one and only friend. But maybe Sirius wasn't here to safe him. Maybe his uncle would tell him, what a disgusting freak Harry was and he would leave and would never want to see Harry again...

Harry's thoughts were running in a hellacious riot. And he couldn't really see much in the dimly light of dusk filtering through the kitchen curtains. Uncle Vernon hadn't turned on the lights, and he had lost his glasses, when his uncle hat hit him so hard he had sent him flying. But he could hear Sirius voice. He was there. A blurry dark form against the back door.

„I won't tell you again." Sirius voice again, quieter but even more dangerous, so different from the voice, that had told him about his parents earlier. „Unhand Harry, or by Merlin, I will make you!"

His uncle just stood there, in the middle of the kitchen, clenching his hand in Harry's hair, pulling at it painfully. At Sirius words, he could feel his uncle tense and loosen his grip a little. But it only lasted for a moment, then the hold on his scalp was back even more forcefully.

„W-we have no money in the house! A-and my wife will call the police!" Uncle Vernon's normally so imperious voice came out a little squeaky.

Sirius made a step forward, and Uncle Vernon tried to retreat, pulling Harry in front of him.

„I don't know what you want from us... we don't... you want the boy? You can have the boy! He's nothing! Take him. He's still a little young, but..."

There was a furious sound almost like a growl as Sirius took another step forward and Uncle Vernon's back hit the fridge.

„Yes." Sirius snarled. „He is still very young. But that hasn't bared you from beating and torturing him, has it, you bastard?"

Vernon tried to sidle along the counter towards the door, but Sirius followed him like a predator follows his prey.

„W-What are you talking about? WHO are you?" Uncle Vernon's attempt at righteous outrage, sounded somewhat feeble.

But Sirius didn't seem to hear what he was saying anyway. He closed in, still talking in that deep, dangerous growl. „Is that what you have done to him, in the last seven years? Hit him and abused him!? He's JUST A CHILD!!"

„HE'S A FREAK!!" Uncle Vernon yelled, and Sirius moved so fast, Harry only saw a blur. There was a loud smashing sound and a howl of pain as his uncle fell backwards, dragging Harry with him, while trying to stay upright. He was clutching his nose, but still trying to hold on to Harry.

His uncle tried to keep Harry in front of him, holding him between himself and Sirius. But Sirius grabbed Harry round the middle, kicking at Uncle Vernon when he wouldn't let go. One more kick and a shout from Uncle Vernon, and Harry felt himself being lifted away from his uncle's clutches. Sirius pushed him behind his back, shielding him from Uncle Vernon.

With weak knees Harry stumbled backwards. Crouching on the floor against the cabinets on the far side of the kitchen, he felt around for his glasses frantically. There was a loud crash, as something – probably Aunt Petunia's crystalline fruit bowl – smashed to the ground, and more groaning and his uncle shouting. The light in the kitchen was so dim by now, he could only see two dark forms, making Harry panic in his half-blindness. He could hear struggle and something hard hitting the counter. And Sirius voice, sounding strained.

„You're quite the hero, aren't you? Why don't you try on someone half your size, instead of a quarter?"

Then his hand found his glasses in the far corner, and barely a second later the lights went on in the kitchen. „Vernon! Do you have to punish Harry in the kitch- Vernon! Oh my god, who is that? Vernon!" His aunts abnormally high voice was screeching.

With trembling hands Harry pulled on his glasses. His uncle was on the floor, looking dishellved, blood running from his nose and lip. He was sweating and his eyes were wide in fear. Sirius was looming over him, hair hanging in his face, eyes blazing like madness and sporting two bloody scratches on his left cheek . He stared at his aunt like he couldn't comprehend, where she had come from.

„OH MY GOD! IT'S HIM! IT'S THE CONVICT! THE MURDERER! HE WAS ON THE NEWS!" Aunt Petunia shrieked hysterically. „VERNON!!" She looked frantic. „The police! I-I'll call the police!" She started to rant and nod to herself and scurried out the door to the hall, to where the phone was.

Sirius seemed to hesitate only for a second, then he ran after her. There was a shriek and a loud crash, as something hit the wall and broke, falling to the floor with a clang. Only a moment later Sirius stormed back into the kitchen, still looking wild.

Uncle Vernon was cowering against the fridge, away from him, looking frightened and nursing his bloody nose.

„Harry..."

Harry looked up at Sirius wide-eyed and scared. Sirius seem to sway in front of him for a moment, but then he lifted him up by his forearms and holding him fiercely pressed against his body, crossed the kitchen without a second glance at Uncle Vernon and went out the back door.

Still holding Harry clutched tightly against him, he staggered out in the back yard and fell to his knees near the hedges confining the property.

-

Sirius was shaking like a leaf. With rage, with adrenalin and probably with weakness as well. He was still too agitated to comprehend what he'd just done and the exhaustion from the physical strain and emotional turmoil was pulling at him. Vernon Dursley was a brute of a man.

„Harry..." Holding Harry away from him at arm's length, he looked up at his wide eyes, shining with fear.

„Are you alright?"

The boy gave a little, shaky nod. Always trying to please, not expecting any consideration of his own feelings. That's what the Dursley's had taught his godson.

Sirius looked up at the frightened boy, who seemed even smaller than before. His thoughts were frantic, chasing each other, biting their own tails. What should he do know? He couldn't leave Harry here. He couldn't. But he couldn't take him with him either, could he? Where would they go? He had nothing. No future. No home. On the run, dementors at his back... He couldn't do that to Harry. But he _could not_ leave him here. He wouldn't do that to him either. No way. He knew what it was like, he knew... and Harry wouldn't grow up like this. Not any longer.

For the first time in a long, long time, Sirius thought of Remus. How he wished he would be here now. Calm, rational Remus, who always knew what to do. But Remus was lost to him too, because of his own stupidity. Because of his own stupid faults...

_...This I promise._

Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, he had made a promise. Then he opened his pale blue eyes and met Harry's green ones.

„Harry. You have to listen to me now. I won't be able to stay here." Harry's eyes grew even larger at that, filling with sadness and dispair. Sirius rushed on. „I want to! But I can't. There is a lot about me, you don't know... and right now we don't have the time for me to tell you."

He stopped, swallowing against the lump in his throat, looking at Harry with desperation.

Harry raised his eyes to meet his „Is it true what my aunt said? Are you..."

„A murderer? No, Harry. I swear!" He looked down for a moment, but met Harry's eyes again with his next words. „Yes. I have been in prison. And I escaped. I escaped to find you, Harry, because I was afraid you were in danger! But I haven't killed anyone, Harry. I swear to you that I never did that! I didn't do what they accused me of."

He paused again. A last time. This was it. „I have to leave tonight. Now, Harry. And I can't make that decision for you, maybe you don't want to, but... I really want you to come with me." He looked at him imploringly.

„You do?" Green eyes brimming with tears and shining with awe and disbelief.

„Yes, Harry. I don't know where yet, but... I'll find a way. I swear to you, I'll never hurt you. I'd give my life to protect you, Harry."

„Okay." Harry smiled shyly at him.

„Okay?" It was a mere, almost disbelieving breath.

Harry nodded fervently, clutching at Sirius threadbare robes. „I want to come with you."

-

There he was, a wizard convict on the run standing in his prison robes in the middle of a Muggle street in a London suburb, next to his godson, Harry Potter, holding his hand, and just about to kidnap the most famous boy in the wizarding world. Maybe he had gone mad in Azkaban after all.

TBC

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A/N: **Okay, a few explanatory notes...** First, some of you didn't want a violent Sirius. But there was no way around it. I'm sorry. In the face of Harry's abuse this Sirius would lose control. Secondly, you might be a little confused about the lack of actual description. Well, you see, that's where I tried to pull off something really clever. By taking Harry's perspective – which is the more interesting one, anyway, we all know what Sirius is thinking – and obscuring his vision, I tried to spare Harry witnessing too much of Sirius outburst. Because no matter how much Vernon might deserve it, Harry would be traumatized by the one person he starts trusting, acting practically like is abuser himself.

That said: Please review! I really would love to hear what you think!


	9. And Shield You From Foes

**A/N:** So, my first week of exams is done and I have another chapter for you. I just wanted to thank all of you who reviewed the last one, I was amazed I got that many and your kind words have been really uplifting! Thank you so much!

And now, on with the plot...

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**Chapter 9 – And Shield You From Foes**

What the fucking hell would he do now?

_First, get away. Just... get out of here! You can think about the details later._

He had not planned to kidnap Harry out of the house of his relatives, in the dark of the night. _Well, it was probably better than in the light of the day, but..._ He really had no time for this. He needed a plan and he needed it now.

_Somewhere you know, the farer away the better. Put distance between you and Harry and this godforsaken house... _the freight yard. It wasn't far. It was a good place to hide. Their best bet for a fast ticket out of here, and it wouldn't be a too obvious place to look, neither for the muggle police nor for the Ministry Aurors.

He looked down at Harry. He still held the little hand of the boy in his and had felt him shiver. It was the beginning of September, still summer. But the nights got cold already and Harry didn't wear more than a t-shirt. He needed a cloak. Or a coat... Sirius gazed at the back door. _Well it can't be helped, can it? _He looked down at Harry and reassuringly squeezed his hand.

„I'll just go and grab a few things, alright Harry? I'll be back in a second." He said, trying to make his voice sound casual.

Then Sirius turned around and went back into the house. The kitchen was empty. Only the shattered glass on the floor still bearing witness to what had happened. Vernon Dursley was nowhere in sight. _All the better... _He went out in the hall. There was a coat-rack, with different garments hanging from it, all too big for a boy of Harry's height, but that wouldn't really matter. He grabbed a coat in a dark blue, that would reach to Harry's knees, but also had a hood. That might come in handy while they were trying to remain undetected. On a second thought he grabbed another longer one in a forest green as well. His prison robes were a little thin after all, and he always was so cold...

Suddenly he heard Petunia's voice, frightened but somewhat haughty at the same time. „I called the police and they'll be here any minute."

Sirius looked at her, trying to find out if she was lying. He had smashed the muggle-phone, but he was not sure, that there was not another in the house. He raised his eyebrows at her.

„You are one of them, aren't you?"

Her voice was shaking, and Sirius mused for a moment if she actually recognized him. She'd been at James and Lily's wedding, if only briefly. But then he might have looked different as James best man. Younger. More carefree... before he lost all his friends and spent seven years in the company of his worst nightmares.

„Of them?" He croaked out somewhat belatedly.

„Of those freaks!" Petunia spat. „Like my sister!" She pressed her thin lips together.

Sirius took a step closer to Petunia, getting in her private space and starring at her down his long elegant nose. „You better shut the hell up! I've never hit a woman in my life, but by Merlin, I've never been this tempted either..."

That's when his eyes got caught on a purse lying on the little table that formerly had held the phone-thing. He smirked.

„I think it's just fair, that you pay me some expanses, don't you think?"

And with that he took the muggle paper money from the purse and shoved it into the only pocket in his robes, that had no holes in it. Petunia just stared at him caught between anger and fear.

In the door Sirius turned around and fixed her with a cold stare.

„I'll take Harry with me, and you'll never again get the chance to lay a finger on him. How you could do that to your own nephew..." He broke of. „He's eight years old. Whatever your problem was with Lily, he's an innocent little boy and you tormented and abused him! Who are you calling freaks? I'm not even sure you are a human being."

Petunia flinched a little at his words, but then haughtily and maybe a little defiantly raised her chin.

Sirius turned around without another word and left Number four, Privet Drive for good.

-

Harry was frightened. He was wearing Dudley's new coat. He had told Sirius, that it was Dudley's and that he was not allowed to wear it, but Sirius had said he was now. Sirius didn't seem to worry much about rules. Like right now, they were shuffling along the tracks, where the freight trains normally rattled along, and Harry knew it was forbidden to do so. Especially now in the dark when it could be really dangerous.

Sirius was a big black dog again, nudging him with his cold nose ever so often, which made Harry feel a little better. Still, he was afraid. It was late, and he didn't know where they were going. He had wanted to come with Sirius. It wasn't like any of the Dursleys would miss him. And Sirius had said, that he would never hurt him and Harry believed him. Sirius had even beaten Uncle Vernon to protect him. He must be really strong.

But he was getting tired now, and his feet hurt and he wondered where it was that Sirius was going. He had said that he had escaped from prison, and his aunt had said, that the police was looking for Sirius. Harry was afraid what might happen if they got caught. Then Sirius would get imprisoned again and he, Harry... what would happen to him? Would they bring him back to his aunt and uncle? Or would he be put in prison too? If so, he just hoped it would be the same prison Sirius was in, at least then they would be together.

***

It was late in the night when the wizard was woken by a sudden knock on his door. He was a light sleeper and sat up in his bed startled. Reaching for his wand on the nightstand, he muttered 'Lumos!'. Another knock followed and the wizard scrambled out of his bed. „I'm coming, I'm coming..." he mumbled as he trudged down the stairs.

When he opened the door he was surprised to see on his threshold no one else but Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy.

„Albus." He said blinking slightly confused. „What time is it?"

„I'm sorry to disturb you, Remus, especially so late in the night. But things have happened that require immediate attention."

Remus Lupin frowned at Dumbledore's serious voice but was instantly fully awake. „Of course. Please, come in. What is it?"

Remus led Dumbledore into the sitting room, where he lit the fireplace with a flick of his wand. His offer for tea was declined and Remus face grew even more worried when Dumbledore sat down in one of the armchairs by the fire with an audible sigh.

The old wizard waited for his former student to take a seat as well, before he spoke.

„You know of course that Sirius Black has escaped."

Remus nodded. It had after all been the only thing the Daily Prophet had been reporting for the last days.

„I didn't want to draw you into this, seeing that the two of you were such close friends."

Remus face hardened immediately. „That was a long time ago. Before..." He broke of, knowing he didn't have to finish his sentence. Dumbledore knew what he was referring to. The greatest betrayal imaginable, in which one of his best friends had killed his other two.

Dumbledore nodded. „I know. But I would still think you'd rather not get involved."

„So why are you here then, asking me to do just that?" Remus asked looking calm but tense. „That is after all the purpose of your late night visit, isn't it?"

„It is indeed." Dumbledore nodded.

„Why now? Sirius has escaped a week ago already. Why do you want me to help now?"

„Because of Harry."

Remus froze, starring at Dumbledore. His heart was suddenly beating like it wanted to jump out of his chest. "What... what about Harry?" he croaked, his throat dry.

„It looks like Black has kidnapped Harry last night out of the house of his aunt and uncle."

Remus clenched his jaw. He had accepted seven years ago, that he had never really known Sirius Black. He had accepted, but never understood. But this... How could Sirius sink that low? How could the boy who had lived and laughed and pulled pranks with them, who had practically been adopted by the Potters in his sixth year, who had seemed to despise the dark arts more than anyone else he knew, how could that boy become the man who sold his best friend to death, killed another and now robbed his own godson out of his home to... to do what exactly? What did Sirius want with Harry?

Remus raised his head and met the startling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore. „Why?" he asked.

Dumbledore sighed. „An excellent question. I wished I had an answer. If it was Harry's death he wanted he could easily have killed him right there and then."

„Did somebody else get hurt?" Remus asked.

„Harry's uncle. It looked like Black had beaten him up rather brutally. It was hard to get the whole story. Lily's relatives aren't very comfortable with the wizarding world."

Remus frowned. „I know. Her sister attended James and Lily's wedding. I think it was the only time I've met her, but she was rather... rude, to be honest."

„Ah yes." Dumbledore nodded with a small smile. „I think I might know, how you got that impression. Nevertheless they have taken care of Harry for the last seven years. I'm only glad, his uncle was not injured too severely."

„You said Sirius beat him up. No magic?"

„No. It seems Mr. Black has not been able to obtain a wand yet."

„Small mercies." Remus mumbled.

„Indeed. But at least he won't be able to apparate. The Ministry is trying to monitor all the other magical transportation systems, as well as the muggle ones. But so far without any success. They are searching the London area now, that he has been sighted. But I have the feeling he won't stay there. You can say a lot of things about Sirius, but he is very very smart."

Remus noticed, that it was the first time Dumbledore had called Sirius by his first name. The name he would have used before... Maybe calling his former student 'Black' – a name that held a whole different reputation – was his way to distance himself from the young wizard he once had cared for and trusted. Remus was startled out of his musings by Dumbledore's voice, as he spoke again.

„I came to ask you for your help Remus, because all disappointments aside, you are the one who knows him best." Dumbledore said kindly.

„I think one can undoubtedly say, that I didn't know Sirius at all." Remus didn't allow himself the comfort of calling his former friend by anything other than his name. It reminded him of his own shortcomings, of his own foolishness, and it let the hate he now held for the man fester.

„Still. You might have an idea, where he would go, what he would do to hide."

Dumbledore looked at him searchingly, and Remus knew that this was the moment of truth. He had never told anyone. What was the use really, of confessing how he had betrayed Dumbledore's trust as a boy, by leading his friends into crime, when all of them were dead now and the last one was locked away for the rest of his life?

But now he wasn't. Now Sirius had taken Harry, and Harry's safety was all that counted. What would Sirius do to him, to James son?

Remus swallowed, but met Dumbledore's eyes steadily. „Sirius is an illegal animagus." he said.

***

Harry had fallen asleep as soon as they had settled behind some bags of grain in one of the waggons. The poor kid must have been exhausted from all the agitation and emotional and physical strain. Sirius on the other hand had not been able to breath his first sigh of relief, until the train was moving, rattling along the tracks bound north. It was the direction he had come from, but then that would make the move less predictable.

He still didn't know where to go. He needed a place to hide. Where he could lay low and take care of Harry. It was alright to be on the run, constantly moving, when he was on his own. Just another stray dog, nobody took notice off. But he couldn't do that with Harry. Not only would a small boy on his own draw attention, but Harry needed a home. A place he could feel save...

When Sirius had been a boy he had lived in a house he could never feel safe in. He had never known where the next punishment, the next random beating would come from. If he would be allowed to have breakfast or lunch or dinner, or if he would be confined to his room, writing stupid lines about the purity of blood. Or having to memorize speeches by the noble Salazar Slytherin... There had been insults and loathing cast his way on the bad days. On the good days he'd been simply ignored. But the worst had been the unpredictability. There was no guide that you could follow really. No way to make sure that it didn't happen. So he had always lived in fear. Until he'd finally been able to leave for Hogwarts.

He didn't want that for Harry. He wanted him to be able to feel save and secure and loved. If he would only know where they could go...

His flat in London was out of question, even if it still existed. Number 12, Grimauld Place, his parents house, would probably be empty now. But he never ever in his life wanted to go back there. It would be too predictable anyway. It was his house now after all, first on the Ministry's list to look for the escaped prisoner.

His father had died the year he left school and at some point in Azkaban, although Sirius couldn't say which year it had been anymore, he had been informed by an official, that his mother had died as well, leaving him as the only heir to the most ancient and noble house of Black. His younger brother, Regulus, had died some years ago, in the war, as well. So he was the last one left. He was the last of the Blacks.

It was strange, how he still did not really feel anything about the death of his mother. Or his father, for that matter. Yes, they had been his parents, but they had never been his family. The death of his brother had hit him harder than he'd expected. They hadn't talked in years, but they once had been close, before he had left for Hogwarts. Before Regulus had been ensnared by the believes of his parents.

No, he had made his own family away from his blood relatives. James and Remus and Lily and.... He clenched his teeth. _No, don't think about him. Think about what is important. You still got one family member left. You've got to think about him now._

Settling against the bags, Sirius smiled at his sleeping godson, whom he was holding in his lap. His godson. _His godson... _ He still was a little awed by the thought. _I guess that wasn't what you had in mind, when you made me his godfather, huh James? _

No. Back then he had been a cheerful if somewhat irresponsible young man. After he had run away from his crazy family he had even started to smile more, and it had been more genuine. He had not been wealthy, but well off, with the gold his Uncle Alphard had left him.

Uncle Alphard.

Now, there was a thought...

TBC

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	10. I Will Hold You

A/N: Exams. They are not very recommendable. Five hours a day, four days a week, two weeks long. I can't really move my hand all that well anymore. So, you may excuse my slightly longer breaks between updates.

Thanks again for all your reviews! They brighten up my days and my long working nights...

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**Chapter 10 – I Will Hold You **

Harry wondered why his cupboard was rocking. He fought his way through layers of sleep and noticed something else that was strange. His head was resting on a pillow. A not very soft but _warm _pillow. Harry opened his eyes and blinked through his slightly lopsided glasses. He looked at a pair of fairly long legs in tattered pants and bare feet, that were really dirty and a little bloody. And lots of brown jute bags. Harry frowned. Then it all came back to him. Sirius. His uncle. Their flight and the freight train.

Harry closed his eyes again, trying not to move. He didn't want to think, didn't want to worry. He just wanted to stay like this. He was lying with his head in Sirius lap and he now felt the weight of the older wizards hand on his shoulder as well. It felt really good. For a second Harry had before his eyes, the vivid picture of the mother and son, he had watched feeding birds in the park a few days ago. Harry had never been hugged or touched in any even remotely loving way. Resting his head on Sirius thigh felt almost too bold. But he wanted to stay like this so very much. He wanted to believe that he was safe here. He wanted to pretend that someone loved him for just a little longer. So he tried to stay very still and not wake the wizard.

After a few minutes of quite indulgence, Sirius suddenly twitched and Harry heard a choked moan. He froze, expecting to be pushed aside. But instead Sirius started to shift a little and mumbled something. It was so faint, that Harry almost didn't catch it.

„No. No please... don't..."

Sirius stiffened underneath him and there was something like a sob.

„...hurts... please stop...No! Please!... Father!"

The last words were almost shouted out, and Sirius shot up with a start, looking wildly around him.

Harry had retreated from his former position and knelt next to him, looking at him fearfully and probably without realising it clenching Sirius dirty robes in his small fists.

„Did you have a bad dream?" Harry whispered. And Sirius looked down at him, somewhat startled, as if he hadn't seen that Harry was there until now.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself and gave Harry a shaky smile. „Yes." He said softly.

„I have them too." Harry whispered like he was afraid, that someone would overhear them. „What was yours about?"

„I... can't remember." Sirius mumbled, looking away.

Harry cocked his head a little in a way that reminded Sirius strangely enough of Remus. „You called for your dad!"

Sirius frowned at him and Harry bit his lip, trying to look anywhere else than at Sirius. He didn't know why he had said that. Why had he said that? Now Sirius was angry with him.

But Sirius just sighed and closed his eyes. „He was not a very nice man." He stated.

„Did he beat you..." Harry whispered, still not looking at Sirius.

But Sirius looked at Harry, pain in his eyes. Not so much for himself. His wounds were old, he'd borne them for a long time and had almost got used to them. But Harry was still so young. He was so vulnerable, and he'd been alone for all those years. Maybe he needed to know, that he wasn't. That he'd never really been. Quietly Sirius reached out and stroked over Harry's dark tussled hair. His voice was soft when he answered.

„Yes."

Harry looked up at him then, eyes full of torment and despair. „Was it because you are a freak?"

Sirius shook his head, not taking his eyes from Harry's. „It wasn't because I'm a wizard. They... my parents... were wizards too. But I was still different from them, and they hated me for it. They told me I was an embarrassment and a failure. I never really understood it, but I believed them. I believed I deserved what they did to me. They weren't nice people, Harry. Like your aunt and uncle. People often are mean to others who are different. But it's not our fault. You have done nothing to deserve what your aunt and uncle did, Harry. You are not a freak. They are the bad people. They are wrong ...not us. Do you understand that?"

Harry nodded and ducked his head. It would take more than that to erase seven years at the Dursleys, that Sirius knew. After all he hadn't believed John Potter at first either.

***

When the train arrived at its approximated destination it was still early morning. Sirius got up from his hunched position, groaning as his bones and muscles complained. His shoulder had started to bleed again, when he had fought with Vernon Dursley yesterday and was now in pure agony. It was a good thing he had been trained to live with agony his whole life. He scuffled towards the sliding door of the waggon and peeked out through the gap between two of the planks. He couldn't see much, besides an overcast sky and more freight waggons. He had no idea where they were, but they had to get out of here, before somebody started to unload.

He beckoned Harry towards him, and slowly slid the door open. There was no one in sight. Sirius jumped out of the waggon, only wincing slightly when his bruised feet hit the ground. He then turned to Harry and held up his arms to help him down as well. After another quick glance around Sirius crouched down in front of his godson.

„Okay, Harry. I'll have to transform again, okay? I am too easily recognized as a human, and they won't look for a small boy and his dog." He reached inside his pockets and pulled out some muggle paper money. „Here, take that. We'll have to find us some breakfast, and I won't be able to pay." He gave Harry a grin that would probably have frightened him, if he had still seen him as the fierce and rough stranger he had met only days ago. „Oh, and keep your hood up! The Aurors might already be looking for you." And with that he turned into a shaggy black dog.

„What are Aurors?" Harry asked, but Sirius was once more a dog and just cocked his head at him. Then he got up, wagged his tail once and nudged Harry's arm.

„Okay. Just lead the way."

The small boy and his big black dog stumbled along the tracks, past waiting freight trains and abandoned waggons towards the unknown city.

-

They found a Coffee Shop that was already open and Harry tried to understand Sirius instructions about what to buy while he was a dog. Sirius had stopped in front of the muffins, so Harry had told the sales girl he wanted a muffin. The dog gave a small bark and wagged his tail against Harry's leg.

„Ehm... two muffins." Another bark and three more hits with the tail. „I mean three muffins..." The same reaction. „Or I think I'd like... six muffins?" This time the dog stayed quiet and Harry gave a small sigh of relief.

The girl looked at him strangely and asked what kind of muffins he'd like. Harry looked at Sirius, but the dog just cocked his head and didn't oblige. In the end Harry bought chocolate, blueberry and banana-nut, because he didn't know what Sirius would prefer and they all looked good. He also bought six different sandwiches and two bottles of water. After that the dog seemed satisfied and the girl behind the counter stared at Harry like he was crazy.

The dog gave a wheezing sound that almost sounded like a laugh. Harry's head was bright red and he didn't dare to look the girl in the eye when he gave her the money for their food.

When they were back out on the street. The dog grabbed Harry's sleeve with his teeth and pulled him in a deserted back street. When Harry raised his eyes from his shoes he looked in the grey-blue eyes of Sirius, the wizard. The eyes looked concerned.

„What's wrong?" He asked.

„Nothing..." Harry mumbled. „I... I guess I'm just stupid. I didn't know what you wanted."

Sirius crouched down in front of Harry and took him by his shoulders. „Harry. You are not stupid. I am the stupid one. I should have told you before I transformed, what you should buy. Although I have to admit it was kind of funny, we were probably the weirdest customers that poor girl had seen in a while..." He chuckled.

Harry looked at him astonished. „You...you thought it was funny?"

Sirius frowned. „Well, yeah... didn't you?" When Harry didn't answer immediately Sirius winced. „I'm sorry Harry, I guess it was a little embarrassing for you. I should have really discussed with you what to buy before we went in there. I apologize."

If possible Harry's eyes grew even wider. „You ap-...?" He looked at Sirius confused. „A-aren't you mad?" he whispered.

Now it was Sirius turn to look confused. „Why would I be mad?"

„Because I didn't know what you wanted and I didn't do it right..." Harry mumbled not looking at Sirius.

It was an instinctive reaction, and Sirius had no idea if it was the right thing to do, but he pulled the boy towards him and hugged him. „You did perfect, Harry." He said. „You understood what I meant, even though I couldn't really tell you. And there was no way you could have known what I wanted without me telling you, was there? I'm not mad at you. I wouldn't be mad at you, even if you hadn't understood me. It wouldn't have been your fault."

At first Harry stiffened, but then he snuggled against his godfather. He was confused and somehow overwhelmed. Sirius was hugging him! He almost didn't hear what he was saying. „Uncle Vernon always said I should know what they want. He said I was stupid for not knowing." He mumbled at Sirius chest.

„Yeah, well... your uncle is a stupid git." Sirius said, trying to sound casual while he again regretted that he hadn't hurt Vernon Dursley even more. Much, much more. But then he felt Harry smile against him and he didn't think about Uncle Vernon anymore. He was just really happy, that Harry was with him.

***

„Hello? Is that the police? I have your number from the newspaper. I just wanted to report something. I think I have seen that escaped convict... yeah, here in Manchester. I'm working at the freight yard, and I think I've seen him there with a little boy... So, do I get a reward or something?"

***

In the Ministry of magic a purple telephone was ringing. It was the only telephone in the whole building and it stood on the desk of Rufus Scrimgeour, Head of the Auror office.

The middle-aged man behind the desk was often said to look rather like a lion. He had a mane of tawny hair and keen yellowish eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. He held himself with a somewhat rangy grace and gave the immediate impression of shrewd intelligence and toughness.

At the ringing of the purple phone he raised one of his bushy eyebrows.

The purple muggle construction, rang only on one occasion. If there was a notification from the muggle police chief, concerning a matter that was subject to the jurisdiction of the magical community. Since the co-operation strategy of the Auror office and the muggle police was mainly to ignore each other this was a rather rare occurrence. But in the last few days the purple phone had rung more often, than in all his years on the job combined. Then of course it wasn't every day that the public enemy number one escaped from his high security cell.

Scrimgeour picked up the receiver and held it to his ear. „Yes?" He asked.

„He has been sighted. Manchester. In the freight yard. With a little boy."

„Thank you."

***

After a while Sirius pulled back from his godson and looked at him searchingly. „Alright? Let's get back to the freight yard. I think it's still a good place to hide, and we might be able to catch a train in the right direction."

From the signs in the streets, Sirius had reasoned, that they had to be in Manchester. It was a city he never really been to before, but it was on their way to what he had decided would be their destination.

„Where are we going?" Harry asked with a shy look at Sirius.

„Further north." Sirius answered. Then he smiled. „I haven't been there since I was around your age, but if it's anything like I remember, you'll like it."

TBC

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**A/N:** I know, more angst. Please don't be mad. If every thing would just dissolve in complacence, there would be no story, and then were would you be? Just trust me. I love a happy ending too ;-)

So feed the muse and give me a review! Pretty please?


	11. And Always Care For You

**A/N: **Thanks again for all the lovely reviews! I feel really proud to get this update out. I'm totally exhausted. Two weeks of exam took their toll and I'm currently staying in bed with a massive head cold. Still, my boyfriend became my biggest fan and was pestering me the last days to no end. So here it is, ans it's even quite long...

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**Chapter 11 - And Always Care For You  
**

While they walked back to the freight yard, Sirius was almost in a good mood. He had a plan now and that always made him calmer. Okay... so he had no real idea how to go about the details. He had never been too good with that. That had always been Remus part.

Even back in school it had mostly been Sirius, who had come up with one outrageous idea for an even more spectacular prank after the other. He would have wild ideas of what to do and then Remus would start to ask questions. 'How will you get into the Slytherin common room?' 'How will you distract Filch?' 'How will you get Snape to drink Polyjuice Potion?' „Details, details..." Sirius would say loftily, but then he would sit down with James finding a solution for every problem Remus had detected in his plan, often enough even with Moony's help. Although he had limited said help to dropping ominous hints after he had been made prefect in fifth year.

Thinking of Remus brought back melancholic thoughts. He wished he could talk to his last one remaining friend. Or former friend. He couldn't even blame Moony for believing him to be a traitor. He knew how things must have looked from his perspective. And after all it had been him, Sirius, who had not trusted his friend enough to tell him about the changes James and him had made regarding the Fidelius Charm. He had not trusted Moony anymore, suspicions running high in a time when attacks were almost a daily occurrence. But it had been more than that. Moony had distanced himself from his old friends. He'd been there with them, but he had started to avoid questions about what was going on in his life, apart from the Order. Had moved a lot and stopped sharing his current address. Then he'd been away for longer stretches of time without telling him or James where he was going. Yes, Sirius could not blame Remus for believing the worst of him, him having believed exactly the same of his friend. Sirius had thought, that Remus was the traitor. Had not wanted to believe it, but the little voice in the back of his brain kept nagging. 'Don't tell him about the switch, why would you, nobody needs to know, you don't even have to tell Dumbledore.' Yes, he had set the trap up for himself perectly. Peter just had to snap it.

And by that Sirius had lost all his friends in one night. James and Lily through death, Peter – if you could even count the bastard – through betrayal, and Remus through his own stupid distrust. It was his fault. He knew that.

He'd been somewhat lost in his thoughts, but when they came back to the yard, the black dog stopped suddenly alert, almost making Harry run into him. He stood for a moment, nose up in the air, ears twitching. Then he nudged Harry in the side and vanished in the open door of a shack, filled with empty crates and trollies. Sirius transformed and crouched down in front of Harry.

„I might get paranoid, but I have this feeling, like somethings off." he said urgently, looking over his shoulder. „Stay here and wait for me, okay? I have a look around as Padfoot."

Harry nodded, looking worried and Sirius trotted out of the shack in his dog form. He couldn't really say what it was, but as a dog he had a better, or maybe slightly different perception. And something just felt not right. There was something in the air. It almost felt like the reverberation of magic, although Sirius was not sure if there was something like that at all. But when he had walked in the yard, he had got this feeling of walking into a place of magic, he hadn't had for years.

The dog rounded a corner and suddenly there was a man in front of him. Sirius saw the cloak, the clothes and even if that had not been a giveaway, the wand held in the mans hand would have been. Sirius froze. He felt his fur standing up in his panic. Although he had never seen the man before, there was one thing he knew for sure. The man was an Auror.

The man looked at him and let go of a breath he had been holding, chuckling to himself and shaking his head. Then he took down his wand arm. He looked at Sirius with a grin and said „Shoo!"

If a dog could ogle, that's what he would have done. Then he shook himself out of his stupor and ran. His thoughts were chasing through his dog brain. An Auror. How had they found him? But he hadn't recognized him. Didn't they know about his animagus form? Had Moony not told? He went into the shack, transforming for the few seconds it took him to tell Harry, that they had to run.

„I'm sorry, pup. We have to get out of here."

Harry just nodded, his eyes scared. He wasn't one to question, what he was told. So they slowly and carefully crept out of the shack, sticking to the shadows and then the undergrowth along the boundaries of the yard.

-

Gawain Robards looked up at his fellow Aurors John Dawlish, Alan Williamson and Kingsley Shacklebolt, as they met up back in the middle of the yard they had previously searched.

„Found anything?" Gawain asked, and the others shook their heads.

Dawlish grinned, before he said. „I nearly had a heart-attack though! I thought I heard something, coming up on the other side of the waggons, but it was only a mutt." He laughed.

Gawain looked at him, as if he was crazy. Williamson stood with his mouth open and Kingsley raised an eyebrow at Dawlish and asked in a calm voice,

„Would that have been a big black mutt?"

Dawlish looked at him confused. „Yeah, you seen it too?"

Kingsley glared at him. „Where did it went to?" he asked, looking around them nervously.

Gawain got up into Dawlish's face, seething. It seemed to take all his strength to not slap his colleague in the face. „Haven't you read the new report this morning?"

„N-no... the floo-network was down and I was-" Dawlish looked from one to the other, trying to get what they were talking about and what he'd missed.

„Black is an illegal animagus. His animgus form his a big black dog. Dumledore apparently found out last night and went straight to Scrimgeour this morning. There was a report on our desks when we came in today." It was Williamson, who had found his voice again.

Gawain shook his head. „I fucking can't believe this. They will have our head over this. Okay, fan out. If he has seen Dawlish he will have taken off, but he can't apparate. He might still be in the vicinity."

The other men nodded and took off, Dawlish with a head as red as beet.

-

Padfoot and Harry were running. They had taken every corner after they left the yard to shake off any possible pursuer. The area around the freight yard was mostly industrial and so they were rushing over the compound of what looked like a truck company right now. There seemed to be a few lorries being loaded right now, and when Sirius saw the sign on the tarp of one of them, he had an idea. It was just a guess, but it probably was their best bet right now, they had to hide and get out of here, if there was any chance of hitching a ride in the right direction, that was more than they could ask for.

So after a quick look around, Padfoot jumped up onto the bed of the truck and after transforming hauled up Harry. Thankfully the lorry was almost filled with large boxes in different sizes, so that they could crawl to the back and settle down there quite well hidden.

„Are they going to find us?" Harry asked, his voice trembling and his eyes large in his pale face.

Sirius looked at him and tried to give him a reassuring smile. „No. Not if we stay very, very quiet." he said, squeezing Harry's shoulder a little awkwardly.

The hug before had been a spontaneous thing, and it had felt kind of right, but he was still unsure about physical contact. At his home with his parents he had seldom been touched, if at all it had been to initiate pain or degradation. Therefor he had not liked to be touched, even in his first years in Hogwarts. It had taken a while before he could relax in a friendly hug from James or with an arm of Moony around his shoulder. He had never really liked Peter touching him like this. Looking back that should have told him something. But looking back, many things seemed so clear, that he hadn't been able to see back then. Peter's need to associate with people stronger and more popular than him, gaining confidence solely out of these connections. His ability to act all innocent and clueless to get out of a detention. Why hadn't he seen it? Because Peter had always been the underdog, who was only able to keep up with their help? Had he been so arrogant to think, that little Peter Pettigrew would be so thankful for their friendship, that he would never turn his back on them? Maybe. But how could he have suspected honest, righteous, loyal Remus? Had it just been petty anger, that Remus wouldn't trust him with the activity in his life, so he therefor would not trust him back? _I'm sorry Moony, I'm so sorry. I'd wish I could take it back..._

The haunted wizard and the scared little boy huddled in the far corner of the lorry, not daring to speak or make any other noise. There were two muggle workers loading more boxes into the trailer, and they listened to their conversation.

„So you're off back home then?"

„Yeah, have to make a few more turns, but I should make it home to the wife by tonight."

„Well, it's just a few more boxes, then you can pull out."

But suddenly there was a third voice, a voice Sirius knew.

„Excuse me gentleman, I am looking for a little boy, eight years old, black hair, he has a black dog with him. Have you seen him here somewhere today?"

Kingsley Shacklebolt. Sirius and James had been in Auror training with him, all those years ago. A nice enough bloke, but now he was the foe. Unconsciously Sirius pulled Harry closer to himself, and Harry buried his small face in the robes at Sirius shoulder.

„A kid you say? With a dog? Nah... we see to it, that no strangers come onto the grounds, you see. It's all about liabilities today."

Kingsley thanked the men, and it sounded as if he had left. But Harry and Sirius didn't dare to move or speak or even breath töo loudly for the next half hour, until the workers closed the tarp and the driver went round the lorry to head out.

„Who was that?" Harry whispered, when they felt the lorry move backwards slowly.

„An Auror." Sirius answered.

Again the strange word. „What is an Auror?"

„It's like the police for wizards." Sirius explained. „They are looking for me since my escape. And now they are looking for you too. They probably think I have kidnapped you. They want to rescue you from my vile hands." he grinned slightly.

Harry looked at him, eyes wide with confusion. „But... I don't need to be rescued. I want to be with you. I don't want to go back! Do I have to go back?"

Sirius met his eyes with a serious expression. „Not as long as I live. I promise."

-

When the trailer stopped lurching so much from stopping and making turns, but instead seemed to go forwards at a steady speed, Sirius concluded, that they must be out of the city and hopefully heading north, if the inscription on the tarp was any indication. 'Miller Logistics -Carlisle' it had said. Sirius hoped that was where they were going.

He placed the bag with the food in front of them and looked at Harry questioningly. „You're hungry, pup?"

Harry shrugged. Sirius picked up one of the bags and peeked inside at the muffins. He felt his stomach grumble. It had been a while since he had seen, let alone eaten something so sinfully delicious.

„So, which have you got for yourself?" Sirius asked looking at the different sugary goods. Harry looked at him confused. „Which one do you want?" he clarified.

Harry still stared at him uncertainly with his big green eyes. „I get one too?" he asked.

Sirius looked at him like he was crazy. Could it be that the Dursleys had been this cruel? „Of course!" he said, „This is our breakfast. You must be hungry!"

Harry nodded, but didn't elaborate about his choice of muffin, nor did he reach for the bag. But Sirius had been a kid himself and so he handed Harry one of the Double Chocolate Chip muffins.

Harry bit into it almost reverently and Sirius smiled to himself, guessing he and Harry had more in common than one would think at first sight. He took a muffin himself and when the sweet soft texture melted in his mouth, Sirius believed for just one second, that there was still good in the world.

-

The day wore on and they had already stopped two times, unloading a few of the boxes. There were still enough for them to hide, but Sirius knew, that they would soon need to try to drop off undetected. The sun was already sinking and it was getting a little cold in the back. Sirius was holding Harry loosely at his side, his head against his chest and the green coat he had nicked at the Dursleys spread out over him. Sirius absently stroked Harry's black strands out of his face, combing his fingers through the baby soft hair, careful not to wake him.

Unfortunately his efforts were in vain, as it was then, that the lorry again swayed from his course, and after a few moments came to a sharp stop. The engine was cut and they could hear the drivers door being opened and banged closed shortly after. There were steps, but they seemed to depart rather than come around to the back. Sirius waited for a moment, but when it remained quiet, apart from the noise of cars in the distance, he got up and peeked out of the tarp at the back. They seemed to be at a motorway service area. And just behind the trees lining the border to the street, the sun was sinking in a foggy golden orange.

Sirius turned around to Harry. „Come on, pup. This is our stop."

They climbed down from the trailer and after a glance around to see that no one was watching, Sirius transformed. He had heard Kingsley asking the lorry driver about a boy with a dog, so it seemed his secret was out. He felt a short surge of anger at Moony for telling, but he knew it was unfair. Had their positions been reversed, he would have told in a heartbeat, if he had thought Harry was in danger. And of course that was exactly what Remus Lupin was thinking. He thought that he, Sirius, had betrayed his best friends and now kidnapped their son, his own godson. Of course he would think the worst of him. It was only logical. He just wished it wouldn't still hurt so much.

***

Remus Lupin had no idea of the regretful feelings his former friend held for him. After Dumbledore's visit last night he hadn't been able to sleep anymore and had been sitting in the kitchen and later the garden behind his small cottage, brooding. Where would Sirius go? What would he do? Why had he taken Harry? He turned these questions over and over in his brain. Remus was a rational person. He preferred to think logical. And even while he knew that Sirius had always gone about things differently, more spontaneous, more emotional, all this didn't make sense to him.

Remus had never been to Azkaban, but he had heard the stories. It must have changed Sirius, weakened him. He was on the run, had no wand, why would he rush in like this and take Harry? Why not lie low for a while before he took action. Plan the abduction, get a new wand. There were still enough Death Eaters out there, who'd probably help him. But maybe it was right what they said. Maybe Azkaban really made you insane. Remus shuddered at the thought of little Harry in the hands of a deranged murderer. If Sirius had been capable of what he did when presumably sane, what would he do to Harry when he had been robbed of all senses?

It was at that point that Albus Dumbledore's head emerged in the flames of the fire and asked Remus to floo to his office immediately. When Remus stepped out of the fireplace at the headmaster office in Hogwarts, brushing off the soot of his shabby robes, he saw that he wasn't the only visitor.

He only knew Kingsley Shacklebolt from the few times he had seen him with James and Sirius after Auror training, but hadn't seen him in the years since the Potters deaths.

„Hello Remus. Thank you for coming over on such a short notice." Dumbledore said. „I believe you know Kingsley?"

„We've met." Kingsley said, with a short nod at Remus. „Lupin."

„Shacklebolt." Remus gave the same nod back, feeling a little uneasy. After the incidents surrounding James and Lilys deaths Remus had been officially questioned, and not at the least with the help and insistence of Dumbledore, been cleared of any charges. Still there were those, who had known of the close friendship between Remus and Sirius. With the additional fact of him being a werewolf, for most people a reason in its own to mistrust him, many held the suspicion, that he must have at least known something. He didn't know if Kingsley Shacklebolt was one of them.

„So," Kingsley said, obviously taking up a conversation Remus had interrupted, „like I said, Black has been sighted. It was a stroke of bad luck, that he got away. Not every Auror had been up to date about him being an animagus. Still, it's a good thing we know about this know, otherwise it would have been easy for him to slid through our nets. How did you even find out about this now?"

„You know I have my sources, Kingsley." Dumbledore said with a smile.

„He's been sighted?" Remus jumped in. „Was Harry with him? Is he alright?"

Kingsley looked at Remus concerned and almost scared expression. He smiled apologetically at him. „No, we haven't seen anything from Harry. But each time he is sighted, it gives us a hint. He went back north. Manchester."

„Can you think of any reason he would go in that direction, Remus?" inquired Dumbledore in his calm, almost serene voice.

„Manchester? No, that doesn't ring a bell. But then I guess it's quite possible, that he just tried to get out of the London area as fast as he could, and that it was just a coincidence, he ended up there."

They spoke for a little longer, but then Kingsley had to leave to report back with the Ministry. Remus turned to go as well, but hesitated at the fireplace. „I have really no idea what he could want there." he said.

„I know you would tell me if you had, Remus."

„Maybe I can find out."

Dumbledore looked at him questioningly. „Are you sure you want to go there, Remus? You know, I don't expect you to actively participate in this hunt."

„This is not about Sirius," Remus said. „this is about Harry. I owe that much to James and Lily, to try everything to bring their son back home safely."

When Remus went home that evening he swore to himself he would find Harry. Dumbledore was right he had known Sirius. He knew how he thought. When someone could find them it would be Moony.

***

They walked away from the motorway and walked on until dusk. They found a barn, that had a hay stack and settled there for the night. Harry was exhausted and fell asleep immediately. But Sirius still couldn't rest yet.

He went to the little porthole, looking at the rapidly darkening sky. He couldn't see his own star, the one that had given him his name, it would only be seen at this hour in winter nights. But he saw other constellations he knew. As a kid he had loved to look at the stars. Atair in the Eagle, or Daneb and Albireo in the Swan. They had been his friends when he hadn't had any real ones. And now, that he seemed to have come full circle, they gave him a feeling of familiarity. Twinkling down at him, where he stood far from everything he'd ever known, at least the stars were still the same.

* * *

A/N: I know you're probably all curious what this plan of Sirius is. Don't worry, you'll find out in the next chapter.

Please feed the muse and REVIEW!!


	12. We Belong Now

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your lovely reviews!** Thanks especially to hedwigs-biggest-fan, who reviewed every single chapter! I can only say, your support makes me want to write more. And since I have to stay in bed anyway and my headache is better, I wrote the whole day through, and here is a new and again quite long chapter.

It's strange how the chapters with more action end up shorter than the ones that are more calm. But I guess 'He jumped down from the bridge.' is shorter as all the stuff that went through his head before he jumped – black humour, no offence.

I had planned for quite some Remus stuff in this chapter, but it just didn't fit. So more Remus next chapter!

And on with the plot. Enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 12 – We Belong Now**

Harry woke from the sun on his face, as it was shining through the porthole. He was lying on a pile of hay and when he turned on his back, he noticed that Sirius had again draped his own coat over him, after he fell asleep. It was such a simple gesture, but it made Harry feel warm inside even more than on the outside. It almost looked like Sirius really _cared_ for him. But that would be to good to be true, wouldn't it? Harry was well aware, that this thing about Sirius being his friend was probably just wishful thinking on his part. Why would someone like Sirius want to be friends with someone like him? Harry knew that he just wasn't a person that others liked. He didn't know exactly why. He always tried to be nice and helpful, but it never made any difference.

So why had Sirius taken him with him? Had _wanted_ to take him with him? Obviously he was in even bigger trouble than before because of that. Well, he had been friends with his parents – that still gave Harry a tugging sensation in his stomach. And they had made him his godfather. Harry was not sure what a godfather really did, although he liked the word, mostly because of the 'father' in it. He would never tell Sirius that, but since they ran from the Dursleys Harry had a few times played a game in his mind, where he would pretend that Sirius was in fact his father. It was just a daydream of course, but when Sirius did things like tucking him in, or holding him close, or crouching down to be on eye-level with Harry, while talking to him, he could almost make himself believe it for a moment.

But that was just that, silly dreams, only real in his own head. He knew that Sirius didn't want him that way, who would want a stupid and weak boy like him as a son? Sirius probably only felt obliged. He hadn't liked the way the Dursleys had treated him, that had been evident. But that did not mean he was actually glad to be on the run with some stupid little boy. Harry knew he was a nuisance. A burden really, and maybe Sirius was already secretly regretting his actions.

Harry was also unsure, what was expected of him. He still felt more than a little shy with Sirius. The wizard had been very nice so far, but Harry was immensely afraid, that Sirius would maybe tire of him and leave him. He still was scared, that he would say something stupid, or something that would make Sirius angry and that he wouldn't want to have Harry with him anymore.

Looking at his still sleeping godfather, Harry decided to be very careful about what he said, and that he would try to be very very good. Maybe then Sirius would keep him. He just hoped he would be able to do a better job than at the Dursleys, he never managed to satisfy Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia.

-

Sirius woke just a little later, and they had the last two muffins for breakfast. Harry was unusually silent, even more so then the last day, but when Sirius asked him if he felt alright he just nodded. They had started to walk east, through a wide-spreading grove of beeches and birches until they reached the shore of a lake and started to follow it. It was a pleasant day as they come in September, with few fluffy white clouds in a merry blue sky and a fresh little breeze ruffling the leafs of the trees. Birds roistered in the undergrowth, when they heard Padfoot coming, and the water of the lake lapped lazily at the rocky shore.

They had walked for a while now and Harry had kept up surprisingly well, but Sirius was still worrying about him. He had noticed, that Harry's initial reaction would always be to say that nothing was wrong, trying to shift the attention away from him. He never complained, often apologized without reason and seldom asked for anything. In fact the only thing Harry asked of him so far, was to tell him about his parents. The plea had been issued very tentatively and had not recurred ever since. Sirius understood that Harry's upbringing at the Dursleys had made him timid and withdrawn. He had learned to be as unobtrusive as possible and always expected the worst in every situation.

At first it had seemed easier to establish a connection in the form of the big shaggy dog – all kids loved animals after all, didn't they? And although Harry knew of course that the man and the dog were the same, he seemed to be more unstrained with the mutt. Also the dog had always been Sirius disguise, while running around as the haggard looking wizard would have been hazardous. But now, that his secret wasn't anymore and they were out in the country and had not met a single person all morning, it seemed more of an excuse to not adress the issues that might lead them into troubled waters. Sirius wasn't sure what was so frightening about a conversation with his godson. It was not like they _hadn't _talked before. But that had always been more out of necessities. It had been words to built a bridge, and Sirius was scared that he would tear it down again.

Could it be that Sirius Black, King of Gryffindor, known charmer and eloquent prankster... had forgotten how to do small talk?

But Sirius was a Gryffindor after all, and they faced their fears. He knew he could not put it off any longer. The boy was still very much withdrawn and if he took his own childhood as a paradigm, he knew that while he might have gained Harry's initial faith in him, there was a long way to built a real sense of basic trust. There had never been a baby more loved and cuddled, but Harry had probably not experienced any such thing since he had come to live with his aunt and uncle. Was it any wonder, that he was guarded?

-

When they reached a little creek, that bubbled along the rocks with crystal clear waters, Sirius decided this would be the perfect point to take a break. And maybe initiate some of this overdue talk.

He transformed and turned to Harry. „You kept up amazingly, but I think we both could use a break. You're tired? Hungry?"

Harry shrugged, looking at Sirius shyly. „You can tell me when you need something, Harry, okay? When you are hungry, or tired or afraid... or in pain. It's alright to say that. I won't be angry with you because of that. Okay?"

„Okay." Harry said softly.

Sirius filled up their water bottles in the creek. Then he sat down on a flat rock and padded the stone beside him. „Come here, pup." he said, „Have a seat, your feet must hurt."

He held out one of the bottles to Harry and the boy shuffled over, sitting down next to his godfather.

Sirius took the opportunity to loosen his robes and take a look at his shoulder. He winced. The wound was not bleeding any longer, but it looked raw and red, like it was infected. He sighed. There was nothing he could do about it now. He didn't remember that much from his Herbology classes, and he had not time to wander around looking for plants. They had to keep moving, so they would hopefully reach their destination before nightfall. All further medical care would have to wait until then.

Not looking at Harry directly, because he had noticed the boys embarrassment about it, he asked, „How's your back? Does it still hurt?"

Harry studied his feet, his face blushing. Quickly he shook his head. „Are you sure? Please, if you're still hurting Harry, tell me."

Meeting the eyes of his godfather for just a second, Harry whispered, „It's not so bad anymore."

Sirius had taken a look at Harry's back the first night on the freight train. When he had seen the red and purple welts he had almost been sick and then he had cried. Sirius could imagine how they had been put there, even though his own parents had always used magic. The results had been the same. He had never thought he could hate anyone more than he hated Voldemort and Peter Pettigrew, but Vernon Dursley was taking the top. Voldemort was pure evil, he didn't know anything else. Peter was a despicable coward. But Vernon Dursley... and Petunia... Sirius simply had no words for that.

Swallowing he looked at his small, innocent godson. Remembering how much James and Lily had loved the boy, he tried to fight down the guilt and self-loathing, that his actions, his stupidity had ultimately made the abuse of his godson possible. He would not give Vernon Dursley's behaviour any mitigation, by placing the blame on anybody else than this bastard. Once again a small part in him wished he had killed him. But guilt and hate was not what Harry needed now.

He fished for the remaining sandwiches in his coat pockets. They were a little squashed, but he had a feeling, that Harry wouldn't mind. He held the sandwich out to his godson.

„Here, pup, eat something, you must be hungry."

Harry took it with a tentative smile and carefully unwrapped his food. They ate in silence for a while until it was Harry who surprisingly spoke up.

„You have no shoes." he said.

Sirius looked at his bare dirty feet and wriggled them slightly. „Yeah. Must have lost them in Azkaban, or maybe they took them away from me, I can't remember."

„What is Azkaban?" Harry asked, casting Sirius a shy look, while nibbling on his sandwich.

Sirius frowned and looked at Harry for a moment before he answered. „It's the prison I was locked up. It's a special one, only for wizards, out on a rock in the sea."

„Have you been there long?"

„Seven years." Sirius cocked his head. „Why do you ask?"

Harry creased his small black brows. It must sound like forever to the boy, it was after all almost all his life. „You look a little rough." As soon as the words had left his mouth Harry froze like a dear in the headlights.

But Sirius only chuckled, he had after all a rough idea about his appearance. „Not really the place to get a new haircut, Azkaban. And then there's nobody to dress up for besides the dementors."

„What are dementors?"

Merlin, but the boy was inquisitive all of a sudden. Sirius didn't see any use in lying to his godson about the circumstances that had brought them together, but that didn't mean he had to scare him with all the horrific details. „They are guarding the prison." he simply said.

„You wanna know where we are going?" he asked after a moment of silence, trying to steer the conversation into less dangerous waters. „I'd have thought you'd bugged me a lot more by now."

Harry bit his lip, while he looked at him, obviously clueless what the right answer was to something like that. Sirius couldn't want Harry to pester him, could he?

„You don't have to be afraid to ask me, if you want to know something, Harry. You can ask me what ever you want and if I can, I will answer your question. Okay?"

This time Harry's answer came out a little more clearly, but it still wasn't very elaborate. „Okay." Alright, so that would probably be a somewhat longer process. „Shell I tell you a little about the place we are going?"

He waited for Harry's eager nod and then went on to tell him about the little cabin, his Uncle Alphard had built as his hideaway. His Uncle Alphard had been the only decent adult family member Sirius had had as a kid. He was the younger brother of his mother, unmarried and a bit of a weird loner. Sirius had always had the impression, that he didn't like people in general, which included his family. He was much more content to 'run around in the wilderness', like his mother had called it. In fact he had been a dedicated bird watcher and fly fisher – of course his parents had ridiculed this as a 'common muggle' activity. His parents had rarely associated with Alphard, and would have probably done so even less had his misanthropy not included muggles, preventing him to be scorned a muggle-lover.

Strangely, his uncle had seemed to take a rare liking in his nephew, resulting in rather thoughtful if somewhat sporadic birthday and Christmas presents and one blissful summer vacation at Alphard's cabin when Sirius had been around Harry's age. In that way, his uncle had earned the love of his nephew, probably in a far bigger amount than it had ever been returned. After he started at Hogwarts, Sirius had only seen his uncle once. At that point he had thought, that his uncle held the same contempt as the rest of his family for him, as he was the first Black to not go to the noble house of Slytherin. An event that had pushed the disregarding and only slightly abusive relationship with his parents into a crashing downward spiral. Sirius had therefor been more than surprised, when Alphard had left him practically his whole Gringotts vault when he had died in Sirius last year at Hogwarts, together with a rather nice letter, telling him he had always been his favourite nephew and congratulating him to having cut of the vultures that were his family.

While Sirius had gotten a good amount of gold, giving him the means to take care of himself, his brother Regulus had gotten Alphards cabin, which existence had almost been forgotten. Regulus at fiveteen, had been outraged about the unfairness of his uncle to pass all his gold to his previously disowned brother, leaving him only a shabby hut. Alphard had been removed from the family tree, a fate he shared with Sirius, and nobody had ever spoken about him or the ruddy cabin ever again. Sirius knew that Regulus had simply ignored his inheritance, and when he had died shortly before Sirius imprisonment it had fallen with all his properties to their mother, who at that point already had lost most her marbles as far as Sirius had heard. Subsequently the cabin was now Sirius', but since it wasn't a registered wizarding home and hopefully nobody living remembered its existence, it was the safest place Sirius could think of.

The cabin was small, but nice enough, surrounded by old maples, above the shore of a rather ramified lake. It had a huge fireplace that would keep them warm in the cold nights that were about to come, and lots of anti-muggle wards surrounding the vast property, that hopefully would still be in place. It would be a nice place for Harry to have fun and a good place to hide from their pursuers. Deep down Sirius knew, that it wasn't likely to last forever, and he had no idea what would happen when Harry reached school age, but he had to take things one step at a time and for now it would be enough to have a place for him and Harry to rest and get to know each other.

So Sirius went on telling Harry of the lake, where you could fish or row and of course bath in the summer, the vegetable patch where his uncle had grown large pumpkins and raspberries, currants and brambles, and of the old apple tree he had built a tree house in when he had visited as a kid. There were so many memories and most of them happy ones, that Sirius had thought lost. But he noticed, that with every thing he told Harry, his memories became larger and clearer.

-

Harry was glad that Sirius was a man now. At first it had been nice to have the dog running around him, and Sirius was really funny as a dog too, always chasing butterflies, wagging his tail or even licking Harry's hand. But Harry had missed Sirius talking to him. He liked to hear Sirius talk. His voice was deep and calm, not barking like Uncle Vernons or screeching like Aunt Petunias, and it had lost most of his gruffness. He also liked the way he talked to him, asking him questions but not prying for the answers. And he looked at him a lot, but not in the scary way Uncle Vernon stared at him, but with an amused twinkle in his eyes, or sometimes concern. But most of all Harry liked the touches. He was a little embarrassed about these thoughts, but... it was what he always imagined a father would do. Ruffling his hair or lightly squeezing his shoulder. Once Sirius had even picked him up to carry him over another, deeper creek! Harry knew he shouldn't have theses silly thoughts, but he couldn't prevent them.

As the afternoon wore on and the sun began its decline in the west Harry grew really tired. His feet hurt and he didn't know for how long he could walk on. They made another stop at a small clearing and Sirius held out the water bottle to Harry, like he had done without ever being asked to the whole day. Harry drank eagerly as he sat down on a fallen tree.

„Tired?" Sirius asked, and Harry immediately shook his head, standing up from his seat. He would not slow Sirius down, he didn't want him to think that he was weak. But Sirius simply put his hands on Harry's shoulders and pushed him back down.

„Your eyes are practically drooping, pup. It's alright. I'm tired too, we've walked all day." Sirius said, squeezing Harry's shoulders. Harry looked at him questioningly and bit his lip. But it seemed his godfather was getting rather good at reading him.

„What do you want to know?" Sirius asked, rightly guessing, that Harry was pondering something he was too shy to ask. He had become a little more talkative during the afternoon, asking Sirius about this place they were going to, but always being very careful that his words weren't cheeky in any way or could be taken as offensive. But he had wondered about this the whole day and he didn't know how else he could ask.

„Why are you calling me that?" Harry finally mumbled softly, his eyes looking at Sirius uncertainly.

But his godfather didn't take offence, but smiled even wider at Harry. „Why am I calling you 'pup'?" he asked.

„Mhmh." Harry nodded.

„It's funny really, but after you were born, I was at your parents house almost every day. I think it started to annoy your mother a little." He grinned at Harry and he smiled back, eager to hear more about his parents and Sirius. „You see having you was still new for your parents, and they didn't get that much sleep because they were always fussing about you. So when I would stand on their doorstep each evening after work and Lily would roll her eyes at me, I transformed into Padfoot and wiggle past her, trying to avoid a scolding."

„Padfoot?" Harry asked, remembering Sirius having said this before. It sounded familiar, but he didn't know where he had heard it before.

„Yeah. That's what your father and our other friends at school called me, referring to my dog-personality. It's what you called me, when you were little. Or at least you'd started to. You weren't talking that much then."

„I did?" Harry asked, astonished. Maybe that's why it sounded familiar, and he told Sirius so.

Sirius grinned. „Maybe. You're father thought you liked me better as a dog."

Harry shook his head.

„No? Well, that's good to know. I knew James was probably just pulling my leg... Anyway, your Mom was annoyed with me – well, a little, most times she couldn't resist my charming personality. So I would jump around their house as Padfoot, entertaining my favourite godson." At that Sirius playfully tickled Harry at his side and Harry couldn't stop himself from giggling.

„You see, I can't always control my dog instincts all that well when I transform, it's a little strange really. So sometimes I would lick you or something, and when James saw that, he said, 'Padfoot, he's not your puppy, he's a boy, you know that, don't you?' Well, from that on they would always tease me with that. 'Look at Padfoot and his little puppy.' James would say or your Mom might ask 'Sirius, could you let go of your pup for a second so I can feed him?'" Sirius smiled fondly. „I guess it stuck, and after a while you simply became my pup."

Sirius looked at him with such a bright smile gracing his features, that Harry blushed. It sounded as if Sirius had really liked him when he was a baby.

„I don't have to call you that, if you don't like it." Sirius said quietly.

But Harry shook his head wildly. „No! I... I like it." And he did. Sirius had had his own pet name for him, when he was a baby. And he still remembered. That meant a lot to Harry. He had never had a pet name before. Not if you didn't count 'freak'.

-

After their rest they went on along the shore of another lake now, but Harry soon started to stumble over his own feet. The sun went down, covering the landscape with a golden glow, and sparkling in red and orange on the surface of the lake. Sirius didn't say anything, he just took Harry under the arms and hauled him up. The small and thin boy didn't weigh that much and he was one second from dropping with exhaustion.

Harry gave a little sigh at Sirius neck and he rubbed his back, mumbling „It's alright. Sleep, it's not that far anymore."

In all honesty it was still quite a walk, but there was no real shelter in sight and Sirius didn't want to camp out in the open. So he carried his godson, glad for the moonlight, that made it easier to find his way, when the sun had gone down.

It was almost three hours later, when an exhausted Sirius saw the outline of a roof in the shadows before him. When he came closer it transformed into the only slightly familiar shape of a cabin. It had been twenty years since he'd been here and his memory had faded. But the cabin was still there, sitting a little back from the shore between old maples and lime trees, like he'd remembered. The garden was overgrown and the hut needed a few fixtures, but it still stood.

The small house lay there in the dark looking almost enchanted in the overgrowth of rambler roses, wild wine and brambles, and Sirius knew that this was the right place. This was their start. They would have a home and everything else they would meet in time.

TBC

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You know what the muse needs!

Come on... Tell me what you think. Please?


	13. And I Will Be There

**A/N: **Okay, this chapter concentrates more on Remus and his background with the Marauders. I think it's important to shed light on their history, as it explains the motivations of the characters and gives depth to the story. But don't worry, there's still lots of action planned for further chapters.

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**Chapter 13 - I Will Always Be There  
**

The cabin was the picture of abandonment. It seemed sad that a place that had once brought its owner so much joy had fallen in disgrace like this. But while the thought had a certain melancholy about it, it felt also oddly fitting. A lost place, since a decade forgotten, would become the home of two people who were equally lost. It almost felt, as if the house could be the third party of their league, their confident, sure to keep their secret. And although Sirius was aware, that he had not really known his uncle all that much, he liked to believe that he would have been too.

Hoisting Harry up in his arms, careful not to wake the boy, Sirius made his way around the house. The twines and shrubs had done their best to help the house on his way to be buried in oblivion. It was hard to find the door behind the copse in the darkness. At first Sirius thought it was locked, but than he saw, that it was simply stuck from not having been moved in years and with a little physical persuasion it finally budged.

The inside of the cabin was cloaked in darkness, apart from a a slim silver moonbeam, coming through the opposite window, illuminating a small patch of dusty wooden floor. It made the darkness all around even more eerie. The boards under Sirius feet creaked slightly and there was a soft sound like a swoosh. Sirius stilled and in that moment felt the familiar cold wash over him, freezing the air in his lungs. He pressed Harry against him tighter, trying to take deep breaths and willing his heartbeat to slow. Shadows were dancing in front of his eyes as the rushing in his ears grew deafening. _You're just panicking! Don't be a bloody fool. There are no dementors in the house._

But the words in his head sounded feeble against the tightening in his chest, the frosty fingers that crept up his spine. He felt his knees hit the ground as the icy cold surrounded him, drowned him. The blackness started to creep in on him, sucking the air out of his lungs. He clenched his arms around Harry. _No! No! You can't have him. You can't have Harry. Harry..._ He buried his face in the soft neck of his godson, breathing in the fresh smell of windswept hayfields. _So small, so innocent, so precious. _Sirius? He could hear someone calling his name from far away, but coming closer.

„Sirius?" Sirius drew a shuddering breath, as he became aware of the squirming body he held in his arms. „Sirius!"

Dark eyes came swimming into his vision. The dark fog cleared and he looked at the face of his godson, staring at him wide-eyed in the darkness. „You're squashing me..."

Sirius immediately loosened his grip on the boy. „I-I'm sorry. I didn't... I wasn't aware, I was... holding you so tightly. Did I hurt you?" Sirius hands stroked over the small body, but Harry shook his head.

„No... I just. You didn't hear me." He said in a small voice.

„I-I'm sorry, pup. I was just... absent... for a moment. No need to worry." He gave Harry a shaky smile, but his hands were trembling and the boy did not look convinced.

„I'll make a fire, okay? Then the place won't look so dark." Sirius tried to give his voice some cheerfulness, but the result was lacking.

„It's scary." Harry whispered, pressing a little closer to Sirius.

„I know, pup, but it won't be in a minute. Believe me, there's nothing to be afraid of, okay? And I'm here. I've got you."

Sirius rubbed Harry's back reassuringly while his eyes, now attuned to the darkness, travelled around the cabin. It was filled with old furniture, covered under layers of dust and adorned with equally dusty cobwebs. Nothing scary about that.

***

It was late in the night and Remus sat at his desk, which was cluttered with stacks of parchment filled with notes, issues of the Daily Prophet, old letters and pictures. The whole mess was illuminated by the light of a single oil lamp. The wizard sighed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Remus Lupin was not obsessed. He was simply taking all the facts into account. And the most important fact had been stated by Albus Dumbledore himself. Remus had known Sirius best.

Or he at least knew him best of all those who had survived. A lot of people had a tendency to not do that around Sirius, which you could see if you took a look on the death count of the Order of the Phoenix. Remus sighed. He knew that was inequitable. They had fought a war, and people died in wars. It was just really hard to hold on to his own high moral standards in regard to Sirius Black. If he would have been able to see him just as the Death Eater, Voldemorts man, even the traitor in the Order, betraying those that fought for wizard kind, he might have been able to gain a distance from the man's crimes. But as much as Remus told himself, that he had never known Sirius, that he had not been that person, the friend that Remus would have given his right arm for, maybe even his life... he could not get rid of the memories.

When ever he thought he had finally come to terms with it, some odd memory would struck him. Not even the important ones. But the small ones. Like the first night at Hogwarts, when Remus had woken up from a nightmare and an eleven year old Sirius had sat on the side of his bed, holding out a Chocolate Frog. Or how he would hand Remus his own fur-lined gloves on a harsh winter day in Hogsmeade, claiming that he would die from a heat stroke if he wore them one minute longer. Or how he had shown up on the Lupins doorstep the evening of the first full moon after graduation, utterly exhausted, because he and James had already been engrossed in Auror training, laughing at Remus surprised expression and asking him, if he thought, that just because they were out of Hogwarts, he would miss out on all the fun.

Those moments would leave Remus agonizing about how it could be. How the mischievous but gentle boy, how the scoundrel with the soft heart could have done... THAT. Had he been such a brilliant actor? Or had something happened that had destroyed everything that once had been Sirius Black, without any of them knowing? Remus would never know, and never understand, and therefore he hated Sirius with all his heart, because he had loved him and that was something he would never be able to forget.

They had been four. Four friends forever, the Marauders. And it pained Remus to think, how he had sometimes excluded Peter, if only in his mind. Peter had been a sweet boy, if a little overeager. And although James had sometimes looked at him more like a mascot or a pet than an equal, Peter had been drawn to James, the golden boy, like a moth to the flame. No wonder he had flipped when he had been murdered. But to go after Sirius... who would have thought little Peter capable of that? And Sirius had killed him. The man Remus thought of as his best friend, had killed little Peter.

Remus had loved James. For his unwavering acceptance and fierce loyalty. And for his enthusiasm and cheerfulness. James had been the lucky one of them. Showered in love and reassurance from the day he was born, talented, popular, brilliant at Quidditch. He had even managed the impossible and had stolen the heart of Lily Evans, when all odds were against him. Sirius on the other hand had been better looking, in the same casual way he seemed to do everything. He had been as bright and confident and mischievous as James, but he had been the darker one. A little mysterious. There were always rumours about him and his family, and Remus knew that some of them had been true. Remus hated to admit it, but it might have been this darkness he could see there, that had drawn him to Sirius more than to James, seeing in him more of an equal. Someone who struggled as well, even if he did a brilliant job in hiding it.

It had seemed impossible, that of all of them James would be the first to fall. People like James and Lily lived forever, happily ever after, or so Remus had thought. But life had not complied to be a fairy tale. There had been a snake in their midst and happily ever afters had never come.

But while Remus didn't believe in happy endings anymore, he could not stand by and see the last glimmer of hope extinguished. He might not have been in Auror training with James and Sirius - as a werewolf he had not a chance in hell to ever be employed by the Ministry. But after all he was supposed to be the scholar. The one who could research everything and ultimately find the answer. And the answer had to be there. Whatever it was that Sirius was planning, Remus had to believe that there were reasons and logical connections to be found. There were many questions that needed answers. What did Sirius want with Harry? Where was he going and how had he been able to escape in the first place? Why now? Had he had help? Was someone still helping him? Somehow Remus doubted it. The whole circumstances of the attack on the Dursleys and the abduction of Harry spoke against it.

But maybe that was the right place to start. Remus had read enough muggle novels to know that the first thing in an investigation should always be to visit the scene of the crime.

***

Sirius had made a bed for Harry on the couch, with some old blankets he had found in a cub-board in the bedroom. There was a rather big bed in there as well, but the room was even more chilly and mouldy than the living-room, where Sirius had after a few attempts managed to light a fire in the old fire place. He had to do it muggle-style, something he had in fact learned from his uncle, who always said Sirius had to be prepared in the wilderness, especially being underage and not allowed to use a wand. Muggle Studies on the other hand didn't come in too useful, after all, which wizard had odd little wooden fire-sticks in the house? He had once shown this ability to his friends. James hadn't been too impressed with his 'rubbing wood together and blow on it'. It had seemed rather complicated and time-consuming to his friend when you could just point your wand and say an incantation. But Remus had found it quite nifty.

Now Harry lay sleeping on the old couch in front of the fire, wrapped in blankets. He looked peaceful, with his hair falling over his eyes, the light of the flames dancing over the pale smooth skin of his little boy face and his long black lashes casting shadows on his cheeks.

Sirius took another blanket and draping it over himself, stretched out in the armchair opposite his godson. He watched the small boy sleep, thinking where they would go from here. He felt, like he had made progress in forming a bond with Harry and it might become more easy now, that they weren't running anymore. But there were other, more basic problems like providing food and clothes and making sure they weren't found. And maybe, just maybe putting some thoughts in the impossible task of proving his innocence.

But the strain in his body, the long hike and the thousands of worries had exhausted Sirius to the bones. His eyes began to droop and soon he was sliding over in the soft grey clouds of sleep. The simple exhaustion had pulled Sirius in so deeply, that even his normally nightly visitors couldn't reach him. But when the faint light over the horizon in the east foretold the coming of a new day, he emerged from his almost unconscious state into the lighter realms of sleep.

_He was sitting in the gloomy parlor of his parents home. There were always dark velvet drapes keeping out most of the light. His robes felt stiff and the collar was so high it felt like it was choking him. He felt hot and tried to loosen the collar with sweaty fingers._

_Suddenly his hand was slapped away and his head was pulled back sharply by the hair in his neck. His eyes met the obsidian glittering stare of his mother. „Filth!" she said. The hold in his hair vanished only for her long dark red nails to dug in his cheeks. „Look at you, it's disgusting!" her voice spat. She pushed him backwards against the backrest of the chaise longue. „You're a disgrace! Look at your shoes. Is this the way you want to represent the family?" He looked down at his black polished lace-ups. There was a smudge on the side of the left one. „And what's with your hair?" Another painful drag on his scalp. „I don't know why we don't just lock you in your room, at least then nobody would have to look at you." Her eyes bore into him with undisguised loathing. „Can't you answer, you imbecile? They must have dropped you on the head at St. Mungos. They probably have mixed you up as well, because by Morgana, how I could have born such a pathetic fool is beyond me!"_

_There were giggles coming from the door and when he turned his head he saw two young girls, one blond one dark. The blonde was turning up her nose and looking at him in disdain. The dark one was the one giggling. Her dark eyes were gleaming spitefully. _

_Suddenly there was a man's voice. „Get up!" Fingers were digging in his arm painfully, dragging him up from his seat. His gaze stayed on his mother, as his father turned him with his back to him and pulled down his robes. He heard the slight rustling of his fathers silken robes, as he pulled out his wand. His fearful eyes were pleading, but his mother just turned around disgusted. „Pathetic!" She spat and walked away. The sharp hot pain came down on his back like a whip. It was burning agony, but even more painful was the venom in his fathers voice telling him he deserved it._

_Suddenly there was a hand on his chin, lifting it up and he looked in the boyish face of James at sixteen. _

„_Please! Please help me, Prongs!" he begged. _

_James looked at him reproachfully. „The way you helped me?" he asked, shaking his head. Then he walked away from him. Remus was standing a little to the side and James walked up to him, laying an arm around him. Together they turned around and walked away. _

„_No! James! Moony! Please... I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! Please don't leave me..."_

_The pain came down again, _and with his own scream ringing in his ears he woke up.

He sat up in the chair panting. The fire had gone down in the night, but already there was the greyish light of dawn filtering in through the dirty windows. It took him a moment to notice Harry standing in front of him, looking at him anxiously. Sirius swallowed. He must have woken the pup.

And then suddenly Harry stepped forward, reaching out with his small hand and touching Sirius rough cheek. It was only in that moment that the wizard noticed that they were wet. Harry brushed at his tears cautiously and gave him a tentative smile. Shakily Sirius let out the breath, he had not been aware he was holding, and all the tension seemed to fall off him. He pulled Harry closer to him and the boy slung his arms around his neck, burring his face in the long tangled mess of hair.

***

„This is not about Sirius, this is about Harry." That's what he had told Dumbledore, and Remus would try to keep that in mind. He had seen Harry only once and from afar since that fateful night, but back then Harry had been all that was left of Remus family, and he still was. His _pack_, Sirius had called it, always grinning, and still, Remus had believed that he had really understood. But he couldn't have. You did not go against your own pack and Sirius had.

When the moon set on the morning after Halloween seven years ago, Remus pack was gone and he was left alone. But one thing had remained, when Remus world had simply stopped existing. One person. Little Harry Potter. When Remus had learned about all the events after his transformation Harry had already been with his muggle relatives and Remus had no chance to see him. He knew it was best. Dumbledore had set out all the good reasons, and Remus understood. It wasn't like _he_ would have been able to take care of Harry. He had known that. He was too dangerous. He didn't have a steady job. And as a werewolf, the Ministry would never give him guardianship over a child, let alone the suddenly most famous one in the whole wizarding world. He had known that. But he had still wanted to.

Remus own father had died when he was little, his life destroyed after his child was bitten. His mother had passed away only a year after he graduated. It was strange really, how all of them had lost their parents so young, James, himself, even Sirius, although he had dissociated himself from them already by then. Back then Remus had thought it would bind them together even more, but that had been wishful thinking.

The truth was, that Remus had felt his pack disintegrating before that fateful night. Outside the school Peter had not been the prey of bullies anymore. He had found a nice job at a trading company for magical goods and apart from being a member of the Order, had seemed to drift away from them, having other interests and new peers. James and Sirius of course had seemed to stick together like glue. They were both training as Aurors and shared a flat in London. Even after James married Lily, Sirius had been found at their house more often than at home. That had only increased after Harry was born and Sirius was named his godfather. Sirius seemed to be crazy about the boy, and it pained Remus to think that he had probably already been plotting his betrayal, while cuddling the baby-boy and making silly faces at him.

Remus had started to feel like an intruder. James and Lily were making their own family and while Sirius seemed too preoccupied with other things – like maintaining a double life – to hold on to a girl for longer than a night, Remus had been sure he would settle down soon enough. The thing was, his friends had passed him by when they left school. Remus had gotten as many Newts as James and Sirius, but while they trained for the job of their dreams, Remus was glad to find work somewhere that brought at least food on the table. When he came to visit, James would give him money and as much as Remus appreciated the thought, it shamed him that his friend saw him as a case for pittance. It shamed him even more that he would often take it and he went to Godrics Hollow less and less.

Sirius strangely had a slightly more subtle approach. He seemed to know that Remus hated pity, maybe because he didn't like to be looked at in that way himself. So Sirius would dress it up, like Remus was doing him a favour. He suddenly had all those friends and acquaintances in dire need of help. His former neighbours needed someone to smoke out the magical vermin of their newly purchased manor, and everybody knew there was nobody more capable of that then Remus. His cousin Dromeda had asked him for help planting a huge garden behind her cottage, and Remus had to know that Sirius simply was a failure at herbology. The editor of 'Magical Defence Today' had asked him to write a column, but he simply was so preoccupied with training and Remus had always been so much better with words. The last one strangely enough was still his only source of steady income. After Sirius arrest the editor had admitted, that he knew Remus was writing the column, and asked him if he wanted to keep it up under a pseudonym. It still made Remus slightly queasy sometimes, that he owed the job at least partly to a murderer.

Through the eastern window of his study-combined-bedroom, Remus could see the faint glow of dawn creeping up in the sky. He had to get some sleep before he met the next hurdles. Remus knew, that he could not act rashly, and he knew it would be better to talk with Dumbledore before he did anything else. Albus had always been insistent, that the best place for Harry was at his aunt and uncle's. He had been so persistent in fact, that Remus had gotten the impression, that some of these reasons had to be magical. Dumbledore was often annoyingly secretive, but Remus needed answers, and he would get them. First from Dumbledore, then from the Dursleys and finally from Sirius Black.

TBC

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A/N: So there you are. One night, two friends and all that once made them close and is now standing between them. Will they ever find a way to build a bridge? I guess we all agree that it won't be easy.

Like I said, I know there's not much actually _happening_ in this chapter, but I don't want to haste through the story but rather really develop it. And hey, my chapters are longer now, that must count for something... ;-)

So, gentle readers, if you would be so kind: Tell me what you think and leave a review.


	14. To Make You Laugh

**A/N: **Alright, give me a moment to once again say: Wow! I really really appreciate all your kind, thoughtful and funny reviews! It's already Christmas over here if you do! Speaking of Christmas, I will be at my 'in-laws' until Christmas Day, and while I truly intend to use the holidays to write more, I'm not sure I'll be able to post there. So this might be the last until then...

Having said this I hope you enjoy this. It's my early Christmas present to you, since it has all your favourites. It has Harry/Sirius bonding, it has Remus being rather smart, it has fun and it has some suspense. Not the Dursleys though (yet), but then nobody likes them. ;-)

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**Chapter 14 – To Make You Laugh**

The grey light of morning filtered through the almost overgrown windows and Sirius mused that the cabin didn't look as shabby as he'd first thought. Okay so it looked a little shabby, but mostly it was just dusty. It looked like time had just forgotten the place. Like someone had just walked out for a blow and never come back. There was even a faded and brittle copy of the Daily Prophet resting on the old fire-whiskey case, that was serving as a coffee table. It dated August the 4th 1977. It seemed quite possible, that nobody had set foot in here for over ten years.

The cabin was small, although like many wizard buildings it was larger on the inside than you would guess from it's outside appearance. It had two rooms. You entered the cabin through a small vestibule, coming into a good-sized kitchen-combined-living-room. Apart from the old couch with two matching armchairs sitting in front of the huge fireplace, there was a heavy wooden table with four chairs, a few bookcases and an old fashioned cabinet. To the right was a small cooking island, with a door leading to the pantry. To the left another door led to a tiny bathroom with an old claw-footed tub and on the opposite side you entered the small bedroom. In addition to that, a wooden ladder led up to a low gallery under the roof. Sirius had not taken a look at it yet, but it might be a nice place for Harry to sleep.

After what had happened in the early morning a few hours ago, Harry had fallen back to sleep on the couch. Sirius on the other hand had been too agitated, and he didn't fancy anymore nighttime visits from sadistic family members. It had not been the dream itself that had shaken him so much, he was acquainted with those, but rather the effect it had had on him. Sirius had not cried in years. In fact he could not remember the last time, he had shed honest-to-Merlin tears. But most of all it had been Harry's reaction that had taken his breath away. It had been the first real physical contact, that the boy initiated. And Harry had hugged him, like there was no tomorrow, burring his face in Sirius long tresses, almost as if he was afraid Sirius would vanish, if he did not hold on.

Now Sirius was looking through the rooms and the cubboards and cabinets. He had been delighted to find the pantry still well stocked. For a moment he mused how long pickled pumpkin or bottled plums would be edible. Another pleasant discovery had been the self replenishing food jars. He had seen those in the kitchen of his childhood home and at Mrs Potter's as well. Instead of having to buy flower or sugar or milk every other day, you bought a perversely expensive jar or bottle once, and it would refill for at least twenty years or such. They were still in working order, as Sirius found out after he had thrown out the dusty remains clinging to their bottoms. Well, that was at least something...

But the most curious thing, Sirius had found in one of the kitchen drawers. It was a long wooden stick, maybe one and a half foot long, with a round flat ending on one side. It actually resembled a wooden spoon. But Sirius knew immediately what it was, and had to stifle a laugh. It was a cooking wand! He had seen James mother using it often enough, but he'd never guessed his uncle would own such a thing. In his opinion, it had always been for old little ladies really. Or for squibs, as his mother would have scoffed, although that was rubbish, since you needed to be a wizard to use one as well. But his uncle had been a rather gruff old man, who was out in the woods most of the time hunting or fishing or what not. And he had a cooking wand. Sirius snorted. The world never ceased to surprise Sirius Black.

But it was in fact a rather fortunate find, since he had no real wand on himself anymore and he wasn't really good with muggle-cooking. A cooking wand was a funny thing. It was no real wand. It was just for cooking and sometimes other housework. The core was a hair of a house elf, which was why they didn't come cheap. House-elf-hair was hard to come by with, since most hadn't any. Now Kreacher, his mothers private house-elf, could have catered to the whole industry. He had more hair in his ears, that most people had on their heads. But of course his mother would never have allowed it. Cooking wands! He could just hear her. „Wizards do not cook. Wizards have house-elfs." His mother had not set foot in a kitchen in her whole life.

Sirius swung the cooking wand experimentely over the dusty surface of the kitchen cabinet. The fluffs stirred. Sirius tried again, picturing the wooden counter polished and gleaming. The dust vanished, leaving the surface clear, if not all that shiny. But then he had never been all that good at household-spells either. Sirius went through the cabin, clearing away the dust and cobwebs until it looked at least habitable. Looking down at his godson, still lying on the couch and scrunching up his nose in his sleep, Sirius decided that he would try to make some breakfast. Maybe not pickled pumpkin, though. He could maybe try for some porridge.

-

Harry woke up to the sweet, if slightly burned smell of food and immediately felt his stomach rumble. When he looked around he saw Sirius standing in what looked like the cooking area, his brows creased and his lips pressed down. He had bound his long filthy hair away from his face and stared into a steaming pot disgruntled. Harry remained where he was, trying to estimate if it would be safe to approach.

He was still unsure how to act around his godfather. All the rules he had learned at the Dursleys didn't seem to apply. It was quite confusing sometimes. Harry had seen Sirius getting angry at other people and he made his anger very clear. But although Harry had done wrong a lot of times, he had never yelled at Harry, nor had he lain a hand on him. But then Uncle Vernon had sometimes just ignored his misbehaviour as well, just to punish him later on when Harry had been sure he had forgotten it. The other thing was, that Sirius always asked him questions and apparently wanted Harry to do the same, while the Dursleys never wanted him to talk at all and questions annoyed them to no end.

But the most confusing and astounding thing had happened last night. Harry had woken up to the sound of Sirius moaning and to what sounded like sobs. At first he had been afraid to approach the sleeping wizard, but it sounded like he was in pain. Then Sirius had woken up, panting heavily, like he had just run a marathon, and in the faint glimmer coming from the glowing embers in the fireplace, Harry had seen something very strange. Sirius eyes were wide and there were tears glistening on his cheeks and in the tangles of his beard. Harry had never seen a man cry. Uncle Vernon certainly did not cry, and he had always told Harry that he was weak, when he did. Harry had soon learned to avoid tears in front of his uncle by all means. But Sirius was not weak. He was the strongest person Harry had ever met! So why was he crying? Something really really bad must have happened and Harry was not sure what, but it certainly had to be his fault somehow. He so badly wanted to make it right, but he didn't know how. He was sure Sirius would send him away then. But instead he had hugged him, really close, so that Harry had practically been sitting in his lap and he hadn't let him go for a very long time. So, yes, it was really confusing.

„You up for some breakfast?"

Harry looked up startled, meeting the greyblue eyes of the wizard. He was smiling now, the frown gone.

„I made porridge, or at least I tried to. I'm afraid I'm not that good at cooking, and it has been a while. I also never used one of those..."

He held up a long wooden spoon in front of him, scrutinizing it thoughtfully. Then he carried the pot to the table, where two bowls and spoons were already spred out together with two glasses, a strange looking bottle with what looked like milk and a small pot with sugar. When Harry scrambled up from the couch and quickly approached the table, he also saw a bowl with large blackberries.

Looking around, Harry suddenly noticed, that the cobwebs and most of the dust had gone. Sirius must really be a very good wizard.

***

Albus Dumbledore was an important man, with a busy schedule. Remus knew that. But damn him, why was he never at hand when you needed him? And why did he have to be so damn secretive?

„He is gone." Minerva McGonagall had said, „He'll be back in a few days." And „You know very well, that the Headmaster does not leave a forwarding address when he leaves on private business, Remus. What ever it is that is so important, you will simply have to wait for his return, like everybody else."

So Remus had waited, and paced in front of his desk and buried himself in his research, trying very hard not to combust with the tension that was building inside him. Finally he had received an owl from Dumbledore, informing him, that he would be able to meet him tomorrow afternoon at his office at Hogwarts at three o'clock, and would he be so kind to use the floo network. Remus had crumbled the letter in his clenched fist and resumed his pacing. It was most unusual behaviour for him, even on a week approaching the full moon.

So it might have come as a shock for most people who knew Remus Lupin as a rather mild mannered and slightly reserved man, that the same man came tumbling out of the fireplace before the first strike of the clock had died away, barking „I need to talk to the Dursleys!"

Dumbledore smiled at him mildly. „I'm sure you do." he said. „Why don't you take a seat?"

Remus stood in front of Dumbledore's desk staring down at the calm looking wizard, suddenly painfully aware of his own rumbled and soot stained robes, the unkempt hair and stubble that adorned his chin and cheeks. Finally he let out a deep breath and slumped down in his the chair in front of Dumbledore. „Sorry." he mumbled.

Dumbledore looked at him kindly. „It is quite alright, Remus. Your anxiety is completely understandable."

Trying to compose himself and his thoughts Remus studied the man in front of him for a moment, and then decided for a different approach. „So have you found out anything new?"

Dumbledore rested his elbows on the armrest of his chair, the tips of his outstretched fingers touching in front of him. His blue eyes on Remus seemed to look straight into his mind. He sighed deeply.

„Not very much I'm afraid. I'm sure you have been pondering the same questions."

„How was he able to escape?" Remus asked.

„Ah yes, that might have something to do with him being an animagus. The dementors feed on human happiness, on their joyful memories. They don't have the same effect on animals I believe. And while Black would still have a human mind in his animagus form, it could have reduced the effect."

That was actually a decent explanation, one that Remus had thought of as well. „But... wouldn't the dementors weaken him too much to transform?" Remus asked. „As I understood he was in a high security ward, with dementors outside his door all the time." The thought alone had Remus shuddering.

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. „It would take an exceptional strong wizard to do so I suppose. But we both know he was very gifted. And powerful."

„Still, it doesn't make sense!" Remus declared. Jumping out of his chair, he started to pace in front of Dumbledore's desk, shaking his head.

Dumbledore watched him with his eyebrows raised in a silent question.

„Why now?" Remus asked turning towards the older wizard. „He's been there for seven years! Why would he wait until now, when he'd always had the means to escape?"

Dumbledore seemed to give this some thought. „It is not all that easy, even if he had managed to get by the dementors. It is not without reason, that Azkaban is in the middle of the sea, and only one is that we have to keep the dementors as far from the rest of the population as possible. Cornelius actually had the rather peculiar idea to have them search for Black all over the country. What good would it make to expose hundreds of innocent people to them, if they can't even sense him in his animagus form?"

Dumbledore shook his head. It was obvious that the headmaster and the minister of magic did not see eye to eye on those issues. Remus had the suspicion, that this had been the cause of Dumbledore's absence. But that was Albus fight, Remus had his own.

„Still," he said, sitting back down, „why now?"

„I would think that it would need a rather tremendous amount of motivation." the old wizard said, leaning back in his chair. „A thought that on its own might be rather disconcerting."

Remus looked at Dumbledore, understanding exactly what the older man meant. Sirius had done the nearly impossible. He must have been unbelievably determined. The question that remained was again the universal one. Why? What was Sirius so determined to achieve?

***

Sirius had not forgotten that his godson had commented on his rough looks. And he was sure it could only help the process of building up the boys trust in him, when he turned back into a man a little more completely. It was a nice thought too, really. To be clean and maybe even shaven once again after years of dirt and filth. But first there would be Harry. When Sirius had addressed the subject of bathing after breakfast Harry had looked at him with round eyes and Sirius simply had to chuckle. It was too obvious what was going on in his godson's mind.

„Yeah, I know I probably need it more than you." he had said, and Harry had immediately looked sheepish, telling Sirius that he had read his thoughts right. „But I'm not sure how much warm water there will be, and getting my hide clean might take a few fillings. So I will let you go first."

Harry smiled. „If you want you can cut my hair later." Sirius went on, licking the rest on his porridge from the spoon.

„Really?" Harry asked, much too enthusiastically for an eight year old, and Sirius decided there and then, that he and Harry would have some fun in the next weeks.

„Sure." he said, smiling at the boy. He had noticed, that smiling at his godson did a huge thing about reassuring him and he tried to do it more consciously. „You'd keep me from cutting off my own neck."

„Okay." Harry said. He put his spoon in the bowl and reached for Sirius' as well, which the wizard had shoved away to the middle of the table. He climbed down from his chair and took them to the sink.

Looking at Sirius shyly, he asked, „Do you want me to clean them?"

Sirius blinked at him surprised. „Oh... no, you don't need to, I can do it later."

Harry looked at him, bowls still clutched in his hands, as if he was searching for a trap. Aunt Petunia had sometimes said something like that. „No, you stupid boy, why would you need to do that, since I can obviously do it myself? Why should you do anything at all? You could just lie down on the couch and I can tend to you all day." That had actually been a very good description of her behaviour towards Dudley, but Harry knew she was not serious about it, when talking to him. So was his godfather serious now? Maybe it was just a test.

Sirius stood up and Harry took a step backwards. But he simply took the bowls from Harry's hands, and put them into the sink. Then he ruffled Harrys hair, and with a smile, nodded in the direction of the bathroom. „Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

Sirius turned on the tabs and the bathtub filled with slightly steaming water. He took a bottle from a shelf and sniffed at it once, before pouring some of the purple liquid into the water. It smelled nice, like lavender and the water started to foam in a pale shade of the same purple as well. Harry smiled. At the Dursleys he always had to bath after Dudley and the water always was kind of bleary already and the foam was long gone. But this looked really great.

When the tub was full, and Sirius turned off the water, Harry looked at him for confirmation, before he pulled of his clothes and climbed in. But the man gave him simply another playful nudge.

„Is the temperature all right?" he asked concerned and Harry nodded. It felt like heaven.

„Yeah. Thank you. This is really nice."

Sirius handed him a wash cloth and said, „You can soak for a while, and if you want I can wash your hair then. Or can you do that yourself already?"

Harry bit his lip. Aunt Petunia had not washed his hair for a while now, and if she had it had always been quite roughly, getting soap in his eyes, and telling him to stop squirming when she did.

„I promise I do my best not to get soap in your eyes." Sirius said, as if he had read his thoughts. Harry nodded then. He knew he shouldn't bother Sirius so much, but it felt really nice to have somebody caring for him, like a real parent.

Sirius grinned at him and putting his hand into the water he send a spatter at Harry, hitting him in the face. Harry blinked in surprise through his suddenly wet glasses. But Sirius just smiled and did it again. „What do you say?" he goaded, „Think you can get me?"

Harry didn't know what to think. Sirius wanted him to spatter him? Tentatively he reached inside the water and sent a half-hearted sprinkle in the direction of his godfather, but falling too short.

„Come on!" Sirius cried. „You can do better than that!"

Harry tried again, more forcefully. But this time he had been a little too enthusiastic, and a gush of water doused Sirius hair and shirt. Harry stared at him horrified, but Sirius just laughed.

„That was a good one." he said looking back at Harry with an appreciative grin, blinking the water from his eyes.

Harry blushed but smiled. And then Sirius shook his head, much like Padfoot might do, sending waterdrops flying all over the room and Harry let out a small giggle.

Sirius looked at him in mock outrage. „You think this is funny, you little tyke, do you?" He reached into the warm water and tickled Harry's feet. Harry squirmed, giggling louder. „No, Sirius, no!" he cried, but Sirius didn't stop.

Kicking his legs Harry suddenly lost his balance and went down flailing. He came up a moment later puffing and blinking and Sirius snorted with laughter, falling back on his bum. Harry looked at his soaked godfather, sitting sprawled on the floor like a soppy mutt, barking with laughter and giving little wet whizzes in between. Suddenly he felt something tickling in his stomach. It crept up in his chest. He tried, but there was no stopping it. And then the soaked boy in the tub started to laugh. He laughed until his sides hurt, and he fell back in the tub exhausted, hiccuping little giggles with a rather red face.

***

„I need to find out what it is, that Sirius wants with Harry. And for that I have to see for myself." Remus explained. „I know you've already spoken with the Dursleys, but I just have this feeling that it is the right place to start." Remus looked at Dumbledore anxiously. The old wizard had always been extremely secretive about Harry's relatives, and Remus urge to pay them a visit might not be too well received.

„And you are really serious about starting your own investigation?"

Remus simply raised an eyebrow. Dumbledore sighed. It was obvious, that he was not too happy about this.

„Very well, Remus." he finally said. „I admit, that I'm not too sure about the approach the Ministry has on this search. But you must promise me one thing. When you find them, you will call upon me immediately. You will not go after Black on your own. Remember what happened to Peter. And this time there will be an innocent child in the midst."

„I know. And I promise you I will owl you immediately, if I should happen to find anything."

With another small sigh, Dumbledore waved his wand and conjured a blue dotted teapot, with matching cups, sugar bowl and cream, sitting on a small silver plate. He reached for one of the cups, and after filling it handed it to Remus.

„What do you want to know?" he asked.

Remus licked his lips, looking at Dumbledore through the slits of his eyes. „When James and Lily were killed," he finally started, „you were very insistent that he would live with his aunt and uncle. Now I admit that I have only met Petunia Dursley once, but even after that brief experience I would not have thought her the best choice to take care of a little child. But you did. And I have the feeling that there is more to it, than simple blood-relation. There was magic involved, wasn't there? You did some spell? You must have put up some wards? How did Sirius breach them?"

Dumbledore leaned slightly forward, the tips of his fingers once more resting against each other in front of him. „All excellent questions." he said, „Let me see if I can answer them." He paused for a moment. „You are right of course, that there was magic involved in the decision to let Harry grow up with his only remaining blood-relatives, but this blood relation, was in fact the crucial point. You see, Remus, I did not do a spell. Lily did."

„Lily?" Remus asked surprised. „I can't imagine Lily to take measures for such a case. She did not have a close relationship with her sister. That's why they appointed... a godfather."

„Not on purpose. But when Lily gave her life to protect her son, she left a mark on him, a lingering of her love, and that is why Voldemort could not kill him. His spell backfired. It was Lily's love that saved Harry, and it left a protection grounded in his blood. The blood he shares with Petunia Dursley. As long as he was in the care of Lily's sister, in her home, Harry could not be touched or harmed by Voldemort. And that would include him harming Harry trough his Death Eaters."

Remus sat in his seat stunned for a minute, that was not what he had expected. „How was it possible for Sirius then?" he asked.

„This is one of the questions I do not have an answer to. It should not have been possible for him to take Harry out of the house. It could be that Harry left the house. Maybe he ran away, because he was afraid, or maybe he was coaxed somehow. I honestly don't know."

„Or maybe he had other intentions than harming him. Would it have been possible then?"

Dumbledore frowned. „He would have to have been truly pure at heart. The charm goes too deep to fool it with artificial reservations. And I highly doubt that Sirius Black would have a pure heart."

Remus seemed to contemplate all this as he sat staring in his tea cup. When he finally looked up he was about to say something, but then stopped himself.

„Is there something else, that is bothering you, Remus?"

Remus bit his lip. „I was just wondering... I have done a lot of research about it, but the books are frustratingly vague. You said, that Sirius could have easily killed Harry at his uncle's house. But could he really? Would he have been able to harm his godson? Purposefully? By himself?"

TBC

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A/N: There you go. Hope you liked it. And if you did, you might leave me a review? Like, for Christmas? : )


	15. And Dry All Your Tears

**A/N: Merry Christmas to all of you!!** I heard your pleas and since I love you all, I tried to give you another chapter for Christmas. : ) It was not all that easy, the stress took its toll and I'm quite exhausted. My muse seemed really tired too, and I don't like kicking her, but yesterday it suddenly started to flow, so hear you are. I hope you like it!

A word about my quotation marks. Yes. I know they are upside-down, or at least they are if you're English or American or what not. They are not if you are German. That's how we indicate direct speech over here in good ole Germany. I can understand, if it is confusing to you. My software is German and puts them like this automatically. I noticed, I can change them online here at the side, BUT it takes a lot of time and patience to do so (and I'm a horrible unpatient person). I tried it with this chapter. But for the future I guess I would just ask you to take it as the specialty of the crazy german girl ; )... Think you could live with that?

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**Chapter 15 - And Dry All Your Tears**

During the following week Sirius and Harry settled in with life at the cabin. Harry was becoming more open with each day, although any new situation could still send him back in his shell. A little timidly and with Sirius guidance, he had helped his godfather to cut his hair and it now fell just to his shoulders. It had taken huge amounts of soap and lotion to disentangle it, but the effects had been astonishing.

After having shaved and taking a lengthy bath, Sirius had stood in front of the mirror tentatively touching his face. He had not seen his own reflection in seven years, and it was a little unsettling, how your own face could turn into that of a stranger. The memory of his own features had faded over the years, but he had changed a lot as well. His face was a lot thinner, his cheekbones almost cutting through his skin. And his eyes looked a lot older. It were those eyes really, that made all the difference. He did not know the haunted, lonely and tired man in the mirror, and was almost afraid to get acquainted with him.

Harry on the other hand had reacted positively but rather casual. He had looked at him with his brows creased and then smiled. "I can see your face now." he had said. "And you smell better." Harry had gotten a little bolder at speaking up around Sirius, although he still froze sometimes, when he thought he'd said something offensive by mistake. Sirius would just smile at him in this occasions and act as if nothing had happened. Slowly, with each passing day Harry relaxed a little more.

Harry had been mesmerized when he had started to explore the cabin and the grounds around it. It was totally different to number 4, Privet Drive. The cabin was small, but it was also cozy and there were a lot of strange and funny things going on. There was for example the painting of a lake scene with a man holding a fishing rot. At first Harry had thought he had imagined it, when he had heard whistling coming from it. But then one morning at breakfast there was suddenly a shout.

"Ha! Gotcha!" yelled a man's voice and Harry had almost fallen from his chair.

Sirius had chuckled and called at the painting, "Well done! Maybe you could give me some pointers, I haven't been all that successive."

"It's all about the bait:" The old guy in the painting had declared, and had walked into the frame and out of sight. Harry's eyes had become round.

"He is gone!" Harry whispered, pointing at the empty frame.

"Sure he is, probably went to cook his catch." Sirius grinned.

"How can that be?" Harry asked wide-eyed.

"It's magic. Most paintings in a wizard household can talk and move. They can move to other paintings in the same house, or even in another house, if they have a painting of them hanging around somewhere."

Harry was even more astonished, when Sirius had set up the space under the roof just for him. Like he had it all for himself. After living in a cupboard for all his life, Harry had at first not been able to believe that it was really his. The space had a small single bed with a colourful comforter, a low bench in front of the window with lots of cushions and a dresser with a mirror above it. Harry had been surprised but delighted, when he discovered, that the mirror too would talk to him, even if it commented about his unkempt hair. And these things seemed to happen all the time, when you were living in a wizarding home.

There was not a lot to play with in the cabin, but Harry had never had any toys and he was quite content to play with stuff he and Sirius collected on their strolls in the forrest. Sirius had given him a lot of books as well, taken from the shelves in the living-room. But the best thing was how much time Sirius spent with him, how much attention he paid him. Harry still was not sure why he would do that. He also asked him what he liked all the time and then tried to make it happen that way. He always encouraged him to take a _second_ helping at meals, although the first one had already been twice as much as he got at the Dursleys.

Autumn was approaching already, painting the forrest in all colours from yellow to orange and red. But in was still warm in the afternoon sun and they spent a lot of time outdoors. They had tried fishing, but had not caught a lot. But Harry didn't mind. He liked sitting with Sirius on the little dock, or row out on the lake and just be. While Harry had gotten used to the idea, that Sirius actually _liked_ talking with him, he was still glad, that he could sometimes just sit with him in silence without having to feel awkward. He often still felt stupid when he was talking with his godfather, although the wizard always said, that he wasn't.

Sirius was really an amazing wizard, although Harry seldom caught him doing magic. The only real magic he had actually seen his godfather do, was the cooking Sirius did with the strange spoon. But Sirius also made things appear, although Harry got the impression he always waited until he was asleep for that. He didn't know why really, but maybe it was a secret. On their second day at the cabin Sirius had made clothes for Harry. Some were a little big and it was kind of an odd collection, but Harry appreciated it nevertheless and it was far better, than Dudley's old things. One night Sirius had even magicked two chickens, which ran around in a cage behind the cabin. Now they had eggs every day.

Sirius had to hide his smile every time Harry stood with his eyes wide and his mouth open, as he looked at a new addition to their life at the cabin. His conscience worried him a little, but he thought it was better by far, if Harry thought that magic had conjured those things, than if he knew the truth. The truth was not all that pretty and not for the ears of an eight year old. The truth was that Sirius had stolen those things. It was quite hard to conjure things out of thin air, even if you had a wand, and they seldom stayed in existence for very long. In the need of clothes and food, Sirius had gone to more extreme measures. At night, after Harry had fallen asleep he had transformed into Padfoot and set out, going far out of the boundaries of the property. He had taken the chickens from a coop at a farm near by, and the clothes had been forgotten on someones clothesline.

Basically Sirius tried to keep his promise to himself, about showing his godson some fun. He'd done not bad up until now, taking Harry mushroom hunting and fishing, repairing the tree house with him and playing a strange muggle game, where you kicked a ball only with your feet, and were not allowed to touch him with your hand or arms. But Sirius would not have been Sirius, if he would not have found something to top that. And he found something. He found a broom.

-

"What do you mean, have I ever flown?" Harry asked, looking unsure. "Like on a plane?"

Sirius grinned. "Nah, planes are for muggles. Now as a wizard, you fly on a broomstick."

Harry looked at him. He was pulling his leg. Of course Harry had seen pictures of witches on broomsticks, like for Halloween, but that was just a fairy-tale, right? Like giants or unicorns?

But when Harry followed Sirius out on the lawn behind the cabin, he saw that the wizard had been serious. His godfather was looking younger, than he had ever seen him. His grey-blue eyes were sparkling and his smile spread over his whole face. He swung one leg over the handle of the broom and pressed the balls of his feet against the ground. The broom rose just a little over the ground, hovering in midair, while Sirius feet dangled a good ten inches over the floor.

"See?" the wizard asked, grinning at Harry's open-mouthed expression. "Want to come try?"

Harry looked at him with a mixture of uncertainty and longing. "We can fly a round together at first." Sirius said. "Give you a feeling for it. You can try on your own later."

Harry nodded enthusiastically and came forward until he stood to Sirius left. "What do I do?" he asked, looking unsure.

Sirius pressed down on the handle in front of him, and the broom sunk lower, until the wizard's feet rested on the ground once more. He dismounted and held the slightly quivering broom in place.

"Come here." he said, beckoning his small godson to him. He showed him how to mount the broom, and how to keep a hold on it. Then Sirius mounted behind him, grabbing the handle in front of Harry, effectively encircling the boy and making sure he was safely tucked against him during the flight. He felt Harry leaning back slightly, and smiled. The boy trusted him more and more, and each sign of this, that Sirius caught in Harry's behaviour, gave him a warm tingling in his chest.

"Ready?" Sirius asked, and Harry nodded, biting his lip. The wizard chuckled. He knew Harry was nervous, but then this was his first flight, and this was always something special. If the boy had gotten just half as much of James character, as he got of his looks, Harry would love it and probably become a real good flyer himself later on.

"Hold tight." Sirius said and kicked off. He had not kicked too hard, trying to ease the boy into it. But when the broom rose high into the air, Harry gave his first squeal of joy. Sirius guided the broom forward at medium speed. Only going a little faster, when he felt, that Harry was enjoying it and remained a steady grip. They flew above the colourful tree tops at first, and then made a turn and flying out over the lake. Sirius brought the broom down lower, for a moment almost letting their feet touch the surface, before pulling up again. Harry laughed and the sound was like music in his godfathers ears.

Sirius should have quited, when things were going so well, but Harry showed so much enthusiasm and true talent as well, that Sirius simply had to let him try a quick solo flight before dinner. Harry had started out pretty well, kicking off and flying a few rounds over the cabin and the lake-shore. But when Sirius had beckoned him down again, a sudden gust had blown him off course. When Harry grabbed the handle frightened, he did it a little too hard, falling forward and guiding the broom in a sharp dive. He managed to slow him down a little before, but still crashed to the ground quite harshly, falling off and rolling a few yards over the lawn.

Sirius ran towards him immediately, terrified what might have happened. Was he injured? Maybe even badly? "Harry!!? Merlin's pants, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you fly alone so soon. Are you alright?"

Oh Merlin! Harry lay crumbled on the lawn, holding his arms firmly pressed around himself. Something was most definitely wrong. Sirius fell to his knees beside his godson. "Harry? Harry, are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Harry stared at him, his eyes huge in his pale face and his whole little body stiff in what had to be pain. He shook his head.

"Harry, I can _see_ that you are in pain. Please tell me where it hurts!"

Harry still shook his head, his eyes frantic. The boy was in pain, every other child would probably be bawling and screaming. Not Harry. Without hesitation Sirius picked up the stiff body of his godson. "It's alright, we'll take a look at it, don't worry..." he mumbled, trying to reassure the boy, while he carried him to the cabin.

***

Remus was nervous. He stood at the end of Privet Drive in Little Whinging, watching the rows of identical little houses, with identical lawns, immaculately mowed and harked and what not. While he had stood here, two women had stared at him already like he was something the cat had dragged in from the dump. He knew how his appearance clashed with his surroundings. His shabby and patched clothes, and the tired and almost ill look on his face so soon after the full moon.

The anticipation of this visit and the knowledge of Padfoot's escape had made this last transformation one of the worst in a long time. As bad as the first few month after his pack was taken from him. The wolf had known, that one of them was within reach again, had longed for him in spite of everything. But it also was enraged beyond measure. Padfoot had taken the cub. Padfoot would be punished. He had taken the cub away from the wolfs range. Uncertainty did not sit well with the wolf, and he had shown his dissatisfaction to Remus.

It might have been wiser to wait a few days longer with this visit, but Remus had the feeling he had waited too long already. He needed to act, needed to do something. Taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders he walked down the street and approached number 4. Fidgeting slightly he rung the bell. He knew, Dumbledore had sent a letter, informing the Dursleys of his visit, but he couldn't help the feeling, that he would not be welcome anyway.

The door opened and Remus eyes fell on a large man with a pink face, who looked in fact a little like a rather big pig. The man let his eyes ran over Remus. They were filled with contempt.

"Are you him?" he barked and Remus immediately thought that he was quite a match to Lily's sister, at least in his rudeness.

"My name is Remus Lupin." he said, his voice calm and polite. "I was a friend of the Potters. I believe Professor Dumbledore has informed you of my visit?"

"That he has." Vernon Dursley grunted. "Can't see what good it will do. The boy is gone and we don't want anything to do with your lot."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Surely you are worried about your nephew? He has been kidnapped by a very dangerous man."

"Ha! He probably felt quite at home with that freak! He always was an insolent boy. We have done our best. We took him in, when nobody wanted him. Now, that the ungrateful brat ran of with that lunatic, why should we sit around whining?" Vernon Dursleys face grew a deeper shade of red with his rant.

Remus stopped himself from telling the man that he himself would have taken Harry gladly, and that there probably was not one wizard family who would have refused to take in The Boy Who Lived. That was beside the point, and there had been something else in Vernon's speech, that had gotten his attention.

"What do you mean he ran off with him?" Remus asked tersely.

Vernon looked at him unsure for a moment, almost as if he had let something slip, that he didn't mean to.

"Did Harry go with Sirius of his own volition?" Remus asked, almost holding his breath. Now that would shed a different light on things. Above all it might explain how Sirius had breached the protection Lily's sacrifice had places on her son. Another burst of anger welled up in him. What was Sirius playing at?

Vernon was squirming a little, not meeting the wizards eyes.

"Maybe we could take this inside?" Remus said a little harsher than before and without waiting for the other man's confirmation stepped around him and into the house.

***

The sprained wrist had been taken care of pretty quickly. Sirius had applied an ointment and bandaged it with cotton stripes. Harry had apologized for causing all that stress and worries, and for being so clumsy. Had tried to reassure Sirius that he was alright and not in pain, when it did in fact hurt a lot, at least until the wizard medicine started to take effect.

Sirius had finally let it go, but he had fussed over Harry for the rest of the day. Bringing him tea, asking him if he was warm enough or if he wanted to sit in front of the fire, even offering to read to him. Harry had to swallow down the lumps of emotion. He felt like he didn't deserve all this care and attendance, having spoiled their fun this afternoon by being so stupid and clumsy and not getting anything right. His guilty conscience and feeling of stupidity started to weigh him down more and more as the evening wore on, settling like a brick in his stomach and making him feel hot and slightly sick. He went to bed early, feigning sleepiness.

Now it was long past Sirius bedtime as well, but Harry still lay awake in his bed tossing and turning. His stomach hurt and he felt sick. He felt so bad that he really wanted to cry, but he swallowed down the tears and the bale he felt rising in his throat. He turned to his side and drew his knees against his chest. He felt hot and sweaty. His sheets felt clammy and stuck to his skin. His stomach kept turning and he kept swallowing and then he felt his stomach constrict and he leaned over the side of the bed and puked on the floor.

Trembling he laid his damp forehead against the mattress. Oh god, what had he done now? He had to clean up the mess, before Sirius saw it. But just as he thought this and tried to collect his strength to get up and out of bed, he heard the voice of his godfather in the living-room.

"Harry? Are you awake? I thought I heard a noise. Is something wrong?"

No, no, no, no, no... He couldn't let Sirius get up here. He would be mad when he saw the mess. He would be disgusted with him. He wouldn't want him anymore... Oh, please, don't come up. Don't come up!

"Harry? Are you alright?" He heard Sirius steps on the ladder. Oh, please, no! Please, please, please...

"I-I'm fine..." Harry called feebly. "You don't need to come up..."

But just then Sirius' head already appeared over the edge of the gallery, holding up a lantern. He took one look at Harry's sweat-glistening face and the dark puddle on the floor. He could obviously smell the offence as well. His brows creased and Harry pressed his eyes close in despair.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry..." he whispered again and again. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

The bed caved under the weight of his godfather, as he sank down beside him. A hand touched his soggy hair and Harry flinched, expecting the hand to clench in his scalp and yank him up, like Uncle Vernon would do. But instead the hand started stroking his damp wisps from his forehead, the touch almost tender.

"Ssshh..." Sirius whispered. "It's alright. Are you still feeling sick?"

But Harry was sure that this was just the prelude, that the anger would come any moment. He was certain, that his godfather could feel nothing but disgust for him right now. He had finally done it. He was so stupid! So weak and so pathetic! Of course he wouldn't want him anymore! He wanted someone who was fun, not a pathetic little freak like him. He would certainly send him back now, or he would just toss him out. And Harry would be alone again, and of course he deserved it, because he could never do anything right, but he was really afraid now, and his stomach still hurt so badly and he felt too weak to move. Maybe he would die, and that would be best. He swallowed again.

" 'm sorry." he whispered again, "I know you don't want me anymore. 'm sorry. But... please, I know you're mad... but I can't..."

And then his stomach turned again and he threw up another load, some even hitting Sirius' feet. "No! No, no... sorry. Sorry." It was over. Everything was over. This would be the final straw. No amount of pleading could make it right again. He was so exhausted. He had tried to be good, he had tried so hard! And Sirius had been so nice to him, he had made it so easy! And still Harry had failed. He should have known he would. He had never been any good. Always too weak, always too stupid. And now he had lost his only chance at having something like a friend, maybe even a family...

Harry tried to swallow down his desperation and fear, but it was too much, it was too overwhelming, it rose up over his head, taking his breath, crashing him and then the first sob broke forth from his throat. It was like a dam collapsing. The next sob was even louder and then it just erupted from within him. He was gasping between sobs and tears were running down his face and snot was clocking his nose. He didn't know where he was anymore, all he could feel was the deep pull at his guts that was dragging him down and down in the blackness of despair...

And then suddenly, there were arms around him, and he was lifted up in a strong embrace and carried. He buried his snotty, tear-stained face in the chest before him, because it was not important anymore anyway. He just wanted to feel the warmth and security Sirius' nearness gave him for as long as he could. He fell limp in the wizards arms, his body still shaking with small sobs, as Sirius carried him down and into the bathroom.

He was placed in the bathtub, warm water surrounding him and a soft washcloth was carefully wiped over his face and limbs. Harry dazedly let himself be handled. Sirius finally hauled him out of the tub again and wrapped him in a soft towel and then he was carried again, this time into Sirius' bedroom. He was placed beneath the sheets, that still held the lingering warmth of his godfather and smelled faintly of him. It gave Harry such a feeling of safety, that he could not believe he really deserved, that new tears leaked from his tired eyes. A warm hand stroked over his forehead, and as he drifted off to sleep, he heard his godfather mumble, "I love you, pup." But he probably had only imagined that.

TBC

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A/N: Please don't be disappointed, that Remus just had a short appearance. There will be a lot more next chapter, but I just felt that it was working better this way. I wanted to concentrate on Harry and Sirius here. Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas, Jul and Hanukkah or whatever it is you are celebrating!


	16. Because I Love You

**A/N: **See, I promised a chapter before the new year, and it's the longest one ever. Being at my parents, I had not all the time to write that I had anticipated. It's just the lazy holidays, I guess. Speaking of, I hope you all had great holidays! Mine were most definitely so much better because of all the lovely reviews you guys left. They are the greatest Christmas prezzies for me : ). Thank you so, so much!

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**Chapter 16 - Because I Love You**

Remus was seething as he walked down the hall, stopping at the end not sure where to proceed to. Vernon came up behind him huffing, obviously not pleased with the wizards brashness.

„I just don't know what you still want from us." he said blocking Remus way into the living-room, „We told the old man everything we know already. We don't like to be interrogated, like it is _our_ fault!"

Remus again walked around him into the living-room. His attentive gaze took in the room with all its furnishings. The muggle devices. The somewhat boring furniture. And that there was not a single sign in the whole room indicating, that just until two weeks ago, a second boy had been living in this house. There were a lot of pictures on the mantelpiece and the side tables, but they were all of a slightly older and a lot chubbier boy with fair hair, probably the Dursley's son.

Vernon Dursley ranted on, about how he didn't see the sense in his visit, and how it wasn't their fault, and how they were all mental. Remus listened only with half an ear. Really, what he learned just from looking at the interior of these people's house was far more interesting.

„Where is Harry's room?" Remus asked, not caring if he interrupted the muggle. He could still feel the impulsiveness of the wolf inside him, making him act more instinctive around the full moon, then during the other time of the month.

Vernon looked taken aback for a moment with the question. „I-it's upstairs." he said, lifting his chin.

Remus looked at him a little impatiently. „Can I see it?"

„Now why would you want to do that?" Vernon asked suspiciously. „The lunatic was just in the kitchen and the hall. They didn't go upstairs."

_'They...'_ Remus had heard it, but choose to not say anything this time. It seemed the muggle would give him far more information, when he didn't ask him directly, but just let him rant on.

„Is your wife at home as well? And your son?" he inquired in his calm voice again.

„You stay away from my son! I don't want you freaks around him. Bad enough he had to grow up with one. And I don't see, why you would need to talk with my wife. In fact I think you should go now!" Vernon tried to be intimidating, but Remus had a lot of experience with people rejecting or snubbing him, and couldn't care less.

„Surely it is in your interest, that a dangerous criminal, who has attacked you, is found and imprisoned once more?" Remus raised his eyebrows in question. „Aren't you afraid, that he will come back? And how did he manage to overpower you anyway? Did he have a weapon? You are a rather large man, and he was imprisoned for seven years under rather meagre conditions."

Vernon spluttered. Remus questions, that came quick like shots were obviously overstraining him. Maybe because he couldn't come up with the necessary lies as quickly. „He did not overpower me!" was what he finally settled on.

Remus doubted the truth of that, just by the flustered look on Vernon Dursley's face. But it raised more questions about how Sirius had done all this. Dumbledore had said, that Vernon had been beaten up brutally. Now, Sirius had always been a fit man, but seven years in Azkaban would certainly have changed that.

„Vernon?" called a female voice suddenly. „Is he gone?"

Remus smiled. Why, they were awfully eager to get rid of him, weren't they? He walked back into the hall, where Petunia Dursley stood on the stairs in an apron with a terrible obtrusive floral pattern. „Hello Petunia." he said pleasantly.

Petunia sniffed haughtily. „Do I know you?"

„Why, we met on the wedding. Remus Lupin. I was one of James best mates." he said, ignoring her rude tone.

„Ah." she said with a false smile. „Like the other one who was here and hit my husband before taking Harry? You must have been a real sight."

Remus face lost his smile at her words, and she looked pleased that she hit a sore point. He frowned at her. „You say he took him, but your husband said Harry went voluntarily. What was it now?" he asked a little stiffly.

Petunia's eyes flew to her husband, and if Remus had not thought, that they were hiding something up to then, he would have been sure now. Vernon went around Remus and stood in front of the doors of a cupboard, that was fitted under the stairs, almost as if he was guarding it. Remus looked at him suspiciously, surprised as he started to fidget.

Remus turned his eyes back to Petunia. „I would have liked to see Harry's bedroom."

Vernon threw himself back against the cupboard with a thud and Remus stared at him, as if he was crazy. Was he hiding something in there? What could be so important? The cupboard was rather large... no. That couldn't be, could it? Remus shook his head at his own strange ideas. But the Dursleys _were_ behaving very strangely. It was an impulse really, that he couldn't explain, when he made a step towards Vernon and the cupboard, and the sharp intake of both Vernon and Petunia was the last straw Remus needed to be sure, that he _had to_ have a look in that cupboard.

***

When Harry woke up, the sun was still falling in through the window facing southeast. The sky was the brilliant blue, that it only gets on a cold day. But the room was warm and cozy, with the sunshine painting patterns on the wooden floor and the quilt tugged over him. A fire was crackling merrily in the fireplace.

„You're awake."

Harry looked up to see Sirius leaning in the doorway a tired smile on his face. His black tresses were bound in the nape of his neck.

Harry looked at him uncertainly. The events of the last night were coming back to him and he had no idea what his godfather was thinking.

„Are you feeling better?" Sirius asked.

Harry nodded shyly. Sirius came over and sat down on the bed looking at his godson so intently, that Harry started squirming a little, staring at the blankets in front of him rather than meeting Sirius eyes. But his godfathers hand appeared in the line of his vision, taking hold of one of his, which had been nervously stroking over the quilt, stilling it.

„Harry, please look at me." he said calmly and Harry raised his eyes looking scared.

But his godfather was still smiling, and his eyes were warm. „I want you to know, that I will _never_ give you up. You belong with me now. I'm your godfather, and I love you and I will always be there for you. There is nothing you can do, that would make me angry enough to send you away. Do you understand that? I will never send you back, Harry. I want you to stay with me. I..." Sirius looked down and swallowed quickly, before he said quietly, „I want us to be a family."

Harry stared at Sirius wide eyed and slack jawed, the voice of his godfather ringing in his ears. _...a family... always be there... godson... love you... _It was a dream. He must still be asleep and be dreaming. But he felt awake. Sirius would not say all that just to make fun of him, would he? He looked serious. Like it was important that Harry did understand.

„Y-you want me to... you want us to be... like a family?" Harry whispered in awe, sure he had misunderstood.

Sirius looked at him, his face strained, and his eyes shifting nervously. „If that would be okay with you. I don't want to replace your parents. I mean, I know I can't, and I'm probably not very good at being a surrogate dad, but I promise you I'll do my very best. I don't have to be your dad, I could be an uncle or something..."

Sirius knew he was rambling, but he was nervous as hell. But there was no need for that, because in the next moment he had a smiling godson in his arms.

„You really want me?" Harry asked.

„I really, really want you." he confirmed.

„And I don't have to go back, ever?"

„Never. Not over my dead body."

„And..." Harry looked nervous again. „And you... you like me?" he finally whispered.

Sirius hugged him close then. „I like you an awful lot, Harry. And I love you like I would love my own son."

Tears spilled over the rim of the large green eyes, as the small boy for the first time in as long as he could remember, heard those words and felt like he could really believe them. That it maybe was possible after all, that somebody loved him. That Sirius loved him. He slung his small arms around his godfathers neck and buried his face against him. „I love you too." he mumbled. „And... you don't need to if you don't want to, I understand that, but... I-I sometimes imagine you being my dad. Is that bad? Do you think my dad would hate me for it?"

Sirius hugged Harry tighter. „No pup, that's perfectly fine. And your dad would never hate you. He loved you a lot. You can have me as a dad-person, and you can have your dad as well. You might not remember him all that much, but I'll tell you all about them and one day I'll show you a picture. I'm sure he'd be alright with it, he'd just want you to be happy. And that's all I want too."

They sat together on the bed in the late morning sun for a long while. Harry was leaning against his godfather's shoulder comfortably, while the wizard's arms encircled him lightly, rubbing his back. They didn't talk. They just sat there, in that pleasant lassitude that follows emotional outbreaks.

***

Remus stormed into his cottage and straight to the fireplace, rising a fire with a quick flick of his wand. He threw some of the powder from the mantelpiece into the flames and stuck his head into them, when they turned green.

„Albus!" he barked. He could barely contain his anger, but he still flinched when he heard his own voice. He would never have dared to use this tone with Professor Dumbledore until today.

After a few moments the face of the Professor appeared in the flames of Remus fireplace, a frown on his face. „Has something happened Remus? You seem rather agitated?" he asked concerned.

„Did you know they held him in a cupboard?" Remus yelled.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, his face a picture of mild consternation. „I'm sorry Remus," he said, „I fear you have to elucidate this further. I'm not aware of what matter we are speaking at the moment..."

„We're speaking of Harry!" Remus bellowed. „And the fact, that his aunt and uncle had him living in a _cupboard_. The one under the stairs, actually. Well, he's rather small, I believe, so he must have fitted. I can't think why other parents actually bother with _bedrooms_!!"

Dumbledore's features hardened and for a moment he looked not like the mild old wizard at all. „I think it would be better, if you stepped into my office to discuss this, Remus." he said with a nod and vanished from the flames.

Remus took a deep breath, trying to get control of his temper and the wolf inside of him, and stepped into the flames. It must have helped a little, since he didn't throttle the head master the minute he sat foot into his office. Or it could have been the yelling he had done already, that was the vital point. He stopped right in front of Dumbledore's fireplace, fixing the other wizard with a stare.

„Did you know about it?"

„You went to see the Dursleys, I believe?"

Dumbledore was just sitting down in his chair behind his desk again and indicated for Remus to take a seat as well. But the werewolf did not want to sit down for a pleasant chat and remained right were he was looking, at Dumbledore in a strangely calm anger.

Dumbledore's gaze fell to his right hand, which was red an bruised around the knuckles. He looked at him pointedly and raised one bushy silver eyebrow. Remus met his eyes defiantly.

„I only hit him once," he said, „and I wont apologize for it!"

Dumbledore sighed. „Please, Remus. Sit down and tell me what happened."

After Remus had finally taken a seat in front of the desk, but had declined the tea, Dumbledore had listened to his report in silence only nodding from time to time, encouraging him to go on. His face was sincere but unreadable. When Remus had finished he took a deep breath. He looked very old.

„To answer your question. No. I did not know about this. I knew that Petunia had developed a rather negative perspective to all things magical, and I guessed, that her husband would be no different. But I think I had the hope, that the fond memories of her childhood, when she was indeed very close with her sister, would make her more lenient towards Harry. I might have been too wishful in my thinking." He shook his head with a sombre expression. „Maybe I was naive."

Remus swallowed the anger that was rising up again. His temper was really starting to bother him. He normally was very skilled in hiding his emotions, having learned to do so from early childhood. But the wolf was restless, and Remus was too agitated himself to truly calm him down.

„I understand that you meant well, Albus. Lily's protection was a blessing for Harry, and I can see why you wouldn't want it to go to waste. But... those people!" he spat the last words like they were something filthy. „Let's say, I was starting to think, Sirius might have had the right idea..."

„You don't mean that." Dumbledore said, his eyes weary.

„No, of course I don't mean that. But it's hard to decide, where I would like to see Harry less, locked up in a cupboard at his relatives, who think he is a horrible freak, or in the hands of a mass-murderer, whom he followed voluntarily and who probably can't even hurt him."

„We don't know that for sure." Dumbledore reminded him.

„He made a promise!" Remus exclaimed. „We were both there!"

„He made the promise to Harry, if you remember. To a little baby. We can't be sure what he promised exactly." Dumbledore was calm again, filling his tea-cup as he spoke. .

„I know that, but still..."

„Even if what you imply would be the case," the other wizard interrupted, „he could already be on his way to take Harry to someone else who most definitely _will be _able to hurt him."

„But nothing indicates, that he had help." Remus objected.

„While this is true, he might still seek help now, that he has Harry Potter in his hands. We won't know for sure until we find them." Dumbledore shook his head. „I can understand, Remus, that you want to believe, that his intentions are of a different kind. If you remember, I was not at all sure, that your involvement would be a good idea. But you can not forget what Sirius Black has done and who he has become seven years ago."

„Do you think I could forget that?" Remus cried out, jumping up again. He stopped himself from pacing and instead went to the high window looking out on the grounds. The grounds they had roamed all those years ago... together. „Do you think I could forget, that he murdered all my friends more or less single-handedly?" He asked more quietly. „That he blew up a street full of muggles and thought it was the funniest thing? I know he is a murderer and a traitor, and I will _never_ forgive him for that. I know he is a monster. But there is something we are missing. Things that don't make sense. Maybe it is because he has gone crazy, but maybe it's because something is guiding him, even if he doesn't want it to and might have already forgotten about it."

Dumbledore looked at his former student with a mixture of sadness and compassion. „Let us hope that you are right. It might buy us the time we need to find them."

***

In the following weeks Remus concentrated on nothing else, but finding the clue to his question number one. Where could Sirius have gone? He still had the feeling, that Sirius had not gone for help. He had always been very careful about trusting and relying on others. Never letting people close easily. Always guarded, ready for an attack. Remus had been able to relate to that, having to stay careful and vigilant at all times, hiding his condition. He had never really understood what made Sirius so cynical and distant against his fellow human beings, though. But he _had_ always had this suspicion, that it was something about his family. Granted, they were deep into the Dark Arts, which in itself let Remus shudder, thinking about having to grow up with that. But there had always been something else.

Remus knew, that his assessment of Sirius personality might be based on wrong assumptions, but it was all he had. And there was the wolf as well, who urged him to follow his instincts.

So where would you go when you wanted to explore the darker corners of the life of Sirius Black? Where would you go to find the secrets your former friend might have been hiding? Remus had known Sirius since he was eleven years old, when they met on their first evening at Hogwarts. As always a sharp stab of pain accompanied that memory. Back then Sirius had still been innocent, he could believe nothing else. He had been a young boy. Brave, as he had been sorted into Gryffindor. Remus still remembered the shock that had been for a lot of people. Sirius family had been Slytherins as far as anyone could think. His family. Remus did not know much about them, since Sirius never talked about his parents and relatives. He had known his brother, who attended Hogwarts two years behind them. But he was a Slytherin as well and they never had much contact. Sirius seemed to be angry at him at the beginning, now that he thought about it, but they had seldom talked later on. It was almost strange how little he knew about Sirius home-life. But maybe it was time to dive deeper into that Blackness.

***

The evenings were becoming colder at the cabin. The trees had lost their colourful leafs, which now were heaping on the forest floors. Milky clouds of fog were hanging over the lake and this morning the lawn behind the cabin had been covered in silver frost. The days were closing in and it was getting dark early in the evenings. Harry and Sirius had been outside all afternoon, fishing and flying. Despite the misadventure with Harry's first solo flight, the boy had embraced the activity most enthusiastically. He had taken quite a few flights on his own by now and seemed to have a natural talent, but he still enjoyed jaunts with his godfather.

Now they were sitting at the fireplace, roasting marshmallows and drinking hot fruit punch. Harry was huddled in front of the flickering flames on a fleecy sheep-skin, his cheeks red from coming in from the cold and the warmth in the cabin. Harry had become a lot more at ease since the night of his emotional breakdown and the talk he had with Sirius the following morning. He was still a little more polite and timid than one would expect from a boy of his age, but his trust in Sirius was infinite. The boy who couldn't remember to have ever received any affection, was soaking it up like a sponge and had come to the conviction, that his godfather was simply the best person ever, who had all the answers and could make whatever happened all right. Harry simply adored the wizard and one of the things he loved the most, was talking about his parents and the time when Sirius and his dad had been attending the wizard school Hogwarts.

„My dad could turn into a stag?" Harry asked, exited his green eyes sparkling.

Sirius nodded. „We were four boys in our year in Gryffindor house. Your dad, Remus, me and a boy called Peter. By the end of our first year we had become the best of friends. But there was something strange about Remus. He was ill very often, and was gone for two days at least every month. Your dad and I were curious what that was about, but he always had excuses, like his mother was sick or something. We soon became very suspicious and started to watch him very closely. We noticed, that he was always gone around the full moon, and I finally concluded that he was a werewolf." Sirius laughed in remembrance. „Your dad thought I was crazy, who would allow a werewolf in a school? But when I confronted Remus, he confessed."

For a moment Sirius stared in the flames lost in his memory. A sad smile was playing on his lips. „He was so afraid. So certain, that we would hate him. He was such a small and delicate boy then. It's horrible to turn into a werewolf. Very painful, and Remus had done it every month since he was five years old."

Harry looked at his godfather with huge eyes. He felt sorry for the boy he had never met. „And did you hate him?" he whispered.

Sirius smiled at him. „No, pup. We had shared everything with him for over a year, and he was such a nice guy. Always helpful and caring and good fun too. He was one of us, and we told him so. But we wanted to do more. We wanted to help him, make it more bearable for him. You see, when he turned into a wolf, he had no control over his behaviour. The wolf was a savage, wild animal, and it wanted to hunt. Since he was locked up, he turned his aggression against himself and Remus was always hurt badly after the full moon. We wanted to find a way to be with him and maybe sooth the wolf, so that he wouldn't hurt Remus so much. And your dad had an idea, how to do that. It took us almost three years, but then we were able to turn into an animal at will. A werewolf only hunts humans, so it was safe to be around hin as animals. You have seen me turn into Padfoot and your dad could become a stag. He looked great with his antlers." He grinned at his godson. „We called him Prongs."

„And Peter?" Harry asked. „Could he become an animal too?"

Sirius smile vanished. „He was a rat." he said shortly.

„What happened to them?" Harry asked again. „To Remus and Peter?"

Sirius swallowed. He had not told Harry about his own role in the events that led to his parents death, or what had happend exactly. Harry had not asked yet, and Sirius was not sure if it would do any good to burden the small boy,.who had suffered so much more than any child should have at this age, with the darkness of the past. He knew that a part of it might be cowardice to admit his own guilt, but he just couldn't bring himself to destroy the fragile comfort his godson had achieved.

„I don't know where Peter is. We... had a fall out before I was brought to Azkaban. I wished I knew where Remus is though, and what he is thinking now. I wished I could explain. I wished there was a way to make him believe the truth, to let him see that I didn't betray him. He was my best friend, like your father."

Sirius had tears in his eyes and Harry jumped up and climbed on the armrest of the chair, hugging his godfather. „Maybe we can find him and tell him." he said. „I will tell him that you did nothing wrong!"

Sirius drew his godson on his lap, hugging him close. „I wish it would be that simple, pup. I really wish it would be that simple."

***

It was one of the most dreadful and unholy places Remus had ever sat foot in. It was of course dark and dusty, as you would expect in a house that had been abandoned for such a long time. But the Black House at Number 12 Grimmauld Place was creepy beyond that. It was like an deserted museum for the Dark Arts. There was a neat row of the severed heads of house-elves adorning the wall above the stairs to the first floor, for Merlin's sake! Remus felt sick and clammy just being here for less than half an hour, he couldn't imagine how it would have been for a small child growing up here, or even for the rebellious teenager that Sirius had become.

Right on his arrival he had woken a woman in a painting in the entrance hall. She had screeched at him from the top of her lungs, calling him a filthy half-breed, a blood traitor and a disgusting piece of rubbish, spoiling her noble pure-blood house. Then she had started to curse a third person, whom Remus finally understood was her oldest son. He guessed this was Sirius mother, and from what he had heard until he could finally force the adorning curtains of the painting shut and cast a silencing charm, there had been no love lost between this woman and her son.

He thought he'd seen the worst, when he stumbled upon the ugliest and oldest house-elf he had ever seen. „Filthy half-breed! Just like the disgusting blood traitor! Oh my poor misses..." The creature, who strangely enough called himself just that, had haunted him during his first visit, mumbling the ugliest and nastiest insults under his breath. Remus was just thankful that it seemed to have vanished when he came back the next morning.

During the next days Remus searched the house for something. The problem was that he just didn't know what exactly it was, he was looking for. But with every day and every hour, with every corner of the house he explored, he had more and more difficulty to fight down the compassion for his former friend. Yes, he hated the man Sirius had become, but he had been a little boy once. And growing up here must have been dreadful. He had found his room. It was easy to distinguish. Red and gold Gryffindor banners were gracing the walls defiantly, obviously put there with a permanent sticking charm, since they were quite fringed around the edges. Sirius parents had obviously tried to remove them. But what nearly turned Remus stomach, was the large red-brown stain flaking off the carpet. It looked like blood. He rather did not think about what this implied.

Instead, Remus tried to concentrate on the task at hand. He was not here to mourn his friend. He was here to find Harry. And Sirius... he had been lost a long time ago. Maybe when Harry was found and Sirius was taken back to where he belonged, he could finally bury the boy he once knew with his other lost friends and find his peace.

Since Sirius room did not yield any useful clues, only sad memories, Remus looked through the study of Mr. Black, the library, and dozens of other rooms. This family had been obsessed with it's own history and Remus found out more than he'd ever wanted about the abysses of wizard kind during his search. But he didn't find anything useful, or at least nothing that gave him an idea where Sirius had gone. Of course the family had been vast once, but inbreeding had shrunk their numbers, and now Sirius was apparently the last Black still alive. But Remus just had a feeling, call it his instinct, that this was the place to look, that his family somehow was the key. Sirius had not had any friends outside their circle, outside the Order and their sympathizers. He started to look up all the wizarding homes that had once been in the family and investigate them. But they were either sold or inhabited by families like the Malfoys and the Crabbes. Remus simply knew they wouldn't welcome a criminal like Sirius Black on their doorstep.

It was one day, when Remus was aimlessly strolling through the old house, that while still somewhat creepy, had become almost familiar, that he stumbled upon a room, that he had not noticed until then. He was frustrated with the lack of success in his search and just wandered into it, stopping in his tracks when he saw the decoration. The whole of the walls was covered with a tapestry in green and silver. It was a family tree of the Noble And Most Ancient House Of Black. Remus strolled along the walls. Some names were familiar, most of the pureblood families seemed to have crossed lines with the Blacks at one point. He found Walburga and Orion, Sirius parents, his brother Regulus, but where Sirius face should have been, there was just a black burned spot. Well, his family seemed to have taken the disowning seriously.

Remus could still remember, the night James had called him through the floo-network during the Christmas holidays in their sixth year, telling him, that Sirius had appeared on the Potter's doorstep that evening, and that he didn't look good. Sirius had never explained what had happened exactly, only that his parents had pushed too far and he had not budged and then his father had flipped.

Then Remus gaze fell to another black spot, one generation earlier. He squinted, trying to decipher the name. Alphard. Alphard Black. Remus frowned, the name rang a bell, but he couldn't place it. He strained his brain, trying to find the answer. He knew there was something. He knew this might be the clue, if he could just catch hold of it. There had been a fight. James and Sirius had an argument, but what about? And then suddenly it plopped into his conscience.

„_You know I love living at your house. You are my family as far as I'm concerned."_

„_Then why do you want to move out?"_

„_Because I'm of age now, and I can afford it, and your family has done enough for me. I don't like to take advantage of your parents generosity. Now, don't pout, Prongs!" Sirius laughed. „We're still brothers. And we'll have lots of fun at my place, all thanks to my Uncle Alphard!" _

And then a second memory came floating into his mind.

_He had been on prefect duty and found Sirius brother Regulus out of bed on his round the following night. The younger boy had wandered through the corridors alone and obviously in a mood, since he started yelling at Remus as he reprimanded him for being out of bounds after curfew._

„_You! Not running around with my brother, squandering all his gold? I would have thought he'd throw a party for all his Mudblood and Blood-traitor friends. He's your great hero after all, isn't he? Sirius Black and James Potter, soon to be declared gods, now swimming in riches! But why do I complain, after all I got a rotten shack at the Lakes!"_

A tingling feeling spread through Remus whole body, every nerve-ending standing at attention.

Oh, Merlin's beard, could that be it?

TBC

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**A/N**: Hope you liked it. As always I appreciate you telling me what you liked or disliked. Make me and the muse happy, give a review!

And to all you reading this:** Have a good start into 2009!**

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**Rainey_Dae**: Thank you for your reviews. Wow! I'm really happy if you think it's that good. And if it is true that my grammar isn't that bad, I'm proud. It is after all a foreign language for me :)

**cleofine_cat**: Thank you! I'm glad you liked my descriptions of their life at the cottage.

**jekl**: Thank you so much for your many reviews. I hope I can give you a few more favourite chapter ;)


	17. Believe Me

**A/N:** First let me say, I'm sorry for taking so long. I know, I promised a fast update. Me and my muse just were really tired, and I don't want to put out any half-cocked rubbish. I think I just needed a break, I've been concentrated on this story for the last month almost solely. I thought this chapter would be done rather quick, because for once I actually _knew _what was going to happen. But it didn't help much, maybe it made it even more difficult. Just writing a chapter normally takes me one or two days, when I don't do anything else, and now they are getting longer. Then on New Years Day my sweetheart suddenly got a lumbago and could barely crawl. In Germany we say 'he was shot by the witch'. ; ) So I've been playing nurse for the last days.

**Let me thank you all who reviewed the last chapter or which ever, and made me so immensely happy and wanting to write more!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
**

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Chapter 17 - Believe Me**

„You burned the pancakes again!"

„I didn't! It's called crispy. They were supposed to turn out that way!"

„It's alright," Harry grinned at his godfather, „it doesn't spoil your statistic. You're still at two edible out of three. That's pretty good."

„Oh thank you so much, kind sir!" Sirius made a little bow in the direction of his godson, sitting at the table eating his breakfast. Harry giggled. Sirius pouted. „It's just because of that damn cooking wand, it doesn't want to behave with me! It's different than having a real wand." he grumbled.

„Why don't you have a real wand?" Harry asked around a mouth full of pancake with syrup.

„Because the bastards that sent me to Azkaban took it away from me." Sirius growled.

A few weeks ago Harry would have flinched at that sound, but his godfather could not scare him anymore, even when he was in a mood. Sirius loved him and would never hurt him, that Harry knew with certainty.

„I had it since I was eleven. God, I miss it. It made a lot of things a lot easier." Sirius sighed and sat down at the table opposite Harry with his own plate of pancakes. They were slightly more burned, since he always gave Harry the better ones. He'd never been into house work, but he had improved his skills by trial and error since they had come to the cabin. He smiled at his godson. „But we'll manage, won't we?"

Harry nodded, giving his godfather an open smile. „But you _can_ do magic anyway, can't you?" he asked. „You made me clothes."

Sirius squirmed a little. „Well, actually it was more that I _found _them, really. And you need more warm clothes, now that it's gotten so cold. Winters can be harsh up here."

„And you can't make them?" Harry asked.

Sirius grinned at the unlimited faith Harry seemed to have in his abilities. „No pup, I'm afraid I can't. I guess we have to do it the old fashioned way and go shopping."

Harry's eyes became round. „You mean I can come with you?" He loved the cabin and the grounds, but going with Sirius on one of his trips sounded really exciting..

Sirius smiled at the enthusiasm in Harry's voice. The boy had really come out of his shell. And on his last trip out of the grounds as Padfoot, he had come across something he simply knew would plant that sparkle of joy and happiness in his godson's eyes. And that were the moments Sirius lived for.

„There is a muggle Christmas fair starting in the next town this weekend. There will be so many people, that we shouldn't attract attention. Would you like to go?" Sirius asked innocently.

Harry looked at him beaming with joy and excitement. „A Christmas fair? Really? I've never been to one. That would be so great!"

He jumped up from his seat and ran around the table to hug his godfather, who laughed and picked him up around the middle, swinging him in a circle and ruffling his hair. Harry started laughing too, and was still giggling when Sirius sat him down again and told him to eat up his breakfast. Harry obeyed, but kept flouncing on his chair and asking Sirius questions with his mouth full.

***

When Remus left the Black house he was excited and exhilarated to no end. He knew he had found a clue. He simply knew. It had been three month now since Sirius had escaped. And after that near miss of the Aurors in Manchester nobody had seen him. That was almost impossible if he was still moving. No, what ever you might say about him, Sirius was smart. He must have found a hideout. A place that was relatively save. And since he was sure about his theory that Sirius was acting on his own, it was evident, that he would go somewhere he knew. Somewhere he knew his way around, but that was not too obvious. There was only one person he could think of, that might be able _and _willing to help him. And he was now standing on her doorstep.

„Can I help you?" The woman that answered the door was attractive, with soft brown hair and dark , somewhat exotic eyes. She was probably in her late thirties.

„My name is Remus Lupin. I was wondering if I could talk to you about your late uncle, Alphard Black." Remus said nervously.

The woman raised her eyebrows in surprise. „My uncle? He' s been dead for over ten years. Why do you want to talk to me about him?"

Remus squirmed a little. He didn't know how to explain his request, without shocking her immediately and risking to get the door shut in his face. „I am a friend of Professor Dumbledore," he finally started, knowing that this was a name that opened doors all through the wizarding world. „We are investigating the escape of your cousin, Sirius Black."

The face of the woman that had opened up a little at Dumbledore's name, shut down immediately, becoming guarded. „I- I don't know anything about that. I haven't heard of him." she said, looking a little frightened.

Remus tried to smile encouragingly. „I know. I believe you, Mrs. Tonks. That's not why I'm here. Like I said, I have a few questions in regard to your late uncle and some kind of 'shack'," he gave her an embarrassed smile followed by a helpless shrug, „he might have owned?"

His eyes searched those of the woman in front of him for any sign of recognition. At first she frowned, but then a spark of enlightenment passed over her face, as she seemed to connect the dots.

„There was a shack?" Remus asked, his voice and body tense with anticipation.

Andromeda Tonks looked at him uncertainly. „I... I think my uncle had a cabin." she said hesitantly. „I've never been there, but I think it was up north, the Lakes or something. I'm sorry, I didn't know him very well, he was kind of a weird loner, and he had no use for girls, really." She gave Remus a small smile, that went out as quickly. „He... he always seemed to have kind of a... a liking, though... in Sirius."

Andromeda whispered the name of her cousin almost inaudibly. She looked at Remus, obviously trying to asses him, and he decided it might help her to be more forthcoming, if she knew he wasn't an uninvolved bystander either. He cleared his throat and met her eyes. „I know this is probably not easy for you. I can understand that. I... I was friends with him and James Potter at school, and..." he broke of, not sure what he wanted to say really.

But Andromeda seemed to understand anyway. „You're the werewolf." she said, looking slightly uneasy.

Remus looked down and sighed. This was the story of his life. If he wanted to summarize his existence in one sentence, it would probably be that one. But then Andromeda spoke again, and he lifted his head in surprise.

„I'm sorry." she said. „That was inexcusably rude of me. But I remember you now, I mean, I remember him... speaking of you." She took a deep breath. „Why don't you come in, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus nodded thankfully, and followed her into the living-room. He took the offered seat on the old leather couch, but declined the compulsory tea. Andromeda sat down opposite from him, wringing her hands between her knees and fidgeting with her wedding ring.

„I don't like to talk about my family all that much." she finally said. „I haven't had any contact in years. I was cast out, you see, when I married my husband. He's muggle-born. It might sound silly to you, Mr. Lupin, but my family is quite frightening."

„Please, call me Remus."

„Remus." She smiled hesitantly. „You can call me Dromeda. Anyway, I'm sure Sirius told you enough about the craziness of our family."

Remus shook his head. „Not really."

Andromeda nodded. „No, maybe not. He was always very private. And he didn't have it very easy when he was a child. I don't know everything that happened either, only what I witnessed myself, or heard his parents and mine talking about. You see, Sirius was the supposed heir of the dynasty. The firstborn son." She rolled her eyes. „He was guided into that role from day one, but he was... it's almost unbelievable to say so now, but he was such a sensitive little boy. I don't know where he got it from, but he had such a big heart. And a sharp and curious mind. Not the best combination to grow up in a Black household. I am the oldest too, but since I was a girl, my family hadn't been as hard on me as they were on him. I was only to make a good marriage. But he was supposed to be the successor of the family ways. It was always a struggle, because of his nature, but it came all crashing down, when he was sorted into Gryffindor." She shuddered. „From this moment on, everything changed. He was not their _hope_ anymore, he was their _shame_. And they let him feel that in every possible way. They were very cruel and dark wizards. I'm sure I don't have to paint the picture for you. He ran away after my uncle Orion tortured him with the Cruciatus curse, I don't know how long. His own son!" Andromeda exclaimed and shook her head. There were tears in her eyes. „Maybe that's when something in him broke. Maybe that's why..."

She didn't finish, but she didn't need to, Remus knew what she was trying to say. And maybe she was right. Remus chest felt tight when he thought back to the laughing, mischievous boy he had known at Hogwarts. He had known that Sirius homelife wasn't rosy, but he had never guessed, it had been that horrible. He must have been one hell of an actor to keep that hidden from his friends. Remus swallowed. He knew he was a great actor, he had fooled them all, hadn't he? Still, it was hard not to feel compassion for his former friend, with all that he had uncovered of his childhood. He shuddered, when he remembered the reddish spot on the carpet in Sirius room. Maybe this was indeed the explanation he had always sought. It was popular wisdom, that abused children often turned out to become abusers themselves. Maybe Sirius head had been crammed with so much darkness, that it finally _had _to overtake him...

Remus swallowed again. „And what about your uncle?" he asked, as much to change the subject, as to come back to the reason of his visit.

„He was a loner like I said." She ran a hand through her long hair, still nervous. „As far as I can say, he was not as obsessed with the Dark Arts as the rest of them. And he obviously must have liked Sirius, because he left him his gold at Gringotts when he died. Got him disowned posthumously." She smiled almost mischievously. „Can't think that he would have cared all that much."

„And the cabin? Could it be that he left it to Sirius brother, Regulus?"

Andromeda frowned. „It could be. I think both Sirius and Regulus spent one summer with Alphard when they were boys. I remember it, because I was so surprised that he would have them. Like I said, he wasn't much for company. But I wasn't part of the family anymore at the time Alphard died, so I only know what Sirius told me back then, and it wasn't much."

„But the cabin was at the Lakes?" Remus inquired hopefully.

„I think so. I'm sorry, but this was really a long time ago."

She gave him a rueful smile, that he returned. „That's alright. You have helped me already." He stood up and stretched out his hand to thank her and to end the visit, and after shaking it she followed him to the door.

„I'm sorry for disturbing you like that." Remus said.

„Do you think he is there?" she asked him. „At Alphard's cabin?"

He looked at her in silence for a moment. „Yes." he said.

***

The morning of the fair, it had started to snow. Fluffy white flakes gliding down from the sky and settling on the lawn, the bare trees and the rooftop. They had already started to decorate the house with mistletoe, branches of fir and the ever present candles of a wizard house. But now, that the grounds were slowly covered with a white frosty blanket, it started to look like a true fairy tale. Harry simply loved it. Sirius had goaded him outside for a snowball fight after breakfast and after Harry had found the courage to actually try to hit Sirius with his shots it was the greatest fun ever.

They had some kind of pasta for lunch, that looked weird but tasted good enough. Harry never complained about the food Sirius served him. He knew the wizard did his best, and it was by far better, than the stuff his aunt had given him most of the times. Which was what ever the rest of the family didn't like or didn't want anymore.

But now Harry simply couldn't wait for the fair this afternoon. It must be so great to browse those stands, with all the food and sweets and bright merchandise. The only thing that was putting a damper on his mood was, that he'd like to buy a Christmas present for his godfather, but he did not have any money. But his worries were soon dispelled, because just before they set off, Sirius gave him a few notes with a wink.

„It's no fun going to a fair, if you have nothing to spent, is it?" he asked with a grin. „But do me a favour. If you are going to barter the lot for chocolate, don't eat it all in one go, alright?"

Harry smiled and shook his head. His godfather wouldn't have to worry either, he had different plans.

They took the broom to the edge of the property, but it was still a walk of a good hour until they reached the village and the Christmas fair. Small wooden huts, decorated with evergreen branches were crowded around a little church. And the place seemed to be bursting at the seams with people, their faces bright from the cold and the mulled wine and punch they were drinking. There were happy faces all around, children laughing and begging for sweets, merchants praising their goods and Harry stared at it in amazement and then beamed at his godfather. Sirius squeezed his hand, and told him to stay close and hold on to him, so that they wouldn't lose each other in the crowd.

***

After his talk with Andromeda Tonks, Remus had set out to the Lakes. He had no clue to where exactly Alphard Black's cabin was located, so he had started to check out the villages in the area, showing pictures of Sirius and Harry to the locals, checking if they had been sighted. But so far he had not had any success, and the wolf in him was getting restless. His instinct told him he was on the right track. He felt horribly impatient, now that he seemed to be so close. But there simply was no way to quicken up the search. Andromeda had not been able to tell him, if her uncle's cabin was connected to the floo network. And even if it was, he couldn't be sure, that Sirius had not blocked it somehow. Maybe he had obtained a wand by now. It could be quite dangerous, if you traveled

to a place by floo, that wasn't connected to the network, or if you were blocked from entering at your destination. You could get stuck about anywhere, if you tried that. So Remus had to go about it the slow and tiring way.

It was the first weekend of December, and after he'd seen a poster advertising a Christmas fair in a village a little further to the north, he decided to check it out. It had started to snow and Remus wrapped his cloak tighter around him. Cursing himself that he hadn't brought any gloves, he blew on his freezing fingers, before he buried them deep in his pockets. Some people always forgot their keys or their brolly, for Remus it was the gloves. He strolled through the village towards the marketplace around a little church, waving his way through clouds of laughing people, brandishing paper-bags with baked sweet chestnuts or sugar-roasted almonds.

Christmas was approaching. He had almost forgotten about that, being too occupied with his search, which _wasn't _an obsession. So he had not have a full nights sleep for a while, might have not exactly eaten regularly, but that wasn't all that unusual for him. Full moons had become harder with each month. The wolf raged, and since he was locked in a basement, he raged against himself, leaving Remus with quite a few new scars and bruises.

Maybe even worse had been the dreams. He didn't understand them. He dreamed of Sirius almost every night, which was not all that surprising. But in his dreams, Sirius was the young boy he had met at Hogwarts in his first year. He was sitting alone and scared in a corner of the dark and creepy house at Grimmauld Place. His greyblue eyes huge in his small face, and his black hair hanging into them. Then there had been the screeching woman from the painting. Sirius mother screaming at him, that he was filth and disgusting, a shame and she wished she had bashed in his head in the day he was born. Little Sirius did not move, just pressed deeper into the corner, as tears ran down his pale cheeks. In his dreams Remus wanted to comfort the boy, but he had no body, was just a presence the boy couldn't see. He was alone. Whenever he woke up from those dreams, Remus couldn't fall back to sleep. They tore him apart. He told himself, that they were only dreams, and that he didn't know if it had been like that. But that little persistent voice in his head told him, that it quite possibly had been even worse. He argued with himself, that it didn't matter, that Sirius had done even worse things, unforgivable things. Had become a murderer and betrayed his best friends to their death. But he couldn't get those eyes out of his mind, those hurt, scared, pleading eyes. But he would _not _pity the murdering traitor!

And then, in the last nights, the dreams had become even stranger. Whenever he tried to go to Sirius and comfort him, the boy would suddenly be Harry, looking at him with the same pleading eyes, only these were green, like Lily's had been. He had hardly slept at all those nights, and Remus knew, if he didn't find Sirius soon, he most certainly would lose his mind.

***

Harry was in heaven. His left hand was firmly locked in Sirius bigger one, anchoring him to his godfather. In his right hand he held an enormous sticky red candied apple, the sweetness of it exploding in his mouth whenever he took a nibble. The fair was full of people, and at first Harry had been a little anxious. He wasn't used to such crowds and while he knew that Sirius would never hurt him, he wasn't so sure about the rest of the world. But when he saw, that nobody really took notice of them, everybody too preoccupied with their own excitement and good mood, he relaxed and started to enjoy himself. There was so much to see, and Sirius never hurried him, when he saw that something interested his godson. They'd already browsed the stands for a while and bought a few small things, and some warmer clothes for the both of them, when they came across a puppet show for kids.

„Can I watch, Sirius?" Harry asked, his eyes shining eager.

Sirius smiled and nodded. „'Course. What do you say, think you might be alright to stay here for a moment without me?"

Harry looked a little uncertain. But around him were nothing but smiling and cheering kids, some with their parents, some without and it really didn't look like any danger could befall him. Still he felt a little uneasy.

„You will come back and get me?" he asked, biting his lip.

Sirius pulled him into a crushing hug. „Of course I will, you silly twat. What would I do without you, hm?" He placed a kiss on the crown of Harry's black hair and squeezed the boy for a moment. „Just need to get a few things without you looking. It's Christmas soon after all isn't it?"

Harry looked up at him with wide, shining eyes. „You gonna buy me a Christmas present?" he asked.

Sirius grinned. „Not sure I can rely on Santa catering to criminals like me," he said, „better take matters in my own hands."

Harry grinned, but there was a slight tugging in his chest. Sirius made fun of his status as a hunted convict most of the time, but Harry was still afraid for his godfather and of the possibility that he might loose him, when they'd be found out. Trying to chase these dark thoughts away, he turned to the show that was just starting and took a seat on the benches.

„How long will you be gone?" he asked turning back.

„Half an hour?" Sirius asked. When he saw Harry's doubtful face, he added „Tops!" and held up his hand as if making an oath. Harry looked down with a smile and nodded.

„Okay." he whispered.

***

Remus strolled over the fair almost listlessly. Christmas had lost its appeal for him a long time ago. If you were alone in the world, at a time where everybody came together with their loved ones, family and friends, it just made you feel more of an outsider. That's what he always had been, a misfit, outcast by society. But then he had come to Hogwarts, found true friends, and suddenly the misfit was fitting, was belonging... until _he _took it all away. And Remus was alone again, standing outside, looking in.

He tried to wriggle through a particular large cloud of people in front of a stand with children's toys. Sighing impatiently Remus stopped, looking at the merchandise. A little further down between other stuffed animals he saw one that was a quite accurate miniature wolf. He didn't know why, but he reached out for it, bowing forward. But just as he was about to grab the toy, his hand collided with another one, reaching out from the opposite direction. He looked up at the face of a man under the thick hood of a winter cloak.

Had the stand not been so brightly lit, the face would probably been hidden in the shadows. But this way, he looked into the hollowed features of a man. Features, that he had once known better than his own. The dark grey-blue eyes were older, more haunted, but they were still as deep and mysterious as they had always been. He had searched for these eyes for months. This face was all he had been thinking about. But as he looked at it now, after seven years, he had no clue what to say, what to do, other than stare opened mouthed at Sirius Black.

***

Sirius reacted faster. At first he had frozen as well. _Remus? Remus was here?_ But then his trained instincts for flight and survival had kicked in and he had only one thought in his mind. _Take Harry and run!_ Sirius spun around. He dove between the shadows between two of the huts and transformed, vanishing from Remus gaze into the crowd of people. He wove his way through the legs quickly, running back to the place where he had left Harry at the puppet show. When he got there, he was panting, his tongue hanging out of his mouth, as he sniffed the air for Harry. But the smell of the boy was faint.

Harry was not there. The seat, where his godson at been sitting was empty. No black messy scalp in sight. Harry was gone. Harry. He was gone. _NO! No no no! Merlin! All you gods above and beyond! _Sirius went behind the ticket booth to transform back, gaining height to look over the heads of the crowd. _God, please, where is he? Let him be okay. I need to find him, we have to get away, we have to..._

And then he saw him. There he was. Just a few yards in front of him, running towards him with the biggest smile on his face. Sirius rushed forward and grabbed Harry round the middle, crushing him against him, and dragging him in the dark gap between the huts. His breath came in hard gasps and his heart was slamming so hard against his ribs, it hurt. He grabbed Harry forcefully and held him away from him. Panic still in his eyes, he took his shoulders and shook him.

„Where were you?" he hissed. „I told you to wait for me! You can't just get up and run away!!"

Harry stood totally frozen, staring at his godfather. There was a sick feeling in his stomach. Sirius was yelling at him. He had never done that before. Harry flinched, almost expecting a blow, although he couldn't really believe Sirius would hit him. He wouldn't. Sirius would never hurt him! He wouldn't! But he'd never yelled at him before. Harry knew, he should not have left on his own, but like his godfather, he wanted to buy a present, without the wizard seeing it. Tears welled up in Harry's eyes. Sirius must be so angry if he reacted like this. He had done it again. He had ruined it.

„I'm sorry, Sirius! I'm sorry!" He cried out loud.

Sirius pressed a hand to Harry's mouth and the boys eyes widened in shock. He was still in his godfathers arms, but he'd gone stiff as a board.

„No, Harry, no. Shh..." Sirius mumbled. „I am sorry." Harry looked up with his tear-stained eyes and saw the look of utter dispair on his godfathers face. „I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry." Sirius said. „I was so worried, when I couldn't find you. We have to leave, Harry. Remus is here. We have to get away. I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

There were tears in Sirius eyes as well, and Harry hugged him desperately, suddenly very, very scared. It had all been too good to be true. He should have known it from the start. There was no way somebody like him would ever get to be happy. Freaks like him didn't get a real family.

***

Remus was running, or trying to, while pushing against people. Sirius had transformed and vanished out of sight. But he had to find him! Remus dived through clouds of people, who simply were too ignorant to move and let him pass! He was looking around him frantically, trying to catch a glimpse of the dog or the man. The crowd was gathering around the steps of the church, where dozens of children were gathering with their lanterns, forming a procession, that was just starting. Remus turned away and ran in the other direction, trying to make his brain work, to make it think, to build a plan. He didn't feel the cold anymore, the world was blurring. He had to find him! This might very well be his only chance. He had to catch him, confront him! He had to find Harry, who knew what the boy was going through! He had to know. He had to know. He had to know...

***

It was almost dark and Harry walked between the other children, holding up their colourful lanterns. Unlike them, he did not sing. His throat was filled with a lump so big he had difficulties to breath. He held his small lantern with shaking hands, while the other was fisted in Padfoot's silky black fur. Where were they going? What would happen now? He walked surrounded by beaming and singing kids, away from the church and away from the fair.

***

Remus came to a stop in front of the church. The steps were now empty. He had searched all over the fair and the surrounding streets. He knew that Sirius was long gone. And this damn cabin had to be somewhere around. The snow was falling thicker now, and it had gotten dark. It was also freezing. Remus stared at his frozen red fingers. He could not let him get away. He had to catch him. And there was just one way. Remus bolted from the steps and went round the corner, vanishing with a swoosh as he apparated.

***

The way back to the place, where they had hidden their broomstick had taken longer in the increasing snow fall. Sirius mind was racing a mile a minute. What to do? What to do? What to do?

Could they go back to the cabin? Did Remus know about it? It could not be just coincidence, that he had been to a muggle fair up in this part of the country. He had to be looking for him. He had to have a trace. But he probably didn't know where exactly they were. Which would buy them time. It was snowing like hell, and if they would make a run for it now, not knowing where to go, they would freeze to death tonight. He had to get Harry inside and in front of a fire. Remus did not know where they were. He couldn't. Then he would have already shown up at the cabin. Their only chance was to go back now and then he could think about a new plan in the warmth of their home. Their home... Well, it had been too good to be true, in the first place.

***

Remus staggered into his cottage, clutching his frozen fingers, trying to rub warmth into them. But he had no time to waste. He could not hesitate. He stepped in front of his fire place and took a deep breath, lighting the fire. His hands were trembling as he reached for the floo powder, but he was not sure, if it was the cold or his nerves. He threw the powder into the flames, and as it turned green, he stepped in to them.

„Alphard Black's cabin, the Lakes." he said, his voice firm.

***

Sirius and Harry were both exhausted and cold to the bones, when they arrived home at the cabin. Sirius saw, that the snow around it was undisturbed and sighed in relief. He unlocked the front door and lit a lantern next to the door, while Harry was shaking the snow out of his hair.

„Go in! Quick! We'll light a fire and make ourselves some cocoa, alright?"

Harry nodded, his teeth slightly chattering.

Sirius stepped into the dark living-room behind Harry. He grabbed the cooking wand from the kitchen counter and went to the fireplace, Harry trailing behind. It was easier to light the wood and bark with help of the cooking wand, who could at least produce the necessary spark.

The flames started licking at the dry branches and logs, and Sirius stepped back, next to Harry, holding out his hands. Then he heard a slight rustling coming from his left. He whipped around, raising up the cooking wand instinctively.

„Expelliarmus!" Remus voice sounded harsh and loud through the cabin, and the cooking wand flew into the air and landed at the feet of the werewolf. Remus looked at it.

„Is that a cooking wand?" The disbelieving words came before he could held them back.

Sirius rolled his eyes. „Not like I have anything else." he hissed, pushing Harry behind him. His eyes stared at his former friend, unreadable in the dim light and dancing shadows of the just starting up fire.

„Yeah. Too bad." Remus breathed heavily, wand pointed directly at Sirius heart. His own heart was beating so hard, he was afraid to pass out. He had waited for this. Had wanted it. Had had thousands of questions. But now, that he stood in front of his former friend, who looked at him with the same stubborn and defiant look he had often had as a boy, no regret, no guilt... he just wanted to strike out at him, hurt him, kill him!

„Look, Remus..."

„SHUT UP!!" Remus yelled. „Just... shut up Sirius!" His breaths came in heaves. „Don't you fucking move! And step away from Harry." he spat venomously.

„What?" Sirius gasped angrily. „What do you think I'd do?"

„How would I know?" Remus hissed. „What _is _it you are doing, Sirius? Kidnapping Harry, taking him away from all he has known and then what? Start raising him?" His voice grew louder until he was almost yelling again. „Go Christmas shopping? Have you gone _completely balkers_ in Azkaban? Or is this some kind of perverted joke? Are you gonna make him the youngest Death Eater ever? Spitting in James face?"

Sirius made a move, as if he wanted to lunge at Remus, but stopped when the other raised his wand threateningly, and it emitted a burst of red sparks.

„Step away from him, Harry." Remus said, trying to calm his voice. „Come over here. What ever he has told you is not true. He's not your friend. Quite the contrary. This man has as good as murdered your parents!"

Harry looked at Sirius. He was scared. Was this Remus, the boy Sirius had told him about? The friend that he had been missing so much? And what was Remus saying about Sirius and his parents? That could not be true. He looked at his godfather for confirmation. But instead he saw the look of guilt on Sirius face. No. It could not be. Sirius had said that he loved him. He was his friend! His godfather! His family! No!!

Harry slowly backed away from Sirius, but not in the direction of Remus, but rather to the door. He eyed both men warily. His heart was hammering. He felt sick again. He didn't know what was going on anymore. He didn't know what to think, what to believe... Then he registered Sirius voice. The wizard had sunken to his knees in front of the fire, his pleading eyes directed at Harry.

„Harry! No! Please,... you have to believe me! Oh Merlin! Harry, please... you have to let me explain, it's not like it sounds. Believe me. Please. Harry. Believe me!"

_Believe me!_

TBC

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A/N: Okay, that got REALLY long. I could have easily made two or three out of this one. Do I hear anyone complaining? Didn't think so. ; ) And then of course, I knew you were really waiting for this confrontation.

More to come. Might take me up to a week, I'm going to London to visit my sister and just born nephew. Promise not to take longer then this time!

Now, if you would be so kind, and **tell me what you think**. It's really appreciated. Thank you!!

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**Bookworm:** Thank you! At least part of the wait is over. The truth might have to wait a little longer... :)

**BloOm:** Thank you so much for your compliment! And there you are – he found them.

**Mary: **Thank you so much and don't worry, I'll finish this story. It's planned out already. I'm German, and I'm glad to hear my grammar is okay.

**Helen: **Thank you Helen! Your speechlessness is praise enough! ;)

**fiona:** Thank you for your review! I don't like most of the 'romantic Sirius stories' with an OC either. _ Although_ I have started to write one myself. If you want, try it out, it's called **Finding Felicity **and I promise it's not as obnoxious as many other *grin* - And yes, I know I'm plugging here...

**jekl: **Hm. I guess I haven't dissolved your fears now, have I? Sorry. ;) Thank you for your review!!

**Randomchick16:** Thank you!


	18. I Won't Let You Down

**A/N: **I just got back from London yesterday, and I can tell you my nephew is the cutest baby alive! So, I'm not going to apologize for the wait. I'm used to update frequencies of two months and more in fanfiction, so I think I'm still pretty quick. ; ) BUT, I would like to say thank you for the awesome response my last chapter got from you guys! I was really over-whelmed. **Thank you so much!!** That said, I know there was an evil cliffy last time and I'm putting up a safety warning for this chapter. If you can't bear the suspense, wait for the next update before you read on, because this one might be hard for your nerves again. *Ducks* Sorry!!

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**Chapter 18 – I Won't Let You Down**

Remus heart was beating like mad. He looked down at the man, pleading on his knees in front of him. He did not plead with him, and something inside him was grateful for that. Sirius was only a shadow of the man he had once known. The energetic, confident and charismatic man with the sparkling mysterious eyes and the black hair that fell to his shoulders like a silky veil, who would throw his head back and bark with laughter – he wasn't there anymore. In his place was a thin, pale stranger with a haunted face, who looked broken. Remus swallowed, trying to calm his erratic breathing. It was not important how Sirius looked. That the years in Azkaban would ravage him, was to be expected. It was his punishment after all, and it was still not harsh enough. He felt no pity. No compassion. Not for this murderer. Not for the traitor who had taken away everything he held dear in life. He hated him! He deserved to suffer! And he would not let him warp Harry with his lies any longer, like he had done with him and James and Peter.

„Don't you dare! You've turned his head with enough of your lies!" He spat, blinking against the moisture in his eyes. „I know how you work, Sirius. I know how deceiving you are. But there is no way I will let you wiggle yourself out of this. James and Lily are dead. Because of you!"

Slowly Sirius turned his head towards Remus. His face was ashen, his look devastated. But then Remus heard the words, he never thought he'd hear, even though he had known them to be right.

„It's true." Sirius rasped. „I'm to blame. I blamed myself ever since that night I found James and Lily in the ruins of their house. It is my fault, because I was so stupid! I was so stupid to think Voldemort could be tricked. I was idiotic enough to fall for the trap and left my best friend and brother in the hands of a murderer! But I did not kill them. I _never_ betrayed them!" He looked back at Harry. „I loved your parents like the family I never had. I would have rather died than knowingly betray them! Please, Harry, believe me! It wasn't me!"

Harry's eyes were huge in his small face, tears rimmed them and he looked scared and confused. But then he took a step towards the man on the floor. Remus didn't hesitate and stepped between them, holding up a hand towards the boy, while he still faced Sirius with his wand raised.

„No! Harry, stay away from him. He's lying. I know he is very persuasive, but you can't trust him. He's brilliant in deceiving everybody, in hiding behind a mask. It's what he's done all his life."

Sirius pressed his eyes closed, his breath coming harsher. „Remus, you have to let me explain!" he whispered pleadingly. „For the sake of our friendship-"

„You have never been my friend!" Remus yelled. „I might have been yours but you were never mine! And you have planted enough lies in Harry's head already. There will be no more of this! I will take him back and you'll rot in Azkaban for the rest of your life!" He spat, fighting against the tears he did not want to shed. It was just because he was so furious! Harry looked totally forlorn and anguished. How could he have done this to the boy he had sworn to care for? „Don't you think you have already destroyed enough of his life?" he whispered harshly. „Why Sirius? Why did you take him? What gives you the right-"

„Have you met those bastards he lived with?" Sirius cried, his head raised and an angry spark burning in his eyes all of a sudden. „They abused him! They starved him! God damnit, Remus, they beat him up! I saw the red welts on his back from that bastards belt! So don't tell me about my rights! I'm his fucking godfather! James wanted _me_ to take care of him, if something ever happened to him!"

Remus looked at the seething man, who obviously had completely lost his marbles. „Well, _Padfoot_, I doubt he had foreseen that the 'something' that happened to him would be you _betraying _him and Lily to Voldemort!!"

„I DIDN'T!!"

„You were their secret keeper!"

„No. I wasn't."

„Huh?" Remus looked at him stunned. Then he laughed.

„Peter was their secret keeper."

At the sound of that name Remus face fell and he stopped laughing immediately. „Don't say his name, you bastard!" he hissed. „Why did you kill him? It was totally useless! You gained nothing from Peter's death! And all those other people? Did it make you feel powerful and important to make your exit with a blow like that!?"

„I didn't kill Peter!" Sirius roared. „I wish I had! The bastard is still alive! It was him! Peter was the tr-"

„Silencio!" Remus yelled and Sirius voice was gone, even if he was still moving his lips for a few moments. He glared at Remus. 'Bastard!' he mouthed.

„I've heard enough of you. I should have known there was no use talking to you. As if there would ever come anything out of your mouth but lies."

Two silent tears ran down Remus cheeks, and he wiped at them angrily. He waved his wand and ropes erupted from it, winding themselves around Sirius, who fell to the side, bound like a parcel. His black hair was hanging in his face and his eyes were burning, with what Remus couldn't say for sure. He looked like a wild animal, and maybe that was all that was left of him.

-

Sirius felt like he was drowning. The cold and the darkness closed in and he fought for breath, he fought for consciousness. _No! No! You won't get me! You won't get me this time! _He had to think of Harry. He had to make Remus believe. He tried to focus on his former friend, but the eyes of this man showed nothing but rage and hate. He had changed a lot in the last seven years. This was not the sweet and slightly timid boy he had met at Hogwarts. This was not the gentle and mild-mannered, if a little sarcastic young man he had known after he left school. There was a ferocity gleaming in his eyes, that reminded Sirius of the wolf, his companion of many full moon, roaming in dark forests. Sirius tried to hold on to that thought. It had been dark then, but he'd not been afraid. They had been young and carefree. In those nights he had been happy. He had once been happy. He had been happy again in the last weeks. With Harry. Harry. He had to take care of Harry. The boy must be scared shitless... With these thoughts the darkness began to recede and his vision cleared. He was still lying on the floor. On his right stood Remus staring at him with a strange look. Harry... where was Harry?

Sirius grew frantic immediately, when his eyes couldn't find his godson. He looked at Remus, his heart beating too quickly, rushing his blood so fast through his body and his brain, that he felt like a red curtain was drawn in front of his eyes. He opened his mouth to cry out, but there was no sound coming from it. _Harry! Remus, where is Harry!? _He started to struggle, tearing at the ropes that were binding him, trying to kick out his feet and finally banging his head on the floor.

Remus looked at him appalled, obviously certain, that he must have gone crazy. With all his willpower, Sirius forced himself to still. He raised his head to Remus, fixing him with a stare. 'Harry!' he mouthed. 'Please!' His eyes were pools of despair and fear. 'Where. Is. Harry?' He felt like his heart was freezing in his chest. _Harry... _

Remus frowned and looked around. He had not seen Harry leaving the room, but the boy was nowhere in sight. He waved his wand at Sirius, lifting the silencing spell, and Sirius immediately gasped „Harry!" He swallowed audibly. „Remus, where is Harry!?"

Remus looked around unsure. „I don't know," he gestured at the door through which Sirius and Harry had entered the room. „he must have left the room while we were-"

„There's nowhere for him to leave to but outside!" Sirius shouted. „Release me! I have to go after him! He was so upset and scared, he probably ran off and it's freezing outside!!"

Remus glared at him. „I'll take a look. You don't move! If you do, I'll stun you!" and with that he left the room. Sirius struggled against his bonds, cursing Remus into next week. He felt so helpless, it was suffocating. His son was in danger and he couldn't help him. He was a failure. If something happened to Harry, he would never forgive himself. If something happened to Harry... if he died, Sirius would die with him. And it would be his fault, all his fault...

***

Harry stalked through the darkness, not sure where he was going. At first he had been running, but he had to struggle through the snow, that was already reaching to his knees, and it soon exhausted him. His feet slipped sometimes on the underground, but he kept walking. It was better here on the plane, where the snow drifted in the wind and wasn't piling that high anymore. It was still snowing heavily though, and he couldn't see very far. Everything around him was just white. There were no landmarks around him, no trees, nothing, which was strange, since the cabin was surrounded by woods. He had no idea where he was anymore. It was bitterly cold, and the wind swept his hair out of his face and brought even more tears to his eyes. The tears were running down his face, since he had run out, freezing on his numb cheeks.

_I will take him back and you'll rot in Azkaban for the rest of your life! _

That's what Remus had said. He would take Sirius back to the prison. The prison he still had nightmares about. Sirius didn't talk about it much, but Harry had seen the look on his godfathers face whenever the wizard prison was mentioned. His eyes got more haunted, and he would shiver and almost unconsciously grab for a pullover or a blanket. And then he had heard his godfather one night, and when he went in his room, had seen him tremble under his thick blankets, murmuring 'No, no... not back there. Not Azkaban! Please I'm sorry...' And now Remus would take him back there.

Harry fell to his knees and sobbed. He was such a coward! He should have protected Sirius. He should have helped him! But he had been so scared. Scared of Remus, who yelled at Sirius and was so mad and furious. Scared of losing Sirius and being taken back to the Dursleys, having to stay there for the rest of his life, being hated again. He had wanted to rush to his godfather and throw himself in his arms, but Remus wouldn't let him, and Sirius did not come for him. Sirius had always protected him, had always known what to do, but tonight he had been frightened himself. When Harry had looked at his godfather and had seen his fear, that was when his own fear had overwhelmed him. When Sirius was afraid, then things must be really bad. Then it must all be over. That's when he had turned and run.

But he should have stayed. He should have stayed and fought for his godfather, tooth and nail! He should have told Remus, that he was lying, that it wasn't true, what he said. Because it couldn't be. Sirius could not be the murderer of his parents. It simply was impossible. Sirius was good and brave and his godfather. He loved Harry, and he had loved his father like a brother, he'd said that. Remus must have it all wrong! Again he saw the look of guilt on Sirius face before his eyes. It was all so confusing, but what he really wanted now was Sirius. He wanted him to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright. He was so cold and he was scared and he wanted Sirius!! Harry cried harder, kneeling in the endless white of the ever growing shroud of snow.

***

When Remus came back into the living-room, shaking off the snow, Sirius was lying a little further to the door. Obviously he had tried to rob across the room in his bonds, but had not made it very far. He was now lying still on the wooden floor, tears running down his cheeks. His eyes found Remus, the moment he walked in, but he did not speak, did not struggle, he seemed to know it was useless. He looked so desolate, that Remus for a moment felt like he had in those dreams, when he had stood in front of the hurting little boy. The greyblue eyes of the man were as lost and scared as the boys. He looked almost resigned. „Harry." he whispered, his voice rasping.

Remus looked at him unsure. „He... you were right. He ran out. I saw his footsteps in front of the cabin, going down to the lake, but they are already vanishing in the snow. Where would he go? Is there anyplace..." he broke off, realizing that the question was probably futile. Even if there was a place Harry would turn to, he'd most likely get lost in the increasing snowfall outside.

Sirius turned his eyes towards Remus and spoke almost calmly, although you could hear the edge in his voice, telling that he was anything but calm inside. „Please, Remus. We have a better chance of finding him, if we go together. I know the area – you don't. You'll probably get lost yourself. It's Harry. I know you don't believe me. I know you think I betrayed James and Lily. But just for now, can we put that aside and save my godson?"

Remus looked at him, looked into the sincere greyblue eyes of... a murderer. He could not trust him. He had to keep in mind who he was. But however much he hated it, he knew that Sirius was right as well. The priority now was Harry. „If you make just one wrong move," he hissed, „I won't hesitate to kill you. I mean it Sirius! Don't think you can delude me! We will find Harry and bring him back here. Don't try to make a run for it, it's too late anyway. I have already sent a message to Albus about where we are. I'm sure he'll be here with the Aurors soon."

Sirius swallowed hard at that announcement, but nodded his compliance. Remus waved his wand and the ropes vanished, but he kept the wand pointed at his former best friend. Warily Sirius got up, rubbing his wrists. „Let's not waste any time. I can go ahead and you can follow me, pointing that," he indicated Remus wand with his head, „at my back."

Remus only answer was to take a step back and let the other man move past him. Sirius took his cloak in passing, and Remus was relieved to see, that Harry's was gone too. Then the two wizards stepped out into the cold night and the whirling snow.

-

The snowfall and wind had ceased a little, and you could make out the trees lining the lake shore. The darkness was illuminated by an eerie light, reflecting from the snow. The world was white and seemed endless. Half-closed tracks were leading from the cabin towards the lake, but they seemed to big to be Harry's.

„I followed his tracks down towards the lake," Remus explained, „but they vanished under the trees, and I couldn't find them anymore. The wind coming from the lake must have blown them over."

Sirius didn't answer. He started to fight his way down to the lake, following the tracks without sparing Remus another glance to see if he was following. Although Sirius was tramping with astonishingly velocity Remus managed to keep up with him by treading into Sirius' tracks. He still held his wand directed at his former friend's back, but Sirius didn't seem to notice, or maybe he just didn't bother.

Remus found himself watching him, painfully aware how much this man looked and acted like his best friend. He was a lot thinner, but apart from that he seemed almost unchanged when you didn't look at his face and especially his eyes. The long black hair, that was falling down to his shoulders in careless grace, was blowing in the wind, snowflakes settling on the silky strands. How often had he seen Sirius like that at Hogwarts? The last time Remus had seen his friend, he had not known he was the traitor, had suspected nothing. When he had found out about his betrayal, Sirius had already been brought to Azkaban. This was the first time he saw his old friend since then. He didn't know what he'd expected. He guessed, he'd expected a different person, expected to look at Sirius and see a stranger. But he was just Sirius. Only now he was a murderer. With the face of his friend.

-

Sirius heart was racing. He knew Remus still had his wand directed at him. That was after all expected, when people thought you were a criminal. He didn't know why he didn't feel more threatened, if it was because he couldn't believe his gentle friend was actually able to use an Unforgivable, or if he was simply too scared for Harry to care about his own safety. If something happened to Harry, his life wouldn't be worth a thing anymore anyway. He didn't know how, but he could almost feel Harry's fear, Harry's desperation. He felt cold, but it felt like an abstract thing, like it wasn't his own nerve-endings that signaled this sensation to him, but that his body was filled with it from the inside. It felt different than the Dementors and the flashbacks he had before, because instead it seemed to make his thoughts clearer. Something was whispering to him. Harry's tracks were gone, but he still knew where to go. Something else was guiding him, like a subconscious knowledge, like a call he could not hear, but feel deep inside of him, pulling him onwards. It didn't make sense really, but he simply knew where he had to direct his feet to. He felt so sure, so certain, that it felt absurd to question it.

Stumbling through the banks of snow and the skeletal trees, they finally reached the shore and that's when a cold hand suddenly gripped Sirius heart, filling it with impossible dread. Harry had not stopped here. He had not turned around either. He had walked on. Harry had walked out on the frozen lake, and he had no clue how thick the ice was, but it was most likely not thick enough. Sirius hesitated for a moment. In front of him was a wide white plane vanishing in the darkness and the whirling snow. And he knew Harry was somewhere out there.

„What is it?" Remus asked next to him. „Did you see something?"

„He's gone out on the lake." Sirius said, staring out over the frozen lake, lying innocently covered under a white blanket of snow. „I'm following him."

Remus caught him at the shoulder, whirling him around. He looked at him disbelievingly. „Are you insane? The ice won't carry you! It's a miracle that it carried Harry, but he's a lot smaller. Going out there is suicide."

„Not when I'm Padfoot." Sirius cut across him.

Remus stared at him, anger gleaming in his eyes. „Is this your plan to escape? I let you transform and you'll get away?"

Sirius glared at him. „I'm not asking for your permission! I will find Harry. I'll safe him, whatever it takes! Do you really think I'd forsake him? There is _nothing _in this world more important to me than this boy and I don't give a fucking thing if you believe me or not!"

Sirius transformed, before Remus could react. Or maybe he could have reacted, if he'd known what the right damn reaction would have been! The black dog, that he knew as well as the man, ran out into the whirling whiteness without hesitation.

„Sirius!" Remus yelled. „You can't just-! Stay here, damn it! I can apparate to the other side of the lake! You have not even a clue where you're going!!" Without thinking, Remus ran after him. „Padfoot! Stop, you bloody idiot!"

But Sirius did not stop, did not falter. He had a purpose. He had a mission. Nothing would stop him. Harry was calling for him, needed him. Harry. There was nothing else but Harry. His paws had a better grip in the snow, but Remus was not allowing himself to let Sirius out of his sight.

„Sirius!! Damn you! You crazy bastard, tha-" _CRACK._ _crack. crack._

Padfoot froze, as he felt the tremor in the underground beneath his paws. He felt the fur raise in his neck at the scrunching sound. The dog had stopped, but didn't dare to turn around. _crack. creak. creak. CRACK. _

„HNARGH!!"

Sirius whirled around, just to see how Remus staggered to the side like in slow motion. Animal eyes met human ones. Then there was a splash and Remus had disappeared from view. There was nothing but the silence of the falling snow, swallowing all sound.

Before he even knew what he was doing, Padfoot was running back to where his friend had vanished. His dog instincts guided him, when he approached the gaping hole in the ice. Whining he carefully felt his way forward, finally crawling and skittering on his stomach. When he reached the edge he transformed back. „Remus!" he yelled. „Remus!!!" The ice was creaking under him, and he stilled. Gripping the edge of the breach, he slowly pulled himself forward until he could look down into the dark waters. There was no Remus and Sirius panicked. He ripped off his cloak and pulling himself even further over the edge, tried to feel around for his friend. Finally he dove into the icy water with his head and upper body, digging his feet into the snow for balance. His eyes were wide open, as he searched the darkness for a glimpse of his friend, and the water felt like a million needles boring into his skin. Then his hand found something, some cloth, and he grabbed at it and yanked. He pulled with all his might, dragging Remus body from under the ice to the opening.

The ice creaked alarmingly again, as Sirius crawled backwards, pulling with all his strength at the heavy weight of Remus body and the soaked clothes. The muscled in his arms were burning, he panted and coughed. His hands were almost numb and he had to use all the power of his body and mind to not let go. _Come on, Moony! Come ooonnn!! _Finally he managed to get the torso out of the water, and the rest came easier. Sirius dragged Remus away from the hole and fell on his back, fighting for breath. His lungs hurt and black spots were dancing in his vision. His own body felt too heavy to move, but he knew he had to. He had to move...

He rolled on his side and came up on his knees. Remus was lying next to him unconscious in his soaked clothes. He was as white as the snow, his lips blue. He wasn't breathing and his pulse was weak. Sirius tried to fight down the panic, the exhaustion and the voice that whispered to him, to just lay down and close his eyes until it all was over. _Oxygen! I have to get him breathing!_ Sirius swallowed and tilted Remus head back. Then he took a deep breath and bend over his friend. Pressing his mouth to his, he breathed into him. After a few more breaths Remus started sputtering and Sirius rolled him on his side to let him choke up any water he had swallowed. He was breathing, thank god he was breathing...

Turning him back, Sirius looked at his friend. His eyes were glacy. „Remus? Can you hear me? Remus!?" Remus didn't answer, as his eyelids dropped and his head lulled to the side. He'd lost consciousness. Sirius grabbed the soaked clothes and shook the wizard. „Remus!! Come on, don't do this to me!" But there was no answer. Oh god, oh Merlin... what should he do know? He had to find Harry, but he couldn't leave Remus behind. He had to get him back to the cabin, had to get him warm and dry. But he had hardly gotten him out of the water, how should he get him all the way back? He couldn't carry him. Not over the ice. It would take hours. He did not have hours and neither did Harry! _No. no. no. This can not be happening. Oh god... What do I do? This can't be happening! What do I do!!? WHAT DO I DO!??_

TBC

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A/N: Don't hit me! If you feel the need to express _**any **_kind of feelings, just press the button and review. Make me happy, I'm anxious to know what you think.

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**H.: **Thank you very much for your review and compliments. I'm glad you find the story believable, since this was one of my primary objectives.

**BloOm: **Thank you for your reassuring words. It's always a risk to write in a foreign language, although it comes easier to me than writing in German. Huh. Go figure... Oh, and please don't hate Remus too much. It's all my fault, as I'm the author ; ). Anyway, I think you can't blame him really, the poor guy doesn't know better.


	19. I'll Be By Your Side

**A/N:** Now, do you love me or what? I wrote through the nights for this. well I slept in the days, but still... Anyway, thank you for all your feedback and comments, even if I got cursed so much I almost started wincing instead of cheering when I saw a new review. ; ) I know, I know I'm the evil cliffhanger-witch. But honestly the plot just has a lot of suspense right now, and there would be a cliffy when ever I make a cut. And no, writing the whole story in one go is not an option! If I was really evil, I'd made the cut, before our favourite werewolf was breathing again! Ever thought of that? I surely did. ; )

Thanks for all the feedback! I love that you like the story so much. Thank you!!

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**Chapter 19 – I'll Be By Your Side**

_He was breathing, thank god he was breathing..._

„_Remus? Can you hear me? Remus!?" Remus didn't answer... He'd lost consciousness... He had to find Harry, but he couldn't leave Remus behind... He had hardly gotten him out of the water... He couldn't carry him. Not over the ice. It would take hours..._

_No. no. no. This can not be happening. Oh god... What do I do? This can't be happening! What do I do!!? WHAT DO I DO!??_

-

Sirius face was buried in Remus soaked clothes as he gave in to despair. His limbs were numb, he could hardly feel his hands. His lungs were on fire, making each breath agony. He was so infinitely tired... All he wanted was to close his eyes and let sleep envelope him in his warm and fuzzy blanket. He almost didn't feel the cold anymore. Was this how it would end? All energy had left his body, leaving behind a heavy and useless mass of skin and bones. It was all lost anyway... Harry and Remus. What did it matter if he gave into it... He had been better off dead for a long time now. Finally it would be over. Sleeping. Peace. Would he see James? And Lily?

„_I want you to become his godfather." James earnest hazel eyes watched him intently. „You are my brother in everything but blood, Padfoot. My family. If anything ever happened to me and Lily – I know you will take care of my son, like you would do with your own."_

_Sirius blinked against the unmanly tears that welled up in his eyes, but he couldn't help it, when he looked at the tiny person, lying in the crook of his arm. James and Lily had made a whole new person. It was a miracle. And he was so small. So helpless. Sirius gazed in wonder at the little bundle, that was taking the first breaths of his new life. At the black down on his head, the tiny hands. And then the little boy blinked and Sirius stared into vivid green eyes. A warm and overwhelming emotion rose in his chest like a crescendo, until he thought he would burst. He would never let anything bad happen to this sweet creature, not over his dead body._

_He raised his misty eyes up to his friend. „James." he said. Nothing more was needed. Then his eyes found another pair, as green as her new born sons. „Lily. That what you want as well?" he asked unsure. _

_The young red-haired witch looked tired but with a beautiful glow of happiness around her. She smiled at him. „Yes, Sirius. There was never any doubt. If there is one person in the world, I'd trust to keep Harry safe, it is you." Sirius closed his eyes and bowed his head. „Thank you." _

_Lily stretched out her hand to him, and he dutifully came to stand next to her bed, blushing when she dragged him towards her and kissed him softly on the cheek. _

Harry. Sirius drew a shuttering breath. No. It would not be over until he held him in his arms - either way. His godson was not beyond reach yet, he just had to find him. His family was not yet gone. He could still safe them. He would not give up. As long as his heart was still beating, he would keep walking, keep trying, and when it stopped he'd still go on, because he was Sirius Black, and he didn't give up!

Lifting his head up, he looked at the pale face of his friend. _Remus..._ _Moony..._ _my friend_. He looked so much like the young boy he had wanted to protect when they'd met at Hogwarts. So shy, so gentle, always tired and exhausted, always hurt... Sirius stared at his bare, pale hands. Always forgetting his gloves. He laid his hand on the cold one of his friend. Tears sprang from his eyes, as he dragged the limp form against him, slinging his numb arms around the cold body.

„Remus, please, don't leave me too." he whispered into his wet hair, that was starting to freeze on the tips.

That's when his eyes caught something dark, buried in the snow underneath his friend. It looked like a small twig. With clawed and frozen fingers Sirius scratched at the snow around it, digging the object out. It was a wand. Remus' wand. It must have fallen here, when he lost his balance. Sirius stared at it in awe. He held a wand in his hand, and although it wasn't his own, he could feel the magical power surge through him. He had a wand. „_It made a lot of things a lot easier."_ Clutching the wand in his hand, Sirius looked around him. Snowfall and silence as far as his senses reached. Only the other one, the one he couldn't name, told him about what he did not see and did not hear. About Harry, out there, alone and scared. But alive.

It was the hardest thing Sirius had ever done, resisting this call. But he knew, that if he didn't move Remus he would freeze to death within the hour. _Hold out Harry, just a little longer. I 'll come for you. Believe me. I will never leave you. I promise, I will be there!_

He stripped Remus out of his heavy winter cloak, that seemed to weigh tons, soaked as it was with the icy water of the lake. Then he reached for his own cloak and wrapped his friend up in it. Carefully Sirius stood up. His heart beating anxiously as the ice creaked and crunched under him. He took a deep breath. Apparating. It was like riding a broomstick. If you had learnt it once, you never forgot. Sidelong apparition of course was a hint trickier. Sidelong apparition with the dead weight of an unconscious person, that couldn't move of its own, on a trembling, groaning layer of ice – well, that just was a little bit of a challenge. Nothing serious. He could do it. He was Sirius Black.

Bending down, he grabbed the lithe form of his unconscious friend under his arms and heaved him up, against him. There were more cracking noises and a light shudder in the ground. Sirius heart was beating hard and fast, as he tried to clutch the dead weight of Remus against him in a way that would still give him space to move. _Destination, Determination, Deliberation. _Well, he certainly didn't lack determination. The destination could not be clearer, as he pictured the haven of the small cabin he'd called home in the last months. Deliberation. Guess, he just had to keep his fingers crossed. Sirius took a deep breath, one arm slung around Remus, the other holding up the wand. The ice creaked loudly and he felt it breaking under him, as he turned with a step forward. The two wizards vanished with a small plop as the ice broke with a loud crack, leaving floes of ice slightly bobbing on the dark waters under a grey sky full of whirling snow. Then all was silent once more.

_***_

Harry had never felt so alone in his life. Not even at the Dursleys. It was true, that their company had hardly been comforting, but he hadn't been alone. He had not been alone in a whole wide white world, that did not seem to end anywhere. He had lost any bearing of where he had come from or how long he was already out here. It felt like forever. What scared him the most, was the thought, that when he himself did not know where he was, how would Sirius ever be able to find him? Would he even come for him? Or was he angry, that he had run away again? Sirius wouldn't just leave him, would he? „Sirius?" Harry called softly. And then louder, „Sirius!? Sirius!!" His own voice sounded piteous in the surrounding silence, and made him feel even more like the only person still inhabiting this world. Or maybe he had already wandered into a different world, one that consisted only out of snow and ice, wind and cold and he would run around in it in circles until he could run no more. And how ever much he called for his godfather, he wouldn't be able to hear him.

Suddenly he grew aware of something looming in the snowfall before him, a dark shape. He stopped, trying to make out what it was, or if he was just imagining things. Normally the unknown would have scared Harry, making him run in the other direction. But everything was better than the endless whiteness surrounding him. Hesitantly, his small heart beating in his throat, Harry moved towards it and when he came nearer, he saw that it was nothing else but a tree. A large gnarled tree, raising his bare branches into the snow-filled sky. He staggered through the snow towards it, and when he reached it and slumped against the trunk, breathing heavily, he saw that the inside of the trunk was hollow. The wind was less sharp and biting behind the tree and Harry crawled inside, cowering down on the leafs and mould. He was still trembling slightly, but at least the wind and the snow couldn't reach him here all that much. Worn out, Harry closed his eyes. „Sirius..." he mumbled.

And the last thing he heard was Sirius voice. _I'll come for you. I promise I will be there... _Then he fell in the dreamless sleep of exhaustion.

***

Sirius staggered when he arrived in front of the cabin, seemingly out of thin air, holding onto a wet and freezing and still unconscious werewolf. He fell to his knees in the snow, fighting against the nausea and waiting for the world to stop spinning around him. Cursing his weak and shaking limbs, he managed to get on his feet and mumbled „Mobili Corpus!" pointing his wand at Remus. Guiding his body in front of him Sirius trudged to the cabin and carefully navigated Remus through the door and into his bedroom.

A flick of the wand lit up the remaining embers to a roaring fire and Sirius coughed „Finite Incantatem!" and caught Remus body round the middle. Getting him out of the wet clothes was a little difficult, but he managed and once he had stripped him, he laid him into his bed and wrapped him in as many blankets as he could find, adding a warming charm.

For a moment his hands stilled and he watched his friend in the flickering light of the flames, as it cast shadows on his tired looking face. He looked older than he should, but then so did Sirius. What had happened to Remus in the last seven years, that he had been in Azkaban? He had not had any means of knowing what was going on in the wizarding world, but that world had never made life easy for Remus Lupin. Looking at the lines in Remus face and his hair, that was already greying at the temples, Sirius thought, that maybe he had not been the only one who lost everything that Halloween night seven years ago.

Then Remus eyes fluttered open. They still looked glassy and unfocused, but seemed to be directed at him. „Si...us..." came the rasping sound from Remus throat.

„I'm sorry Remus." Sirius whispered. „But this is all I can do right now. I have to find Harry. You understand that, don't you?"

But Remus eyes were already closing again and it appeared as if he had fallen into a deep sleep. At least he was breathing regularly. „Hang in there, old friend!" Sirius said softly, squeezing Remus shoulder through the stack of blankets. Then he picked up his cloak from the floor and went back out into the snowy night.

He didn't know where Harry was, was quite sure Harry didn't even know himself. All he really had, was this call he was feeling. Now Sirius approach to magic had always been quite straight forward. Transfigure this, charm that, hex him into oblivion. If you have the time and patience, for Merlin's sake even brow a potion. But this was nothing of that kind. This was a mere _feeling_. Sirius was not all that good in listening to his feelings. They had been what made him vulnerable as a child, what had made his parents hurt him, because he was weak. So he had hid it all inside himself. Had built up walls and boarded up all windows and doors. Had become carefree, unyielding Sirius Black. Someone not many dared to mess with.

But then Harry had come into his life. It had been a revelation, eight years ago as much as now. He loved that boy. And he was not ashamed to admit it. And when Harry now was calling for him – however he did it – he would follow that call. Blindly. With a deep breath Sirius closed his eyes and listened deep inside himself, concentrated only on Harry... and turning on the spot, he vanished.

_***_

When Albus Dumbledore arrived back at his office in Hogwarts, he felt exhausted. He rarely felt his true age, but meetings with the Minister tended to have that affect on him. He had been discussing with Fudge and Scrimgeour for the better part of the day, and his patience and politeness had been thoroughly tested.

He fell into the chair behind his desk, pulling of his half-moon spectacles and tiredly rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt out of the loop, and it was a feeling he didn't like all that much. Dumbledore was used to knowing and seeing more than other wizards did. It was part due to his age, part due to his exceptional intelligence and insight. But in this matter with Sirius Black, he felt unable to get to the bottom of things. He knew that Remus had been right. Something was 'off' in this whole situation.

He sighed. Sirius had been an exceptionally gifted student, less due to his studiousness and more to a keen perception of course. In that he had rivalled James Potter. But the fact that he had liked the young Black so much, had been based on something else. Dumbledore knew, that he had a soft spot for strays, and if there had ever been a boy who lived up to that description, it had been Sirius Black. He had known Orion and Walburga Black and their pureblood-mania, and could make an educated guess at the kind of upbringing Sirius had received. When he quite unexpectedly had been sorted into Gryffindor, Dumbledore had watched the somewhat withdrawn boy struggle with prejudices from those who saw him as the descendant of a dynasty of dark wizards, and loathing from those who saw him as the traitor to his own kind. He had seen him fight and grow and become a true and loyal friend, a decent and righteous human being. Until the day he was exposed as the traitor of them all. Dumbledore had never really forgiven himself for that horrendous misjudgement.

Now it seemed he had made another one, when he had given Harry Potter in the care of Petunia Dursley and her husband. Dumbledore sighed again, putting his face into his open hands. In his head he heard Remus voice, arguing passionately.

„_Sirius might have had the right idea." _

„_He followed him voluntarily." _

„_He made a promise."_

The promise. He remembered that day. Oh yes, he remembered it vividly. Maybe... Dumbledore stood up and went to the other side of the room, where a shallow stone basin with carved runes and symbols stood on a small table. Pointing the tip of his wand to his own head, he pulled it away with a thin silver strand hanging from its tip. As soon as he released it into the Pensieve it became a cloud-like, swirling liquid filling the basin.

Dumbledore was just about to bend forward, to touch the substance, when a knock at the door made him turn around. He frowned. It was rather late for a visitor.

„Come in!" he called, stepping away from the Pensieve.

„I'm sorry to disturb you this late, Albus," Minerva McGonagall stepped into his office, closing the door behind her. „but this came by floo in your absence." She held out an slightly smudged envelope to him, which was addressed to 'Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy – URGENT' in what he believed to recognize at Remus Lupin's hand writing.

„Thank you, Minerva. And don't worry yourself. I just came back from the Ministry and was far from going to bed." He went to his desk and opened the letter, pulling out a single sheet of parchment.

_Albus,_

_I found Sirius. He is staying at the cabin of his uncle, Alphard Black, at the Lakes. Saw him and Harry. Harry seemed well. They were alone. Sirius saw me. I'm going there to watch out for him and make sure he won't escape. _

_Would appreciate some reinforcement. _

_Remus._

Dumbledore looked up at his old friend and colleague, his blue eyes bright and serious. „It looks like Remus has found them. And of course he didn't wait, but sprung into action." Another sigh. „I'll leave immediately. I don't want to lose anybody else to Sirius Black. Please give notice to Kingsley right away. Tell him we'll need Aurors at Alphard Blacks cabin, at the Lakes."

„I understand." Professor McGonagall said with a sharp nod. And without further hesitation Dumbledore strode to the firepace and after he threw the powder into the flames, stepped into it, announcing his destination.

In the Pensieve, left in the corner, the silver smoke whirled, showing James and Lily glowing with pride and happiness. Lily handing little Harry to a younger Sirius and him, standing under an beautiful arch, holding Harry and looking at the small child like it was the most precious thing in the world. A golden light suddenly seemed to surround Sirius and Harry. Then the substance became once more silver, foggy clouds.

***

When Sirius appeared somewhere in the seemingly endless plane of snow he managed to stay on his feet this time. On the other hand he was greeted with an all to familiar creaking sound. _Oh great! More ice. _Was the whole world suddenly made of ice and snow? It certainly felt like it. Carefully balancing on the spot, trying not to move, he glanced around. Snow. Lots and lots of snow. Sirius sighed disappointed. He should have known it wouldn't work. It had been a stupid idea from the beginning, thinking he could_ feel _his way to Harry. Then he saw a small red and gold wrapped packet lying in the snow to his left.

***

Albus stepped out of the fireplace, wand at the ready. He was a little surprised and immediately worried, when all that welcomed him, was an empty room lit only by the fire, that had returned to his original colour after his arrival. His keen eyes made out wet spots on the floor, but closer inspection assured him, that it was water and not something more worrisome.

Frowning he took in the homely surroundings. The comfortable couch with a copy of 'The Tales Of Beedle The Bart' lying on the cushions. The paired blue dishes resting washed in the colander in the small corner kitchen. And was that a cooking wand lying over there on the floor? He had not seen one since his last visit with old Bathilda. It looked very much like someone had made a home at this place, and not like it had recently abandoned it in a hurry.

There was a sudden cough, coming from the room next door and Dumbledore slowly walked towards it, wand raised in front of him. The sight that met him was not one he could have suspected, and for a second he was thrown of guard, before a concern settled over his features.

„Remus." He went over to the bed with quick strides, waving his wand over the man lying in it to assess the situation. It seemed the werewolf was uninjured, but falling into a fever, and Dumbledore muttered a few spells over the sleeping body of the younger wizard. He took in the soaked garments on the floor and frowned. This didn't look like Remus had simply gotten into a blizzard. This looked like he had been into water fully clothed. Like in a lake... What it didn't explain was, how he came to be resting in what looked like the only bed in a cabin, he himself had declared was Sirius Black's hideout. And where was Black? And Harry? All of this didn't bode well, and Dumbledore felt he was about to have a quite surprising evening.

But first things first. One could never do wrong with a nice cup of hot tea.

***

His hand was shaking violently, when Sirius picked up the little package and looked at it in wonder. How had this gotten here? Why had he gotten here? At first he had thought it had not worked, and he just had apparated to a random place out on the lake. But this small packet looked like someone had recently lost it, someone like Harry, since it was highly unlikely that anyone else was running around here in this blizzard. Absentmindedly Sirius put the little package into the pocket of his cloak. The icy ground creaked again and Sirius pulled himself together to transform into the great black dog, anxious not to risk another disaster like before, with Moony. He stilled. An then an almost excited bark rang out through the snow, as Padfoot sniffed the air and caught a faint trace of Harry's sweet smell. He had been here, and it could not have been to long ago. Nose buried in the fresh fallen snow Padfoot hobbled forward. _Harry, I'm coming. I'm coming. _

The dark shape of a tree loomed in front of him and Sirius tried to go faster, although his dog limbs were just as numb and tired as his human ones had been. He wasn't sure what it was that kept him able to go on, he only prayed that it would keep until he had Harry back safely at the cabin. He could not think any further than that. Right now, it was all that mattered.

When Sirius got to the tree and saw the small huddled figure leaning in the cave of the trunk, he was filled with the strangest mixture of overwhelming joy and utter anxiousness. Harry. He had found Harry. But was he alright? The protruding feet and one side of his cloak were already covered in snow, and the small boy didn't seem to be awake. Quickly Sirius crouched down in the snow and reached inside the hollow tree for his godson.

Cradling his godson in his arms, he whispered „Harry? Harry! Please, wake up!" He shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around Harry, rubbing his limbs. „Harry? Come on, say something!"

Blinking slowly, the eyes of the boy opened and found the face of his godfather. „Sirius...?"

„Yes, Harry, it's me." He sighed in relief. „It's alright. I'm here now. You're safe."

„You came for me." Harry mumbled. „Wasn't sure... would."

Sirius stroked over the damp black hair and pulled the boy tighter against him. „I'll always come for you, Harry. Always. I love you. I won't let anything happen to you, ever. You alright? You must be freezing..."

There was no answer.

„It's alright Harry," Sirius whispered, his voice breaking. „I've got you now."

He only wished his head would not be so heavy, he could hardly hold it up. He had to get to the cabin. He had to keep Harry safe. And Remus. If only his limbs were willing to work. „Harry..." he rasped in a low voice. „have to get back, out of..." Holding Harry against him with one hand, he clawed at the tree to struggle up to his feet. It seemed he had finally reached his limit, because for a moment he wobbled and his vision closed in, blackness threatening to overcome him. _Not yet. Not yet. Just a little longer. Have to... to the cabin._

Sirius hoisted his godson up in his arms, leaning against the tree heavily. Then he turned, concentrating with all the strength he had left on their home.

***

Albus was sitting next to Remus bed with a cup of tea. He had managed to get some of it down Remus throat as well, although he had been barely conscious, mumbling 'Harry' and 'Sirius' and 'saved' in his feverish dreams. But his temperature was not so high as to be overly worried. Remus would be fine. So Albus waited.

Suddenly the door to the cabin flew open with a bang, and Dumbledore was out of his seat in the blink of an eye. Staggering into the living-room came a man, his long black hair covered in snow. He was thin and pale and shaking. In his arms he carried a small boy with black hair, wrapped in layers of equally black wool. The man, a horrific shadow of the Sirius Black he had known all those years ago, stumbled and went down on his knees, his desperate eyes glued to Dumbledore's.

„Harry! Please... help me."

Then Sirius Black collapsed.

TBC

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A/N: Writing this story takes a lot of time. Be so kind and take the time to leave a review. Thank You!!

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**blackmoon: **Thank you. Glad to hear someone appreciates my fast updates! Why didn't Sirius offer to take Veritaserum? Well, first and quite simple, he has none at hand. We also were made to believe in the books it's hard to come by. So his offer at that point would have been futile. Second, to be honest, for me it's the cowardly way out as an author. It's too simple. It isn't that simple in the books either. When a culprit was prosecuted in front of the Wizengamot they didn't get Veritaserum. That's all I can say now. There will be a point in the story (or the sequel *hint*), where I'll address that issue.

**BloOm: **Sorry for torturing you with the suspense and thank you for finding kind words for my story nonetheless! : ) Funny, that it is the same for you with French as it is for me with German. I read the books in English from the beginning, in German they sound kinda silly...


	20. What Ever May Come

**A/N: I really want to thank all of you who are so loyal to this story and review each chapter!** I can't say how good that feels. **I also want to thank all those who just reviewed for the first time.** Thank you! It's all I got as an author for the work I put into this, and it's what makes it worthwhile.

I know this update took a little longer than you are used to with me. Do I have a valid explanation, like 'I was run down by a bus and lay in hospital unable to move'? Well, no. It just... didn't come. Maybe it was the fact, that I suddenly found all my major characters unconscious!? ; ) So I hope you forgive me the longer wait, but I'm trying is to give you a story that is worth the read. And to make up for it, this one is really loooong!!

About the cliffhanger(s). Sorry. It honestly didn't see the last one as being so dramatic. But then it might be that I just am. A little dramatic. I'm sorry if it disturbed you! I think I probably have to warn you then though. Since I like the dramatic, this is a story with a lot of suspense and there won't be any fast and easy solutions in this story. (I hope I haven't just lost half of my readers... *whimpers*)

Alright, let's finish this lengthy author's note and go on with the plot.

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**Chapter 20 - What Ever May Come**

It was a good thing that Albus Dumbledore was not a wizard who was easily shocked. He would admit that he had been surprised. He would admit that he had been unsettled. After all he had not seen Sirius in over seven years. And he did not look very good. To be quite honest he looked like a dead man walking.

When he had broken down in the middle of the living-room, Dumbledore had reacted immediately and on instinct, casting drying and warming charms, before he reached down and pulled Harry out of the arms of the unconscious convict. The boy looked so small, his unruly black hair sticking up at the back of his head and his face as pale as a ghost. The boy was his first concern and he carried him swiftly into the bedroom and after conjuring a second smaller bed, laid him down and pulled the blankets up to the tip of Harry's nose. Dumbledore knew that the best thing he could do was keeping him warm. Stroking back the boys black strands the old wizard stared at him intently. He looked so small and fragile. Could this little boy really one day become the saviour of the wizarding world? Could those thin shoulders carry such a weight? It was not fair to ask him to, and Albus could only hope, that there would still be time. Time enough for the boy to grow up into a man, who then might actually have a chance. If Albus himself had not already destroyed that chance with his unforgivable mistake.

Sighing Dumbledore turned away from the boy and glanced into the living-room. Sirius was still out on the floor. The sight was oddly disconcerting. The man looked too much like little Harry did. Pale and thin and vulnerable. Strange words to associate with an escaped convict. A murderer and traitor. _'Please... help me.' _It was disturbing to hear that words from the mouth of this man, his voice almost dying, his eyes pleading. His once so handsome features were gaunt and raw. Most wizards had the image of Dumbledore as an slightly eccentric but amicable man, but he could be very hard and unyielding when faced with the dark side of human nature. So it was rather unsettling, when he felt that he could not harden himself against this sight of Sirius Black. Trying to not give it too much thought, Dumbledore quickly conjured another bed and with a flick of his wand raised Sirius up from the floor and guided him down on the sheets, conjuring a stack of blankets above him. He hesitated a moment before he cast a quick binding charm as well.

He turned away from the wizard who had once been one of his favourite students, and went to the fireplace, reaching for the bag of floo-powder in his pocket. He cast a handful into the fireplace and when the flames turned green stuck his head into them.

„Poppy?" he called out. „I know it is late, but I need you here, immediately."

***

A few minutes later Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse of Hogwarts and quite a capable healer, stepped out of the fireplace of the cabin with a frown on her face.

„Headmaster? What on earth happened? This is quite the hour... was there an accident? And where are- Good Lord! Is that Sirius Black!?"

Dumbledore who sat in one of the armchairs across from her cast a look at the unconscious man, as if he needed to assure himself, before he nodded. „Indeed, Poppy. He is indeed."

Without further ado Madame Pomfrey walked briskly over to the bed, opening her old-fashioned black leather bag. „He looks horrendous, Albus. He's hypothermic and needs immediate medical care. What in Merlin's name has happened?"

Albus raised himself from the chair. „I don't know all the details myself, Poppy, but there is another patient I need you to look at."

The nurse turned around, her eyebrows raised. „As bad as this one?" she asked sharply.

„That I will leave up to you to decide." Dumbledore said. He was not about to take anymore risks where it came to Harry Potter. With a bow of his head he indicated to the room next door.

Madame Pomfrey cast a last look at her patient and waved her wand a few more times, probably making sure he wouldn't collapse in the next minute. Then she rushed past Dumbledore, and into the other room, where Remus and Harry were asleep in their beds. In a calm and quick manner Madam Pomfrey went to work, immediately casting diagnostic spells and murmuring under her breath. She confirmed Dumbledore's diagnosis, that Remus was out of immediate danger. He had suffered a mild form of hypothermia, probably from being in cold water, but luckily had not been exposed to it very long. He obviously had been warmed up right after as well, which had prevented the worst. He would certainly suffer a massive head-cold, but there would be no permanent damage to his health.

„His _condition_ also gives him a somewhat stronger endurance to the cold." she explained before she graced Remus with a fond smile and a stroke over his damp forehead, and then turned back to Harry, waving her wand. „Could you please levitate Mr. Black in here as well, Albus? He is off the worst of them, and it will be easier to tend to them all that way. I will shrink Mr. Lupin's bed a little, and then there should be enough room for him."

With a small smile Dumbledore inclined his head and left the room. A few minutes later there was a row of three beds, with little Harry in the middle and Sirius Black the furthest down from the door. Poppy had sent the headmaster off to make more tea with a lot of sugar, for Harry and Remus to drink when they woke up, and then it couldn't hurt them either. The nurse herself was totally engrossed in the care for the unconscious convict, pulling out potions from her leather bag, waving her wand about and murmuring under her breath again. Finally she stepped back into the living-room, sighing and with a tired hand stroked back a wisp of hair that had escaped her tight bun. She went over to the wooden table where Dumbledore was sitting with the teapot and a mug in front of him and poured one for herself before she sat down.

„There is no need to worry about Harry." She said, taking a deep gulp. „He will probably catch a cold too, but mainly he's fine. He was just really tired. His body was exhausted. It would be no wonder if he was running around outside in that weather. It's good, that you got him inside and warm right away, though. With the temperatures outside it could have gotten really dangerous if he had stayed out for too long." She paused. „Now, with _him_, it's a little worse. His health condition has been bad before. While Harry shows signs of malnutrition too, mainly in being somewhat underdeveloped for his age, he has been fed properly for a while now, so his all over condition is alright. But _he_..." Frowning, she pressed her lips together for a moment. „Well, he was in Azkaban, wasn't he? That normally does nothing for your health. And while he seems to have gained some weight in the last months, he is still horribly thin. Then it seems, he was in the water at some point tonight as well, just like Mr. Lupin."

Dumbledore nodded. „Remus was sleeping cosily wrapped up in bed when I arrived. Sirius came in somewhat later with an unconscious Harry and then collapsed himself. As strange as it might be, but from what I can gather, it was probably him who pulled Remus out of the water."

„Exactly."Poppy agreed. „But while Mr. Lupin was kept warm afterwards, Mr. Black ran around outside in his wet clothes and maybe even without a cloak. He was almost frozen when he got here! He was quite literally at the end of his tether. His body temperature was worrisome and it took a while to warm him up again. His heart rate was very low. Now he is falling into a fever. It's quite a struggle for his heart. I don't know if he will get through it, although I will do all I can. Then there are his hands. He has some severe freezes, which will be tricky to repair fully, so that he'll still have feeling in them."

„Try your best, Poppy." Dumbledore sighed. „If it is true what you said, then he has probably saved two lives tonight. It doesn't absolve him from what he has done. But I think it at least gives him the right to expect us to do our best to grant him the same."

Poppy stood up, her tea cup in hand. „That's what I always do, Headmaster. He might be a criminal, but right now he is _my _patient. That's all that matters to me." And with that she made her way back into the bedroom.

Before Dumbledore could answer, the flames in the fireplace roared up green and two men stepped out, their wands raised. At the same moment the door to the cabin flew open with a bang.

**-**

Rufus Scrimgeour strode into the cabin, his wand raised and his keen almost yellowish eyes taking in the surroundings. Trailing behind him came another man, shorter, but also with his wand at the ready. In the door on the other side of the room stood Kingsley Shacklebolt, and a man that Dumbledore recognised as Gawain Robards, the Auror who had been given a leading role in the search for the escaped Sirius Black.

Scrimgeour turned to Dumbledore. „Where is the prisoner?"

„Getting medical care."

„Why is that!? Was there a fight?"

„I don't think so, but he collapsed and is in a very dire condition."

„Hmph!? He's not conscious then?"

„I'm afraid not."

„What about the boy?"

„He is fine. But he is sleeping as well. Don't worry, Rufus, the situation is under control. But I'm afraid you won't be able to interrogate anyone tonight."

Rufus Scrimgeour did not look pleased by this development, nor by Dumbledore's cryptic talk.

At that moment Madame Pomfrey came out of the bedroom again. „I'm afraid I have to confirm the Headmaster's words, Sir. The prisoner hasn't gained consciousness and neither has the boy. I have the medical situation under control, but you can't under any circumstances move the patients, nor can you speak to them right now."

Scrimgeour's eyes bore into Dumbledore. „What the hell happened, Dumbledore?" He asked rather sharply. „And how did you find them?"

„It was Mr. Lupin, a friend of the Potters, who found them. I'm afraid he had taken it upon himself to do something, when he heard that Harry had been abducted. He informed me this evening, that he had located Black and Harry, here at this cabin. It was once in the possession of an uncle of Mr. Black, Alphard Black, but probably is not registered as a wizard home."

„Where is Mr. Lupin now? Under these circumstances there are a few questions I want to ask him as well."

„Ah, well, I'm afraid he is also unconscious at the moment."

„What!?" Scrimgeour looked at Dumbledore with his bushy eyebrows drawn into a deep and suspicious frown. „What is all this? Why is everybody unconscious, when you say there was no fight?"

„They have all suffered severe exhaustion and hypothermia to some degree," Madame Pomfrey cut in, „the prisoner even more so than Harry and Mr. Lupin. From what we could gather, there has been an accident. Probably they broke through the ice on the frozen lake."

Scrimgeour turned to Dumbledore again, and the headmaster answered his question, before it could escape his mouth. „None of them was in any condition to answer questions when I arrived, Rufus. And they probably won't be before tomorrow. It's rather late, anyway. Why don't we meet up here tomorrow afternoon and discuss the matter. Maybe by then they will have gained consciousness, and we will be able to bring the events of the last months to light. I find that a good nights sleep is always of great help, when trying to uncover all that tries so hard to remain hidden."

Scrimgeour frowned again. „I don't like leaving the prisoner here. He has escaped Azkaban, Dumbledore, and he is very clever and devious. I don't want to risk him getting away again."

It was Kingsley who spoke up now for the first time. „We can not move him right now without risking his life. If he doesn't survive there will be no possibility to question him. I can stay here and ensure, that he remains where he is, Sir."

„That would be an excellent idea." Dumbledore said with a smile at Kingsley. Then he turned his sharp blue gaze at Scrimgeour „I'm sure you want to know how Mr. Black was able to escape Azkaban and why he took Harry. Believe me, I want to know the answers to these questions as much as you do. Mr. Shacklebolt here can see to it, that Mr. Black stays in bed, which I'm sure Madame Pomfrey would also recommand. And I have already put up all the necessary wards. Mr. Black is also magically bound to his bed and has no wand. Not even taking into account that he is right now clinging to his life, I don't see how he could escape tonight. For us to get the answers to our questions, we have to make sure, he survives, Rufus."

After a moment Scrimgeour gave a curt nod. „Alright, Dumbledore. I entrust you and Shacklebolt with the prisoner. I will come back tomorrow. And then I will get some answers."

„I'm looking forward to it, Rufus." Dumbledore said with a pleasant smile.

Scrimgeour and the two other Aurors gathered around the fireplace and one by one left in the roar of the flames. As soon as they were gone, Dumbledore turned around to the two remaining people in the room.

„We don't have much time. Rufus Scrimgeour is not a patient man. He will be back here by morning."

Kingsley shook his head. „I'm sorry, Albus. He came in when I was talking to McGonagall. I couldn't evade him, and he insisted on joining we with two more of his Aurors."

„It doesn't matter now." Dumbledore sighed. „What done is done. At least Scrimgeour has an interest in finding out what has been going on, even if he might not have that many scruples about the way he obtains his answers. I'm more worried about Cornelius though, since he will only try to hush things up. He doesn't care what happened and how, as long as it doesn't hurt his reputation."

He turned towards Madame Pomfrey. „However ever you do it, Poppy, I need to talk to Remus before Rufus and the Minister show up tomorrow morning."

***

Madame Pomfrey gave Remus some potions to speed up his awakening, all the while clucking her tongue and grumbling something about her patients needing their rest and highly unrecommendable procedures. When she was finished she shot Dumbledore a glare under her raised eyebrows and stated, that this was all she could do, and they had to wait for him to wake up on his own now.

„Thank you, Poppy," Dumbledore said with a sincere expression. „You know I would not ask, if I did not think it highly important."

And then they waited. It was late in the night already, or rather very early in the morning, but neither of them slept. Dumbledore and Kingsley were sitting next to each other in the armchairs in front of the fireplace, neither saying a word. Dumbledore was staring into the flames with a frown on his face, obviously deep in his thoughts, while Kingsley calmly stirred his cup of tea.

Madame Pomfrey was shuffling around her patients in the next room, especially the pale man in the last bed, who was running a fever so high it was alarming. He was drenched in cold sweat, his robes and black hair sticking to his skin, trembling and mumbling words she couldn't quite understand or make sense of. There was a lot of moaning and 'no' and 'please', and she thought she had heard 'James' and something that sounded like 'rat'. But mostly it was unintelligible.

And then a groan came from the bed on the other side of the room, and when she turned around she could see Remus Lupin stirring and slowly opening his eyes. She rushed over to his bed, feeling his pulse and flashing her glowing wand tip at his eyes, making him squirm.

„Mr. Lupin. How good to see you with us again. How do you feel? Do you remember what happened?"

Remus frowned, blinking against the light. „Where am I?" he mumbled.

Madame Pomfrey looked at him sharply. „You're in a cabin at the lakes, that used to belong to a Mr. Alphard Black. Can you remember how you came to be here?"

Remus moved his head in a way, that indicated a nod. „Harry," he said, trying to look around. But all he could see, was a wall, a door and - _Pomfrey_? How did she get here? „Sirius." he groaned. „What happened? Is Harry... did he find him? Where is Sirius?"

„It's alright, don't you worry." Madame Pomfrey said in a soothing voice. „Harry is lying in bed right next to you. He is sleeping and will be right as rain in a few days. He'll probably catch a cold."

„And Sirius?" Remus asked.

The nurse hesitated a moment, before answering. „He caught a fever and... we'll have to see, how he gets through the night."

Remus looked at her and swallowed hard. „What do you mean?" he croaked. „He's not... he won't... it can't be that bad, can it?"

The older witch looked at the young man, she had attended to so often when he was a boy at Hogwarts, with sympathetic eyes. „I can't say anything, yet. It will depend on his will to fight, and he's not the strong man, you might remember."

Remus slumped back against the pillows, his eyes wide and his heart beating heavy in his chest. „He saved my life," he whispered. „Tonight. He saved my life."

The bed creaked and a shadow fell on the covers. When Remus raised his eyes, he met the troubled gaze of Albus Dumbledore.

„Hello, Remus. I'm glad to see you awake."

„Albus." Remus fixed his eyes on Dumbledore's his voice becoming urgent. „Please. You can't call the Aurors yet. There are things we don't understand, things we misunderstood, I think... I can't explain really, but all that he did... why would he do that? He..." His voice trailed of when Dumbledore sighed „What?" Remus asked, his voice becoming even more anxious.

There was a cough coming from the doorway and Remus looked up to see the solemn face of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Remus eyes went back to Dumbledore's searching for the answer he dreaded to hear.

„I'm sorry to say, that the Ministry is already in the known. I intended to get reinforcements through Kingsley, but Minerva was overheard by Scrimgeour. He was already here with his Aurors and will be back tomorrow. I don't believe we will be able to keep the Minister out of it any longer than that either."

Kingsley nodded. „Scrimgeour might not be a big fan of Fudge's, but he won't do anything to compromise his own position. The Minister has to be informed, it's procedure."

„That's why we need to know what happened, so that we will have a head start." Dumbledore explained. „This is a very troublesome matter, and there are too many variables to act rashly."

Madame Pomfrey came back into the room and handed Remus first a goblet of Pepperup Potion and then a cup of sweetened tea. Remus drowned the first, grimacing when smoke started to curl from his ears and took a gulp of the tea to get rid of the slightly burning taste. He was aware, that all eyes were on him, which made him slightly uneasy.

„How I found him is a long story, and I can tell you all the details later, but the most important thing is... I know I said this before, but I'm _sure_ there is something we are missing, or not seeing or..." Remus eyes were almost pleading. „I don't know," he said helplessly. „I can't explain it really... but this is not what I had expected! He saved my life, Albus! Like he would have done before..." he broke of, stumbling, searching for words, for _answers._ „And the way he took care of Harry. He said, he took him, because he was abused. He said they hit him! Starved him... he said something about welts... I don't know, maybe he is mixing that up with his own experiences, but... he didn't act like a criminal. Even when I told him, that it was over, that he would go back to Azkaban, his only concern was Harry! And then... he saved my life, Albus!Why did he do that?" Tears welled up in Remus eyes and he tried to blink them away. „He could just have let me drown and run. What if there is something we just don't see? What if..." He paused, suddenly hesitant.

„What is it, Remus?"

„I'm not sure. At that point I simply thought he was mad, but... he said something... about Peter."

„Peter Pettigrew?"

„Yes. He said he was still alive and... that he had been the traitor."

„He couldn't have been, you know that Remus. Only the secret keeper can reveal the information."

„That's just it... Sirius said, that he wasn't the secret keeper, but that it was Peter."

The man they were talking about was moaning, tossing about in the bed and struggling with the sheets. Remus had risen up into a sitting position and was looking at the man who had once been his closest friend. Suddenly Sirius stiffened, his body convulsing.

„No!" he called out, „No! Please..." and then „James, no! James!"

Remus looked at him in despair as Madame Pomfrey rushed to his side, checking his vitals and applying spells once more.

„Please, Lily, please!" the feverish voice called desperately and Remus had to press his eyes close to not let the tears splatter. He felt like his whole world was shattering again, but this time there was no one to blame, no one but him.

-

_Sirius was walking through the darkness. There was nothing around him, no forms, no movements and it was cold. There was a faint grey-greenish glow, although he couldn't say where it was coming from. It didn't penetrate the darkness either, but rather seemed to be a part of it. His breath was ascending in frozen clouds. He felt almost naked in the flimsy shirt he was wearing, that provided no defence against the cold. His feet were bare and bleeding. He had no idea where he was going, he just stumbled forwards, holding on to a single thought. He had to find them. He had to save them. _

_Suddenly there was a shape somewhere in front of him and he rushed forwards, urging his hurting feet to move faster. It was a person, lying crumbled before him. When he reached it he fell to his knees, turning it around, only to reveal the empty staring eyes of Lily Potter. „No!!" he cried. „Please, Lily, please!" shaking her limp body as if it was possible to shake the life back into her. But it wasn't. Life had left this body forever. It would never smile again, never frown again at him. Her hand would never reach out again and slap him over the head, only to shake her own head and laugh and squeeze his shoulder a moment later. Life. There had been so much in her. Where had it gone? _

_A faint cry came out of the darkness. The whimper of a helpless child. Harry. Where was Harry? He needed to find him. He ran, stumbling, ignoring the pain, but the crying seemed to come from everywhere. He stopped, looking around him wildly, when he suddenly saw black cloaked figures emerging out of the darkness. Their hoods were pulled over their heads and where Sirius would have caught a glimpse of a face, the only thing he saw were masks. Death Eaters. There were more then he could count, surrounding him, advancing, their wands raised. Did they have Harry?_

„_Where is Harry? What have you done to him?" he yelled, turning on the spot, while the Death Eaters closed in._

_A loud bang, a sound like the crack of thunder, when the storm was right above you almost deafened him and he ducked instinctively. The cloaked figures where cast back, hurdling out of sight and there was only one left, standing alone right in front of him. Sirius rose up, his heart beating fast. There was something about this figure. And then the person took a step towards him and the hood fell back, revealing to Sirius the face of his best friend, just like he'd been the last night he saw him. Smiling and alive. Sirius didn't hesitate. He rushed forward, throwing his arms around James before he could vanish. „James. James, James, James!" he sobbed against his shoulder. He wasn't ashamed to cry. This was his brother and he had missed him every single day for seven years. He had hoped, had prayed for this. For the chance to see him again. To tell him all the things that had been left unsaid. „I love you." he whispered into James' robes. „You have always been my brother, my family, and I love you. I'm so sorry, James. It was all my fault. _I _should have died. I _would_ have died. Just to safe you, and Lily and Harry."_

„_I know." James said and Sirius raised his head from James' shoulder looking in those bright hazel eyes. „But you didn't. You are still alive, Sirius, and it's up to you now. You can't give up. Harry needs you. He loves you. You are all he has left. Take care of him. Please, Sirius, take care of my son. We chose you because we knew you'd move heaven and earth to protect Harry. The first time I saw you holding him in your arms, I knew you'd never let him down. You would love him till the end of this world. It's the way you are, Padfoot. I always knew. Take care of him..."_

_And then James form dissolved like smoke, leaving Sirius alone in the grey darkness. _

**-**

„It's unbelievable how he even managed it." Remus whispered. „We tried to follow Harry's tracks, but they were blown over. But Sirius was still moving with a certainty, as if he knew, although he didn't. I know that doesn't make sense. He said Harry went over the ice. He simply stated it as a fact and before I could do anything he rushed out on the lake as Padfoot. His animagus form." Remus explained when Kingsley raised an eyebrow in question.

„That could have been a ploy to get away." Kingsley said in a calm voice.

But Remus shook his head. „At first I suspected something like that too. But then it happened. I broke through. Suddenly there was just splintering ice beneath me and the ground moved and then I was in the water. I remember the impact... Remember feeling like the air was sucked out of my lungs while my body was pierced with thousand knifes... and then... just darkness. My memories after that are jumbled. I remember something like lying on my back in the snow, being wrapped in something warm, hands on me..." Remus blushed. „I can't really distinguish between reality and dreams, but I know he pulled me out. It was Sirius."

Dumbledore nodded. „I'm quite sure that's what happened. And obviously after bringing you here, he went back out to look for Harry. He came back with him and collapsed in the living-room after I arrived. The only question is why he would act that way."

„_It's true. I'm to blame. I blamed myself ever since that night I found James and Lily in the ruins of their house."_

„_I was so stupid to think Voldemort could be tricked. I was idiotic enough to fall for the trap. But I did not kill them. I never betrayed them!"_

Remus swallowed hard, staring at his hands that rested on the covers. Then he looked up at Dumbledore and stated the unthinkable. „He could be innocent."

„Or," Kingsley said, „he could have simply suppressed the memories of betraying his closest friend, trying to built up an imaginary life where you are still friends and he is the one applied with Harry's care. Azkaban does things to you. It is quite usual for prisoners to go mad."

„He didn't act mad." Remus said. „And even if he'd gone mad, wouldn't Azkaban make him even less human? The Dementors suck out all your good and happy memories, don't they? He wouldn't forget about the betrayal. He would forget about the people that were his friends and family."

„You said he seemed to know where he was going?" Dumbledore asked, his gaze imploring.

„Yes. Do you think that could have something to do with..."

„It might indeed." Dumbledore nodded.

Kingsley raised his eyebrows in question, looking from one to the other. „With what?" he asked.

„With the promise Sirius Black has made eight years ago." Dumbledore answered.

***

Dumbledore's assessment of Rufus Scrimgeour proved to be correct. He really wasn't a patient man. But he obviously was a man who emphasized the importance of his own position as well. So it was not Scrimgeour who arrived in a surge of green flames, barely after the sun had risen. It was Gawain Robards. He brushed of some ashes from his robes and inclined his head at Dumbledore and Kingsley.

„Gentlemen."

„Good morning to you too, Mr. Robards." Dumbledore said, with a friendly smile at the newly arrived Auror. „I hope you have slept well."

„Not so much," Gawain said with a shrug, „But then that's to be expected in a situation like this. Is he awake yet?" he asked, coming straight to the point of his visit.

„No, I'm afraid Mr. Black has not yet woken. But he made it through the night, which is more than we could have hoped for at this point."

Madame Pomfrey emerged from the patients' room, drying her hands on her apron. „His fever is down a little and I'm trying to keep him hydrated and cool him down. It's all I can do at this point. Luckily his heart seems stronger than I had suspected. That he made it through last night, is a very good sign and I thinkthere is a chance, that he will recover. He started rambling in his fevered mind, but there is no way to say when he will wake up or actually be lucid enough to answer questions." With a curt nod she turned back to the other room.

„Isn't there any way for you to quicken up his awakening?" Robards asked sounding impatient.

Madame Pomfrey turned back, glaring at him. „Not without risking the patients life, so I won't allow it." With a last piercing look she vanished through the door.

„However," Dumbledore picked up the conversation, „Mr. Lupin has woken, and was able to explain the events of yesterday, at least to some point. It so happened, that he spotted Mr. Black and Harry on a Christmas Fair yesterday and was able to trace them here. Apparently Harry was quite distraught by the events and ran out into the blizzard. Mr. Lupin took Mr. Black with him to search for Harry, since the latter knew the area. Then while trying to cross the frozen lake, Mr. Lupin broke through the ice and Mr. Black pulled him out and brought him back here, before he went out again to find Harry. I myself was here, when Mr. Black came back with the unconscious boy. Unfortunately he was quite hypothermic at this point and collapsed."

„Black pulled Lupin out of the water, after he was caught? Why would he do that? Why didn't he just run?" Robards asked with a frown.

„Yes, a very good question, indeed." Dumbledore said with a bright smile. „Hopefuly we will get the answers as soon as Mr. Black wakes up."

Robards nodded, looking unsure. „Alright. I will report this back for now. Scrimgeour said he's come by with the Minister later today."

„We will be awaiting them here." Dumbledore inclined his head in a parting nod and Robards was gone a moment later.

***

Sirius fever had indeed declined, but he was still looking sweaty and pale and from time to time mumbling and screaming in his fevered sleep. Remus, who still felt weak and tried to sooth his aching head and throat with Madame Pomfrey's tea and Pepperup Potion, had at last got the permission to leave his bed to use the bathroom and stretch his legs a little. He just came back into the room, when he heard Sirius voice, rough but coherent.

„Remus... it's Peter... he cut it of..."

Remus stumbled to the bed furthest down. „Sirius? Are you awake? Can you hear me?"

Sirius eyes were wide open, but Remus knew immediately, that they weren't seeing him. His eyes were glazed with fever and he mumbled frantically. „It was all that's left... but it wasn't... into the sewer... all along... James... all lies... Peter..."

„What Sirius? What was with Peter?" Remus asked, but he knew it was useless, Sirius didn't hear him.

Suddenly hands were tugging on his robes from behind him. „Get away from him!" a young voice cried, while the hands were trying to tear him away from the bed. „Leave him alone! He didn't do anything! Don't take him back! Don't hurt him!"

Turning around Remus saw, that it was Harry who obviously had woken up. „Harry, it's alright, get back in bed. You'll catch a fever-"

„No!!" Harry, trying to push Remus aside, clung to the bed and his godfather. „I won't let you hurt him! What did you do to him? Why did you come here?" he yelled, facing Remus and trying to shield Sirius from him. „We were fine! Everything was fine before you came! Why can't you leave us alone?"

„Harry, please. I don't want to hurt you... or him. But you need to calm down and get back in bed."

„He said he missed you. He said you were his friend! But you aren't!" Harry yelled, tears welling up in his eyes. „You want to take him back there, and it will kill him!!"

Remus stood momentarily frozen, not knowing what to think or say. Sirius had missed him? He had told Harry about Remus, saying they were friends?

„Harry!" Madame Pomfrey arrived back in her patients' room at that moment and appalled to see two of them out of bed, went into action immediately. „Harry, you need to go back into bed." she said, trying to take the boy by his shoulders. But Harry wouldn't let her.

„No!! No, no!!" he screamed, fighting against the hands that tried to grab him, holding on to his godfather. „No! Leave us alone! I won't let you take him back! Why can't you believe him!? He only wanted you to believe him!" Harry sobbed. „I know he didn't kill my parents, because he loves me, and he wouldn't do that! He loves me! He loves me!" Harry's voice had turned into a hysteric screech, as Remus pulled him against his chest holding him tight while Harry hit him with his small fists, screaming „He loves me!" until he finally started to cry in loud broken sobs and painful wails. „He...loves...me! Please don't...hurt...him. Please...please... don't let him... die!!"

„I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry. We will sort it out, I promise you! I don't understand all of it right now, but... I promise you we will let him explain. And if he is innocent, I will do what ever I can to help him. I promise!"

_Could it really be? Could I have really been so blind? Sirius. Why did you save my life? Can it really be true? And if it's true indeed,... will you ever be able to forgive me? You've been in hell for seven years. How did you get through this without losing your mind? What has Azkaban done to you? _

„Harry." Remus finally spoke up again, still stroking the back of the boy who was sobbing in his arms. Madame Pomfrey had given him a meaningful look and a silent nod, before she had left the room. „There is one thing I need you to tell me. Why did you go with Sirius? Did you know who he was?"

Harry hesitated. „He told me he had known my parents," he whispered. „He said they had loved me a lot and that they were wizards and not freaks and that he is my godfather." Harry looked up at Remus with big, pleading eyes. „He is, isn't he? He is my godfather?"

Remus nodded. „Yes. He is."

The joy and relief on Harry's face was so obvious, that Remus had to suppress a smile, before he went on. „But weren't you afraid to go with a man you didn't know? Didn't you want to stay with your aunt and uncle?"

Harry shook his head.

„Why not?" Remus asked.

„They didn't like me that much," Harry whispered.

„Were they mean to you?"

Harry stared at his feet. „Sometimes." he mumbled.

„Harry? Harry, please look at me." Remus gently raised Harry's face, so that he would meet his eyes. „Did they hit you, Harry?"

Harry looked at him, his eyes big and fearful and Remus had to close his own for a moment, already knowing the answer. He pulled Harry against him again, holding his stiff body in his arms. „I'm so sorry, Harry. I promise you, I do what ever I can, so that you will never have to go back there."

Harry looked at him hopefully. „Then I can stay with Sirius?" he asked in a small voice.

Remus looked at him and swallowed. „We will see. Okay, Harry? We will just have to see."

***

It was early afternoon, when Fudge arrived with Scrimgeour, Robards and Dawlish.

„Ah, Dumbledore," Fudge said jovially, „Quite a catch you made here, if I may say so. I didn't know you were actively taking part in this search. One would think you were to occupied with your headmaster duties."

„You are quite right about that, Cornelius." Dumbledore said with an amused smile „.And therefore it wasn't me who found them, but Mr. Lupin, a friend of the Potters'."

„Not only a friend of the Potters', he was also a friend of Black himself, wasn't he?" Dawlish asked with a hint of disdain.

„And he is also a werewolf, isn't he, Dumbledore?" Fudge asked with an air of superiority.

„That's true. All of it." It was Remus, who had come into the room and was now standing next to the fireplace, his voice calm, his face not betraying any emotions. „I was a friend of James and Lily Potter, as well as Sirius Black since school. And I have been a werewolf since the age of five. It is also true, that it was me who found Sirius and Harry yesterday. If you are still interested in my report, why don't we take a seat and I can tell you."

After some coughing and blustering from the Minister and some moving of furniture they finally sat down and Remus told his tale, or rather the crucial parts. He didn't reveal any of the personal stuff he had found out about Sirius and the way he had grown up, and he left out all hints of Peter, as they had agreed before hand. That was an issue that had to be investigated more thoroughly before any suspicions were laid out. At that point it would only let Sirius look even more crazy.

But then Dumbledore had been right in his assumption. Fudge was not all that interested in the 'how' and 'why', but rather wanted to bring a quick end to an embarrassing matter. He wanted the headline of Black's capture in the Daily Prophet, selling it as a success of the Ministry and the wizard world to forget about the troublesome circumstances of the whole affair.

„As soon as we can transport him, Black will be taken to the Ministry restraining cells for further questioning, then we will hand him over to the Dementors," Fudge declared. „Harry will go back to his relatives, that's-"

„NO!!"

All heads in the living-room whipped around, only to see the prisoner, Sirius Black, pale as death, clutching the frame of the bedroom door, trying to stay on his legs, which obviously weren't strong enough yet to hold his weight. „You can't...," he pressed through his clenched teeth. „bring him...back there!!"

„Sirius!" Remus shot up from his chair so fast, that it crashed to the ground.

„I thought he was bound to his bed!" Scrimgeour shouted.

„He was..." Dumbledore frowned. „He shouldn't be able to..."

„Mr. Black! What are you doing out of bed!" Madame Pomfrey cried, just as Sirius' wobbly legs gave out and he started sliding down to the floor.

„Do something!" Fudge yelled at the Aurors and Dawlish acted immediately.

„Petrificus Totalus!" he yelled and the spell hit Sirius straight in the chest, letting him keel over and slump to the floor. Robards and Scrimgeour slowly advanced at the immobilized prisoner, their wands raised.

But then a small form came hurling out of the bedroom and threw himself over the defenseless man on the floor. „No!! Don't touch him! What did you do to him!? Don't hurt him!" Harry screamed, clutching at Sirius robes. „Sirius? Sirius!! What's wrong with him?" Harry turned his scared eyes towards Remus. „Why doesn't he say anything?" he whispered. „Why doesn't he move?" Tears were freely running down Harry's face. „Is he dead?" he sobbed.

The party of adults stood stunned for a moment, but Remus recovered quickly. Crouching down he wrapped his arms around Harry, in an attempt to calm the boy. „He's not dead, Harry, he's only immobilized," he said.

But Harry didn't seem to hear him, still clinging to his godfather, screaming. „No!! Sirius!! SIRIUS!!!" He grabbed the shoulders of the only person that had ever loved him, trying to shake him, but only achieving to let his head roll over, revealing his face to Harry.

And then Harry stared in the still seeing grey-blue eyes of his godfather, that were full of tears and sorrow.

TBC

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**A/N: Reviews are my cookies. Think you might give me some?**

**Question for readers: **

I had about four more chapters planned for this story. But since then I really got into this story line, and would like to explore a few plot points more thoroughly. Right now I'm tending towards ending this story where I intended to and address the remaining issues (and a few new ones) in a sequel. I would hate to loose the arch of this story and those of you who paid closer attention to the chapter titles might have a clue why I don't want to drag this story out. I'm somewhat uncertain about it, what do you think about it?

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**Bloom:** Ah, I love Sirius too! (As if all of you hadn't guessed until now ; ). So the Aurors DID arrive... sorry! But see, Harry is okay! Sorry the update took a little longer than usual, but I'd say it's still not too bad, is it?

**HebHibHob: **THANK YOU!! Wow. Your review really made me blush, and I don't blush all that easily. So thank you! Hope you keep enjoying (and reviewing!) ; )

**annie: **Annie? You alright? Can you hear me? Put your head between your knees and take deep breaths. (I think it was something like that... *looks around helpless*)

**Mary:** Thank you for reviewing again! Good to see, you still enjoy the story.

**Rainey_Dae: **Hope you still like the story, although this update took a little longer. And you are right. It's Beedle the Bard ; )

**A: **Thanks for your review.Why would Dumbledore inform Kingsley and the Aurors and NOT do it all on his own? Catching dark wizards is after all Auror business. Dumbledore went straight to the cabin, because he was worried about Remus and is glad that Harry was found – that's his priority. From his perspective Sirius is still an escaped convict, to be dealt with by the Aurors. I think Dumbledore is more the guy to pull strings from the back-ground, than jumping into action himself. He normally only did that, when no one else was able to deal with the problem.


	21. Nothing Will Stop Me

**A/N: **There you are. A real chapter this time : ). I know I might be repeating myself, but:

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for your lovely reviews!! **It means so much.

**Sorry for any confusion with this chapter I had to post a 'blank' for my PN, since people told me they couldn't review this chapter, and I know you all want to!**** : ) So I fixed it. Sorry for the inconvinience!  
**

I took my 'personal note' down. It was something I needed to say and felt this was the only platform. But it isn't part of the story, so I throw it in the trash with all the bad feelings this matter brought me and continue my story. The other story is gone. I was told someone reported her to the administrators of Fan Fiction. I don't know who, since it wasn't me. I just didn't want to kick someone who was already down and miserable. I don't harbour ill feelings against her. She obviously is still quite young, maybe she just didn't understand what she was doing, so I wish her good luck.

Just let me say I appreciated _deeply _the support and kind words you gave me during this. Loyal reviewers sending me very sweet PMs and feedback, first-timers, who clicked the button to encourage me and tell me they love the story and hope I'll continue, even people who had read the other girls story and came over here pissed or simply curious, but then took the time to actually read my story, before flaming me and after that telling me they understand me now. It was a weird day for me. I felt like sh** in the morning and at the end of the day so many of you had tried to make me feel better. I was amazed. Actually some of the people who were flaming me in the morning, were apologizing in the evening. So thank you all who took the time to verify the situation _before_ flaming me!

That was that. I really want to leave it behind now and concentrate on the story. Therefore, I hope you enjoy the new chapter! It's one of those who don't get that much action, so I hope we will all be able to catch our breath before the upcoming final. ; )

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**Chapter 21 – Nothing Will Stop Me ;-)**

Harry stared in the grey-blue eyes of his godfather. They seemed to be looking at him. They seemed to see him. He was not dead... was he? He couldn't be dead! And then a single tear fell from those desperate orbs. His godfather was crying. „Sirius?" Harry asked in a feeble whisper. But the only answer he got were Sirius tears.

Hands were pulling him back then. He felt a warm chest pressing at his back, arms surrounding him, but he couldn't take his eyes from his godfather. Two of the strangers advanced again on Sirius. They held short polished sticks in their hands, like Remus had that evening, directing them at Sirius crumbled form. Harry started to squirm against the arms that were holding him.

„No! Leave him alone! Please... please, don't do anything to him!" Tears were running down Harry's cheeks in rivers as he sobbed in despair. Why was this happening? Who were those men and why did they want to hurt Sirius? He struggled harder. He had to help him! „Let me go!" he screamed, fighting against the invisible force that was holding him back. „Let me go!!"

But he was not strong enough. He was too weak, like always, and he would lose his godfather and it would be his fault. He fought against the hold on him, throwing the weight of his whole small body against it. Maybe it was just the surprise over the intensity of his resistance, but he broke free and threw himself forward like a cannon-ball and placed himself like a small watchdog in front of his godfather, facing the strangers.

-

It was a sight that Remus would not have thought possible yesterday, and that in fact still shocked him. Harry Potter, slip of a boy, barely reaching his hip, presumably kidnapped by the supposed murderer of his parents, stood like the Gryffindor Lion, his eyes glinting and every fiber of his being ready to defend the one person blamed for all his misery. Harry Potter was defending Sirius Black. If Remus had not been sure by now, that things might not be just as they seemed, he would not have been able to believe his own eyes.

„Step aside, young man. This man is dangerous and we have to take him into custody." the Minister said with an irritated frown.

„Don't you know, who this man is, boy?" Scrimgeour bellowed. „He's the reason you're an orphan."

Harry looked from one man to the other. One could only imagine how scared he was, with all this strange foreigners surrounding him, their faces ranging from irritation to anger. But Harry stood fast, his hands clenched into little fists. He was probably too scared to answer. All he could do was to place himself between what he considered a danger and the person he so blatantly wanted to protect.

Remus only hesitated for a moment, before he stepped between the Aurors and Sirius as well, coming to stand next to Harry with his hands up, palms facing outwards.

„Why don't we all calm down?" he said. „There is no need to be rash. You've stunned him, so he's not going anywhere."

Harry raised his eyes to look gratefully and hopefully at Remus, who took a step closer to him and casually put a hand to the boy's shoulder, effectively shielding Sirius from view at the same time.

„An excellent suggestion, Remus. Why don't you and Poppy take him back to the bed and we can resume our discussion?" Dumbledore looked at the half circle of Aurors and one Minister of Magic with his eyebrows raised.

„I'm not sure what's to discuss, Dumbledore," Scrimgeour growled. „The prisoner is awake, he got out of bed by himself, and since he could do that, your guards obviously aren't good enough to hold him here. We will bring him to the Ministry holding cells, which is where he belonged from the start."

„It is a strange occurrence indeed," Dumbledore said calmly. „One that should result in further investigation. That was quite a strong binding charm Mr. Black broke there. How will you be sure, he won't break yours as well?"

„It is out of question, that you bring him to the Ministry right now!" Madame Pomfrey protested in outrage. „Mr. Black was on the brink of death merely hours ago! He needs rest and care!"

„He can get that from a medi-wizard at the Ministry. That man is a known criminal! I won't allow you to pamper him anymore, than I would have done with You-know-who!" Scrimgeour snarled, almost getting in Madame Pomfrey's face.

„Well, my dear Lady," Fudge interjected. „I must say I'm rather surprised myself. Surely, you know what this man has done!"

„Well last night he saved my life and Harry's. Risking his own." Remus said calmly. „Maybe you should take that into account."

„The events of last night will certainly be a matter of investigation." Fudge said with a suspicious look at Remus. „But right now the highest importance is to secure a dangerous criminal."

„The only danger he poses at the moment is to himself!" Madame Pomfrey objected. „He's too weak to stand!"

„Well, he won't need to stand." Fudge said. „But there is procedure, and there is no way around it! And the boy needs to go back to his family. This affair has gone on long enough!"

„What!?" Remus bellowed. „What do you mean 'go back to his family'? You can't bring Harry back to those people!"

„There might be other options, Cornelius." Dumbledore's calm voice interjected. „We wouldn't want another scandal, just because we acted hastily, would we?"

**-**

Harry head was spinning. He did not understand what all those people were talking about, apart from, that they seemed to disagree about what to do with Sirius. Why couldn't they just leave? He wanted them to leave! Remus had let him go and he had crouched down next to his godfather unnoticed by the rest of the adults. Sirius eyes seemed to look at him intently and Harry felt really, really scared. In the last months he had trusted Sirius to always know what to do and always make things right. Now he didn't know what would happen. Sirius had said he would never have to go back, that he could stay with his godfather, but what if those men wouldn't let him? The old man with the strange hat had said he would go back to his family. But Sirius was his family! His real family! He had said so. At the Dursley's Harry was nothing but a freak, nobody liked or cared about him. But Sirius had said he wasn't. He had told him he was a wizard, and that he wasn't stupid, wasn't useless. He had said that he loved him. But much more importantly, Harry loved Sirius. Harry loved Sirius like he had loved nothing in the world before. If the world ended, if it all fell away and nothing was left, Harry could take it, as long as he was with Sirius.

He took his hand in his smaller one. He had to be strong and brave. He couldn't disappoint his godfather now. Sirius had helped him and protected him. Now it was him who had to protect Sirius.

-

In the end it proved to be useless. Dumbledore had sighed a lot. Madame Pomfrey's face was adorned with hectic spots and her lips were pressed in a grim line. Remus had tried to argue, until his voice nearly gave and he broke down in a coughing fit and was sent to bed by a stern Madame Pomfrey. And Harry had begged and cried and clung to his godfather's robes, until Dumbledore finally gently pried his fingers open. „It's alright Harry." He said in a soothing voice. „We will find a way to solve this. But you have to let go now. I'm sorry."

***

In a small and dismal cell Sirius was sitting on a narrow cot, trying to get his shaking limbs under control. He felt like pacing, but his legs were too weak. He felt so tired, that his eyes were burning and his vision was blurred. His brain felt like wrapped in cotton, as if everything around him took longer to actually reach his senses, and thoughts were as slippery as the lost soap in a bathtub. All he knew was, that it had all gone horribly wrong. He had always known somewhere deep inside, that it was only a short break from hell, the time he had with Harry at a place that seemed so magical in itself. But he had hoped for more time. He had hoped it would not come to an end in such a harsh way. Harry had to be so scared. Harry. What was happening to Harry now? Would he be send back to the Dursleys? Sirius would have offered himself for the Dementor's kiss if he only could have ensured Harry's safety and happiness with that. But he knew it didn't work like that. James words came back to him.

„_You are still alive, Sirius, and it's up to you now. You can't give up. Harry needs you. He loves you. You are all he has left. Take care of him. Please, Sirius, take care of my son."_

It had been a dream and probably all a creation of his own fevered mind, but he wanted to believe that it _had_ been James. That maybe his friend had finally forgiven him.

When the Aurors had prepared him for transport through the floo-network, by adding magical robes to the still active stunning charm, Harry had clung to him screaming and sobbing. It had shattered Sirius heart into a million pieces. He had wanted to take Harry in his arms and tell him, that everything would be alright, although he knew it was a lie. He had no possibility to assure the small boy, that he was loved. He had not even been able to say goodbye.

And now he was sitting in a cell, with bare stone walls and floor, the only furniture the cot with a thin mattress and a bucket in the corner. What was going to happen to him now? Would they simply bring him back to Azkaban and see to it that he had no possibility to break out this time? The thought of going back to that hellhole made his skin crawl. He could feel the cold creeping back under his skin already. He had no clue how long he had already been in this cell. It felt like an eternity.

They had brought him to the Ministry, one Auror on each side, bound like a parcel and immobilized by magic. The moment they had arrived in the big Atrium, they had nearly caused a riot. Those that saw them had at first kept staring open-mouthed and then started to whisper, which grew louder as the first shock over the stunning sight was processed.

„Sirius Black." „Oh my god, it's Sirius Black." „Have you seen? Sirius Black!" „That's Sirius Black. The murderer." „They've found Black!" „Murderer!" „You should rot in Azkaban!" „The 'kiss' is too good for you!" „MURDERER!"

The voices had grown louder, and Sirius had wanted to struggle, to yell at them, that he wasn't, and that they didn't know shit! But he couldn't. He had been utterly helpless, as he was dragged between the Aurors through the crowd forming in the Atrium like the carcass of a bagged animal.

While they brought him down to the holding cells in the elevator and even after they dropped him roughly on the cot before taking of the stunning spell and the magically enhanced rope, nobody had spoken a word to him. Nobody said what would happen now. He had not felt so humiliated for a long time, but he had swallowed his pride. After the stunning spell was lifted and he could speak again, he'd asked, „What's going to happen to Harry?"

But the only answer had been the door being shut with a loud bang.

***

When Scrimgeour and the three Aurors had left with Sirius, Harry had been sobbing loudly and brokenly. Dumbledore had finally led him into the next room and handed him over to Madame Pomfrey, who gave him a light sedative and some Dreamless Sleep potion before she tucked him into bed.

Remus had declined the Dreamless Sleep potion, insisting that he felt better already, and that he would not lie down and go to sleep while this mess was unresolved and he wasn't at least sure that Harry was safe from his abusive relatives.

Meanwhile in the living-room, Dumbledore was trying his best to ensure exactly that. Like always he had the feeling of talking to the proverbial wall, when discussing with Fudge.

„Now Dumbledore, you know they are the boy's guardians. You have appointed them yourself after all," Fudge said patronizingly. „The boy has been kidnapped and now that he's found, he has to go back. I can't see what's to discuss about it."

„You're right, that I considered it best for them to become Harry's guardians." Dumbledore said with an almost inaudible sigh. „As I explained, it was for his own protection. But now there are reasons to doubt, that Harry will indeed be protected at his aunt and uncle. It would be negligent to just ignore the indications."

„There are laws, Dumbledore. We can't just remove a child from his rightful guardians on a whim." Fudge stated with self-importance.

Dumbledore frowned. „I'd say it is not a 'whim' if there is indication for child abuse, Cornelius. It is a serious matter, that requires careful action and investigation," he straightened himself to his full height and looking down his long nose at the Minister. „Harry is deeply discomposed right now and he seems quite afraid to go back to his aunt and uncle. Surely you will agree, that the well-being of the child accords the most importance."

„Laws are laws, Dumbledore." Fudge was obviously pissed, and losing his patience. „We all have to abide them, that goes for you as much as for me."

„And there _are_ laws, that allow the removal of a child from its appointed guardians, when there is suspicion of child abuse." Dumbledore pointed out bluntly.

„For that case, there would need to be an official complaint, though." Fudge objected.

„Well," Dumbledore smiled grimly, „then I would like to _make _a complaint right now." Without taking his eyes off the Minister he called, „Poppy?"

Madame Pomfrey emerged from the other room, wiping her hands on a towel, her eyebrows raised. „Yes, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore turned towards her with a pleasant smile this time. „Would you please inform the Minister about Harry's general health condition and any signs you might have found for neglect or abuse?"

Madame Pomfrey's face grew dark immediately. „There are quite a few signs raising suspicion, that Harry was indeed neglected. One is his delayed growth, which indicates malnutrition. There are signs for various deficiency symptoms, which only recently have been remedied. There are scars and healed fractures, that are above average for a boy his age. Even more significant is his behaviour. though. He is timid, anxious and his social skills are underdeveloped. All these are indication for abuse."

„Well, excuse me but he has just been kidnapped by one of the most atrocious criminals, of course he would be anxious!" Fudge said in a huff.

Madame Pomfrey let out a rather unladylike snort. „Don't be silly, you've seen how the boy fought to protect Black. He obviously was not afraid of _him_. But apart from Black, he does not seem to trust anyone, although he has become slightly less reserved with Mr. Lupin."

„Which is the reason, why I would suggest Mr. Lupin as temporary guardian and care-taker for Harry." Dumbledore interjected. „The boy has been through a lot, and it would be the best to let him stay with someone he already knows."

„You must be joking, Dumbledore!" Fudge blustered. „The man is a werewolf! We can't entrust him with a small child! Apart from that, there's his involvement in this matter with Black. I'm still not entirely sure, he did not help his friend."

„That is ridiculous!" Madame Pomfrey cried in outrage, only stopping and swallowing down the speech to Remus defence, already on the tip of her tongue, when Dumbledore laid a soothing hand on her shoulder.

„I can vouch for Mr. Lupin," he said calmly. „Like I explained, he has been reporting to me during his search."

„Well, Dumbledore, you were in favour for those Muggles to take the boy in and now you claim they are abusive, so I'm not sure I can trust your judgement."

Madame Pomfrey again opened her mouth to tell the Minister exactly what she thought about this, but Dumbledore squeezed her shoulder lightly, and she closed it again with a huff.

„I see." Dumbledore said. „But you then agree, that Harry should not return to his Muggle relatives? I can recommend another wizard family."

Fudge hesitated. „As long as there are no werewolves or vampires in their midst." he finally said rather nastily.

„No." Dumbledore said. „In fact, they are even Pure-bloods." he looked at the Minister with raised eye-brows and Fudge had the decency to blush.

-

The Minister had finally left. And good riddance to that, Remus thought. Since the door to the bedroom had been closed, he had not been able to hear the whole conversation between Fudge and Dumbledore, but he had heard the word 'werewolf' more than once, and that had been enough to sigh in relief at the Ministers departure. Now he was sitting with Dumbledore and Pomfrey around the wooden table, staring into his tea-cup.

„So what's going to happen now?" he asked without raising his eyes. „Where will you take Harry? You know I would..."

Dumbldore looked at him sympathetically. „I know Remus, and I suggested you as a temporary guardian, but Fudge refused immediately. I'm sorry."

Remus gave him a bitter smile. „It's alright, Albus. It's not as if we haven't had that conversation before."

Dumbledore's face grew grave at these words. „Remus. You know, if it was for me to decide, Harry would already be at your cottage right now. But it isn't. As for our conversation seven years ago – I know I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. But the reasons I wanted Harry to stay with his only living blood relatives had nothing to do with you being a werewolf, or your ability to raise a child. I hope you know that is true."

Remus hung his head with a deep sigh. „I know," he said. „So where will you take him?" he rose his eyes back up to meet the gaze of the old wizard.

„To a wizard family I'm sure I can trust. They have children in Harry's age, and I think it will be a nice place for him, especially in the up-coming holidays."

Remus nodded. There was nothing he could do after all. „And what about Sirius?" he whispered.

Dumbledore gave a deep sigh. „That's a much more difficult matter. Don't forget Remus, we don't know what is true. We don't know if he is innocent."

„I know it is not rational, Albus. I have told myself that I hate him for seven years. I used to run down the list of evidence in my mind, feeding my hate with my grief. But when I saw him again... he was just Sirius. He was like he always had been. Impatient, short-tempered and stubborn. And too brave and true for his own good. If Godric's hat had been there that night, he had sorted him into Gryffindor again in a heart-beat. I know I can't explain how he could be innocent yet. But I have to believe, that it is because I'm still missing pieces of this puzzle. If Sirius really cold-heartedly betrayed James and Lily back then, then nothing in this world makes sense to me anymore."

***

Sirius didn't know the Auror in front of him right now. There had been so many... he had no idea how long he was already sitting in this dingy room, that was bare apart from a table and three chairs. Two at the table, one in a corner. In the corner sat another Auror, watching silently. It was cold. They had taken his cloak, and he was shivering. He felt dizzy too and it became harder and harder to actually listen to the voices.

„Why did you abduct Harry Potter from the house of his aunt and uncle?"

„Because they abused him! His uncle had beaten him, probably with a belt. I saw how he smacked him so hard in the face he went flying! He is an eight year old boy and my godson! Of course I took him, you think I would leave him there?"

„There was never anything reported, that indicates this abuse you describe."

„Well obviously no one of you cared to look closely enough!" Sirius rasped angrily. „God, damit, if you don't believe me ask Harry!"

„Obviously you have brain-washed the boy quite severely while he was in your hands."

„Then ask that bastard Vernon Durseley! Give him Veritaserum if you must, hell, give _me_ Veritaserum!"

„The Ministry does not approve of the use of Veritaserum. It's a forbidden mind-altering drug as stated in Decree 167, paragraph 3 b, and can't be used in interrogation during a preliminary investigation or in a court procedure."

Sirius laughed. It was ridiculous, really. „Since when are you above a little law-bending?" he coughed. „After all, I didn't even get a 'court procedure' last time!"

„There is nothing funny about you're predicament, Mr. Black. I advise you to take this interrogation seriously."

Sirius glared at him. „You think I find you or this farce amusing?"he hissed. „You think it is _amusing_ to spent the better part of your life in Azkaban? That it is a laughing stock to spent you're every waking minute, and those sleeping as well, with a Dementor?" His voice cracked and he erupted in a coughing fit, that shook his whole thin body. „Well, it's not!" he wheezed, when the coughing had subsided, leaving him with an even weaker feeling in his body.

But the Auror seemed unimpressed. „Who helped you to escape?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. „No one."

„Then how did you escape?"

„I walked out and swam to the shore."

„Why did you beat the Muggle, Mr. Dursley?"

„Have you listened to a word I said? Why ask, if you don't listen and don't believe me anyway?"

„Are you still in contact with any other Death Eaters?"

„Sure." Sirius scoffed. „We exchanged Christmas cards from Azkaban."

And so it went on and on and on. Tiredly Sirius leaned forward, placing his forehead on the table. He felt dizzy and hot, and at the same time the cold seemed all surrounding, was in him, was swallowing him whole. He couldn't think anymore, he couldn't talk anymore. With a last mumbled „Harry..." he slipped from the chair and fell to the floor.

***

Harry had slept through the evening and the following night without waking, and thanks to the Dreamless Sleep potion without any nightmares as well. But now it was morning. A bright morning with a clear blue sky and the snow outside sparkling in the sun.

Harry had known something was wrong immediately. He was in Sirius room and not in his own bed under the roof. There was no smell of slightly burned oatmeal or pancakes or anything alike. No off-key singing coming from the kitchen. It was in fact the first morning, that Harry had woken up and had not felt Sirius' presence in any way. And then it came back to him. There was a reason he did not hear or see Sirius. His godfather was gone. He was gone and he did not know where to and if he would see him again and what would happen to him now. Probably he would go back to the Dursleys. His whole body felt like lead at that thought.

When Madame Pomfrey had come into the room and acted all cheerfully, he couldn't even bring himself to smile back at her. She was nice, but he felt too anxious to do anything but feel anxious. All he could feel was this small hard ball in his stomach that hurt like hell.

After he had dressed himself he slowly moved into the living-room, shyly looking from one of the adults to the other. Thankfully those bad and harsh men from yesterday weren't there anymore, and neither was the one with the strange hat. It was only Remus, Madame Pomfrey and the really old-looking man who's name was either Dumbledore or Albus, he wasn't sure. They were all looking at him with friendly smiles on their faces, but he was still scared. Timidly he walked to the table, that was laden with breakfast dishes. Remus pulled back the chair next to him and Harry took a seat, staring at his plate and the pancakes. They were perfect golden-brown circles. He still longed for Sirius' slightly burned and lop-sided ones.

„Harry?" The old wizard finally asked. „Aren't you hungry?"

Only then did Harry notice, that he had been staring at the food in silence for quite some time, not making a move to eat it really. And he didn't think he could. His stomach simply hurt too much for that. So he shook his head.

„Harry, I know you are scared. All that happened in the last two days must have been very frightening. And I know, you are probably worried about your godfather. But I promise you, that we will try to sort it all out. Alright?"

Harry glanced up at the wizard. He was smiling, but he still looked a little intimidating. Harry nodded, since he felt that it was expected.

„Very well," the wizard continued. „but since it might take some time to sort these things out, we had to find a place for you to stay. Am I right, that you don't want to return to your aunt and uncle?"

Harry stared at him wide-eyed. Did he ask him what _he _wanted? Could he say no, and then he wouldn't have to go back? But where would he go then? The only person, that cared for him was Sirius.

The old wizard seemed to understand his predicament. „There is a very nice family, that I know. They are wizards too, and they have a son in your age and some older boys as well. They would be delighted to take you in for as long as it takes. You could celebrate Christmas with them. What do you think? Would you like to meet them?"

Harry stared at him in frightened silence. A wizard family? With other kids? What if they didn't like him, like all those other kids at school? „C-can't I stay with Sirius?" he whispered.

The wizard shook his head and smiled sympathetically. „No, Harry, I'm afraid not."

Harry bowed his head. „And Remus?" He looked up at the younger man next to him. „Can't I stay with you?"

-

It was breaking Remus heart to see the forlorn look in the small boys eyes. He had to feel so terribly lost and at this moment he hated the fact, that he was a werewolf more than anything.

„I'm so sorry, Harry. I wish it was possible. But I promise you, I will visit you at the Weasleys as often as possible, okay?"

**TBC**

**

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it. If you did, make me happy and leave a review. And if you didn't like it feel free to do the same. I would love to make this about the actual story again!**

---

There were a lot of **unregistered reviews** after I posted my note, and I want to thank those people for leaving a feedback. But as far as you left comments on the plagiarism-situation, please understand, that I don't want to drag this out endlessly with personal replies to each of them. I don't want to get in any lengthy arguments either, especially since for me the case is closed. So I'll just reply to the messages concerning the story. I hope you'll understand. : )

**Leolina:** Thanks for the cheer and thank you for your enthusiasm about this story. It's high praise, if you say I sound like the books. That's more than I had ever hoped for. :)

**mya: ** I'm glad you like my mix of detail and suspense. I know many author's drag their stories out more, but that's not for me. I like the stuff I write to be significant. Thank you for reviewing.

**HebHibHob: **Glad you came back! So many people said they cried reading the last chapter. I know I shouldn't be happy to make you cry, but if you got emotional I must have done something right. Letting you feel what the characters feel is the final goal I try to achieve.

**annie: **Annie!! You are alright! You had me worried. And see, Sirius is... well, alive. That's something isn't it?

**BloOm: **Aw! Another one crying. So many sad smilies... *holds out tissue* But I'm glad you think the writing is well. I hope you didn't have to cry so much this time?

**Mcbrat97: **Thank you darling!

**Not Applicable: **It's alright! Breath. He's alive!

**elRey:** Thank you. I'm already looking forward to your full review.

**Charbel: **Thank you for your kind words.

**AddicysInc: **Short but enough. Thank you!

**Mimys35: **Glad someone likes the suspense! Thank you for your review.

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**arig_aboulenein**: High praise! Thank you so much!

**Claira** and **Tanka**: Thank you my dears! I hope you keep reading and liking it!

**To the person, who left all those nice _anonymous _reviews ****several days later ****with the extensive use of that five letter word starting with 'B' and in capitals :**

You're a coward and an idiot and I have nothing more to say to you!


	22. And I Will Protect You

**A/N: **Alright, after the lengthy author's note last time, I try to make it short: THANK YOU to everyone who took the time and sometimes even inconvenience to review the last chapter. I know it was difficult... ; )

Oh, and I forgot with all the trouble last time: **There will be a SEQUEL!** After approximately two more chapters of this story, the arch will end. I'll tackle the remaining issues in a sequel:  
Working Title: The One Thing You Wish For - coming soon on your favourite fanfiction site!

* * *

**Chapter 22 – And I Will Protect You**

In the Ministry of Magic an agitated man with a bowler hat was pacing behind his enormous and excessively expensive desk. His face was red, and you would not have been surprised to see smoke curling from his ears, but than the Minister of Magic wasn't as in tune with his magic abilities to let his emotions show in that way. On the other side of the desk stood a much taller man calm as the ocean on a windless day. Albus Dumbledore was the picture of serenity, although if you had been able to look on the inside, you'd have understood, that the old Headmaster simply was very talented in masking his feelings. At that moment the Minister turned towards his silent visitor.

„A TRIAL, Dumbledore?" Fudge bellowed in out-rage. „You can't be serious! The man is a known criminal, what good would a trial do?"

„You might know, _Minister_, that it is the right of each wizard to defend himself against the charges that are held against him." Dumbledore explained with a single raised eyebrow. „Sirius Black has been denied this right seven years ago."

„Well, it was war back then, and everybody knew he was guilty." Fudge spluttered.

Dumbledore nodded almost sadly. „You are right we were fighting a war back then. And however regrettable it is, in war, the very values one is fighting for, are often sacrificed in the sake of gaining the upper hand. Maybe it is necessary, but it can never make it right. We are not at war anymore, what better time to righten the wrongs from the past, then now?"

„This is a very difficult matter, Dumbledore!" Fudge hissed. „You have seen how the Potter-boy reacted. What if we hold a trial and the kid starts defending his own abductor? The murderer of his parents? He is an idol and hero in our world! People need to believe in things like that. This could all be destroyed! This could shake the very grounds of our society!"

„Shouldn't this fact in itself, that Harry tried to protect Black, give you pause?" Dumbledore said quietly.

„He obviously has brain-washed the boy." Fudge huffed and threw himself back in his high-backed chair. „He was with him for over three month and is still very young and naive, he would be easy to influence indeed!"

„And that Black himself, tried so hard to protect Harry, that he even risked his own life, not to mention his recapture?" Clear blue eyes pierced those of the Minister, but Fudge evaded the gaze. „That he saved another man's life? Does this not give you a shred of doubt, if we really have seen the whole picture for all those years, Cornelius?"

„There are facts, Dumbledore." Fudge leaned forward, shuffling with the papers on his desk. It obviously was meant to give the older wizard a hint to put an end to his visit. „Black was the secret-keeper, you told the Ministry so yourself. There also were lots of witnesses, when he blew up that street and killed all those people." Fudge looked up to meet the eyes of his unwelcome visitor. „And don't forget his heritage. That family has been known for centuries to mix with the Dark Arts. His younger brother was a Death Eater too, so it really shouldn't have come as such a surprise. I never understood why you trusted him in the first place!"

Dumbledore took a deep breath. His eyes never left those of the Minister, and the other wizard felt unable to look away. „To judge people because of their heritage..." Dumbledore said quietly, „isn't that exactly what Voldemort and his Death Eaters have done? Don't you think, we who stood up for a different society, should not make the same mistakes?" Fudge cringed when Dumbledore spoke the dark wizards name, but then he had not exactly been one of those who 'stood up' in the war. Dumbledore went on, without hesitation. „And if those facts you mentioned were indeed as certain, then there would be no harm in a trial, would there? You should be quite assured about its outcome."

Fudge pressed his lips together. „I will think about it." he finally managed to agree.

Dumbledore inclined his head in silence and left the Minister's office without another word.

*******

Harry didn't like magical travel. He and Remus had just landed on a meadow a little outside of a small village. There was a lot less snow and the landscape looked totally different and more rural, than the surroundings of the cabin, that Harry had called home for the last months. They had stood in front of it just a moment before, and then they had plopped right in this place. He felt a little queasy. What had just happened, had felt like being stuffed rather forcefully through a very tight rubber tube. He really didn't liked this kind of magical travel.

Of course he liked broomsticks. Flying with Sirius had always been fun. He loved the wind in his hair and looking down on the world so far out of reach from everyone. Everything was smaller from up in the air and less scaring. And he loved Sirius arms around him, the warmth of his godfather at his back, and the feeling of being safe in his embrace. As always in the last two days Harry felt a painful pang in his chest, when thinking of his godfather. He was so afraid, that he would never see him again. He was afraid, that Sirius was in danger or in pain and that he was all alone. Remus kept assuring him, that the old wizard, Dumbledore, was doing all he could to ensure Sirius safety. Apparently he was very important and powerful. Harry just hoped it would be enough.

But for now, they were on their way to his new temporary home. Harry still felt anxious about this family. Remus had promised, that they would be nice and that there was no need to be afraid of them, but Harry had not much experience with other people, or rather his experiences had been mostly bad. He always felt shy and clumsy around new people and worried, that they wouldn't like him or think he was stupid. So when they walked up a small path, further away from the village and up a small slope, Harry almost subconsciously reached for Remus hand.

He was still not entirely sure that he could trust Remus. He had not forgotten how the wizard had threatened his godfather and yelled at him, saying he was a murderer. But Sirius had told Harry, that Remus was a friend. And Remus seemed to believe Sirius now. He had promised to help him, hadn't he? Harry wished for nothing more, than for Sirius to come back and for them to live together as a family again. But since he wasn't here, Remus felt like the next best thing and he had been very nice to Harry so far.

And now there would be the Weasley Family...

Harry had been so lost in his musing and worries, he noticed the house only, when they had almost reached the property. Walking open-mouthed beside Remus, Harry took in the strange building. He had never seen anything like it before. He wasn't sure such a house was even possible, apart from that it obviously was right in front of him. There were stories and there were roofs and doors and windows, but they all seemed to have gotten mixed up, so that they were not exactly where you would have expected them. The whole construction looked so crooked, that Harry would not have been surprised if it had simply collapsed right there and then. In the front yard there were a few brown chicken picking in the snow, seemingly not interested in the visitors, and there was a wooden sign, that read 'The Burrow'. It all looked rather friendly and funny, if a little crazy. But since it could not have been further from the Dursley's house at number four, Privet Drive, Harry felt relieved.

That is, until he heard the woman screaming.

„...WHAT TO DO WITH YOU! HOW ... SO STUPID? ...HAVE KILLED HIM!! NOW YOU WILL SCRUB THAT... LAST THING YOU'LL DO!!"

Harry stood frozen on the doorstep next to Remus. The other wizard coughed nervously, glancing at Harry and giving him a reassuring smile, that unfortunately did nothing for the boy. Nervously Remus raised his hand and knocked. There was rumbling and a sound like slapping and running feet, and then the woman's voice again hissing from the other side of the door, „Go to your rooms! I don't want to see your faces until tonight! Wait until your father comes home!" More feet running, and then the door was pulled open, revealing a short, plump woman in the doorway. Her fiery red hair was hanging in her face, which was a little red as well. Harry thought that it had probably been her, who had screamed at someone just moments ago, and he took a step back, hiding himself behind Remus.

The woman took in the visitors and her face changed immediately from stormy to a warm and kind smile. She looked directly at Harry. „You must be Harry. I'm so pleased to see you here." She said and then included Remus in her smile. „Please do come in, Mr. Lupin. Come, Harry dear! I have hot chocolate on the stove..." The woman ushered them in and Harry felt like he couldn't do anything else, but follow Remus.

His heart was beating fast. On seeing the house, he had been sure, that these people had to be very different from the Dursley's, but now he wasn't sure anymore. The woman had sounded so angry. He wished he was with Sirius! Sirius didn't yell. Or very little. Just that once and he apologized afterwards. Tears prickled in the corner of Harry's eyes, and he scolded himself for being such a cry-baby. He had to be brave now. Sirius was certainly somewhere much worse. If he could bear with that, so would Harry.

Timidly he looked around the room they had just entered. It appeared to be the kitchen. There was a merry fire flickering in the huge fireplace, the dim light giving the room a cozy appearance. In the middle of the room stood a large wooden table with a lot of mismatched chairs, and every surface of the counters and shelves seemed to be occupied with various pots and cans and boxes or strange plants. And then there were the obvious signs of a wizard house-hold. The plates, scrubbing themselves in the sink. The pictures on the wall and news-paper clips on what probably was the wizard equivalent to a fridge, which were all moving. At their cabin, there had been wizarding stuff, but here it was so much, that Harry felt slightly intimidated, like he didn't belong here.

Well, that feeling was probably right, wasn't it? These people were strangers, they had even less reason to like him than the Dursley's, who he at least had been related to. And he certainly had never belonged at Number four, Privet Drive, that had been made pretty clear. The only one who had ever really wanted him, was Sirius.

Still, Mrs Weasley _seemed_ nice, Harry thought, while she handed him a cup of hot chocolate. He nipped on it, and had to admit that it was good, although he felt a little guilty towards Sirius, thinking it. Mrs Weasley was smiling at him a lot, while she was talking to Remus, and Harry felt himself blush a little under so much attention, bowing his head over his cup. But he was still listening.

„Don't worry, Mr. Lupin. We'll take good care of Harry. I'm sure he will like it here." She gave Harry a bright smile, before adding in a lower voice. „Being surrounded by a family and other children is probably the best to help him over the traumatic experience. The poor baby..." And then a little louder, „More hot chocolate, Harry dear?"

Harry gazed up at Remus, who looked strangely uncomfortable, but nodded encouragingly when he caught his look. „Yes, please." Harry whispered and Mrs Weasley send another bright smile in his direction.

„You are such a polite, little boy, Harry! I wished my boys would take a leaf out of that book. Well maybe you'll have a good influence on them?" When she saw his unsure look, she shook her head and reached out to pat his back. „Now, don't worry. They are all excited to meet you, and I'm sure you'll get al-." She stopped, when she saw Harry flinch.

Harry's eyes widened, when she looked at him with sad eyes. „Sorry," he mumbled. „Sorry."

„No, don't you worry, dear! Of course it'll take some time for you to settle in. But I promise you Harry, there is nothing you'll have to be afraid of here. And that bad man will never be able to get to you again."

Remus cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

***

The sun was sinking when Remus trudged up the winding path from Hogsmeade to the castle, that was the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. The snow was tramped down, but the ascent was still straining so soon after his accident. Still, it felt good to walk this old path once more, looking at the Hogwarts grounds, the vast frozen lake and the looming castle. The hillside and the forests they had roamed all those years ago, before a war had torn them apart. They had been so carefree, even him, although he had struggled with his lycanthrophy. Even Sirius had been free here, far away from his family. The tragedy, the misery and loneliness that had lain ahead of them had been impossible to imagine.

And now Remus had found a glimmer of hope. Maybe he did not have to be alone anymore. Maybe he had not lost them all. And he would fight for this slim chance. Slim, not because he still doubted the innocence of his friend. He couldn't doubt anymore. He had seen his old friend that night in the cabin, not a murderer, and his heart ached with guilt and fear. Fear of loosing him again. And guilt of having made all this possible, of not having believed from the beginning.

Why had he believed in Sirius guilt so easily? Had he ever given him reason to doubt his loyalty? Looking down to the Whomping Willow he cringed. That had been a single incident and he knew how much Sirius had regret it. He had told him so for month following, begging his forgiveness, which really wasn't anything Remus had seen Sirius do before. The reason why, had never been revealed though. They had all just assumed that Sirius temper had gotten the best of him. Remus had forgiven him in the end, like it was in his nature and they had never spoken about it again. But now, looking back, Remus felt like he was again missing pieces of a puzzle. Like he had never cared to look closely enough. Sirius had always seemed like he didn't give a damn about anything, like nothing could get to him, invulnerable. But now Remus knew that he had hidden volumes stacked away of dark and ugly, nasty things. He'd never let them see, though. He'd always played it cool. And Remus had been deeply hurt, because he'd thought Sirius would simply not get it. How humiliating it was to have your darkest secrets spilled. How scary it was to be out of control and helpless. Because he was free of such things. How wrong he'd been... Not that it made it better. Not that it made it forgivable! Remus stilled. Maybe he _had _never forgiven Sirius for betraying his secret to Snape and almost making him a murderer in the process. Standing there under the snow-grey sky, looking at the site of one of his worst nightmares almost come true, Remus wondered if maybe this was the reason. And he wondered what it had been he couldn't forgive. Almost becoming a murderer, or the person he felt closest to, betraying his trust.

With these thoughts still heavy on his mind he made his way to Dumbledore's office. It seemed there was yet another question he needed to ask Sirius. It looked like it was going to be a long conversation and he only hoped that Sirius would have recovered enough for it soon. He knocked on the large double doors and entered when he heard the weary voice of the Headmaster.

„Please, come in, Remus."

Remus had known Dumbledore too long to feel any surprise about the old wizard already expecting him. With a man like Dumbledore you got used to these things. Although his manner stayed always casual in these situations, Remus sometimes had the suspicion that Dumbledore did these things on purpose. He shook his head with a small smile to himself, which vanished when he looked up at Dumbledore's tired face.

„What is it, Albus?" he asked concerned. „Is Sirius alright? What happened to him? Did you talk to the Ministry?"

Dumbledore sighed and stirred his tea. Remus only now noticed a similar cup resting on the opposite side of the desk, right in front of him.

„I spoke to Fudge." Dumbledore finally stated. „It was a pleasure like always. Much like pulling teeth, I imagine. But I think I might be able to persuade him of the rightness of holding a trial."

Remus picked up his teacup, looking at the milk swirling in the brown liquid thoughtfully. „That would buy us some time, I guess. But we would still need evidence."

„Indeed. And we would need for Mr. Black to tell the whole story, before we can even go looking for it." Dumbledore said.

Remus hesitated. „I think Peter was the traitor all along." he finally said. „As much as it pains me to admit it, but it makes sense. The same reason we never would have suspected him, actually makes him the classic suspect. Peter was always bullied by others, not able to stand up for himself. James and Sirius befriended him, because he needed their protection. And that's what Peter saw in them. His protectors. Especially James, because he had more patience with him. He always hung around the strong people. He hero-worshipped them. But what if a bigger bully entered the playground? If he catered to his low self-esteem? If he made it clear that his friends would not be able to protect him?"

Dumbledore nodded. „He would have changed sides and allied himself with the one he presumed to win. Back then that would have been Voldemort. And you are sure he would even have betrayed James, whom he adored?"

„It seems impossible." Remus whispered. „But not as impossible as Sirius betraying him."

For a moment Dumbledore seemed lost in his thoughts. „But why would James and Lily have changed their plans and chosen Peter as their secret-keeper? I'm afraid to say, he never had much of a talent."

„Sirius said something about 'thinking he could out-smart Voldemort'. It would be like him to try pulling something like this off. Setting himself up as bait, while the real secret-keeper was someone nobody would suspect."

„But why not tell anybody about it? Not even you or me?"

„I think they suspected me." Remus mumbled, his head bowed, staring into his teacup. „They thought the traitor was me."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding. „But neither Mr. Black nor Mr. Potter would have wanted to admit their suspicion. Not to me, maybe not even to themselves. So they kept it a secret." He sighed again, shaking his head. „Knowing them, it sadly enough makes sense. Bright students and talented wizards, the both of them. But stubborn like mules and loyal to the death. Maybe I haven't misjudged Mr. Black after all..." he mumbled more quietly. „I can't say it wouldn't be an immense relief."

„So how is he?" Remus asked after a moment of silence.

„He apparently still has a fever, but Fudge promised me, that he was taken care of by the Ministry's healers."

„Can I see him?" Remus looked at the older wizard hopefully. „I had not even the opportunity to thank him for saving my life. And I want... I need to tell him, that I believe him."

Dumbledore looked at him sympathetically and almost a little uncomfortable, which was rare and immediately made Remus worried. „What is it?" he asked quietly.

„I'm sorry, Remus," Dumbledore answered. „But it seems that, for the time being, you can't visit Sirius. There is an investigation going on, and as a suspect of aiding and abetting in Sirius escape and the abduction of Harry, you are not allowed contact with either of them."

***

When dinner time arrived at the Burrow, and Mr. Weasley walked in through the back door, Harry felt like his head was spinning. After Remus had left, Mrs Weasley had shown him to the room he would sleep in.

„I'm afraid you'll have to share with Ron." she said, when she led him up the stairs. On the second landing of the strange house, Mrs Weasley had stuck her head through a door, asking „Are you feeling better, dear?"

A boy with a slightly annoyed voice had answered. „Yes, Mom! How many times do I have to tell you? Ginny drank the most of it, I'm fine!"

„Well then, I'll bring Harry in, he just arrived. And you can make yourself ready for dinner. Your father will be home soon." Mrs Weasley had then beckoned Harry into the room. „Harry dear, this is my son Ronald. He's in your age, and you'll be sharing the room, if that's all right with you?"

Harry had nodded, shyly looking around the room. The walls and even the ceiling were plastered with posters and it all was moving, waving around in orange. It was slightly disturbing. The room was so orange in fact, that Ronald's red shock of hair did almost blend in with the orange sheets, especially because his face was red as well. But then he was sitting up in bed, gaping at him. „Wow! You are Harry Potter!" he said.

Harry looked at him unsure. „Ehm, yeah. Hello. Nice to meet you." He smiled uncertainly.

„Can I see your scar?" Ronald asked eagerly.

„Ronald Weasley!" Mrs Weasley shouted, causing Harry to flinch once more behind her. „Don't be so rude! And now get out of bed and get dressed if you're feeling alright again! And tell your brothers I'll expect them downstairs in half an hour as well. Hands washed and shirt tail tucked in, if they know what's good for them!!"

Ronald rolled his eyes. „I don't think there's need for me to tell them. They're in the next room. They have heard you shouting." he said.

„Yes, Mom!" came another boy's voice through the wall.

„Heard you loud and clear, Mom!" Yet another voice.

„We'll be down for the firing squad at seven o'clock sharp, Mom!" the first voice called.

„Shirt tails tucked in of course!"

„Most definitely, Fred! Proper dressing can never be valued enough!" declared the first voice importantly.

„But you could at least serve our favourite food for our last meal!" the second voice, probably Fred, called.

„Shepard's Pie!" cried the first voice.

„No way, George! Most definitely meatloaf!"

„I'll serve you a slap on the head, if you keep up with it!" Mrs Weasley called at the wall. „And you'll be doing the dishes for the next week, and that's just for starters!"

„But Mom!" A redhead looked into the door. „The dishes can do themselves! That'd be a total waste of our manpower!"

Mrs Weasley glared at the boy with her hands at her hips. „I'll sacrifice your manpower in the sake of education, Fred! Deal with it!"

„I'm George. That's Fred," the redhead called George said, pointing to his side, where another identical redhead suddenly showed up.

„It's a shame really." The new redhead – Fred? - said, shaking his head. „Our own mother!"

„I'll show you shame, when you're not down in twenty-five minutes, groomed and with a set of manners!" Mrs Weasley threatened. The twins looked at each other, looked at the red face of their mother, and then bowed in unison.

„Yes Mom."

„On our way, Mom."

„No problem at all, Mom."

„Will be a pleasure, Mom!" At that the other twin, cuffed the speaker in the head and they turned around, vanishing out of side.

Mrs Weasley sighed. „Those two will be the death of me, mark my words!" she said. „I'll go look after your sister, so get dressed already, Ron!" And with that she too vanished out the door.

„Wow." Harry whispered. „Your Mom, seemed really angry." He swallowed hard.

„Don't worry!" Ronald said with a wave of his hand. „They do stuff like this all the time. Mixed laxative and something against diarrhoea in my pumpkin juice at lunch. I'm just glad they missed their target this time." He pointed at himself. „Poor Ginny, though. She's my younger sister!" He added as an explanation, giving Harry another eye-roll. „Do you have any siblings?"

Harry shook his head. „Man, you sure are lucky!" Ronald sighed. Harry wasn't sure what the right answer was to this, so he just nodded.

And then dinnertime arrived. The twins had come down, both with their red hair slicked in a side parting, holding themselves straight as arrows in their shirts. They even wore ties, which had earned them another glare of Mrs Weasley. They had bowed to Harry, shaking his hand and introducing themselves.

„Fred Weasley, Mr. Potter, it's a pleasure."

„A great honor indeed! May I introduce myself? George Weasley!"

„Oh, for Merlin's sake! Will you two stop it already?" Mrs Weasley cried.

„But Mom!" Fred protested, looking hurt. „You wanted us to show proper manners!"

Before Mrs Weasley could answer, her husband arrived, cheerfully ruffling up the twins hair-do, before frowning at them, obviously surprised over their appearance.

He turned to his wife and sighed at her thunderous expression. „Alright boys," he said turning to his sons. „Who did it, and what do I have to repair?"

-

The dinner had been very good – again a little pang of guilt while thinking of Sirius trying hard to make a decent meal, and Mr. Weasley had greeted Harry very kindly. But it was still all a little too much. He was not used to so many people. He was not used to them being this loud and chaotic. He felt small and stupid and insignificant. Harry was glad, that these people seemed to like him, but he felt horribly out of place and had no idea how to act, or what to say, resulting in him being mostly silent.

After dinner, Mr. Weasley had talked to the twins and Harry had been surprised, that all he had done really, was to give the boys a stern look and a lecture about medicine not being used inappropriately, because it was dangerous.

„But, Dad! It was an experiment staged for the welfare of human kind!" Fred exclaimed, which earned him a slap to the back of his head by his mother, but since he still grinned, it obviously had not hurt.

The punishment of doing the dishes for a week was then confirmed, to which the twins had sighed and grumbled and the matter was settled. After all the shouting and all the threats Harry was slightly baffled. He really didn't understand how things worked here, and that made him uneasy. He wished someone would tell him the rules.

So when bedtime came and Ron and the twins went up the staircase, calling „Night Mom! Night Dad!", Harry felt relieved if a little unsure. He stood up as well and gave Mr. and Mrs Weasley a shy smile. „Good Night," he said quietly.

Mrs Weasley stood up and hugged him against her chest, which he let happen a little stiffly. „Good Night, dear!" she said, „Just go up with Ron, he'll show you everything you need. And tomorrow I'll make your favourite for breakfast. What's your favourite?"

Harry's favourite was pancakes with maple syrup and fresh berries or compote, but he knew it wouldn't be the same if Mrs Weasley made them. It might even be better, but it wouldn't be the same. So he just shook his head slightly and whispered, „I don't have one really. Anything is fine." Mrs Weasley looked a little disappointed for a moment, but then she smiled and with a pat on the back send him off and up the stairs.

-

Ron was already in his very orange pyjamas, when Harry entered the room a little tentatively, but he was still sitting up and looking at his new roommate curiously.

„I heard my Mom and Dad talk yesterday..." he said. „Is it true that you have been kidnapped by Sirius Black?" he looked at Harry with wide eyes.

Harry stared at him for a moment, before he sat down on the other bed awkwardly. „Well, I..." He began, but he wasn't really sure what to say. Had Sirius kidnapped him? Sirius had often said so himself, grinning and hugging him playfully. But he hadn't really, had he? „I... I stayed with him at his cabin." he mumbled finally, staring at his naked feet.

Ron's eyes grew even wider. „Mom says he is insane." he whispered and gave a little shudder at the thought of having to stay under the same room as a mad man.

„What?" Harry looked up at him horrified. Why would he say that? „No! He isn't! He isn't insane! Your Mom shouldn't say something like that," he said, pressing his lips together. „He might have nightmares sometimes, but everybody has..." he mumbled, almost to himself.

„Nightmares? Really?" Ron asked eagerly, obviously missing Harry's reaction. „What does he do then?"

Harry looked at him hesitantly. It wasn't that he didn't like Ron. He seemed alright, and it was kind of nice to meet someone your own age, who didn't loath you or call you freak. But there was no way, that he would tell him, that Sirius had held onto him while he cried. Those things were personal. Secrets really. And he didn't think that Ron would understand. „We... we make hot chocolate..." he said.

Strangely that seemed to freak Ron out even more, and he stared at him with his mouth hanging open. „He made you hot chocolat?" he whispered in a high pitched voice. „He MUST be insane."

Harry looked at him confused. He didn't think drinking hot chocolate meant you were insane. After all Mrs Weasley had made some for him just that afternoon. He almost missed Ron's next whispered question.

„Were you... scared?"

Harry shook his head. „Not when I was with Sirius. And when I had a nightmare, Sirius would let me sleep in his bed."

„You slept in his bed?" Ron gasped.

Harry looked at him a embarrassed. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Now Ron probably thought he was a little kid and a cry-baby.

„But...but... didn't he hurt you?" Ron gasped horrified.

Harry stared at him surprised. „No, of course not! He would never hurt me!! Only bad people would hurt others."

„But he is. Bad." Ron said, shrugging matter-of-factly.

„No, he is NOT!" Harry stared at him angrily. Why was everybody saying that? Sirius had always been kind and good to him. He had taken him away from the Dursleys. He had held him when he cried. He had taught him how to fly on a broomstick and made him pancakes. He had loved him. He was _not_ bad. The other people were bad, not Harry and Sirius. That's what Sirius had said and Harry wanted, needed, to believe that. But most of all he didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Sirius. He wanted to be in his bed under the roof at the cabin. Turning around, Harry crawled under the blankets. He was lying in bed stiffly, facing away from Ron, hugging himself. Ron huffed a little and turned out the light, but only when his soft snores filled the small room, did Harry allow himself to cry.

***

Sirius felt cold and nauseous and dizzy. A bright light was directed at him and he couldn't see the person talking to him from the shadows. Always from the shadows. It had been like that all his life, hadn't it? People in the shadows whispering that he was bad. That he was worthless. That he was guilty. Was he back in Azkaban? He felt cold. Always so cold. The person was talking again. It was a man. That was not right. There were no people in Azkaban talking to you. He was sitting on a chair. That wasn't right either. He wasn't in Azkaban, no, now he remembered. The Ministry. He was still in the Ministry, and this must be another interrogation room. They were asking questions again. All those questions, but they didn't like his answers...

He spluttered as cold water suddenly hit his face. It didn't chase away the dizzyness, or the nausea, but it at least made the voice more distinctive.

„You know what really bugs me?" The voice asked. „It really bugs me, that the little boy even defended you. That's just cruel what you did to him, Black. So why don't you admit, that you've confunded him? Or was it the Imperius?"

Sirius tried very hard to keep his eyes open, but they were so heavy. And his head was heavy. His whole body was so heavy. What had the guy said? ...ah, confunded... „I had... no wand." he whispered. Or he tried. His tongue felt heavy too.

„That's what you keep saying. But how would you've been able to flee across the country with a little boy that way? And didn't you drag the werewolf out of the lake? How would you have done all that without a wand?"

„Told... you. Used... Remus... wand."

„If you would really care for the boy, you'd confess already. What do you think will happen to him? He's an orphan. And right now, it looks like he is in league with a murderer. You think anyone will want him, if they find out about that?"

This stirred something in Sirius. What was he saying... in league? „That... ridiculous..."

„He will probably go back to his muggle relatives. I hear they aren't the nicest people."

Sirius felt his heart stop. „No!!" he gasped. No! That couldn't be... Dumbledore... He'd promised...

„But then, if they are not willing to take him in again after your little stunt, the only other option would probably be a muggle orphanage. You hear such nasty things about them. Especially for a cute and shy little boy, I reckon it's rather _hard _there. You know what I mean?"

No. No. No no no no no no no no....

„But you could help him. Admit your crimes. Admit you took him against his will and brainwashed him. Then he'll be the innocent victim. All the nice wizarding families will want to give him a home. But the accomplice of a mass-murderer... ah, I don't think so."

Oh god. Oh god. Oh Merlin. Oh god...

„Come on, Black. It's just a little signature. It's not so hard, is it?"

A quill was placed in his hand. It felt foreign and strange. It reminded him of the days when he had been a boy, sitting next to James in a hot and sticky classroom, bowed over his exam papers. James, his friend and brother, looking up at him and grinning. James, who he had not been able to protect. But Harry... he could still protect Harry.

TBC

* * *

**A/N: No excuses this time! Give me cookies! Give me reviews! Pretty pretty please!**

And please all you faithless, bear with me!! I know it's sad. I know you like to see the characters happy. So do I. But I am a fan of the 'show rather than tell' method of writing. This is a difficult situation for our characters. It can't be solved easily while being realistic, and staying as close to cannon as I can get in an AU-story. So, please... have a little faith in me?

* * *

BlOom: well I guess a sad smile was appropriate. Maybe I get a laugh out of you this time? I really tried!

hedwigs_biggest-fan: Glad to hear from you. I hope you like my approach on the Weasleys. Nothings all gold in my story...

Not Applicable: Sorry no easy Veritaserum-solution in this story! I think it's canon-supported. After all Sirius never approached the Ministry in the books and it was never used at the Wizengamot either. I hope you'll like it anyway, since I promise solutions, only they will take their time.

HebHibHob: Well there's your hot chocolate! I feel like one myself. Let's all get a cup! Or you could write me a review, it has the same effect... ; )


	23. With My Life

**A/N:** Sorry, this took so long. But the Weasleys turned out to be rather uncooperative. And then even I have to work sometimes. Also, I had the feeling you didn't much like the last chapter, which depressed me a little, since it was one of my favourites. I thought the twins were funny... Anybody, a comment on the Weasleys? Guess not...

But, Merlin, folks! What are you reading into this story? I don't deceive my readers with Harry/Sirius bonding just to turn around and make it a 'Dark Harry' fic, or kill of the characters. *shakes head* I might be an Evil Cliffhanger-Witch and a Drama Queen, but I like my happy endings as much as the next Sirius-addict. But, darlings, they are called happy _endings_! Meaning they come at the end.

I'm sorry if you feel there is too much angst in this story, because _I _think it is necessary. I'm not writing it for the hell of it. This situation was a mess, that was never resolved in the books (Sirius died as a hunted man) and a too easy solution is simply not realistic in my opinion. Even more important though, I feel like my characters need this experience to grow. They come from dark places. They all carry baggage, and going through these troubles will help them face their fears, guilt and self-loathing and all the other issues they have aplenty. That's what my story is about.

I can only repeat: **TRUST ME! ** Voldemort was not defeated in a day either. Believe in the goodness of humankind, and in evil author's giving you happy endings. : )

* * *

**Chapter 23 - With My Life**

Living at the Weasleys felt very weird to Harry. For the first years of his life he had believed that he was a freak, because things kept happening around him that could only be explained by magic, while his uncle insisted that it didn't exist. Now he was living in a house where magic was a daily occurrence and he in fact started to feel like a freak, because he was the only one who was startled by it. He was caught of guard when a huge owl landed on the breakfast table to deliver the newspaper, or his candy frog suddenly became alive and jumped out of his hand. And neither Ron nor the twins could understand why he was frightened when they showed him the ghoul that was living in the attic. He felt stupid again, and he hated it.

The Weasleys themselves weren't so bad, though. Ron had apologized the next morning for upsetting him, although he didn't seem to get why Harry had been so. He had avoided the subject of Sirius Black since then, as had the twins. Since they didn't seem to be very contained about what they said in general, Harry had the suspicion that Mrs Weasley had forbidden them to ask him any questions about his godfather.

Another thing Harry was still struggling to get used to was the amount of people running around the house, yelling and laughing. On his second day he had met another of the Weasley children, the little girl, that had been on the receiving end of Fred and George's pumpkin juice experiment, and had been ill the day Harry arrived. She was called Ginny and was a little strange. She had a tendency to stare at him, or watch him from the corner of her eyes, and fall silent immediately when he entered a room. It was quite unnerving, but her mother insisted that she was simply shy. Well, that was a feeling Harry could relate with, although he wasn't sure, why _she_ felt shy. She was after all living with her own family, who all seemed to like her, even if Fred and George had poisoned her drink. That actually made Harry very cautious at meal times, or when the twins were around in general. There was so much he didn't understand and had to learn, so much to be aware of and nervous about, that it was quite exhausting, especially since it came as an extra to his nervousness and agitation about his godfather and his worries weather he was alright.

He had soon understood, that asking about his godfather was not very well received by Mrs. Weasley. It had cost Harry an enormous amount of courage to approach her at all, and when he saw the look on her face when he had asked her tentatively, if he would be able to see his godfather soon, he understood that it hadn't been a good idea after all. At first she had been confused, and when he shyly explained, that he meant Sirius, she had been so shocked, that she dropped the bowl she had been holding and hot potatoes rolled all through the kitchen. There had been a huge commotion, with Mrs. Weasley running around flustered and reprimanding the twins, who were laughing and had started to kick potatoes at each other and – mainly – at Ron, and Mr. Weasley arriving in the middle of all the turmoil and immediately being dragged into a corner by his wife who hissed and whispered at him. All Harry had been able to understand with all the noise Fred and George were making was 'Black', 'impossible' and something that sounded like 'death eating'. He couldn't make sense of it, but he understood that it was bad. In the end they had eaten meatloaf with left-over spaghetti, because the potatoes were ruined, Fred and George had been punished with doing the dishes again for playing with food – although they rightfully had pointed out, that the potatoes had been ruined already and therefore not really qualified as 'food' anymore, and Harry had apologized over and over again for ruining dinner, although Mrs. Weasley insisted that he had not.

Only later in the evening Mr. Weasley had taken Harry aside and carefully explained that even _if _Sirius Black might technically be his godfather, it didn't mean that he, Harry, had to see him or feel any obligation towards such a man. He wasn't really his godfather, even if he had claimed so, because his parents would never have wanted him to stay with such a bad person. It was only natural, that Harry had silently cried himself to sleep that night as well.

***

In the city of London the next morning had approached with the grey light of heavy snowfall and the old patriarchal houses as well as modern complexes of steal and glass were painted into a fairytale of frost. It was a rare sight and so well suited for the season. Christmas was approaching rapidly and Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, looked out the window at the winterly picture, for a moment forgetting that it was in fact only a picture, even if it was an exact copy of the real surroundings of the Ministry's building, had it been above ground. Yes, Christmas was approaching and he desperately longed to put a final stroke under this whole mess, that was the affair with Sirius Black.

Maybe Macnair finally had some results. After Scrimgeour's people had got nowhere with the stubborn prisoner, Fudge had finally decided to pull out the dragons, so to speak. The Department of Mysteries ate up enough Galleons, there had to be a use to it somewhere. And so the interrogation of Prisoner 179 – Sirius Black – had been appointed to Walden Macnair.

Macnair had promised quick results and since he had requested a meeting for this afternoon, Fudge hoped that things were finally coming along his way. He would be here soon. Ah, wouldn't that be a brilliant head line? **'Minister Fudge ensures the security of the wizarding community – Sirius Black recaptured and put to justice'.** He had to make sure to get a framed front page from the Daily Prophet.

There was a knock on the door and the Minister turned around, pulling himself up to his full height, which sadly wasn't much, his hands folded on his back.

„Yes. Come in!" he called, giving his voice the weight of importance.

The door opened and a tall man with broad shoulders and very cold eyes entered. He was smiling, but it held no warmth. Fudge swallowed and sat down behind his desk, inclining to the smaller chair in front of it.

„Ah, Macnair," he said, trying to sound like a statesman, but missing the beat by several paces, ending up more like a dealer for used flying carpets. „Good. Good," he spluttered slightly. „Sit down, I hear you have news."

Macnair ignored the invitation, remaining in his towering position and instead threw a roll of parchment on the desk in front of Fudge.

„He signed," he said.

Fudge frowned at him rather stupidly. „What? Who?" he asked.

Macnair took a moment staring down at the Minister in silence. „Black," he said without any emotion. „He confessed."

„Oh!" Fudge looked taken aback. „Really? That was quick. But of course, that's wonderful. Wonderful! Good news, indeed." He picked up the parchment and studied it. „Wonderful! Good work, Macnair! That's what I call fast results. I'll make sure to let your superiors know."

Walden gave him another of these smiles that didn't reach his hard eyes. „You do that, Minister." he said, and with a nod left the Minister of magic sitting in his office, looking flustered. But this only lasted till the door closed behind the sinister looking man. Fudge leaned back in his chair then, looking from the parchment to the magical illusion of swirling snow in front of the windows. Ah, Christmas! What a joyful season.

***

Cold. It was cold. Sirius Black was laying on his cot, coughing and hugging himself stiffly, trying to keep from shaking. He felt a little better, after the woman had been here and had given him some potion. But nothing could chase away the cold. It was creeping inside him, he felt like his insides were coated with frost. He tried to think of good things, of happy things. When he had been home from school during the summer, he had always done that. Lying in bed, hurt and full of self-loathing, he had tried to evoke the memory of a good day to help him keep the monsters away, that always seemed to be lurking in the dark. In his mind, he'd imagined the Hogwarts grounds, being out at the lake with his friends, sitting under their favourite tree, laughing and joking. Almost desperately he tried to let this memory rise before his inner eye now, but it looked artificial. The light was too bright. The laughter sounded false. And when he tried to imagine James, he only saw his dead eyes staring up at him in shock from the ruins of the house in Godrics Hollow.

The door opened with a creak and Sirius eyes darted to the opening, cringing in the bright light that fell through it and which he wasn't used to. Small timid steps, and a small, slender figure came up to him, blocking the light from the doorway. He blinked, trying to make out the face, but it remained a shadow. A hollow sound, as something was sat on the floor. And then suddenly there was something covering him. Something warm, something familiar. A blanket... a cloak... his cloak.

„It's not much, but I brought you some more Pepperup Potion. Please drink it, while it's still hot," a female voice said, sounding almost gentle. A warm hand was placed on his forehead. A rough hand, but such a soft gesture. It felt strange. Like a mother taking care of her son. It reminded him of Mrs Potter. You'd think it would make him remember his own mother, but then Wallburga Black had never spared her son any act of kindness. „Maybe we can arrange for you to be transferred to a ward at St. Mungos. I'll speak with the Head of Aurors," the woman mumbled, and Sirius wasn't sure if she was talking to him at all or to herself. „I'll be back. Drink the potion."

And then the door closed behind her and Sirius was alone once more. He rolled to his side, pulling his knees against his chest, trying to vanish into the material of the cloak. He could feel its warmth, but it only ever seemed to linger on the surface, never really reaching down to the core. He wondered briefly if it would be like this for the rest of his time. If he would go back to Azkaban and slowly freeze to death. Or if it would be the other... did you still feel cold if your soul was gone?

Something was pricking him. Literally. It was piercing into his left hip. For a moment Sirius just concentrated on that feeling, his brain too sluggish to command further action. When it actually started to hurt, Sirius turned back on his back, feeling around for whatever had caused the pain. But there was nothing on the cot beside him. Confused he felt around further and was just about to leave it at that, when something hard grazed the back of his hand. It wasn't beneath him, it was above him. It was inside his cloak.

Slightly bewildered Sirius fumbled with the coat. His fingers felt stiff as he tried to find the right pocket, but as soon as they made contact with a small package, realization hit him like a Bludger. He pulled the thing out and looked at the crumbled gold and red wrapping paper. The squashed, lopsided bow. The paper was torn on the side, having gotten wet before and the content poking through. And there was one of those small little cards attached, with a shooting star on the front. Sirius fingers trembled as he reached for it and pried the slightly sticking halves from each other.

From: _Harry_ To: _Sirius _

_Merry Christmas! _

The pain was so immense that Sirius had to fight for his breath for a moment. Tears welled up in his eyes and were running down his cheeks, while he stared at the small token of his godson's affection. Harry had bought him a Christmas present. His small godson, who probably never got any pocket money or presents, that he could remember, had used his first time on a fair to buy a present for someone else. For him. For his godfather. He tore the remains of the paper of and a small silver clasp fell into his hand.

„_W-what should I do?" Harry asked shyly, staring at the scissors in his palm. „Just hack them off near the shoulders. I'll never untangle that mess and I believe it went out of style ten years ago," Sirius said, sitting down in front of his godson, giving him a reassuring smile._

„_Damn those strands, I never had a problem with them before!" Sirius stared at the cooking wand and then at the porridge clinging to his black tresses. „Then of course I never was much of a cook, I guess. If you find any in your breakfast, think of it as good-luck-charm, will you?" Harry just grinned. _

„_Sirius?" „Hm?" „Since your hair is as black as mine, do you think people might think we're father and son?" Harry looked at him hopefully._

Sirius clenched the small clasp in his fist and pressed it to his chest. What would he have given for that. For Harry and him living as a family, like father and son, openly and in peace. He would have taught him Quidditch. And maybe they could have gotten a cat, or an owl. They'd have gone on vacation to the sea, since Harry had never seen it. He would have even learned how to cook eventually. But it would never be. Because he knew, that everything was over.

„I love you, Harry. I wish I could have done better. But you'll be safe. That's all that matters."

***

At the Burrow, Harry had woken to the same thick fluffy flakes. His first thought was to run and wake up Sirius, so that they could go outside and play and maybe have another snowball fight. But then his gaze fell to his very orange surroundings and the sleeping form of Ron in the bed next to him, and he remembered that things were different now, and that Sirius wouldn't come to play with him in the snow.

He put on his clothes silently, to not wake up Ron and tiptoed down the stairs. As he came into the kitchen, he saw that another Weasley had magically appeared over night and was sitting with Ginny at the large kitchen table. There really seemed to be an awful lot of the Weasley children. Every day he found a new one. This one looked older then the others and more serious, although that might have been due to his horn-rimmed glasses, and the fact that he actually had groomed his hair, and not in the slightly greasy fashion of the twins on his first evening at the Burrow.

„G-good morning." Harry mumbled quietly, hovering in the door frame. To his surprise and slight worry Mrs. Weasley had not included him in the punishment the twins had received for the potato disaster last night, although it most certainly had been his fault. He therefore wasn't entirely sure how he would be received this morning.

But as soon as Mrs. Weasley caught sight of him, she gave him one of her very warm smiles. „Good morning, Harry, love!" she called almost overly cheerfully from where she was stirring something on the stove. „Have you slept well, honey? Come in, sit down!" She first gestured to him, and when he didn't respond immediately, took him gently by the shoulders and led him to the table. „Are you hungry?" she asked. „This is my older son Percy. He's already going to Hogwarts and just arrived home for Christmas break last night. Percy, say hello to Harry!"

The boy stood up and held out his hand formally for Harry to shake it. „Hello Harry." he said earnestly, when the younger boy took it shyly. „It is very nice to meet you."

„You too." Harry mumbled, feeling the heat creep up his cheeks as he sank down on the chair opposite of Percy. New people always made him nervous, and he had never been around so many people all the time, especially not when they were actually _talking_ to him, like the Weasleys did. Well apart from Ginny, who had again fallen silent as soon as she had seen him. Fortunately he was spared the task of trying to have a conversation with Percy by the large plate with eggs, bacon and sausages that was planted in front of him by Mrs. Weasley, together with a glass of pumpkin juice.

Harry had just begun to relax slightly in his task of putting scrambled eggs into his mouth frequently enough to keep him too occupied for a conversation, when it happened. At first he just felt a dull sort of ache spreading through his body, in a sensation that was rather numbing, like he was pulled under water. But what he then experienced, was the most piercing and sharp pain he ever felt, and with it came an image so vivid, that it seemed to be right there in front of his eyes.

It was Sirius and he was saying goodbye.

Harry screamed.

***

Eleanor Brisby stared at the door in front of her nervously. The thumb of her right hand was rubbing against the index finger, as it always did in such situations, and she was biting her lip. She was a middle-aged woman, and you could still see that she had been quite pretty once, before life had given her so much hardship that it had forever carved into her features. She fidgeted some more, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

„Yeah?" came a grunt from the other side, and after a moment of hesitation Mrs Brisby opened the door and went in.

„Mr. Scrimgeour." She said, staring at the floor, „I... I just went to see the prisoner. And he is in an alarming condition!" She looked up and stopped when she saw the Minister himself was with the Head of the Auror office. „Oh. M-minister." Mrs. Brisby stuttered slightly. „You're here too. I didn't know. I'm sorry for interrupting, but... well, like I was just saying, the prisoner has still not improved." She looked at Scrimgeour and her demeanour grew slightly stronger, her shoulders attempting to square. „I told you he's not fit for those interrogations. And that cell is not a place for convalescence either. It's much too cold and damp! He didn't even have warm clothing, so I had the guards bring his cloak." She looked slightly defiant, but went on. „As his appointed healer, I really have to protest to this treatment! In consequence he now contracted pneumonia! You can't keep him here, he needs to go to St. Mungos."

Scrimgeour raised an eyebrow at the agitated woman. „Well it won't matter anymore by tonight. Pneumonia will be the least of his problems then. Might even be a mercy."

„W-what does that mean?" the healer asked, her face becoming even more upset.

„He will be given the kiss tonight." Scrimgeour looked down at the parchment. „Apparently he confessed."

Mrs Brisby's eyes grew wide. „Are you even sure he knew to _what_ he confessed? That man is barely conscious!" she cried.

„He was conscious enough to sign with his name, apparently," a smug but cold voice came from behind her back, and she turned around startled. When she met the cool grey eyes of the owner of the voice she shrank back, swallowing nervously and feeling even more uncomfortable under the gaze of the new arrival.

„Ah, Lucius!" Fudge said. „You've already heard! Not much that goes by you, is there."

„Not much, indeed." Lucius Malfoy said with a smile at the Minister, that never reached his eyes. „But I must congratulate you, Minister. The swiftness and discretion with which you have handled this affair, are the true signs of a great statesman."

There was a quiet little huff coming from the woman, that had apparently been already forgotten. Fudge made a gesture of waving the compliment aside, while in fact his chest swelled. „No, no, Lucius, you're too kind. It is after all my job."

„And you do it _so_ well." Lucius remarked. „So... the execution will be tonight? I could serve as a witness if you like."

Scrimgeour frowned at the blond wizard, but Fudge immediately nodded in agreement. „Splendid, splendid. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it myself. You know, so much demanding a minister's attention. But I'll send Dolores, if I'm not able to be there. Scrimgeour, you will of course be there, as Head of Auror Office, I assume?"

Scrimgeour nodded, still with a frown at Lucius. „Sure. I'll bring one of my men as second witness."

„Wonderful. Maybe you could get hold of another member of the Wizengamot, Lucius?" Fudge asked, turning to Malfoy.

„I'll bring Yaxley."

„Wonderful. Well, Scrimgeour, if you could call the Dementors then? The procedure should be set for ten o'clock I think. Not much traffic after business hours. After all the Dementors aren't such a pretty sight. No need to scare the populace."

When the three men parted, neither of them took much notice of the healer still standing in the room, looking shocked. „Well, my dear, it looks like you'll soon be relieved from your duties." Lucius Malfoy said, passing her without even sparing her another look.

***

Remus was sitting at the old and scratched wooden table in his kitchen, drumming his fingers on the top nervously. The tea in the cup in front of him had long gone cold, but he didn't pay it any attention.

Ever since his conversation with Dumbledore after he had brought Harry to the Weasleys, he felt worried and restless and he just couldn't shake it. It wasn't that time of the month, and still he could feel the wolf, like it was filling his mind and pushing at his skin, trying to break forward. There were so many thoughts running around his head, that he felt like it was going to burst, and he really didn't need the wolf as well to make him even more crazy.

He was not allowed to see Sirius or Harry, that was the worst of it. He had been searching for them for what felt like forever, and just when he had found them, they were pulled out of his reach again.

The easiest to understand was his agitation about Harry. He had always been concerned about the boy, although he had not allowed himself to occupy himself with it during the last years. When he had come to accept that no force on earth would ever let him take care of the last member of his pack, he had shut himself away from these feelings. It had to be enough to know where he was, to know that he was taken care of. There was nothing else he could do. Of course now that he knew how this care had been administrated, he wished he'd pulled a Sirius a long time ago. And now that he had met Harry again, had felt the boys trust growing towards him, the connection he had always felt had just been strengthened. He was pack. And Moony longed to protect the cub.

Like always thoughts like these embarrassed Remus. He hated everything that reminded him of the wolf. It was bad enough to become a raging beast once a month and he wanted no part of it the rest of the time. Chuckling humourlessly Remus thought of Sirius and how he used to react, when Remus dared to voice those feelings. Sirius had never understood the way he detached himself from the wolf. While for Remus it was a frightening entity living in his body, for Sirius it had always seemed to be a slightly more roguish part of Remus, and he had often suspected that Sirius in fact _liked_ the wolf. It would have been just like Sirius to think of a vicious creature like a somewhat misbehaved pet. It might have looked endearing too, like Hagrid trying to raise a pet dragon in his pumpkin patch, but for Remus it was mostly frightening, because it led to stupid, dangerous and nearly fatal pranks like sending Snape to the Shrieking Shack on a full moon.

Stupid, reckless Sirius. Yes, he felt even more trepidation thinking of him. While he was glad that the Minister seemed to be warming up to the idea of a trial, and he knew that there were a lot of competent medi-wizards and witches working at the Ministry, too, he couldn't help the feeling of utter helplessness when he thought of the whole mess. Sirius had managed to crack the armour of hate and the unyielding believe in his betrayal Remus had erected around him. He simply _couldn't _hold on to the image of Sirius as a murderer after all he had seen him doing back at the cabin. But Remus knew that his conviction wasn't worth a Knut for the Ministry. Maybe not even Dumbledore's conviction. They needed evidence and for that they needed to talk to Sirius and apart from that he really needed to see him and look him in the eyes and... he needed him back. He needed to have Sirius back. He needed to have his best friend back, whom he had thought lost.

Then again the desperation Remus felt at that thought almost frightened him, because he wasn't sure to what lengths he was willing to go. For what seemed like the hundredths time, he thought about Peter, guilt gnawing at his insides. „_I think Peter was the traitor all along." _He heard himself say those words and flinched. It was true that they made sense. In the way it made sense to let go of someone hanging from a cliff, if you would be dragged over the edge with him other wise. It might make sense, but it still felt like betrayal. That was what had Remus' stomach twisted in knots. How could he just accept the guilt of another friend so easily? Yes, Sirius had said Peter had been the traitor, but then Sirius wasn't always the most rational of all people. There could be other explanations. Hundreds of explanations he just couldn't think of right now. Even if Sirius was innocent, it didn't mean that Peter was guilty. For all he knew poor little Peter was dead and it was horrible to think the worst of him, when he couldn't even defend himself anymore. Peter had been a good friend at school. Awkward and clumsy and sometimes a little thick, but he had stood by him, like the rest of them, kept his secret and even became an animagus to help him. How could he think so badly of a friend like him? He was doing it again. Jumping to conclusions. Betraying his friends.

It was this kind of agitation, misery and guilt, that were spinning in Remus head, running in circles, when he was interrupted by a rather large owl collapsing dead over his tea cup, knocking it over and spilling cold tea all over the floor and Remus' robes, as well as the letter tied to his left leg.

When he had recovered from the shock and stretched his hand out for the soaked letter, the bird twitched, proving it wasn't actually dead, but rather exhausted from it's journey. Remus opened the letter, trying to decipher the writing, that was starting to run on the wet parchment.

_Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_we are sorry too disturb you, but we couldn't think of any other solution anymore. Harry had what can only be described as a seizure during breakfast this morning, and has been hysterical ever since. He has been asking for you quite vehemently and refuses to be calmed down before he has spoken to you. I know, that you are technically not allowed to see him, but since Harry's behaviour has been rather shy and timid before, we are very worried about this outbreak. _

_If you think it would be helpful, we would be glad if you could come to the Burrow as soon as possible._

_Sincerely,_

_Arthur Weasley _

Remus didn't hesitate after he had finished the letter. Something was wrong with Harry, that was all he needed to know. He grabbed his cloak and stormed out the door and apparated almost from his doorstep.

***

The Weasleys had not been having a good day. Molly was tired and exhausted and at the end of her tether. Arthur had come home from his job at the Ministry early, because of a distressed call from his wife, and even Fred and George had stopped with their jokes, when Harry had still be screaming and crying after two hours.

At first Molly had been certain, that Harry's screaming and crying fit was the result of another 'experiment for the welfare of human kind' of her totally deranged sons. They had been protesting their innocence, but she had heard this pleas often enough to not buy into it anymore. But when after almost an hour of Harry's screaming neither Fred nor George was cracking under the pressure from promises of harsh punishment and they started to look truly disturbed by the behaviour of the younger boy, Molly finally considered the possibility that they were telling the truth.

She had tried to give Harry a Soothing Potion, but the small boy had refused to drink it struggling against her embrace, when she tried to hug him to calm him down. While at first his screams had been mostly been composed of 'No' and 'Sirius', he had then started to scream for 'Remus'. That's when he had begun to plead with her, still absolutely frantic.

„Please, you need to call him, please, he has to come, Remus, please, he will help him, he promised, please, please, call Remus, please, please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, Remus, REMUS, please, Remus, please, call Remus, PLEASE... !!!!"

It had not taken Molly long to find out that 'Remus' was in fact Mr. Lupin, and while she personally had rather liked the quiet and polite wizard, she knew that the Ministry was investigating his connections with Black and that he was not allowed to see Harry.

„I'm sorry, Harry dear, but he can't visit you right now. I'm sure, what ever you saw was just a bad dream. It's normal to have nightmares, after what happened to you. You can tell me Harry, I'm here for you. We all are."

But Harry wasn't interested, he didn't really seem to hear her at all. He just kept screaming and crying and begging for Remus and when Molly didn't know what else to do anymore, she had done something she rarely did and flooed her husband at the office. All attempts at soothing the distressed little boy failed and when he had screamed himself hoarse he continued in heart-wrenching sobs and howls. Ginny had started to cry too by now, because she didn't understand what was going on, but thought something horrible had happened or was about to happen for sure.

Arthur finally managed to get home at noon, pleading a family emergency, but it hadn't improved the situation much either. Harry simply was beside himself, because - from what they could gather – he thought 'Sirius' was going to die. There was no doubt about who the small boy was worried about, and while Molly herself felt no real sorrow at the thought of Black's demise, especially when she saw to what length that man had manipulated her little boy, she understood that this notion would not help Harry. That's why she had finally agreed with her husband, that Ministry directions aside, their only hope was in fact to bring in Mr. Lupin.

-

It was dark already this time when Remus arrived at the same meadow Harry and him had apparated to on the day he brought the boy to the Weasleys, and he stumbled a little on the uneven terrain, but then he set off in a run. He wasn't sure why he was so worried, Arthur Weasley's letter had said nothing about Harry being hurt or in danger, but Remus felt like this whole situation was slipping out of control and if he wanted to hold on to what little grasp he had on himself, he had to make sure that at least Harry was alright, that he had all that he needed. And if it was _him_ he needed right now he wouldn't ask twice about Ministry regulations and restraining orders, he'd simply be there and do what ever he could.

Arthur Weasley was already opening the door, when Remus was still jogging up the path to the house. His hair was standing on end and he looked rather stressed.

„Mr. Lupin, thank you so much for coming. I know it is a little out of line for you to visit, but I really couldn't think for anything else to hopefully calm Harry down. He has been calling for you for hours. I think it might be alright for him to see you, when I'm with you at all times. We won't of course inform the Ministry of it, but the only other option right now would be taking him to St. Mungos. He is unconsolable."

Remus hesitated on the doorstep, when Arthur Weasley beckoned him to come in. „How do you want to do this?" he asked.

Arthur sighed and rubbed the back of his head nervously. „Well, Harry is in the living-room right now, so I think it's best you just come in and try to speak to him. One of us would of course stay with you. Or maybe both, since I don't think Molly will leave Harry's side anytime soon, but she is a little... enthusiastic, so I guess it would be better if I stayed too."

Remus nodded and took a deep breath. He knew he was breaking Ministry regulations, and he knew that being what he was this was especially foolish, but he couldn't ignore Harry's sobs, which he could already hear coming from inside. „Alright. Let's see what I can do."

The sight that met Remus in the living-room came as a little shock. Harry was pressed into the corner of the couch, knees drawn tight against his chest, whimpering and howling in almost dry sobs. His eyes were red and puffy, his face was smeared with tears and snot and his whole little body was shaking like a leaf. Remus wasted no time, but crossed the room in a few long strides and pulled Harry into his arms. Harry went stiff like a board and started to struggle immediately, but then he seemed to notice who the person was that was holding him and he sagged in the werewolf's embrace, clutching at his shabby robes and pressing his face against him, while he erupted into new sobs.

„Remus! You came!" The little boys voice sounded truly desperate. „You have to help him, please! He will die! He said so! Please, we have to help him! You will, won't you? You won't let him die? Please, Remus don't let him die!!"

Remus held on to the crying boy helplessly. „Who will die Harry?" he asked. „What do you mean he said so, who told you this?"

„SIRIUS!!" Harry yelled in answer to all the questions.

Remus swallowed, suddenly very much in doubt, that his presence would be any more helpful, than the Weasley's. He understood, how the boy would not have made any sense to them. Conscious of the older couple watching him, he tentatively tried to explain. „Harry, Sirius is in the Ministry right now, how would he have been able to tell you anything? Did you have a nightmare? Were you dreaming?"

„NO!!" Harry sobbed. „I was eating my eggs!!"

„But... how did he tell you Harry?"

„Inside my head." Harry looked up at him with tear-stained eyes. „I saw him inside my head, and he said he loved me, and that he is sorry and then he said goodbye, because he will die! I saw it and I know it is true! Please, Remus, he will die, we have to help him!!"

Had Remus not seen so many strange things in the last week, he might have just taken Harry's words for a child's overactive imagination. But he had seen these things. He had seen Sirius Black, a convicted mass-murderer, who saved Remus' life rather than make a run to avoid his recapture, who had broken out of Azkaban, when no one had ever managed that before. The same man had walked into a snowstorm, certain to know how to find his godson, although he obviously didn't – and came back with him mostly unharmed. Who had broken a binding charm of the most powerful wizard of this age, without a wand. You could probably say, that Remus had learned during those days to doubt everything, or maybe not to doubt too much. What if Harry was right and Sirius was in danger?

„Do you know.. Why is Sirius in danger, Harry?"

Molly looked at him with a frown, but he tried to ignore it. Harry shook his head. „No." he whispered. „I only know he wanted to say g-goodbye, because he w-will d-d-die..." he hiccuped, his breathing a little slower and his sobs becoming sniffles. „We have to go to him and save him, Remus! PLEASE!!"

„We will, Harry, or better I will, okay? I will ask Dumbledore and I go to the Ministry myself to see if he is alright. Okay?"

„I want to come with you!!" Harry cried and Remus stroked over his untidy hair.

„I know, Harry, but that is not possible I'm afraid. Even I can't really visit him. And I'm not allowed to see you either, technically."

„Why not? I want to come with! Please, please, please Remus!!" Harry begged.

„Harry, I'm sorry, it rea-"

In that moment a small boy with the obligatory red hair of a Weasley came running into the living-room.

„Ronald!" Mrs. Weasley yelled. „I told you lot to stay upstairs! Go back to your bed-room immediately and stay there!"

The boy looked at her reproachfully. „But Mom! It's Scabbers, he ran down here, and Percy said I can only have him if I don't let him run away. I have to look for him!"

„Not now!" his mother hissed. „You can look for him later!"

„But by then he might be gone!" Ronald protested. „I think he is under the couch. I just take a look and...." With that the little boy went down on his knees and despite his mothers scolding scuttled to the couch and stuck his head under it. Before Mrs. Weasley could reprimand him any more, he yelled, „I've got him!"

When he crawled backwards, he held a rather ill looking rat by its hackles up in the air, but gripped it with his other hand, when it started to struggle. „Scabbers! Stop it now! I don't know what's wrong with him, Mom," the boy said and looked imploringly at the wriggling animal.

Remus, while not overly interested in the boys pet, gave the animal that behaved so strangely a mildly curious glance. And then his heart nearly stopped. No, it couldn't be. This was a common garden rat, yes, like there were probably millions in England. And while most wizards would not have one like these as a pet, but rather one of the more well-bred rats with a wide spectrum of magical abilities, the Weasleys might not have the money to buy such a pet for their children. But still... while for most people one rat might look like any other... this one... it just looked so familiar. And then Remus saw his left front paw, and the toe that was missing.

„_Peter! D-does Peter know?"_

„_I'm so sorry Remus. He must have heard about it and... he went after him. Black... well, you know Peter could never take him in a duel. Black blasted the whole street to pieces. Peter... they only found his finger."_

They only found his finger. His finger. They only found his finger, nothing else. _Just _a finger... No... He couldn't, he _wouldn't_...

With difficulty Remus cleared his throat. „I-is this your rat?" he croaked.

„It's my brother's." Ron said.

„Could... could I see it for a moment?" Remus whispered, ignoring all the eyes that were directed at him, those of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley actually with a frown.

Ron tried to keep hold of the struggling animal. „Why do you want to see Percy's rat? It can't do anything special. He found it in the garden when he was smaller. He had it since _forever_! And it never did anything really cool. It just eats and sleeps."

„_Merlin, Peter, is eating and sleeping all you ever do?" _

Remus reached for his wand with trembling hands. „Mr. Lupin?" Arthur Weasley asked worriedly. „Are you alright?"

Remus looked up at the older man startled. „Yes. Yes, I'm... it's just... I think I know this rat."

Mrs. Weasley's frown grew even more pronounced and she looked at him with confusion. „You think you _know_ the _rat_ of my son?" she asked, suspicion in her voice.

„Remus?" Harry's voice sounded miserable and scared. „Can we save Sirius now, Remus?"

„Yes. Harry, if I'm correct, we can save Sirius from everything." He gave a nervous, almost hysterical little laugh, still staring at the rat in Ron's hand, who's struggles grew more and more frantic. „I just have to take a look at this rat."

At that moment Ron screamed and let go of the pet. „He bit me! Scabbers, you stupid rat! He never did that before!"

The rat ran over the floorboards and Remus pulled out his wand, directing it at the animal and cried „Stupefy!" The rat keeled over immediately, lying stiff on her side.

„You killed it!" Ronald yelled. „Why did you kill it?"

„I didn't kill him, I just stunned him." Remus said, his heart beating so fast, he felt almost dizzy.

„Why in Merlin's great name did you stun my sons pet?" Mrs. Weasley cried. „It probably bit Ron, because he was holding it too tightly."

„No, I don't think that is the reason." Remus said slowly, raising his eyes from the stiff animal to the surprised faces around him. „This... this isn't a rat. It is a wizard. It is Peter Pettigrew," he whispered.

TBC

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**A/N: You would make me soo happy, if you'd be so kind and leave a review.** I do accept shouting, although I won't bend to threats. And if you hate the cliffhanger, just keep in mind that next chapter is the final one for this story. BUT of course there will be more of our Harry, Sirius and Remus in the **sequel**!!  
(And yes I'm plugging shamelessly... ;)

All those in favour of Sirius NOT signing the confession. I heard you, but sadly had to ignore you. The story is practically written in my head, we're almost done, and I can't change anything at this point. Also, it is kinda essential for the story that he does... *shruggs* Sorry.

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**Leolina: **Hey sweety! I passed all your hugs. Really, I hugged Sirius so much, I had almost no time to write this chapter... ;) I'm happy to hear I could make you cry AND laugh with the last chapter, though.**  
One: **Sorry I made you sad. It IS a sad story. Thanks for reviewing.**  
BigSister:** Thank you for leaving a review – finally! I'm glad my story is diet-approved and non-fattening ;) Actually I was very proud to see the experience of reading my story compared with that of the HP books. Thank you! Knutsch!**  
Bloom: **I'm sorry I'm such a cruel person!! But I always make things right again, promised! Thanks for commenting on the twins, I agonized over them and it's nice to hear someone liked them!  
I like AU stories, obviously although I have to admit I'm partial in what I read, and don't get to reading that much, because I need so much time writing. ;) But please, feel free to recommand!**  
Angelacar: **Thanks for your comment, I hope you aren't too disappointed. I don't think signing meant Sirius lost his integrity. He _would _sacrifice anything for Harry. And I think it was that notion, that has brought him this far.**  
HebHibHob: **Thanks for all the lovely sweets and cookies. So, he signed... But I already ate all the cookies!! Maybe if I promise to make it all better again? Would that help?**  
W: **Sorry but he did, and here you are.**  
Grinsekatze: **I love you! And I write as fast as I can, damnit!**  
llcampell:** Why is everyone hating me? If you love my story, don't you love me at least a little bit for writing it? *puppy eyes***  
Lianne: **Thanks. I''m glad you liked the style, even if not the content? Really, I heard your pleas, but I HAVE to go this way to make the story work. Sorry!**  
Lunapia **and **ElementUchihaMaster :** Thank you!!


	24. This I Promise

**A/N: **Okay this is _almost_ the final chapter for this story. Ehm, yes, I... ehm... well, you'll see...

I want to take the chance to thank once more all those of you who reviewed so regularly, or even just once. All you out there who read the story and maybe even put it up as a favourite. All my anonymous reviewers, who often left so great and kind feedback. All of you who wrote me PMs and encouraged me. Without you this story would not have been written. It was your feedback, that pulled me again and again to my laptop and urged me to write more. So here's to you! It's almost the end ; ) Enjoy!

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**Chapter 24 - This I Promise**

„_This... this isn't a rat. It is a wizard. It is Peter Pettigrew," _

There was a moment of silence. Actually there were quite a few moments of silence and in the end it were the two little boys who acted first, obviously not as shocked by Remus Lupin's declaration as the adults.

Harry was again tugging at the other wizard's robes. „Remus? What about Sirius? Can we go and save him now?" he almost whispered. „Please?" he added a second later.

„So Scabbers isn't dead?" asked Ron suspiciously, glancing at Remus and then back at his father. His mother had instinctively edged closer to her son, pulling him towards her.

Mr. Weasley cleared his throat a little nervously. Maybe he was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his decision to let a Ministry suspect into his home. „Mr. Lupin, I fear I have to ask you to explain yourself," he said, his voice gaining a sharper note, than most people were accustomed to with Arthur Weasley.

Remus winced and looked up from the motionless animal, meeting the other man's serious eyes and swallowed when they seemed to pierce right through him. „Yes... Yes, I guess that would be expected." He made another sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob and raked a hand through his grey-streaked hair. „I'm sorry. I know how this must look..." He trailed off, when Harry tugged on his robes again, looking at him as if he had for a moment almost forgotten that he was there. „I know Harry... just... one moment, okay? I think... I think everything might just... we can clear this up and then we can can clear Sirius and we'll save him. I promise you we will save him! Everything... everything will be alright!"

He wasn't at all certain whom he tried to reassure with his words, but they didn't work particularly well on Harry. The boy shook his head, tears still rimming his eyes. „No! No! We have to hurry! Remus, please, we have to hurry!" But as much as it pained Remus to ignore the child, he knew that he first had to convince the Weasleys.

„Mr. and Mrs. Weasley," Remus began tentatively, „I sincerely apologize for my strange behaviour. It is indeed hard to explain, but if you just let me perform a spell on your son's rat, it might all be clarified." He looked from one frowning face to the other and hastily went on. „I have reason to suspect, that this rat, which your son found in your garden all those years ago, is in fact a wizard in his animagus form. I know, this sounds unbelievable! But there is a spell that can in fact force an animagus to turn back to his human self, and it won't do any harm to an animal. I... I need your permission to perform this spell." He looked at the older wizard couple expectantly, his eyes pleading.

„B-But... Pettigrew?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking at Remus, obviously worried about his sanity. „Wasn't he the one Black murdered together with all those muggles? He is dead, isn't he?"

„That's what I thought for all those years." Remus explained hastily. „That's what everyone thought! But what most people don't know is, that Peter Pettigrew was an animagus – his form is a rat. He, James Potter, myself and... Sirius Black... we were all friends at Hogwarts. Please... I know you probably think I'm crazy, but this could be the final piece in the puzzle. You have to allow me to do the spell!"

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked at each other doubtfully. „Well, it does sound rather improbable," Mr. Weasley finally said carefully, „but I guess there can't be much harm. And since Professor Dumbledore seems to trust you so much, I will humour you, Mr. Lupin. This once. Ron," he turned to his son. „you go upstairs, and take Harry with you."

When he heard that, Harry only clawed more tightly at Remus robes not moving an inch.

„If he can stay, I won't go either!" Ron declared stubbornly.

But Mrs. Weasley had had enough. „Ronald, you go upstairs right this minute, or by Merlin, you will regret it!" she said with a glare at her son.

„That is so unfair!" Ron wailed, but knew better than to disobey his mother if her face got this stormy.

When the boy had left the room and Mrs. Weasley had tried and failed to drag a struggling Harry further back from Remus and the stunned animal, the younger wizard once more looked into the faces of the couple to assure their consent. Then Remus Lupin took a deep breath and turned to the rat. To Peter. The beat of his own heart seemed to resound in his head. Everything was moving so fast, it felt unreal. What if it wasn't Peter? What if it was? What would he do? What would he say? Was there an explanation? Was there any innocent explanation for Peter to live as a rat for all those years? For him to try and run, when he saw Remus? Maybe he thought... No! He couldn't do that right now. The spell. Do the spell and your questions will be answered. Then again maybe that was exactly, what he was afraid of.

***

After the Minister, the Head of Auror Office and the third and rather frightening man were gone, Mrs. Brisby hastened back to the dungeon and the restraining cells. Her breath was laboured and she felt slightly sick. She knew that it was stupid to grow attached to any prisoner, especially a convicted murderer and supporter of You-know-who, but she just couldn't help herself. He reminded her so much of David. And now he would be given the Kiss, and would be worse than dead. Mrs. Brisby hated the Dementors, they were the stuff nightmares were made off and to think one of those creatures would be the last the young man would see, before his soul would be sucked out of him, to be destroyed forever...

The careworn healer stopped a few paces away from the cell, leaning against the cool and rough wall of the dungeon, trying to regain her breath and fighting down the nausea. She had wanted to look after the prisoner, when she was done speaking to Scrimgeour. She had promised to come back to see if he had drunk the potion and if there was anything else she could do for him. But there wasn't, was there? Whatever she would do, would it even matter? Taking a deep breath, she scolded herself. Of course it would. The least she could do was make him comfortable for the last hours. Smoothing her robes, she pushed herself away from the stone wall and resolutely approached the cell of the prisoner. The guards acknowledged her with a curd nod and when they opened the heavy door for her, she slipped in wordlessly.

A dim light that came from the little barred window implemented in the door, was the only illumination in the sparse cell. The prisoner was lying on his back on the cot, still slightly shivering under the cloak, despite the warming charm she'd secretly added to it. His long black hair fell sloppily into his face and she had to suppress the urge to softly stroke it back from his forehead.

Her gaze fell to the goblet with the Pepperup Potion, she had left for him. He had not drunk it. He had probably been too out of it to even notice it was there.

The healer hesitated for another moment before she cast a quick heating charm on the potion and picked up the goblet. Gingerly she sat down on the cot next to the shaking prisoner, who was mumbling incoherently. Taking two vials from her cloak, she added a few drops of Dreamless Sleep and Pain Free Potion to the slightly steaming goblet and holding his head up with her other hand, put it to his lips. His eyelids fluttered open and he coughed, when the liquid met his throat, but drank it down. His grey eyes found hers and for the first time he seemed to actually see her.

„Thank you." he whispered, and she couldn't help but see another younger boy with similar grey eyes before her.

When Mrs. Brisby left the cell and heard the door closing behind her with a hollow sound, she had come to a decision. All she needed now was to leave quietly, so nobody would see her go to the owlery. There might not even be any use. Maybe he would already know, but she could not stand by and watch. Not for another time.

***

The hand holding out the wand was shaking, the fingers feeling clammy, but he still managed to perform the necessary wand movement over the frozen ball of furry animal. And then right in front of Arthur's surprised, Molly's shocked, Harry's scared and Remus' embittered eyes, the shabby rat turned into a shabby looking man. He was short and plump, and looked like he was starting to go bald. The small eyes in his round face were moving hectically from one point to an other. The Animagus Revile Spell had broken Remus' previous Stunning Spell and the other wizard scrambled to his feet looking around nervously and frightened.

He looked like Peter, and then he looked nothing at all like him. Remus thought he actually looked much more like a rat than he had all those years ago, but maybe that was a after-effect from being in his animagus form for such a long time. Or it was, because Remus now knew, that he was a rat in his human form as well. It was probably also due to this changes, that he could suppress any urges he might have had to pull his long lost friend into a hug to the cries of 'Peter, you're alive!'. Now he had the very disconcerting feeling of wishing his friend had actually died all those years ago.

„Hello Peter." Remus finally broke the shocked silence in the room. „It's been a long time."

„Remus!" Peter squeaked. Yes, it really was a squeak. Maybe Peter had to get used to his human vocal cords again. „W-what a surprise! My friend! My old friend!" Peter was wringing his hands, which made him look even more like a rodent.

„Imagine _my_ surprise, Peter. After all I thought you were dead for the last seven years." Remus wondered how his voice could sound so calm, while pointing a wand at his childhood friend who had indeed been confirmed dead and now stood in front of him in the flesh and unharmed bar one finger. For a moment Remus almost curiously mused how Peter would go about this. If there was in fact any logical reason at all he might be able to come up with, why he would stand here in the living-room of the clueless Weasleys after spending seven years as their son's pet. When Peter didn't say anything, Remus raised his eyebrows expectantly. „Care to explain what you are doing here, Peter?" he asked quietly.

But the first one to find his voice again was actually Arthur Weasley. „An explanation would definitely be in order, especially since you have been living in my house, _sleeping_ in the bed of my son since he was barely more than a toddler!" he spat furiously.

Molly didn't say anything. She still seemed too shocked, her mouth hanging open, but her face was quickly gaining a colour that didn't bode well for the fat little wizard.

„Well, I... I had to hide!" Peter stuttered.

„Why?" Remus inquired, his voice still eerily calm. „Why in Merlin's great name would you feel the need to hide from the whole wizarding world for seven years, acting as a pet, while everybody - your _friends_ – thought you were dead?"

„He wanted to kill me!" Peter exclaimed. „He had already tried and would have surely tried again!"

„Who wanted to kill you Peter?" Remus asked, more impatiently now.

„Sirius!" Peter cried, giving a shiver that actually looked convincing.

„But you had nothing to fear from Sirius, since he was in Azkaban." Remus looked at the shorter man coldly. „He was in Azkaban for murdering your very alive self."

„He also murdered all those muggles! He nearly got me, Remus! And he broke out, didn't he? I knew he would come for me eventually!"

„You _knew_ that Sirius would break out of Azkaban? Something no one ever managed?"

„He is very powerful! He knows dark magic, Remus, he is dangerous!"

„I still fail to see why you didn't come to us, to me or to Dumbledore, why you would rather spent seven years as a _rat_ then ask your friends or even the Ministry for help."

„I don't care why you did it," another voice yelled suddenly, and Molly Weasley stepped forward her wand directed at Peter. „you intruded into our home! You spent the nights in my very underaged son's bed in _disguise. _Who knows what sick perversions you satisfied with that, but be certain that I will have your hide for this!" Molly had come slowly closer to the nervous wizard, now almost poking her wand in his face. It was only her husband, holding her back at her shoulders, that prevented her from that.

Peter wrung his hands even more frantically. „I was scared! I didn't know who I could trust! One of my best friends had betrayed us all and then tried to kill me!"

„But surely you could have trusted someone like Dumbledore, Peter? This all really doesn't make a lot of sense." It really didn't. Maybe for someone else, but not for Peter, who had _always_ relied on the help of his friends. If it was for protecting him from any kind of bullying or getting his homework done. Hell, he even got Sirius' to ask out Marian McAllister for a date to the Yule Ball for him. Faced with Sirius' charm the girl had of course agreed, probably forgetting for a moment that he was only the messenger and not her future husband. _Sirius..._ He had to ask.

„Peter, were you James and Lily's secret-keeper?"

It was just a barely noticeable twitch at the corner of his eye, but it was enough for Remus to be sure that Peter's next words would be a lie. „N-no! Sirius was the secret-keeper! We all know that it was Sirius. He betrayed Jam-"

„DON'T say their name!" Remus cut in, feeling sick to the stomach. „Maybe I can not prove it yet, but _I know _that you are lying Peter. You will come with me to the Ministry now, and help me safe Sirius'. At very least this should get him a fair trial, and then you can see if the Wizengamot will be more convinced by your explanations for _faking _your_ death_!"

„I will come with you." Arthur Weasley announced, having calmed down a little, but still glinting at Peter furiously. „I have a thing or two to tell Scrimgeour's men as well."

Peter was put it to a full body-bind and a few ropes for good measure, and Remus swore that he would hex him to pieces if he tried to transform. „I kill you before I let you get away, Peter. Your body will still be interesting evidence." Remus threatened him with a growl that sounded very much like a wolf, making Peter shudder.

The only problem turned out to be the one Remus had actually come to the Weasleys for. Harry refused to let go of Remus' robes, to which he had clung frightened during the whole ordeal.

„No! NO!! I have to go to Sirius, he needs me! Please, please, Remus we have to go now, I know we have to go now or it is too late!" the wailing started again. In the end Remus and Mr. Weasley agreed that it would be easier to take Harry with them, then to spent another hour trying to dislodge him from the wizards robes and risking the heart-attack of an eight year old child.

***

They had told him. They had told him, what he had already anticipated. It would be the Kiss. It would not only be the end of his short dream of a life, it would be the end of everything, of his existence. It would be, as if he had never been born. And how much pain, how much sorrow would that have prevented. But the consequences of his existence would not be lost with him, they would remain, they would keep hurting. Harry would still have lost his parents. Remus would still have lost his friends. Regulus would still be dead. Well, that at least would probably not have changed, if he had never existed. No, he would have needed to be _more_, do _more_. It always came down to his own short-comings. He should have been a better brother, a better friend, a better fighter, a better father... No, that wasn't right. He never had been a father. His hand clenched into fists, and the silver clip still in his left hand painfully bit into his skin. But he could have been. And he would have done better then anything else he had done before. Because it would have been for Harry.

The door to his cell opened with another wailing sound on its hinges, and three men in plain black robes entered. „It's time, Black." one of them said, but no one made a move towards him. With shaking limbs Sirius' dragged himself to his feet. His knees buckled slightly under his own weight, but he was still glad, that the men did not try to help him. If this was the last walk, he very well wanted to walk it on his own.

He felt shackles closing around his ankles and then around his wrists, chaining them together. His hands were still balled into fists, and he could still feel Harry's present, warm from the touch, nestling inside one.

And then he was walking, stumbling really, forwards and out through the door into a dungeon corridor, dimly lit by torches, and still too bright for his eyes, used to the darkness of his cell. This was it. This were his final moments. He had never dreamed of them to be like this, of his life ending like _this_. In a few moments all of him would be gone, his thoughts, his fears, his feelings, his memories, his very being. And as if they were frightened of their fate those memories were suddenly storming onto him like a whirlwind.

_Harry curled up next to him on the coach, head resting on his thigh. His face relaxed in sweet innocence as the light of the fire danced across his features and Sirius pulled a blanket over his small form, tugging him in tenderly._

The chains on his ankles were clinking softly against each other.

_James hugging him close in the Potters guest room. „You can stay here, Padfoot. We are your family now. And we will never desert you. I will always be your brother."_

His bare feet were scratching on the rough stones of the dungeon.

_Harry landing his broom on the meadow behind the cabin, setting of in a run as soon as his feet touched the ground. „I did it, Sirius! I did it!!" A happy laughing boy running towards him, stretching his arms out as Sirius picked him up, swinging him in a circle, laughing with him._

Two men on his sides and one at his back, were walking with him in silence.

_Remus taking Sirius' wand out of his hand, wrapping his other hand around Sirius' bloody wrist. Big frightened eyes, brimming with tears as he whispered the words Sirius had longed to hear for the last months. „I forgive you. Do you hear me? I forgive you, Sirius. But you have to promise me... you have to promise me to never do something like this again." _

Large carved wooden double-doors were looming in front of him, opening to welcome him to his death.

_Harry sitting in his lap on Sirius' bed. „You really want me?" „I really, really want you." „And I don't have to go back, ever?" „Never. Not over my dead body." „And..." Harry looking at him nervously. „And you... you like me?" Sirius hugging his godson close. „I like you an awful lot, Harry. And I love you like I would love my own son." Tears spilling from large green eyes, small arms slinging around Sirius' neck, and Harry mumbling „I love you too." _

It was this last memory more then all the others that made him sway from its impact, clenching his heart as if to wring the last blood out of it. Harry loved him. He loved him. That... no, he couldn't let this happen. Harry loved him. This very soul. He couldn't lose it! Harry needed him.

He started to struggle. His limbs were shaking and his knees were almost giving out, but he still tried to pry himself from the chains, from the hands that were gripping him now, holding him and dragging him to a large smooth stone table on a platform at the end of the room. He struggled and fought as they pressed him down on the surface. He kicked and pushed as they chained him again, this time to the corners of the table. He yelled and he bit and pulled on the chains.

„No! No!! You can't! He needs me! Don't you understand? He needs me!!" His yells sent him into another coughing fit, that shook his whole body, rattling the chains.

„I'm sorry Black." One of his captors said quietly. „But there's nothing you can do. Nothing anybody can do now. Don't fight it, it only makes it harder. As soon as all the witnesses are gathered, the Dementors will be brought in. It will be over soon."

***

Hogwarts Castle rose silently over the frozen lake and snowy grounds, few students left to make the halls resound with pre-Christmas cheer. And then it was hardly an hour until curfew, and those few had probably already retired to their common-rooms and the warmth of their fires. In the Headmaster's office all that was heard was a quiet puffing and tingling coming from spindly silver objects of no particular eminent purpose. This quiet was only shortly interrupted, as the flames in the fire place rose up in a roar of green, bathing the office in an eerie light. A tall figure stepped out of the hearth with calm and controlled movements and only someone who was better acquainted with Albus Dumbledore would have noticed the strain in the way he held himself and the tiredness that laid within.

With a deep sigh the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy and many other titles more walked to his desk and sank into the chair behind it. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice told him, that the habitualness with which he went to occupy this very place as soon as he stepped into his home was a little worrisome. He had once more declined the position of Minister of Magic, why was it, that he still felt the weight of responsibility for the whole wizarding world?

He was detained or maybe spared from pursuing this thought any further by the insistent knock on one of the office's high windows. Frowning the Headmaster heaved himself once again from his seat and went to open the window to permit the rather ruffled owl entrance. He tied the small scroll of parchment off its leg and closed the window behind the owl, eyes glued to the letter.

Then Albus Dumbledore did something he seldom did and never in company, he swore. With a few long paces the tall wizard crossed his office and once more vanished into the fire, robes billowing and all tiredness vanished.

***

The fireplaces in the Ministry were already locked for visitors at this time of the night, and while as an employee Arthur Weasley would have had access even after official visiting hours, it would have proved difficult for all four of them, especially when one was in a body bind, floating only inches above the floor. So it had to be the old visitor entrance through the telephone box. It was quite cramped inside with the four of them, but thankfully the ride was only short.

The doors of the box opened to the Atrium. Remus had been here before, had indeed visited the Ministry for the first time at the tender age of five. Thankfully he had not understood the reasons of their visit fully back then, but he still could remember vividly his awe at the vast sparkling space. The dark polished floors, the high peacock blue ceiling, glimmering golden symbols and of course the sparkling magical fountain in the middle of the hall. He imagined that for Harry it must be a similar experience, especially since the boy had grown up with muggles. He looked down at the small boy, who by now was not clutching his robes anymore, but rather his hand, but Harry hardly seemed to notice his magical surroundings. Instead he once more tugged at Remus hand, breathing „Hurry, Remus, we have to get to Sirius!"

At that moment a very short wizard with only a few tufts of grey hair left on his head appeared in front of them. „Good evening, Gentlemen. I'm afraid visiting hours are only from nine to six o'clock. Also, most Ministry officials will have been retired for the night by now."

„This is different." Remus insisted quickly. „Our business is very urgent and I have to speak to-"

„And what business would that be?" the little wizard inquired.

„It's about the case of Sirius Black, we have-"

„Oh!" The wizards demeanour changed immediately, becoming almost obeisant instead of slightly haughty. „Are you here for the execution? You should have said so, although I'm afraid you are rather late and I'm not-"

A punch in the gut could not have had a greater effect on Remus. „W-what!?" he spluttered, as all blood seemed to leave his face and probably his brain, because he couldn't seem to form a single coherent thought, never mind a sentence. There seemed to be only one word ringing in a vast space of nothing. Execution.

„An execution?" Remus heard Arthur Weasley ask. „Was there even a trial? For when is it scheduled?"

„Well,... now, actually." The wizard replied, sounding confused. „So you are not here as witnesses?"

But Remus didn't hear what else the short wizard had to say anymore, because he was already running, down the long hall of the Atrium and to the lifts, his heart galloping like a racing horse. He didn't hear the yell of „Sir! Sir, you can't just go down there! Sir, I still have to weigh your wand! Security! Security!" When he became aware of the tugging on his right arm, he noticed that he still held Harry's small hand, and he hauled him up in his arms and pressed him to his chest, before he stepped into the lift, praying to all deities he could think of to let him not be too late, not this time, to not cheat him of his only chance to make everything alright.

***

Deep down in the dungeons, chained to a stone table like a sacrifice to an altar, Sirius' tried to breath to keep from hyperventilating. Sacrifice. It was all right and proper when you were not spread like the proverbial lamb for the taking and could feel the Dementors coming closer.

He heard the voices of people, but he couldn't see them. He thought he might recognize Scrimgeour. There were at least one other man and a woman with a horrible girlish sweet voice. And then there were more steps and the clonking sound of something like a cane hitting the stone floor, and then he heard a voice he recognized immediately. Lucius Malfoy. An almost hysteric laugh bubbled up in his chest, but all that left his throat was a choke.

As if this had drawn the man's attention the steps and the clonking came closer to the table and it's bound occupant, and then white-blond hair and ice-cold eyes swam into Sirius' vision. The eyes were accompanied by an equally cold smile, as Lucius Malfoy raised one of his elegant eyebrows.

„Ah, Sirius," he said conversationally, as if this was indeed one of the Malfoy's tea-parties Sirius' mother had dragged him to when he was a child, „lovely evening for a little entertainment, don't you think?"

Even wandless magic couldn't kill a man with a look, otherwise the blond wizard would have been in mortal danger. „Lucius... go to hell!"

„I think that will be you, dear cousin." The other wizard gave the prisoner another of his ominous smiles. „What a way to go for the great Sirius Black. Reduced to a drooling shell without content. Ah well... one will probably not see much of a difference." Lucius brought the top of his cane up to slowly trace Sirius' cheek. „And still it's almost a pity... but then at least you'll be out of my way."

Before Sirius could contemplate about an answer he felt the familiar freezing cold and heard the rattling of the breath, as the Dementors were drifting into the dungeon.

***

Even if he would not admit it to anyone, hardly even himself, it were moments like these, that Albus Dumbledore enjoyed being one, if not _the _most powerful wizard. It allowed him to strode into the Ministry without anyone even so much as thinking about trying to stop him and blasting open the door to Fudge's office with a gush of wind that made the papers and parchments on the Ministers desk fly up like a swarm of doves.

Fudge jumped up from his chair, batting off the rain of paper. „Dumbledore! What in Merlin's name is the meaning of this?"

Albus Dumbledore fixed the smaller man with a stare few were acquainted with. „Don't try to fool me Cornelius! You will stop, right now, the execution of Sirius Black!"

***

The lift had stopped at Level 9 – Department of Mysteries. From this floor only a staircase led down to the next level, the dungeon, that occupied the holding cells, the Wizengamot Courtroom and the Execution Chamber. Remus was running down this staircase, taking two or three stairs at once, which wasn't easy with an eight-year old boy in his arms. Fragments of thoughts ran through his mind, like maybe Harry shouldn't be here, he shouldn't see this, but what could he do with him, he couldn't leave him, Harry wouldn't let him and frankly Remus simply hadn't the time to think about it. He reached the end of the stair case and flew, almost stumbling, down the corridor to the large carved double doors. He didn't stop to think what he would say or what he could do. Putting Harry down, he threw the doors open and stormed into the room like no fury hell had ever seen.

It was this strange sensation, like time was distending like bubblegum and you could see yourself and everybody else almost as if you were watching a movie in slow motion.

Remus could see the heads of the people in the room whipping towards him. Rufus Scrimgeour. Dolores Umbridge – what did that horrible woman do here? Two men he didn't know and... Lucius Malfoy. Blond hair and silken robes immaculately, dressed for the occasion. He could see hands reaching for their wands, but he felt strangely unfazed. He could see the silver bodies of five animals prowling in the corner. A lion, a badger, a cat, a lizard and a large bird of prey.

And Remus could see his best friend, stretched on a table of dark grey stone, his hands balled into fists, his black hair spread out wildly and his whole body arched up from the surface in a silent scream of torture, as three Dementors circled above him, sucking, drinking... and then Sirius body went limp and something rose from his open lips. A beautiful sparkling light.

Still in slow motion Remus reached for his wand and at the same time reached deep inside himself. _Chasing a yapping black dog through a dark forest, a black haired boy handing him a chocolate frog, the same boy with longer hair „We're your friends, Remus, nothing will change that!", the __black haired boy became a black haired man, grinning broadly and handing him a happily squealing baby, __the baby became a boy __„He said he missed you. He said you were his friend!"... He is innocent... Sirius is innocent... _

„EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!"

A large silver dog erupted from the tip of Remus wand and suddenly the bubble of time-gum exploded and everything seemed to speed up into a rush. The room was filled with shouts and shrieks, spells were cast in his direction and he was throwing himself down, dragging Harry, who had followed him into the room with him, as he felt something graze his hair when they barely missed him.

From his crouching position on the other side of the platform he could see that the Dementors had retreated and that the chest of the figure on the table was raising and falling with harsh breaths. But the foul creatures were coming back, his Patronus had dissolved when he had jumped into cover, breaking his concentration. Directing his wand at the Dementors he yelled again „EXPECTO PATRONUM!" The silver dog was less bright, and Remus saw it flicker as his own doubts welled up in him.

Pressing Harry's trembling little body against him, he shot another spell at Sirius shackles and they sprung open. But it seemed that Sirius didn't even notice, that he was free. „Padfoot!" Remus yelled. „PADFOOT!!"

Sirius head jerked and turned in his direction, but he seemed to weak to move. Another wave of spells was shot in his direction, and Remus realized that he might actually be in a very precarious situation. Oh, Merlin what should he do?

„Stop! Please! I can explain! And there is a child here!" he called desperately.

„EVERYBODY STOP INDEED AND TAKE DOWN YOUR WANDS!" a commanding and magically amplified voice rang suddenly through the dungeon, and Remus sagged down in relief when he saw Albus Dumbledore standing in the doorway looking thunderous next to a fidgeting Cornelius Fudge and a clearly shocked Arthur Weasley.

„And now I would very much like to hear an explanation." Dumbeldore said in a stern tone, but his voice no longer resounding in the whole room. „What is the meaning of this? Rufus? Cornelius? Ah, and I see you are here to Lucius."

„This man needs to be arrested!" Dolores Umbridge cried. „He has interrupted a Ministry procedure and tried to free a sentenced prisoner to let him abscond from his justified fate!"

„You may come to understand, Ms. Umbridge, that I favour a slightly different approach. I like to ask a few questions and make sure I have enough evidence for any accusations." Dumbledore said almost mildly. Remus couldn't understand how he could already be so calm again. He himself was shaking, as he rose to his feet, flattening his robes with trembling hands and touching his rather dishevelled hair. As soon as he loosened his grip on Harry, the boy ran towards the stone table and the shaking figure of his godfather on top of it.

But when Remus tried to move into the same direction, a wand was immediately directed at him again. „You don't move an inch, Lupin!" Scrimgeour growled.

Dumbledore shook his head. „Please take your wand down, Rufus. I thought we had agreed that the best way to handle this matter would be to investigate and make sure we got to the truth on the bottom?"

„He confessed, Albus. When my man interrogated him, he didn't say anything useful, but one of the Unspeakables finally convinced him to confess." Scrimgeour snapped, not liking anyone hinting, that he might not do his job properly. „The Minister ordered it himself."

„Interesting." Dumbledore said and turned to Fudge with his eyebrows raised.

But before anyone could elaborate any further, there was a shout of „NOO!!" coming from the other side of the room, and then the blood of almost every person in the room froze, when they saw the Dementor holding the eight year old Harry Potter by his jaw, the hooded head bending down with a rattling intake of breath.

-

Sirius laid on a smooth cold surface. Stone. He felt cold metal on his wrists and ankles and when he tried to move his limbs, he only managed a few inches. There had been chains. There still were chains, but that was not the reason he could barely move. It was his very own flesh, that seemed to groan in protest as the slightest movement. He had the strangest feeling, as if he had just moved back into his body after a long absence. Everything felt slightly foreign, while still being familiar. Had somebody called for him? He could have sworn he heard Moony call for him to come and play, but that couldn't be. Moony wasn't in this dark place of stone.

Something was touching him. Warm and slightly sticky. Stroking his head. It felt nice. Then something moved in front of him, in front of his face. Blinking against the dizziness he tried to concentrate on it, willed his muddled brain to tell him what it was. Green eyes came into focus and Sirius let out a sob. Was he dead? But wasn't his soul gone? He couldn't be in heaven without a soul, could he? Black unruly hair. „Harry..." he breathed, understanding that he must be dreaming or hallucinating, he wasn't sure. But when small arms wrapped themselves around his neck, Sirius didn't care. He would enjoy this vision as long as it lasted.

But unfortunately it didn't last very long. The arms glided away from him, while hands were pulling at him almost in a struggle. He tried to move his own arms to hold onto this vision of his godson, but all he touched was thin air. Where had he gone? Having managed to roll on his side, Sirius blinked once more, and then he saw something, that not even his darkest, foulest nightmares could produce. A Dementor's hooded figure bending over the small stiff form of his godson.

„_NOO!!!" _

Sirius flew across the room, he didn't know how, he did not feel his body or the floor, all he saw was his godson. Harry. The cold was enclosing him once more, his blood beginning to freeze to ice, as James face swam up before him, eyes starring at him in blank and frozen accusation. Dead and irretrievably gone. His fault. His fault. But nothing could be worth then what was right in front of his eyes. No! Not Harry! Never Harry! Harry was his. He was all that was important and nothing would happen to him. Not as long as Sirius lived.

He reached his godson, hauling him back and out of the Dementors grip. But there were more and they were all around them. Sirius pressed Harry's little body against him, shielding him with the solidity of his body, as he was drenched in ice water. He heard his mother shriek, he saw his father with his wand raised, he saw Remus lying in the hospital wing bloody and pale as he and James turned away from him, James' eyes, Lily's body, little Harry crying. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry loved him, Harry loved him. And he loved Harry. No, you'll never get Harry! You'll never get my son! I promise!

Sirius didn't see the bright silver light erupting from where he crouched over Harry like an explosion. He didn't see the ragged dark creatures falling backwards and flee. He didn't hear the yells of shock and surprise from the gathered wizards. All he knew was Harry. Holding Harry. Protecting Harry. Saving Harry. As he tumbled into darkness.

TBC

* * *

**A/N: PLEASE DON'T MURDER ME!!! And please don't rip me to shreds, either! Tell me if you liked the chapter, and not just if you hate the **tiny** cliffy. It would mean a lot!**

Yes, yes, I know, I said this would be the last, the one with the happy end, but I felt the need to cut it there, it felt stupid otherwise, and I had it ready up till here, and it's already been a while, and I thought you'd like to have this at least, so now you can read it, while I write the rest, and yes I know I'm rambling. So you'll get an extra epilogue. Yes it is almost done and I will post it ASAP like tomorrow or even yesterday or at least the day after and yes that is a promise and I'm already running I'm flying I'm typing I'm goooooone...

*Peaks around the corner* But you know reviews would still be appreciated, don't you?

Just some quick answers and response to my highly appreciated anonymous reviewers:

**ShaylaShiera**: Thank you, it's nice to hear from a 'dark figure' once in a while. I'm happy you enjoy the story so much and that you fin it unique.

**Stargurl**: Well thank you for your enthusiasm, but I'm afraid I _can't_ put up more then one chapter a time, because I haven't written them yet. It's a '-progress'. I can understand your impatience, I feel that way with stories I like too, but all I can do is post as soon as I have a chapter ready.

**Stephanie:** Evil Cliffhanger-witch, remember? But honestly, I thought the last one was rather medoicre.

**BloOM:** Thank you, glad you liked it. But please don't strangle Lucius, I still need him for the sequel! Maybe Macnair. Yes, I think you can have Macnair.

**HebHibHob**: Phew! Thanks for letting me off the hook. And I'm _so_ happy I manage to stun you again and again, nothing is worse then total predictability. Thanks fow e cooies! *scrunch* Oh and Harry will see the Weasleys in the sequel – a lot.

**Mary**: Congratulations to your account! And finally someone managed to read my profile. If more people were as clever they would maybe worry less, but then they might still not believe me. *pout* Wow, I will get fat with all those cookies I got this time. But THANK you for your lovely praise, and especially the comment on Peter. I see it the same and tried to make that realistic, or at least have Remus fight with exactly that problem. Peter was his friend too.

**Fridolin das Pferd**: Love your name! Thank you very much for all your lovely comments and reassurance! And I'm glad you could relate with Harry not feeling all that comfortable at the Weasleys, that's what I was going for.

Prong's flower: Thank you for your high praise. Really. Wow.

**Leolina**: I love you too, honey! And I'm really honoured that you like the story so much. To get such feedback is just beautiful.

**Mimsy35**:: Thank you! Glad you agree with the way I take it.

**Owlviennagreen**: Thanks again. Yeah, it was my reason for starting this story. I wanted more Harry and Sirius bonding, Sirius having the chance to be a parent and Harry having a chance at a family.

**Please review!!**


	25. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is it folks. Really, finally**** the last chapter. ***sniff* I said I would be fast, didn't I?

A great big hug goes to **Inigeshi**, who made a beautiful picture for this story. The first fanart somebody ever did for one of my stories and it is really super cute! Check it out! The link is on my profile.

Also thank you, all you wonderful people who reviewed the last chapter, which was one of my personal favourites. My wonderful anonymous reviewers, who I can't reply to individually: ShaylaShiera, HebHibHob, BloOm, lunapia and krabi: Thank you very much for the praise and support and for not stabbing me with sharp objects.

And oh yes, the sequel is coming. The official title will be **'The Heart's Desire'**. I have things planned for it, that will make your eyes bleed. But actually I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and I think I might go for some fluff now and then too. *grins* I have a lot of ideas, but not all are fully developed yet. Still, I'll try to not let you hanging too long. I don't tend to plan a story out in all its details - honestly I mostly make it up as I go... ; ) - but of course I _do _need to plan the main plot-lines the story will follow. But now enough of my rambling. Enjoy this last installment of 'The Promise'!

* * *

**- Epilogue - **

'I have to stop doing this.' was the first thought that popped up in Sirius Black's mind, as it slowly struggled through the layers of dizziness and throbbing pain to the realms of consciousness. 'White.' he thought next. 'Soft.' Well, _there_ was a difference at least. For a few moments he let himself linger in this place between sleep and wakefulness, too tired to care all that much what this white place was. He was sure that with his luck it wouldn't be heaven. And he doubted heaven would have headaches like his one, which seemed to be the mother of all headaches.

He blinked.

Someone was sitting next to him. Tall, long white hair and beard, serene smile. Maybe he shouldn't rule out heaven so quickly. He chuckled, but stopped quickly when the pain in his head exploded, as the whole family of headaches seemed to join it.

„I would gladly say, it's good to see you're back, Mr. Black... if you would care to join me?"

Not God after all. One rank lower. Albus Dumbledore.

„I have a potion here, that your healer left, which should help you with your headache."

Sirius blinked again, this time managing to keep his eyes open, at least a little. „Where?" he croaked, almost cringing himself when he heard the rasp that had do be his voice.

„You're in St. Mungo's." Dumbledore said, understanding that he wasn't inquiring about the location of the potion, but rather of himself. „We were worried for a while, you had quite thoroughly exhausted your magic. Although I have to say, that was extraordinary. I can't remember having seen you doing wandless magic before."

Sirius coughed, and took the potion Dumbledore handed him after conjuring another pillow at the younger wizards back. „I haven't. No idea what I was doing... " He bowed his head and for a moment silently stared at his hands, which were clutching the goblet tightly. The look he cast at Dumbledore was careful and he hesitated before a whisper escaped his lips. „Harry?"

Dumbledore smiled at him warmly. „Young Harry is quite alright, although he has been very worried about you." He ducked his head a little to catch the young man's eyes and sparkling blue met stormy grey. „You saved his life, Sirius. More then that, you saved his soul."

Sirius whole body sagged and he buried his face in his hands, goblet wobbling precariously on his lap. „I thought..." He took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. „I thought I might have been too late," he whispered.

„You were just in time and you did amazingly. James and Lily obviously knew what they were doing."

„They did," said another voice tinged with too many emotions to decipher. Sirius head shot up and his eyes met those of Remus Lupin, standing in the doorway, a smile gracing his features but his eyes troubled. „You're awake," he said and Sirius could only nod.

Remus. Had it been real? Had Moony really saved him? Then did he... Sirius dropped his gaze. No, he couldn't assume... Moony had no reason to believe him. From the corner of his eye he saw Remus slowly stepping closer to his bed. There was only one chair, on the opposite side, the one occupied by Albus Dumbledore, and Remus seemed to hesitate. But after an audible intake of breath he carefully lowered himself on the brink of the mattress.

„I think I will leave you two for a moment, while I call upon Arthur Weasley." Dumbledore said, raising from the chair, his blue eyes twinkling merrily.

„Arthur is at home?" Remus asked slightly confused.

„You might have been too preoccupied to notice, Remus, but it _is_ Christmas." Dumbledore smiled at the embarrassed werewolf and left, quietly closing the door in his wake.

-

„So... Christmas already." Sirius mumbled awkwardly and not really able to meet Remus eyes.

„Yes," Remus said, voice sounding strained. „You've been out for almost five days." Sirius looked up at his friend surprised. „It was quite a lot, what with the soul leaving your body for a while, and the wandless Patronus thing, and of course the pneumonia."

„Pneumonia?" Sirius asked dumbly.

„Yeah, from... you know... when you saved me." Remus glanced at him. „Thank you for that."

Sirius looked at him, obviously lost for words and Remus wished he could still read his friend like he could back in school. But then maybe he had never really been good at it, after all Sirius had been hiding a lot from them without anyone ever knowing.

„Should I..." Remus indicated at the now empty chair on the other side of the bed.

„No!" Sirius' hand moved over the covers towards Remus', but stopped before they actually touched. „No." he said more quietly. „It's fine."

„You know this is almost like role reversal." Remus said with a nervous little laugh.

„What do you mean?"

„You, lying in a hospital bed, and me sitting next to you. Like back in the old days. Only then it was mostly me in the bed." Remus smiled at the man, he had been able to call a brother once, sheepishly. But Sirius' eyes were still unreadable. „I should have brought chocolate," Remus almost stuttered. „It's what you always did... but I didn't know you were awake," he finished lamely.

However, this got him the smallest flicker of a smile from his friend, but then it was gone as fast as it had appeared.

„Remus, I... I know it's not enough... it can never be enough, but... I'm sorry." Sirius said quietly.

There was a painful tightening in his chest, and without thinking Remus reached for Sirius' hand, that still laid on top of the covers. „No, Padfoot, it's me who is sorry! I should have never doubted you, I should have believed in you... I'm sorry, Padfoot, I'm so sorry."

Sirius looked at him then and his grey-blue eyes shimmered with something close to awe. „You believe me." he said, the words spoken almost reverently, like they were a precious treasure, of which Sirius wasn't sure if he would be allowed to keep it.

„I do." Remus hastened to assure him. „I should have done so from the start! But I didn't, and I'm so sorry, but then I saw Harry... and he was... and you were... and you saved him. Twice. Or thrice even, if you count the Dursleys, which you should, and... And you saved me. I betrayed you and you saved me." He felt tears at the corners of his eyes now, and tried to blink them away, feeling foolish.

But that changed when Sirius gave his hand the lightest squeeze and when he spoke and Remus looked back at him, he saw a telltale wetness in his eyes as well. „I betrayed you first, Moony," he whispered, and warmth spread through Remus at Sirius' use of his childhood nickname. „I... I didn't tell you. About the change. I didn't tell you, because I thought... I was afraid... that you might be the traitor."

Remus nodded. He had already guessed that much, and it hurt, but he could hardly blame Sirius for a crime that he had committed himself, and even worse. Sirius had not let him rot in Azkaban for seven whole years. „I know," he said shamefaced. „But now we can prove that it was Peter." Sirius looked at him confused. „We found him, Padfoot. We found Peter."

Sirius hand clenched his in a painful grip for a moment and when he met his eyes they were flashing with rage. For a moment Remus could see the hot-tempered youth he had known at Hogwarts in front of him.

„Where is he?" Sirius pressed out through gritted teeth.

„In the Ministry. He is denying everything of course, but don't worry. Albus has a plan."

„That rat!" Sirius choked. „That miserable bastard of a perfidious _rat_!"

Remus slid a little up on the bed, placing his hand on Sirius' shoulder in as much of an attempt to comfort his friend, as it was to steady himself. „We will deal with him," he said quietly, „we will deal with him in time. Right now _you_ are important. You and Harry."

Sirius looked up at him, and right there and then Remus could see the fear in his eyes, the panic. He looked so young and so... breakable. „What will happen now?" he asked with a slight waver in his voice.

„Albus spoke with the Minister, yesterday. Well, actually I think he might have threatened him." Remus said with a helpless little laugh. „He was furious, said MacNair extorted the confession from you. That you didn't even know what you were signing. I think your healer backed him up. And then of course Dementors going after Harry wouldn't be a headline Fudge is interested in seeing on the front of the Prophet. He signed the petition for an official trial, with Albus acting as your advocate. He normally holds the position as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, but in this case he said his services would be of better use while speaking for the defence. It's not done yet, Sirius. But you'll finally get what they denied you for all those years. A fair chance. A chance to be heard. A chance to prove to them that you are innocent."

He didn't say 'us', and he hoped that Sirius had noticed.

-

Sirius felt like his head was swirling, or his brain was at least. A trial? And Albus Dumbledore, supposedly the most powerful wizard of this age, asking to speak for his defence? _Dumbledore _believed him? He caught Remus eyes disbelievingly, watched that gentle smile spreading over his face, like he remembered so well from the shy boy he had met on the first day at Hogwarts. They believed him. Merlin, they believed him!

As if on cue, there was a knock and then the door opened to the smiling face of his new 'advocate'. Merlin's pants, that thought would need getting used to.

„I don't want to interrupt your reconciliation," Dumbledore said, „but I have another visitor who longs to see you, Sirius."

And then he opened the door wider and revealed a small black haired boy standing next to him, looking nervous and excited.

„Harry."

He felt his cheeks strain, as they erupted in a wide smile, he felt the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes, and he couldn't for the hell of it remember a single word which he could have pressed through his tightening throat. So he simply held his arms open.

The first two steps into the room were tentative and shy, but then Harry seemed to lose all restrain and ran and jumped onto the bed, slinging his arms around his godfather and pressing himself into his chest, as Sirius closed his arms around him in a tight embrace.

_...holding Harry, protecting Harry, saving Harry..._

It was like an echo in Sirius' mind, as he clutched the small quivering body against him. „It's alright, pup." He murmured, stroking over his godson's back and his dishevelled hair. „I've got you. And you've got me." It probably hadn't been longer than a week or two, since he had held Harry in his arms, but it felt like the first time after an eternity. He couldn't let go. He wouldn't let go. He had almost lost him and he would never again let him go.

When he had been lying in his cell, in the Ministry, or on that windy rock, surrounded by Dementors, he had never even dreamed that such a day would come, when he would have Harry in his arms and Remus at his side. When maybe he would not have to be alone anymore. When he set foot into Azkaban, he had accepted that his life was over. It was the price he had to pay for his mistakes. The mistakes that had cost the life of the people he loved, his family. And now... had he paid enough? Had he finally been forgiven, when James had told him, that his life had still a much more important purpose? A long forgotten feeling stirred in Sirius. The will to fight. For the ones he loved, but also for himself. He felt the darkness that had always been with him, lurking in the corner, but he ignored it. He pulled Harry even closer. He looked in Remus' hopeful and smiling eyes. That was what he would fight for. For them. For his family.

He couldn't have said later, how long they had stayed like this, Harry no more willing to end the embrace, than he was. When Sirius finally loosened his hold, so that he could see his godson's face, tears were running down Harry's flushed cheeks and he snuggled deeper into his arms again. „I heard you say goodbye." Harry whispered.

Sirius frowned. „What... what do you mean pup?"

„When you were at that dark place and you thought you would die. You said that you loved me..." Sirius smiled at the boy in his lap, while his eyes were still as confused as before. But then, at Harry's next words, he visibly froze. „And you said you wished you had done something better but that the only thing that mattered was that I was safe... But it's not!" Harry sniffled. „I want to be with you, Sirius!" he whispered. „Can I be with you now?"

„_I love you, Harry. I wish I could have done better. But you'll be safe. That's all that matters." _

Utterly dumbfounded Sirius looked up at Remus. „He threw a fit," his friend explained. „He was sure you were in danger, and that we had to go and rescue you. When we came to the Ministry, you were already in the Execution Chamber. If he hadn't been so persistent, we would have been too late."

Looking back down at Harry in amazement, he met the eager, open eyes of a child, who did not fully understand the consequences of what had just been spoken of, and would hopefully never need to. His small, beautiful godson was leaning into him with all the trust a normal eight-year old should have, and that had taken Harry so long to develop. He savoured that, as he pressed him even tighter against his chest. Planting a kiss on top of his head, he mumbled into his hair. „I have known from the start, _you_ would be the one to save _me_."

When he looked back up, Remus and Dumbledore were watching him silently, but he had caught the quick knowing glance between them. He frowned. „How?" he asked, knowing that he wouldn't have to elaborate further what he was asking.

„I might have an inkling..." Dumbledore spoke up for the first time since he'd come back. „I think it might in fact be the same reason, why you were able to find Harry in a snow storm, or break my extraordinary powerful binding charm in your uncle's cabin. It probably was the reason you managed to break out of Azkaban, and I'm sure it was the power behind that amazing bit of magic you, performed in the dungeons."

„What exactly did I do?" Sirius asked, feeling slightly lost and left out.

„I'm not all that sure either, but I think you cast something like a lasting local Shield Patronus, very rare in itself, even more so if done wandless and in your condition. Like I said earlier, extraordinary."

Sirius looked at him, still confused. „But I don't know how to do that."

„You would not need to, if it was spontaneous." Dumbledore explained and then paused, before he asked his next question. „Sirius, do you know what a 'Wizard's Oath' is?"

„I think I have heard of it, but I don't know exactly..." He gave a helpless shrug. What was Dumbledore on about?

„When a wizard makes an oath with particularly strong determination or emotion, his magic can create a bond that will make him more inclined to fulfill what he promised. It is not like an Unbreakable Vow, who condemns the one who breaks it to a painful death. It's more like the obligation, the need to act on it, is implemented in the wizard himself. It has been said, that depending on the determination, the devotion and the magical abilities of the wizard, such an oath can create an exceptionally strong bond between the one who makes the promise, and the one the promise is given to."

Dumbledore raised his eyes to Sirius'. „On the day Harry got his Wizard's Blessing, and you held him to accept the role and title of godfather, you promised something." Sirius eyes grew wide in shock. How the hell would Albus know about that? „You probably didn't noticed, but just for a moment when you stood there, you were surrounded by a faint silver sparkle. An oath, such as I have just described, is often accompanied by a visible 'outbreak' of magic. I don't know if anybody else saw it, but Remus and Lily noticed as well."

„Lily was very touched that you cared so much about Harry, that your oath would be that strong." Remus said with a smile at his friend. „But neither one of us could have anticipated how strong it really was."

„I'm still not sure I understand..."

„That is quite understandable." Dumbledore said with a smile. „I'm afraid only very few is known about this kind of magic, so all I can do is take an educated guess. It seems that when you made a promise to Harry that day, this oath created a bond between the two of you. It might make you especially perceptive to his feelings and needs, but mostly it seems to give you ways and means of protecting Harry that exceed your normal abilities by far. It strengthens your magic, heightens your instincts and can maybe even create something like a telepathic connection when one of you, especially Harry, is in danger."

Curiosity twinkling in his blue eyes, Dumbledore asked, „Sirius, may I inquire, what it was that you promised that day, exactly?"

Feeling overwhelmed and still slightly dumbfounded by what he just had heard, Sirius looked down at his godson, who had closed his eyes and seemed to be dozing off.

_James and Lily stood on a low platform in front of a colourful arch of summer-flowers. Lily's hair was glowing like copper in the sunlight, while James looked as ruffled as he always did, but slightly more humble, his pride now directed at his wife and the sleeping baby she was holding. Both looked at Sirius with broad smiles and he felt a strange weakness in his knees. Looking at the little baby-boy in Lily's arms, a feeling rose in his chest, that seemed to press against its confines, as if it was too big to be held there. He didn't know what was wrong with him! Sirius Black didn't get embarrassed or teary eyed, especially not in front of so many people... But it still awed him that somebody would trust him with such a tiny, beautiful and so horribly vulnerable thing. _

_He walked up the steps to James and Lily and little Harry. Dumbledore stood behind them, his blue eyes twinkling. And then Lily placed the little bundle in Sirius arms, and he looked down at this astounding new person, with his tiny hands and his tiny feet and the little button of a nose. He had the softest down of black hair gracing his little head. _

_And then Harry opened his eyes, green as the hills, and looked at Sirius and his heart stopped. In this second Sirius was lost forever and a love more fiercely than he had ever known erupted in him. _

_He stepped under the arch and looked in the bright eyes of his godson, and then he bowed his head and made a whispered promise._

„_In the darkness, holding on by a thread, I will come for you. Don't be afraid. You can trust me... because I've always known you and nothing will harm you. I will fight all your monsters and shield you from foes. I will hold you and always care for you. We belong now. And I will be there to make you laugh and dry all your tears. Because I love you... Believe me, I won't let you down! I'll be by your side, what ever may come. Nothing will stop me! And I will protect you with my life... this I promise."_

_-  
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**THE END**

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**but to be continued in the up-coming**

**SEQUEL**

Will Sirius be able to prove his innocence?

And what interests has Lucius Malfoy in the outcome?

Will Remus and Sirius bridge the gap of hurt and betrayal?

And what happens when an old childhood enemy is brought into the mix?

Will Harry finally find a family?

But which one will it be?

**For the answers, watch out for:**

**THE HEART'S DESIRE**

by Zaira Albereo

...coming soon...

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**A/N: **Alright. There you are. That was a Happy End,wasn't it? Not enough? Then read the sequel! All you still want to know will be resolved there. Just keep in mind the author sometimes is a drama queen. So no cries for unrealistically easy solutions in the first chapter! *looks stern* ; )

What's left to say? I feel immensely proud, strangely sad and exhausted like a well wrung towel. That's my first ever finished and published fan fiction. Working on it was great, mostly because of all your wonderful feedback. I know some of you lost faith in me on the way, but I would not have wanted to play it any other way. Sorry, for the headaches, emotional outbreaks or nervous breakdowns I might have caused. I hope this isn't goodbye and I see you all, or rather hear from you, when I start posting the sequel.

**What ever it is, I would be overjoyed to hear you praise and abuse me! **

**Please, wonderful readers, one last time: Be so kind and leave a review. **

**Thank you! **

**x Zaira**


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